The privillaged!
Masaki! i am here baby! Finally. I never thought this day will come. Kila nilipopita mahali hapa nilitamani na mimi niwe mkazi wa eneo hili. The upper side. And now i am here. Unaweza kushangaa why a small thing means so much to me, usiumize kichwa nitakwambia.
Nilivokuwa mdogo by the age of 5 or 6, nilikuja Coco beach na baba yangu, nikamuuliza nani anakaa kwenye hizi ghorofa, akaniambia watu matajiri, nikamuuliza kwanini sisi sio matajiri? Cut me some slack i was just 6, akaniangalia usoni akaniambia kua uyaone. ila mood yake yote ilibadilika.
Kama una dhani that was the stuppidiest thing i ever asked my dad you are absolutely wrong. Among series of abusive questions to my parents i also blamed them for my low IQ, Low life, low looks, low everything. I was ugly, fat, unbright, lazy, unexposed and uneverything. The best my parents hoped for was i find a man, a good man who will have it in him to take care of me for the rest of my life mean while i bear him countless babies, wash his panties, cook him food and rot in the kitchen like other millions of typical Tanzanian women.
That was plan, and it was going well, because my mom never hoped i will see the corridors of higher education, she never wnated me to feel stupid as i was, because like any other mom she was supposed to be the last one to see things for what they are, but she had to prepare me. she taught me to cook well. kwa misosi sina mpinzani. Usafi ndo usiseme, na cha ajabu alinihimiza kupenda kushona, na akaninunulia cherehani kabisaaaa. My sweet mommy.
The day i knew i was stupid, dumb and dummy ni siku mzee alikuwa akimwambia mama, Mungu katujaribu mke wangu, majaribu mazito, silalamiki wala sikufuru, ila mtoto 1 afu ndo huyu uwezo wake mdogo sana kiakili. Mi nikistaafu itabidi tujipange sanaa. nimesomesha watoto wa kaka zangu, dada zangu, sasa sijui kama watamkumbuka huyu mwanetu. Na hata wasipomkumbuka sitowalaumu kwa kweli. Tuombe tu Mungu.
Any normal kid angepingana na hio observation ya mzazi wake , angejitahidi kimprove wrong mzazi wake, angefanya mengi, ila mimi kwa udogo wa akili yangu nikakubaliana na huo ukweli kwamba mimi ni mjinga and i will nevr be anything, my only shot is to depend on people always to take care of me. I became afraid of everything and everyone. I depended on peoples opinions and decisions, i just couldnt trust my dumb mind at all. Nguo lazima nimuulize mama nivae ipi, kwenda mahali lazima nimuulize mama niende ama nisiende.
Watu walivokuwa wakinisema huyo mtoto mbona kama mjinga mjinga, mama alikuwa defensive sanaa, aligombana na kila mtu na kumtenga. "Huyu mtoto aliumwa sanaa alivokuwa mdogo, mwanao angeumwa kama huyu angekuwa kafa siku nyingi sanaaa. Naomba umwache kabisaaa, magonjwa yashamnyanyasa sanaa, kama huwezi kukaa na sisi tokaaa." People learned to be positive about me by force.
The first day i went to my primary school, second primary school manake ya kwanza niliamishwa, ilikiwa hizi za kawaida kayumba kwenda international za english medium sikupata rafiki wiki nzima. i just never knew how to make friends. Kila nikirudi mama anauliza umepata shoga? Namwambia bado, wanaongea kingleza afu mi sijui. Nakaa tu peke yangu. Mama akawaza na kuniuliza Pricilla mnasoma nae? Huyo mtoto wa Mwita? Nikamwambia ndio, ila hanisemeshagi shule sijui kwanini.
Jumapili kafanya manuvaaa mpaka kaifikia familia ya pricilla kanisani mda wa kutoka, akamsalimia mama Mwita, kumbe walisoma wote Jangwani zama hizo walikuwa mabest, Akawa anamwambia na wanetu wawe ma best. Pricilla yupo no mama, she is a dummy, no bad likes her. akachezea kofi moja takatifu toka kwa Mama Mwita chezea Ticha wewe. akaulizwa unatakiwa kusemaje "Yes mom"! Mama Mwita was a nice woman, akawa anamwambia tu mama bado yuko slow, atachangamka, aliumwa sanaa udogo wake. Bt she will be fine. Uje nyumbani tuongeee. blah blah blah tukaachana nao.
Jumatatu Pricilla akanisalimia Bonge mambo? Nikasema poa. Honestly i dont like you, neither do my friends but my mom said i should look after you, i guess now you are in my crew. Utafanya vile nataka, uko tayari. Nikawahi ndio. Then i became A lister, because Pricilla was an A lister. She was bright, the dad was rich some CEO, mama head mistress, analetwa na gari na kufatwa na gari my life could never get any better with the exception za kutumwa kila saa na Pricilla, kumbebea begi, kumpeleka kokote anakotaka kwenda, like her personal property. But life was good, i got to go in every party and all the boys in school were nice to me cause i was Pricillas girl.
Ngogoooooooo! Ngooooooo! Nikastukaaaa, ndo kwanza nahamia nani ananijua Masaki hii? Afu hizi apartment hamna wenye nyumba kugonga sijui nini, ngoja nicheki. Nikaenda kufungua mlango. Nikakuta kundi la wanawake mlangoni. Tobaaaaaa.
ITAENDELEA
