Naomba Ushauri

3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. - to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. Then the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife.

4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility, b) Share common interests, c) Share common life goal. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate.
Two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose
and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce

6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection to evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" A Mercedes impresses us. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "! Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you
don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I
feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself
and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!
Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need
to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person
will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions
openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit.

8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the
table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought
up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape
from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single,
you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix
personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.

10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage.


Many people are struggling because they have not used what God has given them. God gives you an acorn, you invest it and it will become a tree! Stop praying for trees while acorns are lying all over the ground. God answered your prayer for the tree when he sent you the acorn.

Ahsanteni kwa wale wote waliojitoa kunipa ushauri na mambo mengine ya ziada nimeshukuru sana kwa kweli , lingekuwa ni shindano ningesema wote waliochangia ni washindi na kwa hakika ni washindi wagawane zawadi hiyo moja tu ya shukururani .

Zaidi ya yote leo nilikutana na kijana mmoja ambaye wakati najuana na huyu dada aliwahi kuniona nae enzi hizo , akaniambia niwe nae mbali sana sikumsikiliza nilijua ni kijana mwenzangu labda anataka kuniingilia anichukulie ndege wangu nay eye sasa ananishangaa vipi imekuwaje ? alifikiri mimi ni mpita njia pale .

Hii yote ni tisa kumi itakuwa ninapofika nyumbani mama yangu aliniambia niwe makini sana na huyu dada anaonekana mjanja sana na ni mtu mzima , lakini nikiangalia CV yake mbona naona umri wake unalingana na mimi ? .

Lakini nilishangazwa na jinsi anavyojuana na wasichana wengine ambapo anasema aliwahi kusoma nao , wasichana hawa wana umri kuanzia 28 mpaka 30 haya yote ndio ninayakumbuka sasa hivi baada ya kuomba ushauri kwa watu mbali mbali .

Sasa hivi najisikia ni mtu wa kawaida tu , siku zilizopita nilikuwa na ratiba kila siku jioni lazima nipeleke hela ya matumizi kwa ajili ya kesho yake , pia hela ya mchezo na hela kidogo ya bia au niende nae bar si unajua vijana ?

Kuna wakati tuliwahi kufululiza miezi 2 kila jioni kuonana nae bar , yeye ni mtu wa pombe mimi sio pombe napenda kunywa maziwa na vinjywaji vingine vya baridi na ndio yalikuwa maisha yetu hayo na mipango yetu .

Najua kuna watu walimpigia simu kumwambia kwamba nimeomba ushauri katika mtandao nay eye kuniuliza ikabidi nimwambie ukweli tu na kumwambia aone au aangalie jinsi watu wanavyojibu na kuelezea maovu yake

Kwa kweli watu wa aina hii hatuna budi kuwaacha waendelee kuumiza mioyo yetu na hisia zetu lazima tuwaweke wazi kama vile tunavyowaweka wazi viongozi wetu wa serikali na kijamii

Hawa ndio baadaye wanakuja kuwa mawaziri halafu wanafanya utumbo unajiuliza utumbo ameanzia au kujifunzia wapi ? ni tokea utoto alikuwa hivi na ataendelea kuwa hivi

Tusipowaweka katika ramani tujue huko mbeleni tutawapa kura zetu , tutawachagua waongoze watoto na jamaa zetu wengine katika sekta nyeti na muhimu ije kuwa tabu .

Ndio namalizia hapa ila sipendi kufanya ishu hii ijenge uadui au kutokuelewana mapenzi tuweke pembeni tukiwa kazini na katika masuala mengine pia mambo ya nyumbani tuache majumbani mwetu tukiwa makazini tuongelee masuala ya kazi na kushirikiana kwa moyo mmoja tuelewane .

Na ndio napenda aina hii ya maisha ambapo tunatofautisha mahusiano ya nyumbani na makazini .

Sasa hivi najisikia ni mtu wa kawaida tu , siku zilizopita nilikuwa na ratiba kila siku jioni lazima nipeleke hela ya matumizi kwa ajili ya kesho yake , pia hela ya mchezo na hela kidogo ya bia au niende nae bar si unajua vijana ?

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Shy, ama kweli wewe haukuwa mtu wa kawaida kama uliweza fanya yote hayo nje ya ndoa. Ni vizuri sana kama unavyosema kuwa umeweza kujirudi na kuwa mtu wa kawaida hivi sasa. Pole na mikasa ya maisha.


BowBow, you ought change ya name to DR.LOVE.... lol

SteveD.

Pole sana kwa huo mtihan uliokupata,ushaur wangu ni kua dunia sasa imeharibika sana na masuala ya mapenz yanataka uwe care sana, kama kwel unampenda mshaur mfunge ndoa, na kama ukiona hataki bac tulia, na kua na subira, utampata atakayejua thaman yako na mtapendana na c kutapeliana.Ndo ushaur wangu kwako.

Mapenzi hayatakiwi kuuma!!!

sikiliza moyo wako,hakuna lisilowezekana kwa MUNGU,anaweza akabadilika,ila kuwa mwangalifu sana.