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Ordering Pizza

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Pianist, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Pianist

    Pianist JF-Expert Member

    Apr 15, 2012
    Joined: Nov 7, 2010
    Messages: 596
    Likes Received: 43
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    Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?
    Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.
    Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
    Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.
    Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is
    sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?
    Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?
    Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
    Custo mer: The HSS, what is that?
    Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
    Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All Meat Special pizzas.
    Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
    Customer: Whaddya mean?
    Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
    Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?
    Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza.I'm sure you'll like it.
    Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
    Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
    Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then
    Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.
    Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
    Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.
    Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.
    Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.
    Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?
    Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.
    Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
    Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.
    Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#
    Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2005, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
    Customer: (speechless)
    Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
    Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.
    Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.