chriss brown
JF-Expert Member
- Nov 3, 2011
- 292
- 63
I just ended a six-month relationship because the person whom I believed to be the man of my dreams turned out to be a cheater. At this point in my life, I have given up all hope in men.
It's unfortunate, but six out of the eight men that I've dated were unfaithful to me. I must admit that being a victim of unfaithfulness is very stressful and has caused me a lot of pain. Regrettably, I've come to the same conclusion that most women already know: men cheat because they're pigs.
Curt, are men really just evil pigs controlled by their one-eyed monsters, or is there any hope in my ever finding a man who does not cheat?
Regards,
Jennifer, the pig herder [h=2]what goes around comes around[/h]Jennifer, I have one question for you: Have you ever tried dating women? You'd be surprised to see that the grass isn't greener on the other team's playing field. As hard as it may be for you to fathom, women cheat too. So instead of making this a gender war or comparing one another to farm animals, we should seek to understand why people cheat.
How would you feel if I told you that your man cheated on you because you are an ugly, overweight, boring, lousy lover who can't get anything right and even though your man tried to make things work, your old-fashioned, sexually stubborn self never agreed to compromise? Ouch! That sounds pretty harsh. It's just a lot easier to call a man a pig.
The same applies to men. It is a lot easier for a man to call his adulteress ex-wife a bitch, than it is to admit that maybe she cheated on him because he spent more time with his friends at strip clubs, watching sports all night, playing video games, and masturbating to pornography.[h=2]open your eyes[/h]The problem is that sometimes people are quick to point the finger at others rather than analyze why the individual cheated. Maybe your own actions had a big role in pushing the other to the brink of temptation.
By blaming and labeling others, it inevitably hinders people from looking deeper into the problem and trying to resolve it before it recurs with another mate.
The common belief is, I'm not a bad person. I don't need to change, I'm not the one who cheated. The result is that the whole process repeats itself without being rectified, which is probably why so many men and women complain about having been cheated on in so many relationships.:shock:[h=2]the answer is...[/h]So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.[h=2]a prisoner of your instincts[/h]The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions.
Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive.
Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs.
Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place , we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses .[h=2]beaver-built dams[/h]We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons.
Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam."
In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.
So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the following reasons why people stray...
Read more: Cheating - AskMen
It's unfortunate, but six out of the eight men that I've dated were unfaithful to me. I must admit that being a victim of unfaithfulness is very stressful and has caused me a lot of pain. Regrettably, I've come to the same conclusion that most women already know: men cheat because they're pigs.
Curt, are men really just evil pigs controlled by their one-eyed monsters, or is there any hope in my ever finding a man who does not cheat?
Regards,
Jennifer, the pig herder [h=2]what goes around comes around[/h]Jennifer, I have one question for you: Have you ever tried dating women? You'd be surprised to see that the grass isn't greener on the other team's playing field. As hard as it may be for you to fathom, women cheat too. So instead of making this a gender war or comparing one another to farm animals, we should seek to understand why people cheat.
How would you feel if I told you that your man cheated on you because you are an ugly, overweight, boring, lousy lover who can't get anything right and even though your man tried to make things work, your old-fashioned, sexually stubborn self never agreed to compromise? Ouch! That sounds pretty harsh. It's just a lot easier to call a man a pig.
The same applies to men. It is a lot easier for a man to call his adulteress ex-wife a bitch, than it is to admit that maybe she cheated on him because he spent more time with his friends at strip clubs, watching sports all night, playing video games, and masturbating to pornography.[h=2]open your eyes[/h]The problem is that sometimes people are quick to point the finger at others rather than analyze why the individual cheated. Maybe your own actions had a big role in pushing the other to the brink of temptation.
By blaming and labeling others, it inevitably hinders people from looking deeper into the problem and trying to resolve it before it recurs with another mate.
The common belief is, I'm not a bad person. I don't need to change, I'm not the one who cheated. The result is that the whole process repeats itself without being rectified, which is probably why so many men and women complain about having been cheated on in so many relationships.:shock:[h=2]the answer is...[/h]So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.[h=2]a prisoner of your instincts[/h]The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions.
Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive.
Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs.
Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place , we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses .[h=2]beaver-built dams[/h]We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons.
Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam."
In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.
So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the following reasons why people stray...
Read more: Cheating - AskMen
