JOYSTICK
JF-Expert Member
- May 6, 2014
- 221
- 55
Goodmorning wapendwa. Hope wote mko vizuri asubuhi hii.Katika pitia pitia zangu za mitandao na vitu kama hivo nmekumbana na hii article ambayo nimeona sio mbaya kushare na nyinyi kwa imani kuwa mtajifunza kitu na vitu flani kwenye ulimwengu huu wa mitandao ya kijamii.
Ingawa imeandikwa kwa lugha ngeni,tafuta tu mtu wa jirani akutafsirie.Imeandikwa na Cynthia Kimola kwenye mtandao wa gazeti la The Star la nchi jirani.
Cecilia had to start over again. A new Facebook page, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Why? Because she had not seen how much her social media life was intertwined with her ex-boyfriend's.
She had just broken up with Zach, her boyfriend of two years, and every time she logged into her social media accounts, she would be reminded of him. As a couple, they had a powerful online presence.
You know how couples get, they fall in love hard, spend a lot of time together and document every second. They archived everything. The first kiss, their first road trip together, pictures of them acting silly at a bar, bikini pictures at the beach, and all the cut throat lovey dovey stuff.All was posted and justified in the name of "love".
Tonnes of mushy messages were shared on each other's wall. A lot of relfies (relationship selfies) were posted and everyone knew they were happily in a relationship together.
All justifiable – but when they broke up is when she realised just how much 'damage' they had done when they publicised the relationship online. She wanted to start over, but even finding a picture where she was alone was a problem.She had taken numerous pictures with him.
They had overdone it. She decided to close her accounts to recover herself. She felt she had lost her identity. If she was to heal from the breakup she had to disconnect. She didn't even hesitate when she clicked delete.
Cecilia's problem emanated from over-sharing. Social media is a wonderful communication tool, but it can throw you and your relationship into murky waters if used incorrectly.
As much as you may want to archive the time spent with that special someone on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Vine, be sure to avoid making mistakes that can throw your relationship into the danger zone.
You need to practise some online relationship etiquette that can help you steer clear of such scenarios.I love you, but let's do it offline.
1. Limit PODA (Public Online Displays of Affection)
A survey, by dating website match.com in the UK, revealed that one in three people say they would rather not see people call their other halves by their pet names on social networking sites.
It also found that people than ever are using their computers to document their relationships.There's nothing wrong with letting your close friends know you're happy, but it's important to keep in mind who you're sharing it with.
Some things should be kept a secret, to be shared just between the two of you. You have to keep the intimate details intimate, and if you can't, it's important to respect those boundaries.
Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, reminds us that posting about your relationship online without your partner's consent is inconsiderate. You need to make sure your partner is on board with online mushiness.
But even if your guy is okay with you posting endless photos and statuses about him, that doesn't necessarily mean you should. "Part of the joy of a relationship is the secret world you inhabit," Durvasula says. "So keep some of it secret."
2. Don't exchange passwords
In a 2011 survey by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, it found that 30 per cent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. It also found that girls were almost twice as likely as boys to share.
This practice is also very popular in Kenya. A researcher in the study said that in this digital era it is a sign of trust and devotion when a couple knows each other's password.
"It has become fashionable for young people to express their affection for each other by sharing their passwords to e-mail, Facebook and other accounts. Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes even create identical passwords, and let each other read their private e-mails and texts."Ann, 23, met her boyfriend while in university, and she's a victim of this trend.
"We weren't thinking about worst case scenarios at the time. All we knew was that we were in love, and by creating identical passwords for our accounts we were being transparent with each other.
When I broke up with him, he went and did the unthinkable. Since he knew my password, he logged in, changed it and then started posting nasty things on my status and in boxed some things I had told him about my close friends to them.He even wrote malicious stuff on their walls. It was humiliating because it all appeared in my name.
I had to do a lot of explaining to my family and friends."Sharing passwords should be generally discouraged because it involves vulnerability. You should learn to keep boundaries and leave some semblance of privacy for yourself.
3. Avoid taking nude photos
The excitement may carry you over, and promises of the pictures not being posted anywhere, or will be deleted as soon as they are taken may convince you take risqué photos for your partner.
But this is dangerous. Sending nude pictures of each other on private messaging apps is also very dangerous, and, if possible, should not even be considered. Brian, a 25-year-old chef, says that it's even more dangerous to do it via Whatsapp because the pictures end up being shared on group messages. "There's this dude who keeps sending racy pictures of his girlfriend on our Whatsapp group.
I don't know why he does it, but the thought that your picture can be shared should deter ladies from sending their indecent photos. People can have ulterior motives.
It's not safe."You should ask yourself some critical questions before making this move. What happens to your pictures once the two of you are no more?
How sure are you that your pictures won't be shared?In the US, angry exes post pictures on revenge porn sites that feature explicit photos posted by ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and ex-lovers. They are often accompanied by derogatory descriptions and identifying details, like where the women live and work, as well as links to their Facebook pages.
Stalking, threats and violence have been reported by some victims of the site. Unluckily, these sites are largely immune to criminal pursuit.
4. Be cautious when interacting with the ex
This is a personal decision and varies from one person to another. Some people don't mind having pictures of them and their exes up while others delete old online mementos of past relationships as soon as they call it quits.
Is there any harm in accepting the request years after the breakup? Yes, says Kennedy, because you don't know what the person on the other end of that friend request is thinking. "I had an ex who was not over me years after we broke up.
She had removed me as a friend, and when I re-accepted her, she started writing inappropriate things on my wall, tagging me in old photos and this drove a wedge in my current relationship. She was also kind of psycho if I think about it.
