lara 1
JF-Expert Member
- Jun 10, 2012
- 15,700
- 29,111
Igweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
(Ukistaajabu ya Musa utayaona ya silent killer leo.)
Sasa baada ya ile post nikapata PM, sio PM ya kawaida naweza iita THE PM. At first it didnt seem extra ordinary at all, manake napataga PM nyingi za kunitukana na kunilaani zikiwemo, nishazoea, hii THE PM ilikuwa simple tu. Hi Lara! Im a fan of your posts, blah! blah! blah! blah! ikaendelea I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME! I was like, fu.ck him why would i do anything for him? Nikamjibu tu Hi, nashukuru the sentimental blah! blah! blah! as usual bila kugusia the part ya to do something for him. Akanijibu "I NEED YOU TO WRITE ME AN AUTO BIOGRAPHY AS YOUR POST IN MMU" Hahahaaaa! Nikampuuzia tu. Hata The Boss mwenyewe hana autobiography humu MMU, Mtambuzi na post zake zote hajajiandikia Auto Biography, Asprin mwenywe na ukaaaguzi wote alioufanya he never considered writing an autobiography ya journey yake ya kukagua watu humu. Mimi binafsi sijajiandikia autobiography bado naanzaje kumuandikia yeye kwa mfano? Who the fu.ck does this guy think he is in here? WHO? Why will he think people will care to read it even if i write it anyway! Nikampotezea. Akaja kuni PM "How about i pay you for the autobiography writing?" I was like not the autobiography cra.p again. Nikachuna, Akataja figure. Well the girl gotta eat!:biggrin1:. Nikamwambia keep talking i am listening if the story shocks me i will write it, and do i look like a person who is easily shocked? Ndo hapo safari ya autobiography ilipoanzia. (AUTOBIOGRAPHY NI SIMULIZI YA MAISHA YA MTU KAMA ALIVOSIMULIA MWENYEWE)
Why did i write it! I seriously dont know why! Though i must admit it is interesting.
Mjue siasa za MMU ni siasa rahisi tu. MMU is controlled by 5 people. It has always been controlled by 5 people, it will always be controlled by 5 people. The Boss, Asprin, Dark City, mtambuz, na mama la mama @Gifsonwin. Ukimanage kuwa endorsed na all 5 of them you become a goddess in MMU, of which is impossible manake mitazamo yao ni tofauti sanaa. And if you manage to cross them all you become invincible of which is also impossible too, they never fight anybody at any cost. Hawa watu ni rarely wananzisha thread, ni rarely wana comment, but their popularity is constant. Alafu ni smart, not just smart, ni smart, smart, extra smart. The boss ana undivided loyalty ya most old n new members, Asprin ni mkuu wa social events. If Asprin will come, everybody will come, fight Asprin and commit social suicide, Babu Dc is most respected person in here, Mtambuzi is well known, and well connected, Mama la mama ana roho 7. Her name has been dragged to the mud several times and she remains THE GIFSONWIN, always versatile, neither cold nor hot, very unpredictable. And The silent killer was non of these 5. New ID is never their strategy, and they will never pay me for shit. I was certain it wasnt them. I know their styles all of them and cheap publicity is never their style. Who the fu.ck is he? The new ID could never fool me.
Nikasema maybe this silent Killer is part of the EYE CANDY men community, the eyes on, hands off to die for dudes in here! The Cool! The goodies! The sexy and the most desired! Girl if you wanna shop for guys in JF this is the right place to shop. For him to collect experiences and succeed he had to be quite a looker and a show stopper! Lakini nawajua karibu wote and i dont see any of them being a silent killer! They all too flushy, too busy being cool, too busy being admired. Watu8 pm is closed you have to suck it up and ask him to open it for you PUBLICLY, he is too busy avoiding the attention to request an autobiography, Vin Diesel yuko busy na uchaguzi na kujamba jamba kama atarudi ikulu au la, monneystuna is too busy going all over the world doing whatever he does, Mentor is too young to think about autobiographies, grafani is too hardcore, too screwed to the rules to consider an autobiography, It cant be one these definately! The question remained who the fu.ck is he?
It crossed my mind maybe Sillent Killer is a girl! Why not? I could consider me? but i cant ask me to write it can i? Nope! Nikahisi au Badibeybey, ila hataaa, she might be a bit outrageous sometimes but she is still a lady at heart, Maybe Valentina? Too sweet! Malaika mimi? Too matured! BRENDA 18 too young probably 18 and under. angelita? Too smart she would have written it herself, Maddame B, too bubbly to care about autobiography, amu too busy at work, Latoya too much monitored by hubby, Evelyn Salt not her style at all, Avemaria not too brave to consider it. Mahondaw? Too scared, miss neddy probably too childish, Definitely not a girl! Who the https://jamii.app/JFUserGuide is he?
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY AS WRITTEN BY LARA 1, APRIL 2015. (Simulizi ya maisha yake ya mmu kama ilivoandikwa na Lara 1, aprili 2015)
Mimi ni kijana wa miaka 28, ni mfanya kazi na mfanya biashara. Sijaoa wala sitarajii kuoa karibuni. Nina ID yangu maarufu mnoo lakini napenda kuiacha unkown kwa sasa. Hii ni autobiography yangu ndani ya miaka yangu mi 5 MMU. Kwa kifupi nakiri kula nyuchi za wadada wengi wenye viwango, nimekimbia nyuchi nyingi pia, nimesurrender nyuchi nyingi pia. Na nimepata experience mbali mbali kutoka kwa wadada wa humu MMU. Napendelea zaidi wale wenye majinaa makubwa, na nimewatafuna sanaa, list ninayo, nilitumia kinga mara zote, nimewasaidia wadada wengi humu, na nimejifunza mengi toka kwao pia. This is my atobiography!
