Emotional abuse

[Gorgeousmimi]

Habari za saa hizi waungwana.

Leo ningependa tujifunze na tuongelee suala la emotional abuse.Hili ni jambo ambalo watu wengi wanapitia inawezekana wengine wanatambua hilo na wengine hawalitambui hili.

Emotional abuse inaweza kuwa na madhara kuliko physical abuse kwasababu inaweza kubadili mtazamo wa mtu juu yake(self-esteem).

Dalili za emotional abuse ni zipi?Jiulize maswali haya kama unahisi una abuse au upo abused?

Humiliation,degradation,discounting,negating,judging and critisizing

• Je kuna mtu ambae anapenda kuleta masikhara/utani mbele ya wengine?Je mtu huyo anatumia utani au sarcasmi/irony kama njia ya kukuvunja moyo?Mtu huyohuyo baadala yake anakwambia kuwa alikuwa anatania na kwamba huwezi matani.
• Je kuna mtu anayekwambia misimamo yako au hisia zako hazipo sahihi?

Domination,control and shame:

• Je unapata hisia mtu anakuchukulia kama mtoto?
• Je mtu anakukosoa na kukurekebisha kutwa kuwa tabia zako si sahihi?
• Je unapata hisia kwamba lazima uombe ruhusa kabla ya kufanya lolote au huwezi kuchukua maamuzi kwa kujitegemea?
• Je unatawaliwa matumizi yako?
• Je unakukumbushwa juu ya mambo ambayo hujafanikiwa nayo maishani mwako?
• Je kuna watu wanakuchukulia kama wako juu yako?
• Je Hawa kupi pongezi kwa mafanikio yako,juhudi zako au hata utu wako?
• Je wanakukatisha tamaa kupitia kwenye comments zao,facial expressions n.k?

Accusing and blaming,unresonable demands and expectations,denies their own shortcomings

• Je wanakupa accusation ya vitu vilivyo kwenye fikra zao ambavyo havina ukweli?
• Je wapo sensitive likija suala la mtu kuwatania kuhusu masuala yao binafsi au kuleta comment ambayo inaweza kushusha heshima yao?
• Je ni wagumu kuomba msamaha?
• Je wanapenda kutafuta excuses na kutupia lawama kwa watu wengine kutokana na matendo yao?
• Je wanakuita majina au kukupa label?
• Je wanakupa lawama kwa matatizo yao au kukosa kwa furaha yao?
• Je wanapenda kuweka vipingamizi kwenye maombi yako?

Emotional distancing and "the silent treatment",isolation,emotional abundance and neglect

• Je wanapenda kujifanya victims ili kukupa lawama ww kama mkosaji ijapokuwa wakosaji ni wao ili kuepuka kuchukua jukumu kwa tabia zao au matendo yao?
• Je hawajali jinsi unavyojisikia haswa kama wamekuumiza hisia zako
• Je hawaoneshi kugusika au kushtushwa na hali yako hata kukuulizia hali yako
• Je hawapendi kuonesha hisia na wanatumia vulnerability yako kama fimbo ya kukuchapia

By MARIA BOGDANOS

Karibuni

 

[The Boss]

Siku hizi wanawake wengi ni abusers huku wakijifanya 'victims'

Ndo maana kuna usemi 'women are like FBI anything you say to her can and will be used against you in the future'

 

[Gorgeousmimi]

Siku hizi wanawake wengi ni abusers huku wakijifanya 'victims'

Ndo maana kuna usemi 'women are like FBI anything you say to can and will be used against you in the future'

Fafanua how The Boss?Have you been emotionally abused before??

 

[The Boss]

Fafanua how The Boss?Have you been emotionally abused before??

Sizungumzi kuhusu mimi..just general observation

 

[Gorgeousmimi]

Sizungumzi kuhusu mimi..just general observation

Sawa mkuu....mifano basi kama hutomaind!!Na nakubali inaweza kuapply kote kwa wake na waume!!

