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Marriages that work........................

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Rutashubanyuma, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. Rutashubanyuma

    Rutashubanyuma JF-Expert Member

    Feb 9, 2011
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    Marriages that work

    [​IMG] Photos | Hezron Njoroge
    By BILLY MUIRURIPosted Saturday, February 5 2011 at 18:00

    In Summary

    • “A couple narrows down to the 10 most important things that everyone in a relationship needs to do in order to nurture a lasting marriage.”

    In a world with different and unique tastes, preferences and personalities, are there things that can be termed as uniform needs for both men and women at the relationship level?

    One woman may not accept a certain weakness in a man while another will not be bothered. The other side of the coin is also true—one man may not stomach a certain woman’s personality traits while another will embrace it and love her even more for it.

    No wonder many women who are looking for love and who have habitually failed to nail their exact match wonder exactly what men want in a woman? Men, on the other hand, after failing to get the woman of their dreams will always wonder what they could be doing wrong.

    These are some of the questions that find answers in ‘What Every Woman Wants in a Man and What Every Man Wants in a Woman’, a book by John Hagee and Diana, his wife of more than 30 years. Pastor Hagee is a senior pastor of the Cornerstone Church, a non-denominational evangelical Church in Texas, in the US.

    The couple, which runs the John Hagee Ministry which telecasts in America on about 160 television channels and 50 radio stations, draw their “list of needs” from extensive interviews of ordinary couples seeking their counsel.

    “I want this book to help you make things right,” Diana notes in her introductory remarks.

    Although some of the views in this book were first published five years ago and revised three years later, the latest edition captures a more modern approach to love, before and after a relationship comes into being.

    The more interesting bit is Diana’s account that narrows down to the top 10 qualities a man can adopt to nurture intimacy. John’s address espouses what women can do to grow deeper in love with the men in their lives.

    The women’s perspective

    One of the greatest mistakes people make in their lives is to get married with low preparation and high expectations.

    Diana’s views start with an acknowledgement that women’s needs are affected by age. For example, she thinks a woman in her 20s may be obsessed with a financially-stable or romantic man while the one in her 40s may need emotional intimacy more and a keener ear.

    Findings from her surveys rated faithfulness, communication, romance, honesty and a means to provide for the family highly as just some of women’s greatest needs.

    “A faithful man is steadfast in affection, allegiance or loyalty,” she writes. However, one of Diana’s hypotheses is that not all men who commit adultery have suffered from wives who do not fulfill their sexual or emotional needs. “We are in a world where casual there’s a casual attitude towards marriage and ‘vows’ no longer count for much,” she explains.

    Diana lays bare what she calls rules of communication. Among these are a thought on the consequences of a husband’s utterances today or in future and timing. Quality as opposed to quantity also matters here.

    Have you heard of women always looking for a husband who is financially stable? Do not blame them. Diana confirms that one reason women find value in a man is his ability to care for the family, and of course, this does not include being fed or kept by the woman of the house.

    Ability to provide and take interest in the welfare of the family is closely intertwined with the need for a man to be a family man.

    Further, these two interlock with the aspect of leadership.

    Diana explains that these qualities hugely originate from how mature a man is. “Marriage is for grown-ups. Developmental disturbances often bring grief and trouble for any marriage,” she asserts.

    How often do we hear women who prefer men with a sense of humour? The author jokes that this has little to do with having a comedian for a husband. This is basically a person easy to work with, relate with and one who creates a happy environment around him and the home.

    No one wants a relationship where there is no laughter, she argues. In her view, people come together to make each other happy, not to be a source of grief.

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  2. Rutashubanyuma

    Rutashubanyuma JF-Expert Member

    Feb 9, 2011
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     In Summary
    "A couple narrows down to the 10 most important things that everyone in a relationship needs to do in order to nurture a lasting marriage." 
    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............................easier said than done in a practical sense..................
  3. Gaga

    Gaga JF-Expert Member

    Feb 9, 2011
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    Imetulia sana asante mkuu
  4. Rutashubanyuma

    Rutashubanyuma JF-Expert Member

    Feb 9, 2011
    Joined: Sep 24, 2010
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    Imetulia sana asante mkuu
    noted with appreciation.............................
  5. Maria Roza

    Maria Roza JF-Expert Member

    Feb 9, 2011
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    Maandika mazuri ubarikiwe Ruta