Nilijiunga MMU, 2011 nikiwa kijana jobless nisie na kazi, na ambae nimetokea familia duni sanaa, nakiri nilikuwa frustrated nikawa nashinda JF kupunguza mawazo. Kutokana na tambo tambo zile na nyodo za wadada wa humu MMU nilijikuta nikinyorodoka hadi makengele yangu kutokana na kauli za wadada wakati ule, nakujiona sifai na nisie na hadhi katika dunia hii ya warembo simply sababu sikuwa nazo. 2012 aliingia Lara 1 hali yangu ikazidi kuwa mbay na kauli zake za FEE P, Average Joe, Mwanaume suruali, Mwanaume Kengele etc etc. Kusemakweli niliumia mnooo, nikaanza hata kuwaogopa warembo wa kitaaa. Nikakonda sanaa, kazi sina, hat JF siingi kwa raha kwa tambo za wadada humu, hakukuwa na wakunitia moyo. Nilifikiria kujiua mara kadhaa, nikawa nasita maana wazazi ndo walinitegemea mimi. Kutokana na tambo zao nikaanza kuwanoti kila mdada akiongea comment ya kuninyongonyeza, kunididmiza, kunilegeza nijihisi si mwanaume si chochote si lolote namshika jina lake, na kila siku usiku kabla sijalala nataja majina yao wote hao wadada mmoja mmoja na kujiapiza siku Mungu akicheka, nikazikamata lazima niwarudie mmoja mmoja kuwatafuna na kuwagonga mhuri wangu kwa kengele zile zile zilizonyongonyea! Miaka 3 nakusanya majina yakawa mengi, lakini lazima wale vinara sugu niwataje ndio nilale ili nisije kusamehe, kusahau wala kughairi.
IMEENDELEA POST NUMBER 65! 76! 109, 303, 502, 551, 659, 801. THE END IMEFIKIA 801.
MAMBO YANAZIDI KUWA SI MAMBO!!!!!!!!! ILE OFA YA KUANDIKA MEMOIR YA MHANGA YEYOTE WA SILENT KILLER IMEZUA JAMBOOOO ZITOOOOOO! WATU HAWAJAPENDEZWA KWANINI SILENT KILLER AWA OVETHROW TEAM BAZAZI IN A DAY KWA KI AUTOBIOGRAPHY, SASA HIVI HE IS THE WORST OF THE WORST IN MMU.
SASA BASI KATOKEA A LADY ANAJIITA THE MMU LADY COLLECTOR OF ORGASMS!!!!!!!!!!!! ANADAI HER STORY/ TESTIMONY IS BIGGER THAN A MEMOIR! SHE TOO DESERVES AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!! SHE WANTS TO DISH ALL THE DIRTY NOT ONLY ON SILENT KILLER BUT ENTIRE MMU MEN COMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!! SHE PROMISES TO GO EVEN NASTIER THAN THE SILENT KILLER AND GRAB ALL MEN BY THE BALLS IN THIS HER AUTOBIOGRAPHY. THIS NA BE GIST OF THE CENTURY OOOOOOOOOOH! CHINEKEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hulalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! MEN YOU ARE GOING DOWN! First nikamuuliza i wanted BIG NAMES, akasemashe has plenty in it. second it has to shock me first and i aint easily shocked. Thirdly tunapiga kura
DOES THE MMU LADY COLLECTOR OF ORGASMS DESERVE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OR DOES SHE NOT TUMPOTEZEE TU, NA KUMUACHA SILENT KILLER ON THE THRONE?
LADY COLLECTOR OF ORGASMS SAA 4 KAMILI USIKU WA LEO. DONT MISS!
(Ukistaajabu ya Musa utayaona ya silent killer leo.)
Sasa baada ya ile post nikapata PM, sio PM ya kawaida naweza iita THE PM. At first it didnt seem extra ordinary at all, manake napataga PM nyingi za kunitukana na kunilaani zikiwemo, nishazoea, hii THE PM ilikuwa simple tu. Hi Lara! Im a fan of your posts, blah! blah! blah! blah! ikaendelea I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME! I was like, fu.ck him why would i do anything for him? Nikamjibu tu Hi, nashukuru the sentimental blah! blah! blah! as usual bila kugusia the part ya to do something for him. Akanijibu "I NEED YOU TO WRITE ME AN AUTO BIOGRAPHY AS YOUR POST IN MMU" Hahahaaaa! Nikampuuzia tu. Hata The Boss mwenyewe hana autobiography humu MMU, Mtambuzi na post zake zote hajajiandikia Auto Biography, Asprin mwenywe na ukaaaguzi wote alioufanya he never considered writing an autobiography ya journey yake ya kukagua watu humu. Mimi binafsi sijajiandikia autobiography bado naanzaje kumuandikia yeye kwa mfano? Who the fu.ck does this guy think he is in here? WHO? Why will he think people will care to read it even if i write it anyway! Nikampotezea. Akaja kuni PM "How about i pay you for the autobiography writing?" I was like not the autobiography cra.p again. Nikachuna, Akataja figure. Well the girl gotta eat!:biggrin1:. Nikamwambia keep talking i am listening if the story shocks me i will write it, and do i look like a person who is easily shocked? Ndo hapo safari ya autobiography ilipoanzia. (AUTOBIOGRAPHY NI SIMULIZI YA MAISHA YA MTU KAMA ALIVOSIMULIA MWENYEWE)
Why did i write it! I seriously dont know why! Though i must admit it is interesting.
Mjue siasa za MMU ni siasa rahisi tu. MMU is controlled by 5 people. It has always been controlled by 5 people, it will always be controlled by 5 people. The Boss, Asprin, Dark City, mtambuz, na mama la mama @Gifsonwin. Ukimanage kuwa endorsed na all 5 of them you become a goddess in MMU, of which is impossible manake mitazamo yao ni tofauti sanaa. And if you manage to cross them all you become invincible of which is also impossible too, they never fight anybody at any cost. Hawa watu ni rarely wananzisha thread, ni rarely wana comment, but their popularity is constant. Alafu ni smart, not just smart, ni smart, smart, extra smart. The boss ana undivided loyalty ya most old n new members, Asprin ni mkuu wa social events. If Asprin will come, everybody will come, fight Asprin and commit social suicide, Babu Dc is most respected person in here, Mtambuzi is well known, and well connected, Mama la mama ana roho 7. Her name has been dragged to the mud several times and she remains THE GIFSONWIN, always versatile, neither cold nor hot, very unpredictable. And The silent killer was non of these 5. New ID is never their strategy, and they will never pay me for shit. I was certain it wasnt them. I know their styles all of them and cheap publicity is never their style. Who the fu.ck is he? The new ID could never fool me.
