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- Oct 17, 2010
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Faraja Nyalandu
Founder & Executive Director | Shule Direct | Driving Social Change through Innovative Learning Programmes
By Faraja Kotta Nyalandu – A Woman
I was not always a top performer in school. At a point, I was in the bottom ten of the class and not slightly bothered. Between Class 2 and 5 in Primary School, I just zoned out. High on playing with everything involving being outside and injuring myself. The more I failed, the more I stopped trying. One of my biggest lessons in life happened just after this period. Sometime after receiving my church confirmation, which was my first real accomplishment that I worked so hard to achieve, something about the joy of victory sparked in me.
Now, I used to go to a school with pre-dominantly Asian students. For some reason, could be the chilli they ate
) or just sheer discipline, they were always the best in class. So I made a quick decision to study hard and get to the top of my class from my bottom bottom. Interestingly, it worked. I tried harder the next term and got to the top 3 in class.Education gave me a platform to test myself, to assert what I can potentially be, to realize my dreams and a sense of achievement. I enjoyed learning some subjects more than others. I excelled in those and did not do so well in the rest. My personality and my life interests started becoming evident through what I chose from the options presented to me. Paying attention to my strengths and my weaknesses, education made me realize what I am capable of.
This personal realization is the founding stone of confidence. It comes from being sure or better yet, knowing enough to be relaxed and confident. When we speak of empowering a woman with education, we never mean the definition of biology or to find the x or y. It is all these other attributes that come with receiving an education that truly enables a woman to find herself, her purpose and gather the courage, determination and hard work to pursue her dreams. School systems are based on goals and achieving them, daily, weekly, monthly, termly and annually. Grooming this behavior of acquiring knowledge in a format with checklists called curriculums takes time and dedication. I remember looking forward to my Form IV graduation with excitement. There was a finish line to be crossed, a prize to be won.
There was also the beauty of receiving new information; processing it and thinking of different ways it can be useful. There was an opportunity to push myself to new grounds and new limits. Even when I failed, I could sometimes go back to see why I failed. Education is inbuilt with the capacity to fail forward; there is always room for improvement. When given an opportunity to re-take or re-sit a test, it is under the assumption that lessons have been learnt and now it is time for correction. Just like life.
Fast – forward few years, these lessons have shaped me, influenced how I run my businesses, how I manage my home and how I make decisions, under pressure or not. I breastfed my babies not because it is culturally applauded, I did it because I understood the nutritional value of breast milk and everything that comes with bonding through breastfeeding. Likewise when I got them on formula, I read everything written on the packages and googled even more. Education made me a good mother. I follow up on my children’s homework, I attend parent – teacher meetings religiously and I read with my children. Honestly, it is very exhausting at times but I know the importance. You see, an empowered woman empowers her family. It is just how we are built. We are good for society.
When I see data on why it is important to educate a woman and the ripple effects, I am always like wow! I am one of the numbers, I am a success story. What still pains me is that I am not one too many. We have become what so many women fought for and aspired to be. We do not only represent hope but we also show possibilities. What we ought to do is to show what can be done with the opportunities. The struggle is yet to be finished, we have a task at hand to prepare a way for our daughters. To really teach them what it is like to be human, before being lost in being a woman.
And I love being a woman. Nothing about what the society expects me to be and more about who I am. Our mothers wanted to be everything, perfection was the order of the day. They were at a cross road between history and the new age. The last year on her deathbed, I asked my mother, what she was like before she was married. That stellar of a woman, surprised at the question, told me, she used to love to dance, she loved music. But there was never enough time because she was always busy. Surely not the type of answer I was looking for but one that said everything. Now, tired and sick, after all those years of giving and being. She wished she could have experienced the joy of being lost in rhythm more often and perhaps sing-along to her favorite songs. She wished she were there for herself. It did not sound like a regret but rather, a flashback. I felt for her. She was very well educated and she felt the need to live up to her society’s expectations too.
In hindsight, educating a woman comes at a compromise with our traditional perspective of how a woman should be. Unlike my mother, I just cannot cook for my husband every day. I would love to but it is just not practical.
My kitchen fridge has all sorts of lists for my house help including our family menu because we have to eat right (there again, education) but I might go for days without touching a pan. At times I feel guilty and cook a storm in revenge but throw in work, deadlines, travel and I am deadbeat.
For such reasons and many, some choose to resist education because it takes away what they have all along longed to see in a woman. I wish I could have better words such as ‘we will work towards making your dreams come true’ but it would be a lie. What I can tell you, in any case, the gains outweigh the losses. When we are better, we strive to make others better and the world, here and there, better. Education unleashes potential and brings our dreams within reach. It makes us aspire. But two women’s aspirations do not have to be alike.
My purpose may lie with being a great home keeper and taking care of my family, while her purpose may be aiming for financial inclusion for low income communities at a multinational financial institution. We are both women and we dream differently. Success is based on personal goals and should not be pre-defined. We may not excel at everything but there will be something to marvel at. That thing will change how you think of us, and sure thing, change the world. We are bold for change, at home, at the office, in our communities; anywhere we can leave a footprint. We are ready.
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