Kwa nini inatokea.... na Tufanyeje Kuyaepuka?

[Tized]

Wakuu salaam.

Nimekua nikitatizwa sana na experience za maisha zaidi sana juu ya kupenda.

Mara nyingi ikitokea mmoja kati ya wawili kampenda na kumuonesha mwenzake upendo wa hali ya juu, upande wa pili huwa kuna kubweteka au kuzorota kwa response kwa mwenzake baada ya muda. (Kuchukulia mazoea au kiburi kuwa huyu kwangu kafika so naweza kuwa vyovyote ntakavyo)

Na kadiri mmoja anajitahidi kuongeza mapenzi ndio upande wa pili unazidi kurespond negatively na kadiri mmoja anavyorespond negatively, mwenzake atazidi kuongeza juhudi kuonesha upendo wake
(uhusiano wa mwanaume na mwanamke, wazazi na watoto, mtu na mtu i.e marafiki wa kawaida etc. kwa leo naomba tuzungumzie uhusiano wa kimapenzi kati ya Mwanamke na Mwanaume)

Najiuliza.
1.Je? kupenda kuna inverse relationship (negative correlation –when 1 goes up, the other goes down and vsv)
2.Je? mtu akijua anapendwa sana hupata kiburi kwa kuamua au anajikuta katika hali hiyo?
3. Ili kuondoa hii hali kila mmoja awe mguu moja ndani mmoja nje ili kupunguza kubweteka? kama inaweza saidia, Vipi wanandoa?
4.Je? tunakosa shukrani (appreciation) tunapopendwa na kujaliwa na wenzetu? au tunashindwa kutambua uthamani wa kupendwa?

NB:Kuna mwanasaikologia mmoja amewahi kusema ‘’The one who loves the most suffers the most, and the one who loves the least Controls the relationship’’ How valid is this statement with respect to our relationships?

Naomba kuasilisha.
Tized.

 

[Tetra]

::
Tized
"Nilipenda sana lakini nadhani nilikosea kupenda Maana hakustahili heshima hiyo...Now I will love but I won't show it"
by Tetra
=

 

[Open-Minded]

Mimi naona bora kufuata ule ushauri wa mtu kutotabirika yaani iwe ngumu mwenzako kukudefine labda inaweza saidia.

 

[Tized]

Pole dia, Sasa huoni kuwa utajinyima uhuru wako kwa kuonesha hisia zako kwa utakayempenda? Hakuna namna nyingine labda ya kurekebisha hii hali tofauti na kutokuonesha upendo wako jamani?, Labda huoni pia utakuwa humtendei haki huyo ajaye? Hahaaa! LoL!!

::
Tized
"Nilipenda sana lakini nadhani nilikosea kupenda Maana hakustahili heshima hiyo...Now I will love but I won't show it"
by Tetra
=

 

[Tetra]

Pole dia, Sasa huoni kuwa utajinyima uhuru wako kwa kuonesha hisia zako kwa utakayempenda? Hakuna namna nyingine labda ya kurekebisha hii hali tofauti na kutokuonesha upendo wako jamani?, Labda huoni pia utakuwa humtendei haki huyo ajaye? Hahaaa! LoL!!

::
Kwanza hayupo,,ndo maana msimamo sitabadili
Nitakupenda lakini sitakuonesha.
=

 

[Tized]

Mkuu, unaamua kutotabirika au unajifunza kutotabirika? maana nadhani kutotabirika kunahusisha kufikiri kwa hali ya juu, kuwa ahead ya mwenzako kifikra ili kupindisha imani ya uelekeo wa fikra zake juu yako(na sio kutumia uwongo), how viable is kwa kizazi chetu kisichopenda maarifa, chenye uvivu kufikiri? kizazi cha mkumbo?, kizazi ambacho ukitoa changamoto unaonekana complicated? simplified generation.

Mimi naona bora kufuata ule ushauri wa mtu kutotabirika yaani iwe ngumu mwenzako kukudefine labda inaweza saidia.