Nikasema maybe this silent Killer is part of the EYE CANDY men community, the eyes on, hands off to die for dudes in here! The Cool! The goodies! The sexy and the most desired! Girl if you wanna shop for guys in JF this is the right place to shop. For him to collect experiences and succeed he had to be quite a looker and a show stopper! Lakini nawajua karibu wote and i dont see any of them being a silent killer! They all too flushy, too busy being cool, too busy being admired. Watu8 pm is closed you have to suck it up and ask him to open it for you PUBLICLY, he is too busy avoiding the attention to request an autobiography, Vin Diesel yuko busy na uchaguzi na kujamba jamba kama atarudi ikulu au la, monneystuna is too busy going all over the world doing whatever he does, Mentor is too young to think about autobiographies, grafani is too hardcore, too screwed to the rules to consider an autobiography, It cant be one these definately! The question remained who the fu.ck is he?
It crossed my mind maybe Sillent Killer is a girl! Why not? I could consider me? but i cant ask me to write it can i? Nope! Nikahisi au Badibeybey, ila hataaa, she might be a bit outrageous sometimes but she is still a lady at heart, Maybe Valentina? Too sweet! Malaika mimi? Too matured! BRENDA 18 too young probably 18 and under. angelita? Too smart she would have written it herself, Maddame B, too bubbly to care about autobiography, amu too busy at work, Latoya too much monitored by hubby, Evelyn Salt not her style at all, Avemaria not too brave to consider it. Mahondaw? Too scared, miss neddy probably too childish, Definitely not a girl! Who the https://jamii.app/JFUserGuide is he?
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY AS WRITTEN BY LARA 1, APRIL 2015. (Simulizi ya maisha yake ya mmu kama ilivoandikwa na Lara 1, aprili 2015)
Mimi ni kijana wa miaka 28, ni mfanya kazi na mfanya biashara. Sijaoa wala sitarajii kuoa karibuni. Nina ID yangu maarufu mnoo lakini napenda kuiacha unkown kwa sasa. Hii ni autobiography yangu ndani ya miaka yangu mi 5 MMU. Kwa kifupi nakiri kula nyuchi za wadada wengi wenye viwango, nimekimbia nyuchi nyingi pia, nimesurrender nyuchi nyingi pia. Na nimepata experience mbali mbali kutoka kwa wadada wa humu MMU. Napendelea zaidi wale wenye majinaa makubwa, na nimewatafuna sanaa, list ninayo, nilitumia kinga mara zote, nimewasaidia wadada wengi humu, na nimejifunza mengi toka kwao pia. This is my atobiography!
Nilijiunga MMU, 2011 nikiwa kijana jobless nisie na kazi, na ambae nimetokea familia duni sanaa, nakiri nilikuwa frustrated nikawa nashinda JF kupunguza mawazo. Kutokana na tambo tambo zile na nyodo za wadada wa humu MMU nilijikuta nikinyorodoka hadi makengele yangu kutokana na kauli za wadada wakati ule, nakujiona sifai na nisie na hadhi katika dunia hii ya warembo simply sababu sikuwa nazo. 2012 aliingia Lara 1 hali yangu ikazidi kuwa mbay na kauli zake za FEE P, Average Joe, Mwanaume suruali, Mwanaume Kengele etc etc. Kusemakweli niliumia mnooo, nikaanza hata kuwaogopa warembo wa kitaaa. Nikakonda sanaa, kazi sina, hat JF siingi kwa raha kwa tambo za wadada humu, hakukuwa na wakunitia moyo. Nilifikiria kujiua mara kadhaa, nikawa nasita maana wazazi ndo walinitegemea mimi. Kutokana na tambo zao nikaanza kuwanoti kila mdada akiongea comment ya kuninyongonyeza, kunididmiza, kunilegeza nijihisi si mwanaume si chochote si lolote namshika jina lake, na kila siku usiku kabla sijalala nataja majina yao wote hao wadada mmoja mmoja na kujiapiza siku Mungu akicheka, nikazikamata lazima niwarudie mmoja mmoja kuwatafuna na kuwagonga mhuri wangu kwa kengele zile zile zilizonyongonyea! Miaka 3 nakusanya majina yakawa mengi, lakini lazima wale vinara sugu niwataje ndio nilale ili nisije kusamehe, kusahau wala kughairi.
THE AUTO BIOGRAPHY CONTINUES!!!!!!!!!!!
In 2012 ikatokea nimevutiwa mnoo na mdada moja humu MMU, kwa waliokuwepo mtamkumbuka alikuwa very popular, fahari ya MMU, kwa maelezo yake she was young energetic and beautiful. Alikuwa na story flani hiviza kuhamasisha. Nikajitosa ku m PM na hii ID yangu ya kazi. Basi hamuwezi kuamini aliniuliza DO YOU HAVE A CAR? Really! Niliumia sanaa maana hata baskeli sikuwa nayo, na uwezo wa kukodi hata hio gari nilikuwa sina. Nikasema anyway ngoja niwe honest SINA GARI! Hakuwahi kunijibu tenaaa. Nilimtumia PM 23 NA ZOTE HAZIKUJIBIWA. Ndani ya hizo PM nilijitahidi kumueleza mambo mengi ikiwemo kukubali kukodi gari ikibidi lakini none of the 23 PMs was good enough to get a reply. Iliniuma sanaa binadamu kudhamini gari kuliko utu, she became THE NUMBER 1 ON MY LIST!
