EJM_
JF-Expert Member
- Jul 8, 2011
- 3,836
- 2,119
Being in an open relationship is very a mixed blessing. While in some respects it is the perfect solution for those of us who want to be in a steady relationship but are afraid of commitment, it can also be a very painful experience that causes us to feel a range of emotions not all of which are good.
There is no easy answer regarding whether or not you will be happy in an open relationship and that will depend very much on you, your partner and your situation. However what is certain is that you need to know what you are letting yourself in for before you get started. Here then we will look at the pros and cons of open relationships so that you can make a balanced and informed decision about whether it is right for you.
1. THE ADVANTAGES:
A. YOU GET TO BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE: Before we come onto anything else, it would be remiss not to mention the very simple fact that being in an open relationship means you get to be with other people and not limited to just one person. This is of course the reason that many people get into an open relationship in the first place and it gives you a far greater amount of freedom. If you have ever been in a relationship and have looked at someone else who has caught your eye, then you will know that it can sometimes be frustrating not to be able to act on it. Even worse is when you are out on your own and someone you are incredibly attracted to starts to chat you up and actually starts making moves on you, before you have to say sorry iam in a relationship. In an open relationship however you get to experience every opportunity that comes your way, you get to act on your desires and you never go home feeling that pang of regret.
B. MORE VARIED SEX: One of the reasons that the previous point is so important is the sex. Plain and simple it means you get more varied and exciting sex and with more people.
C. YOU DONT MISS OUT: The other reason it is so important though is that you will not end up missing out on an opportunity that might have been once in a life time. You for instance will not miss that opportunity to have a double date with two girls but more importantly you will not miss out on meeting someone who might have been even better suited to you than your current partner.
D. ITS CASUAL: Being in an open relationship is by definition a casual affair and it means that you are not going to feel too tied down or pressured in any way. If you are someone who runs at the first sign of commitment then this might be for you, and if you are someone who is not ready to settle down, or who likes having a lot of time to themselves, then this can be a good way to achieve those things as well.
E. YOU DONT GET BORED: That is for both of you. Because you are getting a more varied sex life and seeing more people, this means that when you are with your partner you feel more excitement and more freshness. This can help to prevent things from settling into that familiar territory and keep things exciting a lot longer.
F. SOME COMPETITION CAN BE HEALTHY: And the other reason for this is that your partner will be aware that you are having other offers. Even if being in an open relationship was their idea, then you can bet that they are going to up their game as it were to make sure that you are still their favorite. And that means no jogging bottoms at home and exciting passionate sex.
G. THERE IS NO GUILT ( IN THEORY ): Even the most loyal partners among us have moments when our eyes wander, or when we start looking at pictures of other people on Facebook. This can be a source of guilt, but if you are in an open relationship then there is no guilt. Or at least there should not be. That is to say, that if you do not feel guilty, you should not feel guilty about it.
THE DISADVANTAGES:
A. THERE IS GUILT: Of course the idea is that there is no guilt, because technically you can do what you like. However for the vast majority of us it is very difficult not to feel guilty when we are sleeping with someone who is not our partner or when we are telling our partner how much they mean to us and we remember what we were doing last night.
b. THERE IS JEALOUSY: You may or may not feel guilty and everyone is different in this regard. However there is a big chance that you are going to feel jealous when you see your partner with another person, or when you hear them talking about them. You will wonder whether maybe they had a better time with them, you will worry that they might leave you, and you will hate the idea of sharing. This is human nature whether or not you have any interest in a long term relationship.
C. THE OTHER KIND OF COMPETITION: The competition that your partner feels with the other people in your life can be a positive thing as mentioned if it causes them to make sure to always put their all into your relationships. However there is also another kind of competition. The competition you have against each other. You see as soon as you allow each other to find alternative partners, you will discover that it quickly becomes a competition to see which of you has the most exciting and successful love life. You will end up both bragging about your extra curricula activity, and there is always the possibility of course that you could end up having no interest from the opposite sex while your partner has a string of successes and this would be rather upsetting.
D. DISEASES AND PREGNANCIES: And then of course there is the problem of diseases and pregnancy scares. While it is possible to be safe in an open relationship and to take safe sex seriously, no form of contraceptive is 100 Percent effective and there is always the chance that something could go wrong. Of course this is dramatically increased if you have multiple sexual partners meaning that you could easily end up in trouble. And of course the idea of an accidental pregnancy is much worse when it is not with the partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with anyway.
E. MANAGEMENT AND TIME: You might get more freedom from your main partner if you are in an open relationship and you might find that you are more free in terms of time and less likely to get pestered. However at the same time if you have multiple partners then you might find that this negates those positives as thats more people to call you and to get angry with you. Managing multiple relationships can be heavy going and arduous and you may find you can not keep up.
F. YOUR PARTNER MAY LEAVE YOU: Of course if you are in an open relationship, no matter what might have been said in the beginning, your partner is considerably more likely to find someone else because they are allowed to look. That means that you have created a situation in which they are much more likely to leave you, and it means that you will probably be much more insecure in your relationship knowing this. Which is not pleasant for either party.