 

[Kaunga]

Tized umewaza kitu ambacho nami kimekuwa kinanitatiza. Hata hii concept ya Zombie ni kutokana na mmoja kumpenda mwingine na mwingine kuto-appreciate mapenzi ya mwingine.

 

[Open-Minded]

Mkuu, unaamua kutotabirika au unajifunza kutotabirika? maana nadhani kutotabirika kunahusisha kufikiri kwa hali ya juu, kuwa ahead ya mwenzako kifikra ili kupindisha imani ya uelekeo wa fikra zake juu yako(na sio kutumia uwongo), how viable is kwa kizazi chetu kisichopenda maarifa, chenye uvivu kufikiri? kizazi cha mkumbo?, kizazi ambacho ukitoa changamoto unaonekana complicated? simplified generation.

ni kweli kizazi hiki ni simplified lakini lazima tujifunze kitu hasa individually kutokana na yale yanayotokea, so kutotabirika kutahusisha kufikiria kwa hali ya juu na lazima ufikirie beyond your partner ili isifikie yeye akagundua kwamba ww ni wa aina fulani.

 

[Tized]

Asante na Karibu dada Kaunga, sasa tunatokaje tokaje hapa, ambao wamo tayari na sisi tulio njiani kuingia humo. Mkuu Open-Minded ame-sugest tujifunze kutokutabirika kwa wenzi wetu i.e full of suprises angalao itapunguza kubweteka kwa kiasi chake. what is your take on this? LoL!

Tized umewaza kitu ambacho nami kimekuwa kinanitatiza. Hata hii concept ya Zombie ni kutokana na mmoja kumpenda mwingine na mwingine kuto-appreciate mapenzi ya mwingine.

 

[Tized]

....to change this lonely life,
I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is, i know you can show me *2... By julio E.

Hahaa, Nadhani huu utakuwa wimbo wake wa kwanza kukuimbia huyo ajeye.

::
Kwanza hayupo,,ndo maana msimamo sitabadili
Nitakupenda lakini sitakuonesha.
=

 

[Tetra]

....to change this lonely life,
I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is, i know you can show me *2... By julio E.

Hahaa, Nadhani huu utakuwa wimbo wake wa kwanza kukuimbia huyo ajeye.

::
Tized
Umewahi kutendwa?
=

 

[MtamaMchungu]

You couldn't be more right ndugu. Sijui kwa nini inatokea hivi, mabinti wengi ambao I didn't care about , walinipenda kweli kweli, mpaka kero endless phone calls etc etc. Nikaja kupata niliyempenda mimi, tabu nilizopata anajua Mungu.

It's like the more you try to pull her closer, the far away she goes : the further she goes, the harder you try. Ni vicious cycle ambayo most likely will leave someone heart broken.

It defies logic but the best way to handle this is by not showing too much love to the person that you love too much , if that is doable or not, it should be another day discussion .

 

[Tized]

Japo kachumvi kenyewe ambacho nimeshakula ni kadogo lakini yameshanikuta once. lakini kila nikijitafakari naona bora yalinikuta. yamenijenga na kuniimarisha sana. It worth it! now why??

:: Tized Umewahi kutendwa? =

 

[Tized]

Mkuu asante kwa sharing. pia point ya not showing too much, I think finding a good balance itasaidia sana. Umenikumbusha wakati nasoma physics o-level juu ya nguvu ya uvutano, ukiweka sumaku mbili kwa pande zinazofanana hukimbiana (N to N or S to S) ila ukizitofautisha zinakimbiliana fasta (N to S of S to N) I think it applies to relationships (less iterest atracts, much interest expels)

You couldn't be more right ndugu. Sijui kwa nini inatokea hivi, mabinti wengi ambao I didn't care about , walinipenda kweli kweli, mpaka kero endless phone calls etc etc. Nikaja kupata niliyempenda mimi, tabu nilizopata anajua Mungu. It's like the more you try to pull her closer, the far away she goes : the further she goes, the harder you try. Ni vicious cycle ambayo most likely will leave someone heart broken. It defies logic but the best way to handle this is by not showing too much love to the person that you love too much , if that is doable or not, it should be another day discussion .