Basi nikaendela tu na maisha ya kubangaiza mjini hapa, huku mademu wa MMU wakizidi kujikwezaa, mwanaume pesa sijui nini nini. Nikasema iko siku yenu wote nyie. 39 days for the thief and just 1 day for the house owner. Kama Mungu tu kuniprove wrong ikatokea mdada akandika mada encouraging hio ilikuwa 2013 mwanzoni kuhusu wanaume, na true love, ilinipa moyo kusemaza kweli, nikaona huyu ndo atanifaa mimi na kengele zangu! Hahahaaa! Manake kashasema haitaji pesa bali true love. Na michango yake mingi yupo mrengo wa kulia. Nikaanza kum PM with bigs hopes. Kweli tukapeana namba, Namb yake ni (kapuni) naikumbuka mpaka kesho kutwa, nikajawa bashasha na minyege ya kutoshaaa!
. Tulivoanza kuchat siku hio hio akaniomba vocha. Nikampa 2000, akasema 2000 tu? I rang the alarm. Kesho yake ooh najua ni mapema ili nimekwama nisaidie 50,000! Mmmmmh! Nikampa. Siku tatu nyingi simu yake imekufa! Nikmblock ila namba sikufuta. Nikajua huyu silent killer mwenzangu jamvini anajifanya mwema ili kupata i danga aichune. Ni mbayaa kuliko hata team NO FREE P! Ile namba sikufuta baada ya miezi kama 2 nika i unblock nikakuta kaweka profile photo ya harusi yake na mumewe. Kumbe mke wa mtu. Nilitinuk mnoo. Nikamuweka number 3 kwenye list. Unaweza ona nimeruka lakini number 2 ulikuwa ni wewe Lara 1.
Mungu si Athumani wala Juma, 2013 nikaajiriwa kwenye asasi ya kiserikali inayolipa vizuri mnooo katika kitengo kizuri mnooo. Nilianza na mshahara mkubwa tu, na safari na nini kiukweli kutoka kimaisha kulikuwa nje nje! Sikufanya pupaaaa nikaendlea na kazi kujiweka misingi mizuri kazini, i took my time to plan carefully for my expedition! Nikajijenga kwanza, niknunua gari Altezaa wala sio la bei, nikapanga nyumba nzima nilitaka niwe nachinjia mule mule ndani tu, lodge ya kazi gani, ghara nyingi manake namna hio kila gameunamaliza 100,000 manake guest cheap 45,000, mkila na kunywa 65 inaisha, ukimpa na nauli laki na nusu bai bai wakati home unapika kabisa unatumia 10,000 tu ya vinywaji. Utekelezaji ungenigharimu sanaa. Nikaenda kwa Janguo enzi hio ana duka la suti, na kwa fundi mmoja mwenge nikachongesha suti 10 za maana na kwa Janguo nikachukua 5. Nikapita kwa Makoba chukua jeans kali na tshirt zangu. Mwanaume kiatu, mwanamke yeyote wa mjini anamjua mwanaume kwa kiatu chake. Nikaagiza nje, Jordans zangu 2 tu za ukweli, Puma moja, Travolta 2, sandals za Clarks, mashati ya ukweli ya ofisini mark n Spencer, Na tshirt za Pollo, Ralph lauren kidogo, unyunyu ule wenyewe vote nilivizia SALE! Nikawa nimwkwivaaaaaaa!
Nikaanza na my number 1 list wa DO YOU HAVE A CAR? Nikam pm na ID mpyaaa. By this time ilikuwa late 2013 ashachujaaa. Ule moto wa 2012 umepoa. Hana soko tenaaa. I thought sh might have changed lakini ikawa vile vile DO YOU HAVE A CAR? Manina zake! Anapenda magari kama nini. Nikamwambia ndio. Weeee! Hapo hata nisipomuanza ana ni pm yeye. Kashoboka tuonane tuonane. Nikasema swala karibu kwenye himaya ya simba. Nikmpa ki date steers siku ya kazi. Siku hio nimeingia ofisini nimepiga suti na travolta, mshkaji akaniambia we, mngese leo unaenda kumbato mtu, kuvunja kabati hivi si bure, hili shati si mark n Spencer hili la kuvaa harusini tena ukisimamia we mshenzi unajia ofisini? Nikamwambia tulia dogo, leo naenda kumla mtoto mkali anapenda magari kinomaaaa! Basi tukaachana.
Sijisifii, nilimpa ki date steers, nikachelewa kusudi tu, nikamwambia agiza chochote nimekuja pale unyunyu unapulizaaa tunikmpigia nikamuona nikamfata! Akadataaa alivonionaaa! Sitaki kukosoa uumbaji wa Mungu lakini she was not quite what i expected her to be. Ila yeye kwangu alikolea mpaka kapanic! Hajaamini. Tulivotoka pale NIKAMPOTEZEA! Mungu ashamuadhibu not worth my anger! Yani alinipia mwaka mzimaaa, pm hazina idadi, sms ndo usiseme nikm black list na kumblock lakini dada yule alidataaaaa! Aliongea yote! Akisomer hii Autobiogrphy atapa majibu WHY i neve called her back!
Tukaendela na Lara 1, nahisi utakumbuka 2013 kuna ID (kapuni) ili ku pm kuhusu kuonana na kuchat na nini!
In 2012 ikatokea nimevutiwa mnoo na mdada moja humu MMU, kwa waliokuwepo mtamkumbuka alikuwa very popular, fahari ya MMU, kwa maelezo yake she was young energetic and beautiful. Alikuwa na story flani hiviza kuhamasisha. Nikajitosa ku m PM na hii ID yangu ya kazi. Basi hamuwezi kuamini aliniuliza DO YOU HAVE A CAR? Really! Niliumia sanaa maana hata baskeli sikuwa nayo, na uwezo wa kukodi hata hio gari nilikuwa sina. Nikasema anyway ngoja niwe honest SINA GARI! Hakuwahi kunijibu tenaaa. Nilimtumia PM 23 NA ZOTE HAZIKUJIBIWA. Ndani ya hizo PM nilijitahidi kumueleza mambo mengi ikiwemo kukubali kukodi gari ikibidi lakini none of the 23 PMs was good enough to get a reply. Iliniuma sanaa binadamu kudhamini gari kuliko utu, she became THE NUMBER 1 ON MY LIST!