 

[Michelle]

Ùnzuri gorgeous,

Watu wengi wanaipata ila hawajui na pengine wangekuwa wanaelewa tungeishi kwa kuelewana sana. Mwalimu wangu aliwahi kunifundisha kuwa wakati unataka kumtetea mtu au kumsaidia kimawazo lazima umfahamu huyo mtu toka mwanzo.

Wazazi wake wamemleaje,shuleni alikuwa anaonekana mtu wa namna gani? anajiamini,je alijengwa kujiamini? mtazamo wake kuhusu muonekano wake ukoje?

katika kuelewa watu na kusoma vitabu,nikajifunza kuhusu mimi mwenyewe,nimelelewaje,nadhani muonekano wangu ukoje? kilicho kizuri ni kipi? ni kile nachokitaka au kile ambacho wengine wanaona ni kizuri? uwezo wangu ukoje na watu wanaona nina uwezo kiasi gani? nikagundua kwamba watu tulio nao karibu wanatuumiza sana na kutudumaza kimtazamo.

Unaenda kuomba kazi mtu anakuambia na wewe nae? we wa kupata kazi huko? unapata bwana wasiokutarajia umpate labda kwa kuwa ana kazi nzuri sana na ameishi nje,wanaanza,unapitiwa tu,awaache wote huko aje akuone wewe? yaani kuna kiasi ambacho watu wametupimia....!

Nina quotes zangu nime-memorise pale ambapo napata woga au hofu kwa kuwa nilijengewa sijui siwezi au kushindwa na hata basi nikishindwa mfano:

" You have to be okay with looking crazy'.

''Just because someone said you can't do it,doesn't mean you can't do it".

" What are you afraid of? No seriously! You will not shrivel and disappear if you fail and you can never fail as long as you know how how to learn".

" Never a failure always a lesson" Rihanna

"Low self esteem makes it easy to control,refuse to be manipulated,protect your dreams".

and finally, whenever I start bitching, I always ask myself,what's the worst that can happen?

I am never going to be one of those girls that failed to even pursue their dreams.....!

After those quotes, the queen mode is ON, head up high and my faith in God takes control....I go get it....and as always what's meant for me,always finds me,when no one believes in me,I DO.

 

[farkhina]

Yaani kuna watu wana kauli msumari mtu ukitaka sema neno basi jiwekee side yako mtu akikwambia wewe utajiskiaje ndipo umuambie mwenzio......hawa abuser wanasababisha victims wakose confidence

 

[Gorgeousmimi]

Michelle

Nimependa sana mifano yako mpendwa...Ni mizuri mno na nadhani watu wengi wakitumia kama msingi watanufaika sana!!

 

[farkhina]

Alafu hii emotional abuse bora akufanyie rafiki au jirani kuliko kukufanyia mpenzi wako au mumeo inaumiza kwa kweli me bora mtu aninyime kula au hela ila maneno matamu tu basi roho burdaniii lakini mume anakusakama kwa maneno ya kejeli na yakukatisha tamaa anaweza hata kukuua hususan kwa watu wenye hisia kali na wanaopenda kuwa na furaha mda wote

 

[Michelle]

Yaani kuna watu wana kauli msumari mtu ukitaka sema neno basi jiwekee side yako mtu akikwambia wewe utajiskiaje ndipo umuambie mwenzio......hawa abuser wanasababisha victims wakose confidence

