yani wala si uongo!Asante sana kwa kupanua definition ya domestic violence. Nadhani masuali yangu ya mwanzo yanahusika pia hapa ingawa hatuwezi kupata jibu la uhakika hapa, but we can still share thoughts: Kwanini victims hawajitokezi? Kwanini pepetrators wanafanya hivo na ni kitu gani sisi kama jamii tunaweza kufanya ili kupunguza domestic violence around us?
Ni muhimu sana victim asiwe ndio responsible kwa yalio mtokea. Kuna familia ambapo binti anabakwa na wanaishia kumtuma hyo huyo binti aende boarding school au kijijini kwa kufunika ile aibu. Inakua as if she is punished for what people did to her. Hili linawafanya watoto wengine ndani ya faamilia wakae kimya pale wanapokutana na tatizo lile lile.
Kupigana na kupendana mbona haviendani kabisa.
Utampendaje mtu anayekudunda?
Vitu kadhaa niligundua ni kwamba
- mwanaume kumpiga mwanamke doesn't necessarily mean hampendi, but it certainly means ni hatari kwa mke wake.
- Mwanamke anae mvumilia mume wake ambae ni abusive doesn't necessarily do it because she is weak and intimidated, it could also mean she had alternatives but decided to do this.
- Jamii ina role kubwa sana ya ku-play katika kusaidia couples ku-recover from such a climate (mfano wanawake walio pata support ya familia in rural area walirecover in 2-4 month, wale walio ikosa but walipitia a psychiatrist to deal with it, in urban area walipona baada ya miaka 2)
* All studies zinapatikana on demand via PM (please note that most of them are in french)
tatizo hilo chanzo chake ni mila na desturi zetu maana ktk jamii nyingi binti anafunzwa kuwa mvumilivu kwa mumewe na kutotoa siri nje hata kama anafanyiwa ndivyo sivyo, hiyo humfanya ahisi ni aibu kulalamika au kumshtaki mumewe.
suala la kutoa mahari (mathalani mahari kubwa) nalo huwafanya baadhi ya wanaume wahisi wake zao ni sehemu ya mali zake hivyo kumfanyia lolote bila kujali utu wake.
mfume dume nao ni tatizo linalosababisha wanaume wengi kutopenda kuwapa nafasi ya kuzungumza na wake zao.
elimu nayo ni tatizo kwa baadhi ya wanaume na wanawake.
kuutibu hili tatizo inahitaji kuanza kushughulika na hivyo vyanzo ingawa kwa sasa labda tuelekeze nguvu zaidi ktk kutoa elimu inaweza kuwa njia rahisi na nyepesi kabla hatujaenda kwenye vyanzo vingine
Kweli kuna mengi yanachangia ila kumbuka hata huko ambako hawatoi mahari na wanako encourage wansichana kufunguka bado kuna domestic violence. Probably sababu mbili au tatu huchangia in a single case.
Asante sana. Hapo nilipo pigilia mstari nadhani it is worth mentioning kua wanaume wengi walitoa hilo kama sababu la kuwapiga wake zao. But this comes back to one thing: Kuzidiwa hoja. Wakati mwanamke anapandisha sauti na kuchomekea maneno mabaya tayari ameshaanzisha diagram ya violence, probably sababu yeye mwenyewe ameishiwa hoja. Mwanaume anatakiwa either kuhairisha mazungumzo au kumuomba arudie maneno yake na kuyaeleza kwa kutumia maneno mengine. Mfano mwanamke anaweza kumwambia mwanaume kua "hivi na wewe unajiita mwanaume"? (a common one) na mwanaume akahisi kudharauliwa kupita kiasi. Instead of kurusha kofi anatakiwa amuulize: what is your definition of mwanaume? Unaweza kunipa vigezo? This simple question breaks the diagram and forces the interlocutor to be rational in his/her argument
Job true
Roulette, the simple thought of a man laying his hands on me makes me SICK. Kama tumeshindwana basi kila mtu na hamsini zake. Siwezi kukubali kupigwa, kunyanyaswa na jitu tulokutana ukubwani. Mpaka hapa nimefika, najua zuri na baya so hamna kosa ambalo hatuwezi kuelekezana kama watu wazima. What gives a man the audacity to think he can hit me? I refuse to be a victim of domestic Violence.
Tena ww unavoongea tu unaonyesha makofi ndo njia pekee ya kukupa maelekezo
hapa tayari unaonyesha wewe si mwanamme maana wanaume huwa hawana hasira za kijinga na kuwapiga wake zao! mwanamme mwenye akili ni yule anayetumia busara na akhli yake kusuluhisha mambo ukiona mwenye kutumia nguvu ujue ni mpumbavu na kichwani hamnazo na nguvu ndio silaha yakdYaan unambie mimi "nawewe unajiita mwanaume?" Afu nikuache ivi ivi, kwanza kabisa I will neva forget those words...na lazima nikupe kichapo, otherwise uwe unachunga domo lako, Kama unajijua una hasira na uwezi mabishano niache niongee mwenyewe kama chizi, Dharau tena kutoka kwa mke wangu ni kitu ambacho siwezi vumilia hata dk 0
Hongera dear kwa kujiamini na kustand tall. Hata mimi siwezi kubali. Binafsi it goes as far as siwezi KABISA kumvumilia mtu anae nipandishia sauti. Na bahati nzuri I make it clear toka mwanzo na katika mahusiano yangu iliwahi kutokea nikiwa 19 years tu (Mwanaume kunipandishia sauti), ndio ilikua mwanzo na mwisho (we broke up there and then). Attitude yangu wakati wa discussion is such as hata huwezi jua pakuanzia kuleta violence. Na ikitokea bahati mbaya nikakutana na hao violent men ndio deal breaker tayari.Roulette, the simple thought of a man laying his hands on me makes me SICK. Kama tumeshindwana basi kila mtu na hamsini zake. Siwezi kukubali kupigwa, kunyanyaswa na jitu tulokutana ukubwani. Mpaka hapa nimefika, najua zuri na baya so hamna kosa ambalo hatuwezi kuelekezana kama watu wazima. What gives a man the audacity to think he can hit me? I refuse to be a victim of domestic Violence.
Mie naomba niwe msomaji tu...
Ingawa kiukweli si mshabiki wa mambo ya kunyanyasana na kuchapana makondo (kudundana), mazingira yetu yananifanya niamini kwamba hili tatizo tutaendelea kuwa nalo kwa muda.
Babu DC!!
.. Vitu kadhaa niligundua ni kwamba
- mwanaume kumpiga mwanamke doesn't necessarily mean hampendi, but it certainly means ni hatari kwa mke wake.
- Mwanamke anae mvumilia mume wake ambae ni abusive doesn't necessarily do it because she is weak and intimidated, it could also mean she had alternatives but decided to do this.