Basi nikaendela tu na maisha ya kubangaiza mjini hapa, huku mademu wa MMU wakizidi kujikwezaa, mwanaume pesa sijui nini nini. Nikasema iko siku yenu wote nyie. 39 days for the thief and just 1 day for the house owner. Kama Mungu tu kuniprove wrong ikatokea mdada akandika mada encouraging hio ilikuwa 2013 mwanzoni kuhusu wanaume, na true love, ilinipa moyo kusemaza kweli, nikaona huyu ndo atanifaa mimi na kengele zangu! Hahahaaa! Manake kashasema haitaji pesa bali true love. Na michango yake mingi yupo mrengo wa kulia. Nikaanza kum PM with bigs hopes. Kweli tukapeana namba, Namb yake ni (kapuni) naikumbuka mpaka kesho kutwa, nikajawa bashasha na minyege ya kutoshaaa!
Mungu si Athumani wala Juma, 2013 nikaajiriwa kwenye asasi ya kiserikali inayolipa vizuri mnooo katika kitengo kizuri mnooo. Nilianza na mshahara mkubwa tu, na safari na nini kiukweli kutoka kimaisha kulikuwa nje nje! Sikufanya pupaaaa nikaendlea na kazi kujiweka misingi mizuri kazini, i took my time to plan carefully for my expedition! Nikajijenga kwanza, niknunua gari Altezaa wala sio la bei, nikapanga nyumba nzima nilitaka niwe nachinjia mule mule ndani tu, lodge ya kazi gani, ghara nyingi manake namna hio kila gameunamaliza 100,000 manake guest cheap 45,000, mkila na kunywa 65 inaisha, ukimpa na nauli laki na nusu bai bai wakati home unapika kabisa unatumia 10,000 tu ya vinywaji. Utekelezaji ungenigharimu sanaa. Nikaenda kwa Janguo enzi hio ana duka la suti, na kwa fundi mmoja mwenge nikachongesha suti 10 za maana na kwa Janguo nikachukua 5. Nikapita kwa Makoba chukua jeans kali na tshirt zangu. Mwanaume kiatu, mwanamke yeyote wa mjini anamjua mwanaume kwa kiatu chake. Nikaagiza nje, Jordans zangu 2 tu za ukweli, Puma moja, Travolta 2, sandals za Clarks, mashati ya ukweli ya ofisini mark n Spencer, Na tshirt za Pollo, Ralph lauren kidogo, unyunyu ule wenyewe vote nilivizia SALE! Nikawa nimwkwivaaaaaaa!
Nikaanza na my number 1 list wa DO YOU HAVE A CAR? Nikam pm na ID mpyaaa. By this time ilikuwa late 2013 ashachujaaa. Ule moto wa 2012 umepoa. Hana soko tenaaa. I thought sh might have changed lakini ikawa vile vile DO YOU HAVE A CAR? Manina zake! Anapenda magari kama nini. Nikamwambia ndio. Weeee! Hapo hata nisipomuanza ana ni pm yeye. Kashoboka tuonane tuonane. Nikasema swala karibu kwenye himaya ya simba. Nikmpa ki date steers siku ya kazi. Siku hio nimeingia ofisini nimepiga suti na travolta, mshkaji akaniambia we, mngese leo unaenda kumbato mtu, kuvunja kabati hivi si bure, hili shati si mark n Spencer hili la kuvaa harusini tena ukisimamia we mshenzi unajia ofisini? Nikamwambia tulia dogo, leo naenda kumla mtoto mkali anapenda magari kinomaaaa! Basi tukaachana.
Sijisifii, nilimpa ki date steers, nikachelewa kusudi tu, nikamwambia agiza chochote nimekuja pale unyunyu unapulizaaa tunikmpigia nikamuona nikamfata! Akadataaa alivonionaaa! Sitaki kukosoa uumbaji wa Mungu lakini she was not quite what i expected her to be. Ila yeye kwangu alikolea mpaka kapanic! Hajaamini. Tulivotoka pale NIKAMPOTEZEA! Mungu ashamuadhibu not worth my anger! Yani alinipia mwaka mzimaaa, pm hazina idadi, sms ndo usiseme nikm black list na kumblock lakini dada yule alidataaaaa! Aliongea yote! Akisomer hii Autobiogrphy atapa majibu WHY i neve called her back!
Tukaendela na Lara 1, nahisi utakumbuka 2013 kuna ID (kapuni) ili ku pm kuhusu kuonana na kuchat na nini!
AUTO BIOGRAPHY CONTINUES!
Kipindi hiko we msheni ulikuwa unamshobokea Vindiesel kinomaaa, nikahisi lazima kakupiga miti si buree, lakini nikasema haina makobo lazima nionje na kukufunga kidomo domo hiko! Basi nika ku pm naomba namba yako ukagomaa, uzuri mi nilikusoma kitambo we demu njaa tu, unapenda pesaa mnoo, nikamwambia nipe namba niku vocha, ulivokuw bwe.ge ukatuma hapo hapo! Bishaaaa? Nikasema hii hii nmba nakutongozea, nikakurusha ile vocha, nikarusha tena mara 3. Then nikawa naimbisha tuonne, tuonane ukakataaa, madai unaonana na watu walioenda MMU parties tu, kina Vin D, manina zako. Ukagomaaa kabisa kama nataka kukuona nije kwanza MMU party unione then ndo unipe another date. Nikasema No sweat nagojea MMU party inayofata, nitakuja na nitakuon na kukupiga miti vile vile.