Victims tuko wengi sana na confidence ukipata mtu ukamuamini na ukaamini ana uwezo mzuri sana kiakili na kimaamuzi halafu ukampa idea yako akakukejeli inauma sana....mi nilipataga kimkopo changu kwenye kikundi,nikamwambia mtu nataka kuanza ki-bakery changu nijipatie hela kidogo ya ziada na hivi napika kwa order na nina watu wakunisaidia naona nikifanikiwa,nikafanya market research yangu,nikapima demand,competitor assessment....nikamuambia chief.....akaniambia, na usomi wako una akili za mama ntilie....tuhela twa vikundi unataka upotezee muda? tafuta hela fanya mambo ya maana....nilivyokuwa namuona wa maana nikapotezea ila nikamwambia dada mmoja kwenye kikundi ni mwalimu wa montesori,akaanza kujifunza,wikiendi anakuja,tunajifunza utaalamu zaidi you-tube.....leo hii mpaka anakataa order za watu,harusi,birthday,send off na vingine vyote vinavyohitaji cake anapika na kazi kaacha.....japo najipaga moyo halikuwa fungu langu ila nawaza what if ningejiamini na nikaanza....toka hapo,nikasema tujiamini tu,Mungu akiweka ndoto kwenye akili yako atakusaidia kuifikia.

 

[farkhina]

Michelle;

Pole sana Michelle nimekupenda sana.

 

[OLESAIDIMU]

Mbona depression nje nje

 

[Michelle]

Pole sana Michelle nimekupenda sana

Asante sana Farkhina,nimefurahi! :smile-big:

 

[Gorgeousmimi]

Mbona depression nje nje

Haaaa we bana....have you ever been emotionally abused?hebu funguka!!!!

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Sie wengine tulivyo vichaa haya mambo hata hayatupati, kamwe!

..the hell is emotional abuse?

I mean, I was raised to fend for myself regardless of the circumstance(s).

If you cuss me out I cuss you right back.

If you hit me I hit you right back, twice as hard.

If you get smart-alecky with me that's exactly what you'll get in return and then some.....

In the hood, Uswazi, and other places like that you'd be hard pressed to find emotional weaklings.

I guess folks in and from those places are products of their environment.

 

[Watu8]

Nadhani hii kitu wanawake ndio huitilia sana maanani...

Hivi mtu unaanzaje kuhisi kuwa umenyanyaswa kihisia?

 

[farkhina]

Nadhani hii kitu wanawake ndio huitilia sana maanani...

Hivi mtu unaanzaje kuhisi kuwa umenyanyaswa kihisia?

Kila ufanyacho mtu ana kukosoa na maneno ya kejeli...

Huko huru kusema chochote mana ukisema anakubeza kuwa unachosema ni cha kijinga...

Kuzodolewa kwa maneno ya kashfa na kujihisi si chochote si lolote....

Mengi tu ila ikikutokezea hii ndio utajua uzito wake ni kiukweli inaumiza sana kuliko kipigo hususan kutoka kwa mtu ambae unaona ni wa muhimu katika maisha yako

 

[Watu8]

Hapo unachagua moja kumpuuzia au kuretaliate (dawa ya moto ni moto)...

Mimi nadhani physical abuse ndio ngumu labda kukabiliana nayo...

Kila ufanyacho mtu ana kukosoa na maneno ya kejeli...

 

[farkhina]

Hapo unachagua moja kumpuuzia au kuretaliate (dawa ya moto ni moto)...

Mimi nadhani physical abuse ndio ngumu labda kukabiliana nayo...



Huko huru kusema chochote mana ukisema anakubeza kuwa unachosema ni cha kijinga...

Kuzodolewa kwa maneno ya kashfa na kujihisi si chochote si lolote....

Mengi tu ila ikikutokezea hii ndio utajua uzito wake ni kiukweli inaumiza sana kuliko kipigo hususan kutoka kwa mtu ambae unaona ni wa muhimu katika maisha yako

[/QUOTE]

Unapuuza ila mwishoni unachoka moyo nao una sehem mengine unashindwa kubeba....

Ila labda kusamehe tu mana kuna msemo unasema: forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace...

 

[Janjaweed]

The Boss;
Actually they are good at manipulating others and playing a victim
I met a friend, anakwambia kaoa malkia wa mateso duniani, and she smiles when hurting him :heh::heh: