lara 1
JF-Expert Member
- Jun 10, 2012
- 15,700
- 29,190
- Thread starter
- #21
Me Vs The Privileged.
I hate my life, i always hated my life as far as i can remember. It was one failure after another. One disappointed after another. Mpaka mda mwingine nikawa nakufuru huenda Mungu ni Mungu wa wachache. Dont get into thinking myabe i am just lazy and complaining and shit, hapana nafanya kazi sanaaa, najitumaaa mnooo, na fight balaaaa.
First and foremost i am a Dr. medicine by profession nimepata university of Mosscow, nina masters ya epidemiology from London school of tropical medicines, nina PHD in Epidemiology from University of Pittsbrugh. I am educated and i am proud to say expensively educated. Sio elimu ya mchezo mchezo. Dont get mad, at least not yet.
Hizi research institutes hapa bongo nimeingia sanaaa na kutoka kama choni kwangu vile, kuanzia Ifakara, ICAP, Jpiegho, taka taka gani za mradi ya Malaria, Nimevuruga mnooo, si ndo tropical medicines sasa. Wazungu watasha wenyewe nikieka tu magamba mezani wana shake hands na mimi fastaaaa na kunikabidhi mradi. Hio london school of tropical medicines ndo kila kituuuuu kwenye miradi ya hii ya malaria.
I thank my pops, he was not rich, ila alikuwa ni Dr tu wa kawaida mvaa kipima joto, sema aliusoma mchezo kwamba wodini hamnaa ishu akaamua kuwekeza kwenye watoto tufike kule ambako yeye hakufika. Nakumbuka nilitaka ku major in pediatrics cause napenda sanaa watoto, i was young and naive and honored to save lives. Almanusuraaa aniachie laana, kakomaa soma epidemiology. Sikujibana kukupeleka Moscow uje uishie kuwa common pediatrician. Nimekuanzia misingi imara, naomba twende sawa hapa ni epidemiology tu. Na london school alinitafutia yeye mwenyewe. Alikuwa anaifatilia online kama sijui nini, na scholarship juu. Hapo mwanangu ana miaka 2 sitakiii shule mie, tukaparanganyanaaa shika nikushike nikasema tu niende nisije laaniwa. Miezi 18 sio mingi nikarudi kwa furaha.
Akanitafutia na PHD mwenyewe mzee maskini. It is sad i disappointed him either way. Nadiriki kusema dunia hii ni ya wanaume, laiti ningejua hilo mapemaaa nisingehangaikaaa sanaaaa. Ningecheza kama pele. Ila nimekosea hesabu na sio mara moja.
I was raised kwenye familia mama hajasoma ila ali manuver manuver na alikuwa extremely beautiful akapata u secretary kwa mzungu akawa analipwa vizuri sanaa, kuliko hata baba. She was over protective of us, anataka tuwe wazungu. Tumesoma st constantine Arusha, shule wazungu na foreigners tupu, it was all about grades, about europe pass mark from Africa, hivo. So mpaka naenda Moscow mimi bado bikra, sijui wanaume na hila zao sijuiiii.
Nimefika Moscow ndo naanza kujifunza funza sasa, na nilivo na mkosi kutua tu Moscow nakutana na mbabuuuu, well mbaba same age like my dad maybe older.Nikawa simtakiii simtakiii. Alinigandaaaa ruba nyumaa. Akaanza kwanza kunipa offer ya appartment uzunguni Moscow, nikahisi drug dealer baadae nikajua mtu wa Embassy wa Africa kusini huko. Baba anapenda yule balaaa. Miaka 7 tukapendana mnoooo. Nikasema nisirudi hivi hivi atanisahau nirudi na mimba. Mmmmh!
Akaniambia atakuja na nini. It took me 5 years to realise he is never comming back. Kila siku ananipa sound sound mpaka aka staafu. Uzuri i had a daughter, nakapendaaa sanaa japo kananipasua kichwa, katoto ka uschana wangu. Siku practise sanaa, nikaunga masters, nikarudi sasa nakuwa hot cake kwenye career industry yangu. Nikikaa kidogo nahama, mradi ukiishanahama.
Zikaanza stress za reja reja oooh ana hela ila mume hana. Kazalishwa tu kaachwa. Wajinga hawakosi pa kukushikia. Nikaanza kusaka mume sasa. Kama bahati Nikampata Dr. mmoja nae tulikuwa wote Moscow Dr Jovin. Tukapendana sanaaa, nikajihakikishia naolewa 200%. Miaka inaenda ha propose wala nini. Nikaamua kumuuliza muhenga mwenzangu vipi? I am 35, you are 36 vipiii?
Akasema mimi nina mchumba yuko Moscow, akirudi nitamuoa huyooo, asiporudi nitakuoa wewe. Khaaaa! I was desparate i took the offer, nakesha na kusali asirudiiii, nafungaaa, mpaka nikawa mkangafu kila navofunga naona haitoshiii. Dogo nae kaanza maswali baba angu nani? Shubhamit yule baba ake anaendekeza zinaa Moscow tu.
One unlucky gloomy day the girl from Moscow came back, in town for the marriage. Niliumia sanaaa, mnooo mnoooo, still i was hoping something will happen, just something, God was not gonna stand by and watch me be cast aside afu mtu mwingine aolewe, after so much i put in, so many prayers, so many fastings, so much everything. Nilijitoa kwa yule mwanaume acheni tuuu. Sitaki kuanidka sanaaa.
Nikawa nishasikia mwenye mali karudi ila nikaamua kukomaaa na mimi singoki. Natuma text kama kawaida, care kama kawaida, kama kuamua aamue yeye mwanaume sio mimi nijiweke pembeni. Text zikaanza kupungua, simu zikaisha kabisaaaa kila dalili ilionesha kwamba yule ashaamua na ameamua ku base kule kwa bibie alietoka moscow, ila bado nikawa in denial naona kabisaa chance ipo. Chance gani labda wewe msomaji umeelewa.
Mafungo kama kawaida, sadaka za kuteketeza kama kawaidaaa. Napambana mpaka dakika za mwisho. Na dakika ya 90 ilifika kwa text yake kwamba jmosi mimi nao kutoka kwa Jovin, na kwa text hio it was obvious anae olewa tena sio mie tena ndugu msomaji. Sikukata tamaa naamini kabisaa bado hio sio fainalii kabisaa, ni distraction tu. Jumamosi ikafika akaoa kweli ndugu msomaji amini usiamini the wedding went down. Everybody in our cycle was there except me. I was 36 and my girl was 8. Ndipo nilipo conclude kwamba Mungu ni Mungu wa wachache, na kati ya hao wachache mie simooo kabisaa na wala hata nifanyaje siwezi kuingia.
Several years later nakanusha kabisaaa kwamba Mungu si Mungu wa wachache, ni Mungu wetu sote, na hakuna asilo liweza. I was married nikiwa 38, tena na researcher mwenzangu na tuna watoto wa 2 tumezaa wote na kila mmoja alikuwa na mtoto kabla.
Was the struggle worth it? Hell no! Ndo maana nawaambia nilikosea hesabu. Nilikosea vipi that is a story for another day. I envey Vivian. I envy her everybit.
She is young, married at 23, waliwahi mapemaa, katoka tu chuo wakaweka ndani. Enterpreneurial bad ass mom, ana watoto wa 2, married her best firend, ukikaa na na mumewe watakukeraaaa sio kwa kupendana kule jamaniiii. Siooo. His pops is rich, wote tulijua mume anamuoa for the pops money kumbe walaaa, the guy can make and is making his own money plus vivian ndo balaaaa zaidi. Anafanya projects na kina Melinda Gates na Laura Bush yaani ni next level kabisaaaa.
On the mean time, i am still a reseacher niko Ifakara, mradi wangu uko kijijini huko, nafuga na kuku zangu za mayai, na za kienyeji na kulima mboga everything i vowed never to become, in short ican admit i am reduced to nothing. Watasha nikaa nao mezani wananiambiaaa Stella you are too old, too committed to your family and kids, this project is too big for you. We are looking for someone like you but so much younger, without commitment, without responsibilities who can execute nimble. You can not hold a baby in one hand and a project this big on the other hand. It is just a polite way to say my days are over in the research world.
ITAENDELEA KESHO SAA 4
I hate my life, i always hated my life as far as i can remember. It was one failure after another. One disappointed after another. Mpaka mda mwingine nikawa nakufuru huenda Mungu ni Mungu wa wachache. Dont get into thinking myabe i am just lazy and complaining and shit, hapana nafanya kazi sanaaa, najitumaaa mnooo, na fight balaaaa.
First and foremost i am a Dr. medicine by profession nimepata university of Mosscow, nina masters ya epidemiology from London school of tropical medicines, nina PHD in Epidemiology from University of Pittsbrugh. I am educated and i am proud to say expensively educated. Sio elimu ya mchezo mchezo. Dont get mad, at least not yet.
Hizi research institutes hapa bongo nimeingia sanaaa na kutoka kama choni kwangu vile, kuanzia Ifakara, ICAP, Jpiegho, taka taka gani za mradi ya Malaria, Nimevuruga mnooo, si ndo tropical medicines sasa. Wazungu watasha wenyewe nikieka tu magamba mezani wana shake hands na mimi fastaaaa na kunikabidhi mradi. Hio london school of tropical medicines ndo kila kituuuuu kwenye miradi ya hii ya malaria.
I thank my pops, he was not rich, ila alikuwa ni Dr tu wa kawaida mvaa kipima joto, sema aliusoma mchezo kwamba wodini hamnaa ishu akaamua kuwekeza kwenye watoto tufike kule ambako yeye hakufika. Nakumbuka nilitaka ku major in pediatrics cause napenda sanaa watoto, i was young and naive and honored to save lives. Almanusuraaa aniachie laana, kakomaa soma epidemiology. Sikujibana kukupeleka Moscow uje uishie kuwa common pediatrician. Nimekuanzia misingi imara, naomba twende sawa hapa ni epidemiology tu. Na london school alinitafutia yeye mwenyewe. Alikuwa anaifatilia online kama sijui nini, na scholarship juu. Hapo mwanangu ana miaka 2 sitakiii shule mie, tukaparanganyanaaa shika nikushike nikasema tu niende nisije laaniwa. Miezi 18 sio mingi nikarudi kwa furaha.
Akanitafutia na PHD mwenyewe mzee maskini. It is sad i disappointed him either way. Nadiriki kusema dunia hii ni ya wanaume, laiti ningejua hilo mapemaaa nisingehangaikaaa sanaaaa. Ningecheza kama pele. Ila nimekosea hesabu na sio mara moja.
I was raised kwenye familia mama hajasoma ila ali manuver manuver na alikuwa extremely beautiful akapata u secretary kwa mzungu akawa analipwa vizuri sanaa, kuliko hata baba. She was over protective of us, anataka tuwe wazungu. Tumesoma st constantine Arusha, shule wazungu na foreigners tupu, it was all about grades, about europe pass mark from Africa, hivo. So mpaka naenda Moscow mimi bado bikra, sijui wanaume na hila zao sijuiiii.
Nimefika Moscow ndo naanza kujifunza funza sasa, na nilivo na mkosi kutua tu Moscow nakutana na mbabuuuu, well mbaba same age like my dad maybe older.Nikawa simtakiii simtakiii. Alinigandaaaa ruba nyumaa. Akaanza kwanza kunipa offer ya appartment uzunguni Moscow, nikahisi drug dealer baadae nikajua mtu wa Embassy wa Africa kusini huko. Baba anapenda yule balaaa. Miaka 7 tukapendana mnoooo. Nikasema nisirudi hivi hivi atanisahau nirudi na mimba. Mmmmh!
Akaniambia atakuja na nini. It took me 5 years to realise he is never comming back. Kila siku ananipa sound sound mpaka aka staafu. Uzuri i had a daughter, nakapendaaa sanaa japo kananipasua kichwa, katoto ka uschana wangu. Siku practise sanaa, nikaunga masters, nikarudi sasa nakuwa hot cake kwenye career industry yangu. Nikikaa kidogo nahama, mradi ukiishanahama.
Zikaanza stress za reja reja oooh ana hela ila mume hana. Kazalishwa tu kaachwa. Wajinga hawakosi pa kukushikia. Nikaanza kusaka mume sasa. Kama bahati Nikampata Dr. mmoja nae tulikuwa wote Moscow Dr Jovin. Tukapendana sanaaa, nikajihakikishia naolewa 200%. Miaka inaenda ha propose wala nini. Nikaamua kumuuliza muhenga mwenzangu vipi? I am 35, you are 36 vipiii?
Akasema mimi nina mchumba yuko Moscow, akirudi nitamuoa huyooo, asiporudi nitakuoa wewe. Khaaaa! I was desparate i took the offer, nakesha na kusali asirudiiii, nafungaaa, mpaka nikawa mkangafu kila navofunga naona haitoshiii. Dogo nae kaanza maswali baba angu nani? Shubhamit yule baba ake anaendekeza zinaa Moscow tu.
One unlucky gloomy day the girl from Moscow came back, in town for the marriage. Niliumia sanaaa, mnooo mnoooo, still i was hoping something will happen, just something, God was not gonna stand by and watch me be cast aside afu mtu mwingine aolewe, after so much i put in, so many prayers, so many fastings, so much everything. Nilijitoa kwa yule mwanaume acheni tuuu. Sitaki kuanidka sanaaa.
Nikawa nishasikia mwenye mali karudi ila nikaamua kukomaaa na mimi singoki. Natuma text kama kawaida, care kama kawaida, kama kuamua aamue yeye mwanaume sio mimi nijiweke pembeni. Text zikaanza kupungua, simu zikaisha kabisaaaa kila dalili ilionesha kwamba yule ashaamua na ameamua ku base kule kwa bibie alietoka moscow, ila bado nikawa in denial naona kabisaa chance ipo. Chance gani labda wewe msomaji umeelewa.
Mafungo kama kawaida, sadaka za kuteketeza kama kawaidaaa. Napambana mpaka dakika za mwisho. Na dakika ya 90 ilifika kwa text yake kwamba jmosi mimi nao kutoka kwa Jovin, na kwa text hio it was obvious anae olewa tena sio mie tena ndugu msomaji. Sikukata tamaa naamini kabisaa bado hio sio fainalii kabisaa, ni distraction tu. Jumamosi ikafika akaoa kweli ndugu msomaji amini usiamini the wedding went down. Everybody in our cycle was there except me. I was 36 and my girl was 8. Ndipo nilipo conclude kwamba Mungu ni Mungu wa wachache, na kati ya hao wachache mie simooo kabisaa na wala hata nifanyaje siwezi kuingia.
Several years later nakanusha kabisaaa kwamba Mungu si Mungu wa wachache, ni Mungu wetu sote, na hakuna asilo liweza. I was married nikiwa 38, tena na researcher mwenzangu na tuna watoto wa 2 tumezaa wote na kila mmoja alikuwa na mtoto kabla.
Was the struggle worth it? Hell no! Ndo maana nawaambia nilikosea hesabu. Nilikosea vipi that is a story for another day. I envey Vivian. I envy her everybit.
She is young, married at 23, waliwahi mapemaa, katoka tu chuo wakaweka ndani. Enterpreneurial bad ass mom, ana watoto wa 2, married her best firend, ukikaa na na mumewe watakukeraaaa sio kwa kupendana kule jamaniiii. Siooo. His pops is rich, wote tulijua mume anamuoa for the pops money kumbe walaaa, the guy can make and is making his own money plus vivian ndo balaaaa zaidi. Anafanya projects na kina Melinda Gates na Laura Bush yaani ni next level kabisaaaa.
On the mean time, i am still a reseacher niko Ifakara, mradi wangu uko kijijini huko, nafuga na kuku zangu za mayai, na za kienyeji na kulima mboga everything i vowed never to become, in short ican admit i am reduced to nothing. Watasha nikaa nao mezani wananiambiaaa Stella you are too old, too committed to your family and kids, this project is too big for you. We are looking for someone like you but so much younger, without commitment, without responsibilities who can execute nimble. You can not hold a baby in one hand and a project this big on the other hand. It is just a polite way to say my days are over in the research world.
ITAENDELEA KESHO SAA 4
, kulikuwa forex traders, Doctors, wafanya biashara mbalimbali, wauza ngada, bankers, wakulima, walimu, researchers kwa msaada wa watu wa marekani, waporaji teh! Etc. 