Sasa MMU party ilikuwa november on the mean time ikabidi niwe na project! Nikamchukua mke wa mtu. Nikamuanza PM kama sijui ni nini ama nene. Huyu si mchoyo wa namba kama kawaida, sikutaka kumfuga sanaa. Tukaonana. Basi hakusema kama kaolewa, na kiukweli ni mzuri japo cha mtu mavi nikaona nitanawa tu mikono. Siku ya kwanza tukanywa tu, nikampa 50k ya nauli. Alichat usiku kucha sijui mumewe alikuwa wapi. Next appointment sikutaka kuremba nikamwambia atangulie Grandvilla knyama nakumbuka nililipia $80 mke wa mtu bwna inabidi umle kwenye ulinzi. She is very sweet, japo ana njaa lakini ana kauli nzuri naanajua mwanaume ni nini! Nikaja nikamkuta na khanga moko yuko tayari kwa mechi ya kikubwaa. Nilimlaaa kwa uchungu, ugwadu, hasira, huruma changanya vyote. Alilala fofo foooo! Asubuhi nikadamka kabla yake na sikuacha nauli wala nini. Nikaishiaaaa. Basi akawa ana ni PM why nimfanyia vile, sijui nini, nikamwambia we mbona una mume hukusema? Akawa mdogo, i am sure she still hates me.
Basi nikiwa bado sijasamehe wala kusahau kuna demu mmoja msawahili kinomaa humu ndani. Nikaona nibadilishe ladha, manake nae ana kauli chafu chafu za kiswahili, na ana chamba sanaa, kujitia ujuaji mwingi. Nikaingia mawindoni. Gia yangu ile ile nipe namba nikurushie MPESA.Nikachukua namba nikaanza kumchagizaa, ila nilirusha 20,000. Akajitia mi sitaki mechi za kitoto, nataka mwanaume anayejua mambo! kama mambo hujajui basiii! Mmmmh! Ndo akanizidisha minyege! Akawa kanirushia picha na nini, kiukweli mashallah na mineno yake ile nikasema lazima nimlambe ukijumuisha na mashtaka ya nyuma dhidi yake, no way no day nitamuacha. Nikajitutumua mimi mambo nayaweza, na nini! Na akaniambia wazi kabisa HAKOPESHI, Mkaja wa papuchi sh 50,000 ela ya wembe, pafyumu, nguo, kila kitu. Bila hio papuchi haifunguliwi. Hahahahaaaaaaaaa! Waswahili wana raha yao mjue. Nikamtumia kabla. Nikamwambia chagua sehemu. Akasema njoo kwangu nimepanga. Nikaona okay good. Nikaenda na furushi la nyama, mchele, siji nini, ki alteza kilijaa. Bwana weeeeee! Najuuuuuuuta! Kamasi zilinitokaaa! Manake mabafu ya kushea kaenda kuoga yeye kaniambia kaoge. Nikajikaza nikaoga nikarudi kumkuta mtupuuuuuuu kajimwaga kitandani, kavaa shanga zaidi 25. Shanga moja iko pembeni. Hiiiiiiiii! Nikajua labda ataizaaa! Nasikiaga mambo ya visosa nikakion chini na kitambaa, tobaaa, chetezo la udi keshajifukizaa chumba lote udi. Huwaga nina pumu ila siku hio iliponaa! Network ikakataaa, nikaanza kuogopa sasa, maji yamenizidi nguvu. Ile shanga iliokuwa pembeni akataka kunivisha! Nilirukaaaaa! Hahahaaaaaaa! Akanihadaa haaa pale, jaribu tu, haina shida, utaenjoy nakwambia, hii moja tu. Ananibembeleza hivo mara ainame mara anigeuzie wezele, nikasema mmmh, shanga haingati bwanaa nikakubali akanivisha. Kisosa kikavutwa, nasikiaga tu visosa visosa, kikaanza kazi. Yaani dada anashika MIC sijawahi kuonaaaaa! Alimeza mzigo woooote hakuruhus hata mzungu mmoja adongoke chini. Niliishiwa nguvu. Kwenye majambozi katika fore play nikashangaa nanyonywa Tigo
!Nikasema leo shanga nimevishwa kiunoni, tigo inayonywa, hapa naliwa samvu la kopo ananiandaa tu, akimaliza mlango unagongwa kazi kwishaaa!
! Tumbolikaanza kunkataa ghafla! Stimu zote zikakatika. Nikaishiwa nguvu kabisaa. Akastukaa nikamwambia naumwa, akasema ngoja nikakuombee dawa kwa jirani. Alivotoka nilipata ujasiri wa ghafla nilivaa, nikachukua funguo za gari motooo, kigeti chao usawa wa mbuzi nilikiruka acha tu, suruali ilinasa nikaichana. Alisikia tu altezaa imekanyaga mafuta. Duuuuuuuuuu! Niliponea chupuchupu. Kesho ndo kunilaumu mbona umenikimbia, niliku overdose eeh, njoo tena nita down size
. Weeeeeeeee! Nimekomaaaaaa! Ila demu bado mchizi wangu mpaka navoandika hii autobiogrphy sasa sijui akisoma itakuwaje.
Nikataka kustaafu na kuwasamehe wote lakini hapana, kuchanika kwa jamvi sio mwisho wa maongezi. Nikaamua sahivi nachukua watoto Classic tu.
Kipindi hiko we msheni ulikuwa unamshobokea Vindiesel kinomaaa, nikahisi lazima kakupiga miti si buree, lakini nikasema haina makobo lazima nionje na kukufunga kidomo domo hiko! Basi nika ku pm naomba namba yako ukagomaa, uzuri mi nilikusoma kitambo we demu njaa tu, unapenda pesaa mnoo, nikamwambia nipe namba niku vocha, ulivokuw bwe.ge ukatuma hapo hapo! Bishaaaa? Nikasema hii hii nmba nakutongozea, nikakurusha ile vocha, nikarusha tena mara 3. Then nikawa naimbisha tuonne, tuonane ukakataaa, madai unaonana na watu walioenda MMU parties tu, kina Vin D, manina zako. Ukagomaaa kabisa kama nataka kukuona nije kwanza MMU party unione then ndo unipe another date. Nikasema No sweat nagojea MMU party inayofata, nitakuja na nitakuon na kukupiga miti vile vile.