There is no easy answer regarding whether or not you will be happy in an open relationship and that will depend very much on you, your partner and your situation. However what is certain is that you need to know what you are letting yourself in for before you get started. Here then we will look at the pros and cons of open relationships so that you can make a balanced and informed decision about whether it is right for you.
1. THE ADVANTAGES:
A. YOU GET TO BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE: Before we come onto anything else, it would be remiss not to mention the very simple fact that being in an open relationship means you get to be with other people and not limited to just one person. This is of course the reason that many people get into an open relationship in the first place and it gives you a far greater amount of freedom. If you have ever been in a relationship and have looked at someone else who has caught your eye, then you will know that it can sometimes be frustrating not to be able to act on it. Even worse is when you are out on your own and someone you are incredibly attracted to starts to chat you up and actually starts making moves on you, before you have to say sorry iam in a relationship. In an open relationship however you get to experience every opportunity that comes your way, you get to act on your desires and you never go home feeling that pang of regret.
B. MORE VARIED SEX: One of the reasons that the previous point is so important is the sex. Plain and simple it means you get more varied and exciting sex and with more people.
C. YOU DONT MISS OUT: The other reason it is so important though is that you will not end up missing out on an opportunity that might have been once in a life time. You for instance will not miss that opportunity to have a double date with two girls but more importantly you will not miss out on meeting someone who might have been even better suited to you than your current partner.
D. ITS CASUAL: Being in an open relationship is by definition a casual affair and it means that you are not going to feel too tied down or pressured in any way. If you are someone who runs at the first sign of commitment then this might be for you, and if you are someone who is not ready to settle down, or who likes having a lot of time to themselves, then this can be a good way to achieve those things as well.
E. YOU DONT GET BORED: That is for both of you. Because you are getting a more varied sex life and seeing more people, this means that when you are with your partner you feel more excitement and more freshness. This can help to prevent things from settling into that familiar territory and keep things exciting a lot longer.
F. SOME COMPETITION CAN BE HEALTHY: And the other reason for this is that your partner will be aware that you are having other offers. Even if being in an open relationship was their idea, then you can bet that they are going to up their game as it were to make sure that you are still their favorite. And that means no jogging bottoms at home and exciting passionate sex.
G. THERE IS NO GUILT ( IN THEORY ): Even the most loyal partners among us have moments when our eyes wander, or when we start looking at pictures of other people on Facebook. This can be a source of guilt, but if you are in an open relationship then there is no guilt. Or at least there should not be. That is to say, that if you do not feel guilty, you should not feel guilty about it.
THE DISADVANTAGES:
A. THERE IS GUILT: Of course the idea is that there is no guilt, because technically you can do what you like. However for the vast majority of us it is very difficult not to feel guilty when we are sleeping with someone who is not our partner or when we are telling our partner how much they mean to us and we remember what we were doing last night.
b. THERE IS JEALOUSY: You may or may not feel guilty and everyone is different in this regard. However there is a big chance that you are going to feel jealous when you see your partner with another person, or when you hear them talking about them. You will wonder whether maybe they had a better time with them, you will worry that they might leave you, and you will hate the idea of sharing. This is human nature whether or not you have any interest in a long term relationship.
C. THE OTHER KIND OF COMPETITION: The competition that your partner feels with the other people in your life can be a positive thing as mentioned if it causes them to make sure to always put their all into your relationships. However there is also another kind of competition. The competition you have against each other. You see as soon as you allow each other to find alternative partners, you will discover that it quickly becomes a competition to see which of you has the most exciting and successful love life. You will end up both bragging about your extra curricula activity, and there is always the possibility of course that you could end up having no interest from the opposite sex while your partner has a string of successes and this would be rather upsetting.
D. DISEASES AND PREGNANCIES: And then of course there is the problem of diseases and pregnancy scares. While it is possible to be safe in an open relationship and to take safe sex seriously, no form of contraceptive is 100 Percent effective and there is always the chance that something could go wrong. Of course this is dramatically increased if you have multiple sexual partners meaning that you could easily end up in trouble. And of course the idea of an accidental pregnancy is much worse when it is not with the partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with anyway.
E. MANAGEMENT AND TIME: You might get more freedom from your main partner if you are in an open relationship and you might find that you are more free in terms of time and less likely to get pestered. However at the same time if you have multiple partners then you might find that this negates those positives as thats more people to call you and to get angry with you. Managing multiple relationships can be heavy going and arduous and you may find you can not keep up.
F. YOUR PARTNER MAY LEAVE YOU: Of course if you are in an open relationship, no matter what might have been said in the beginning, your partner is considerably more likely to find someone else because they are allowed to look. That means that you have created a situation in which they are much more likely to leave you, and it means that you will probably be much more insecure in your relationship knowing this. Which is not pleasant for either party.