 

[neggirl]

.. Nakubaliana na baadhi ya maelezo yako..

Bora kupenda kizushi zushi .. Ili kulinda moyo wako kuumizwa. . . (Biashara ya kumpenda mtu.. Mpaka unahisi kama akiwa hayupo una kufa hailipi kabisaaaa).

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using JamiiForums

 

[Bra-joe]

Kuna usemi usemao: "kuzidi kwa kitu chochote kuna madhara" unapozidisha/kumpenda sana mwenzako kwake hugeuka kero, kama imetokea umempenda sana mwenzako jaribu kujifanya hupatikani kirahisi na wakati mwingine uwe unambishia/katalia matakwa yake (kuzuga) ili akiwa na wewe naye ajisikie kama zali kukupata, lkn ukijiachia kwake kwa100% atakuzingua mpaka ujute kumpenda.

 

[Kaunga]

Aisee, mapenzi ni kizungumkuti bado sijafanikiwa kukitengua. Sishauri kutegeana, coz mwisho wa siku mapenzi yatakuwa karaha zaidi. In as much as ni ngumu kujifunza kumpenda mtu, ni bora ukajaribu kumpenda yule anayekupenda sana; kuliko kung'ang'ania kwa anayekuzingua. Huwezi mbadilisha lkn waweza jibadilisha wewe.
Na pia sio fair kumfanyia visa anayekupenda kwa dhati, jiweke kwenye viatu vyake, surely hungependa mwingine akufanyie unayomfanyia. Let's not take them for granted coz wakiondoka na sisi yakitikuta ndipo tunapotambua thamani yao.
Kupenda nusu nusu au kutoonesha hisia ni kujikatili mwenyewe, love is a beautiful feeling na ukiiexpress unajisikia vizuri kuliko kujibania au kuishi kimachale machale.

Asante na Karibu dada Kaunga, sasa tunatokaje tokaje hapa, ambao wamo tayari na sisi tulio njiani kuingia humo. Mkuu Open-Minded ame-sugest tujifunze kutokutabirika kwa wenzi wetu i.e full of suprises angalao itapunguza kubweteka kwa kiasi chake. what is your take on this? LoL!

 

[Tized]

Sante Kaunga, you have got great wisdom kwa kweli.
CC Tetra (FYI & A)

Aisee, mapenzi ni kizungumkuti bado sijafanikiwa kukitengua. Sishauri kutegeana, coz mwisho wa siku mapenzi yatakuwa karaha zaidi. In as much as ni ngumu kujifunza kumpenda mtu, ni bora ukajaribu kumpenda yule anayekupenda sana; kuliko kung'ang'ania kwa anayekuzingua. Huwezi mbadilisha lkn waweza jibadilisha wewe.
Na pia sio fair kumfanyia visa anayekupenda kwa dhati, jiweke kwenye viatu vyake, surely hungependa mwingine akufanyie unayomfanyia. Let's not take them for granted coz wakiondoka na sisi yakitikuta ndipo tunapotambua thamani yao.
Kupenda nusu nusu au kutoonesha hisia ni kujikatili mwenyewe, love is a beautiful feeling na ukiiexpress unajisikia vizuri kuliko kujibania au kuishi kimachale machale.

 

[Elizabeth Dominic]

Nafikiri nitafail no matter how much i try kudisguise how i feel. Kwangu you can easily see jinsi nikipenda nisipoweza kuficha hisia, mapenzi kwangu ni gamble hakuna uhakika na sijui kama hisia zikiwa controlled kama kuna chochote kizuri kitatokea.
Lakini najifunza......

 

[Kaunga]

Nafikiri nitafail no matter how much i try kudisguise how i feel. Kwangu you can easily see jinsi nikipenda nisipoweza kuficha hisia, mapenzi kwangu ni gamble hakuna uhakika na sijui kama hisia zikiwa controlled kama kuna chochote kizuri kitatokea.
Lakini najifunza......

Mwenyewe nishakubali defeat long time ago, ninachoomba ni kumpata mtu ambaye hatabreak this delicate heart of mine baaaasi!