Sasa MMU party ilikuwa november on the mean time ikabidi niwe na project! Nikamchukua mke wa mtu. Nikamuanza PM kama sijui ni nini ama nene. Huyu si mchoyo wa namba kama kawaida, sikutaka kumfuga sanaa. Tukaonana. Basi hakusema kama kaolewa, na kiukweli ni mzuri japo cha mtu mavi nikaona nitanawa tu mikono. Siku ya kwanza tukanywa tu, nikampa 50k ya nauli. Alichat usiku kucha sijui mumewe alikuwa wapi. Next appointment sikutaka kuremba nikamwambia atangulie Grandvilla knyama nakumbuka nililipia $80 mke wa mtu bwna inabidi umle kwenye ulinzi. She is very sweet, japo ana njaa lakini ana kauli nzuri naanajua mwanaume ni nini! Nikaja nikamkuta na khanga moko yuko tayari kwa mechi ya kikubwaa. Nilimlaaa kwa uchungu, ugwadu, hasira, huruma changanya vyote. Alilala fofo foooo! Asubuhi nikadamka kabla yake na sikuacha nauli wala nini. Nikaishiaaaa. Basi akawa ana ni PM why nimfanyia vile, sijui nini, nikamwambia we mbona una mume hukusema? Akawa mdogo, i am sure she still hates me.
Basi nikiwa bado sijasamehe wala kusahau kuna demu mmoja msawahili kinomaa humu ndani. Nikaona nibadilishe ladha, manake nae ana kauli chafu chafu za kiswahili, na ana chamba sanaa, kujitia ujuaji mwingi. Nikaingia mawindoni. Gia yangu ile ile nipe namba nikurushie MPESA.Nikachukua namba nikaanza kumchagizaa, ila nilirusha 20,000. Akajitia mi sitaki mechi za kitoto, nataka mwanaume anayejua mambo! kama mambo hujajui basiii! Mmmmh! Ndo akanizidisha minyege! Akawa kanirushia picha na nini, kiukweli mashallah na mineno yake ile nikasema lazima nimlambe ukijumuisha na mashtaka ya nyuma dhidi yake, no way no day nitamuacha. Nikajitutumua mimi mambo nayaweza, na nini! Na akaniambia wazi kabisa HAKOPESHI, Mkaja wa papuchi sh 50,000 ela ya wembe, pafyumu, nguo, kila kitu. Bila hio papuchi haifunguliwi. Hahahahaaaaaaaaa! Waswahili wana raha yao mjue. Nikamtumia kabla. Nikamwambia chagua sehemu. Akasema njoo kwangu nimepanga. Nikaona okay good. Nikaenda na furushi la nyama, mchele, siji nini, ki alteza kilijaa. Bwana weeeeee! Najuuuuuuuta! Kamasi zilinitokaaa! Manake mabafu ya kushea kaenda kuoga yeye kaniambia kaoge. Nikajikaza nikaoga nikarudi kumkuta mtupuuuuuuu kajimwaga kitandani, kavaa shanga zaidi 25. Shanga moja iko pembeni. Hiiiiiiiii! Nikajua labda ataizaaa! Nasikiaga mambo ya visosa nikakion chini na kitambaa, tobaaa, chetezo la udi keshajifukizaa chumba lote udi. Huwaga nina pumu ila siku hio iliponaa! Network ikakataaa, nikaanza kuogopa sasa, maji yamenizidi nguvu. Ile shanga iliokuwa pembeni akataka kunivisha! Nilirukaaaaa! Hahahaaaaaaa! Akanihadaa haaa pale, jaribu tu, haina shida, utaenjoy nakwambia, hii moja tu. Ananibembeleza hivo mara ainame mara anigeuzie wezele, nikasema mmmh, shanga haingati bwanaa nikakubali akanivisha. Kisosa kikavutwa, nasikiaga tu visosa visosa, kikaanza kazi. Yaani dada anashika MIC sijawahi kuonaaaaa! Alimeza mzigo woooote hakuruhus hata mzungu mmoja adongoke chini. Niliishiwa nguvu. Kwenye majambozi katika fore play nikashangaa nanyonywa Tigo
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY CONTINUES!!!!!!!!!!
Ile list yangu sasa ikawa imeanza kunitshaaaa, manake kuna mi cyborg ya hatari, last time was close, nikaona sasa niwe nafanya background check, ule ushanga mmoja mpaka leo ninao kwangu huku ukumbusho! Basi nikajua background check nitaipata kwa MABAZAZI, manake wale ndo wanajua watoto wote wakali humu ndani, nani kaliwa sanaa, nani hajaliwa, wanajua. Nikaanza nao urafiki, kama mjuavyo wanaume urafiki huhitaji kutuma barua ya maombi. Basi katika jamvini kuna new fish on the river. Nakiri huyu hakuwepo kwenye mashtaka yangu ya nyuma, lakini mimi ni mwanaume kamili, sio joka lakibisa, nilivoona kila mtu anamtaka niksema atakuwa wa haja, ngoja niunge trella. Basi kalikuwa kanajidai nin degree sijui nini. Nikasema hapa hapa. Sasa akawa kamtumia picha bazazi moja hivi, likawa linanidolishia nikaiona whatsup nikashika namba. Tulivoachana nika mtext. Kiukweli ka cute si uongo, afu kateke teka bado, just the way i like them. Nikamwambia mimi mwana JF basi ndokuhoboka, nani, niambie nani? Nikaona kanapenda mastaa! Nikasema nikataka kumwambia mi The Boss, lakini nikajikuta tu nasema mimi Watu 8, the imposturee. Basi kipindi hiko Lara 1 anamsifia watu 8 hatariiii. Basi ananiuliza so kweli you are hot kama wanavosema kina Lara, those girls lazima wakutaje, haiishi siku. Namwambia why dont you find out for yourself?. Basi kakapagawaaa! Alivompanaa akaenda kuwauliza watu walioenda party huyu watu 8 yukoje? Akapata positive review, nitumie pichaa, nikamtumia yangu, akadataaa. Nacho shukuru Mungu ni watu 8 kafunga PM so there is no way ange m PM na kujua mimi ni imposture. Basi nikakatoa out, kamelgeaaa, nikasema hii hailali wala simpeleki home, nachukua room hapa hapa. Tumekunywa nikamwambia tuamie chumbani, akakubali, kazi ikaisha. Sema mambo hakajui wala nini masharti kibaoo, sishiki MIC, sijui nini. Aaaarggh! Kesho kani text Bae! WTF! Nikakaptezea mdogo mdogo. Nikamuuliza yule mchizi ile kazi ushaifanya? Yani kashamla yule demu? Mchizi akajibu kwa masikitiko kaniambia hawezi kukutuna coz yuko comitted na watu8 they are dating in a serious relationship! Hahahahaaaaaaaa!
! Nikasema watu8 eeeeh? Wachaaaaa! huyu watu8 mshenzi kweliii, kakuzibia rizki! Akasema ndo hivoo. Watu 8 nisamehe kwa yote, na bi dada it wasnt wasnt the real watu8 it was me the silent killer, the imposture! Ila kiukweli haikuwa uungwana kufunga goli kwa mkono kama Pele.
Ile list yangu sasa ikawa imeanza kunitshaaaa, manake kuna mi cyborg ya hatari, last time was close, nikaona sasa niwe nafanya background check, ule ushanga mmoja mpaka leo ninao kwangu huku ukumbusho! Basi nikajua background check nitaipata kwa MABAZAZI, manake wale ndo wanajua watoto wote wakali humu ndani, nani kaliwa sanaa, nani hajaliwa, wanajua. Nikaanza nao urafiki, kama mjuavyo wanaume urafiki huhitaji kutuma barua ya maombi. Basi katika jamvini kuna new fish on the river. Nakiri huyu hakuwepo kwenye mashtaka yangu ya nyuma, lakini mimi ni mwanaume kamili, sio joka lakibisa, nilivoona kila mtu anamtaka niksema atakuwa wa haja, ngoja niunge trella. Basi kalikuwa kanajidai nin degree sijui nini. Nikasema hapa hapa. Sasa akawa kamtumia picha bazazi moja hivi, likawa linanidolishia nikaiona whatsup nikashika namba. Tulivoachana nika mtext. Kiukweli ka cute si uongo, afu kateke teka bado, just the way i like them. Nikamwambia mimi mwana JF basi ndokuhoboka, nani, niambie nani? Nikaona kanapenda mastaa! Nikasema nikataka kumwambia mi The Boss, lakini nikajikuta tu nasema mimi Watu 8, the imposturee. Basi kipindi hiko Lara 1 anamsifia watu 8 hatariiii. Basi ananiuliza so kweli you are hot kama wanavosema kina Lara, those girls lazima wakutaje, haiishi siku. Namwambia why dont you find out for yourself?. Basi kakapagawaaa! Alivompanaa akaenda kuwauliza watu walioenda party huyu watu 8 yukoje? Akapata positive review, nitumie pichaa, nikamtumia yangu, akadataaa. Nacho shukuru Mungu ni watu 8 kafunga PM so there is no way ange m PM na kujua mimi ni imposture. Basi nikakatoa out, kamelgeaaa, nikasema hii hailali wala simpeleki home, nachukua room hapa hapa. Tumekunywa nikamwambia tuamie chumbani, akakubali, kazi ikaisha. Sema mambo hakajui wala nini masharti kibaoo, sishiki MIC, sijui nini. Aaaarggh! Kesho kani text Bae! WTF! Nikakaptezea mdogo mdogo. Nikamuuliza yule mchizi ile kazi ushaifanya? Yani kashamla yule demu? Mchizi akajibu kwa masikitiko kaniambia hawezi kukutuna coz yuko comitted na watu8 they are dating in a serious relationship! Hahahahaaaaaaaa!
IMEENDELEA POST NUMBER 65! 76! 109, 303, 502, 551, 659, 801. THE END IMEFIKIA 801.
MAMBO YANAZIDI KUWA SI MAMBO!!!!!!!!! ILE OFA YA KUANDIKA MEMOIR YA MHANGA YEYOTE WA SILENT KILLER IMEZUA JAMBOOOO ZITOOOOOO! WATU HAWAJAPENDEZWA KWANINI SILENT KILLER AWA OVETHROW TEAM BAZAZI IN A DAY KWA KI AUTOBIOGRAPHY, SASA HIVI HE IS THE WORST OF THE WORST IN MMU.
SASA BASI KATOKEA A LADY ANAJIITA THE MMU LADY COLLECTOR OF ORGASMS!!!!!!!!!!!! ANADAI HER STORY/ TESTIMONY IS BIGGER THAN A MEMOIR! SHE TOO DESERVES AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!! SHE WANTS TO DISH ALL THE DIRTY NOT ONLY ON SILENT KILLER BUT ENTIRE MMU MEN COMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!! SHE PROMISES TO GO EVEN NASTIER THAN THE SILENT KILLER AND GRAB ALL MEN BY THE BALLS IN THIS HER AUTOBIOGRAPHY. THIS NA BE GIST OF THE CENTURY OOOOOOOOOOH! CHINEKEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hulalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! MEN YOU ARE GOING DOWN! First nikamuuliza i wanted BIG NAMES, akasemashe has plenty in it. second it has to shock me first and i aint easily shocked. Thirdly tunapiga kura
DOES THE MMU LADY COLLECTOR OF ORGASMS DESERVE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OR DOES SHE NOT TUMPOTEZEE TU, NA KUMUACHA SILENT KILLER ON THE THRONE?
LADY COLLECTOR OF ORGASMS SAA 4 KAMILI USIKU WA LEO. DONT MISS!