"These are just some of the things you should consider when you are in a relationship because one wrong move could cost you your relationship and tarnish your online reputation. Don't lose yourself so much in the relationship that you irrationally post things that could otherwise be kept between you and your spouse.
Always think of the worst case scenario before you click.Remember the web doesn't forget, and the decisions you make online could eventually spill over to our offline lives. Once a mistake or failure has made its way to the digital world, it stays there, and is distributed in the wink of an eye.
Ingawa imeandikwa kwa lugha ngeni,tafuta tu mtu wa jirani akutafsirie.Imeandikwa na Cynthia Kimola kwenye mtandao wa gazeti la The Star la nchi jirani.
Cecilia had to start over again. A new Facebook page, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Why? Because she had not seen how much her social media life was intertwined with her ex-boyfriend's.
She had just broken up with Zach, her boyfriend of two years, and every time she logged into her social media accounts, she would be reminded of him. As a couple, they had a powerful online presence.
You know how couples get, they fall in love hard, spend a lot of time together and document every second. They archived everything. The first kiss, their first road trip together, pictures of them acting silly at a bar, bikini pictures at the beach, and all the cut throat lovey dovey stuff.All was posted and justified in the name of "love".
Tonnes of mushy messages were shared on each other's wall. A lot of relfies (relationship selfies) were posted and everyone knew they were happily in a relationship together.
All justifiable – but when they broke up is when she realised just how much 'damage' they had done when they publicised the relationship online. She wanted to start over, but even finding a picture where she was alone was a problem.She had taken numerous pictures with him.
They had overdone it. She decided to close her accounts to recover herself. She felt she had lost her identity. If she was to heal from the breakup she had to disconnect. She didn't even hesitate when she clicked delete.
Cecilia's problem emanated from over-sharing. Social media is a wonderful communication tool, but it can throw you and your relationship into murky waters if used incorrectly.
As much as you may want to archive the time spent with that special someone on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Vine, be sure to avoid making mistakes that can throw your relationship into the danger zone.
You need to practise some online relationship etiquette that can help you steer clear of such scenarios.I love you, but let's do it offline.
1. Limit PODA (Public Online Displays of Affection)
A survey, by dating website match.com in the UK, revealed that one in three people say they would rather not see people call their other halves by their pet names on social networking sites.
It also found that people than ever are using their computers to document their relationships.There's nothing wrong with letting your close friends know you're happy, but it's important to keep in mind who you're sharing it with.
Some things should be kept a secret, to be shared just between the two of you. You have to keep the intimate details intimate, and if you can't, it's important to respect those boundaries.
Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, reminds us that posting about your relationship online without your partner's consent is inconsiderate. You need to make sure your partner is on board with online mushiness.
But even if your guy is okay with you posting endless photos and statuses about him, that doesn't necessarily mean you should. "Part of the joy of a relationship is the secret world you inhabit," Durvasula says. "So keep some of it secret."
2. Don't exchange passwords
In a 2011 survey by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, it found that 30 per cent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. It also found that girls were almost twice as likely as boys to share.
This practice is also very popular in Kenya. A researcher in the study said that in this digital era it is a sign of trust and devotion when a couple knows each other's password.
"It has become fashionable for young people to express their affection for each other by sharing their passwords to e-mail, Facebook and other accounts. Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes even create identical passwords, and let each other read their private e-mails and texts."Ann, 23, met her boyfriend while in university, and she's a victim of this trend.
"We weren't thinking about worst case scenarios at the time. All we knew was that we were in love, and by creating identical passwords for our accounts we were being transparent with each other.
When I broke up with him, he went and did the unthinkable. Since he knew my password, he logged in, changed it and then started posting nasty things on my status and in boxed some things I had told him about my close friends to them.He even wrote malicious stuff on their walls. It was humiliating because it all appeared in my name.
I had to do a lot of explaining to my family and friends."Sharing passwords should be generally discouraged because it involves vulnerability. You should learn to keep boundaries and leave some semblance of privacy for yourself.
3. Avoid taking nude photos
The excitement may carry you over, and promises of the pictures not being posted anywhere, or will be deleted as soon as they are taken may convince you take risqué photos for your partner.
But this is dangerous. Sending nude pictures of each other on private messaging apps is also very dangerous, and, if possible, should not even be considered. Brian, a 25-year-old chef, says that it's even more dangerous to do it via Whatsapp because the pictures end up being shared on group messages. "There's this dude who keeps sending racy pictures of his girlfriend on our Whatsapp group.
I don't know why he does it, but the thought that your picture can be shared should deter ladies from sending their indecent photos. People can have ulterior motives.
It's not safe."You should ask yourself some critical questions before making this move. What happens to your pictures once the two of you are no more?
How sure are you that your pictures won't be shared?In the US, angry exes post pictures on revenge porn sites that feature explicit photos posted by ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and ex-lovers. They are often accompanied by derogatory descriptions and identifying details, like where the women live and work, as well as links to their Facebook pages.
Stalking, threats and violence have been reported by some victims of the site. Unluckily, these sites are largely immune to criminal pursuit.
4. Be cautious when interacting with the ex
This is a personal decision and varies from one person to another. Some people don't mind having pictures of them and their exes up while others delete old online mementos of past relationships as soon as they call it quits.
Is there any harm in accepting the request years after the breakup? Yes, says Kennedy, because you don't know what the person on the other end of that friend request is thinking. "I had an ex who was not over me years after we broke up.
She had removed me as a friend, and when I re-accepted her, she started writing inappropriate things on my wall, tagging me in old photos and this drove a wedge in my current relationship. She was also kind of psycho if I think about it.
"These are just some of the things you should consider when you are in a relationship because one wrong move could cost you your relationship and tarnish your online reputation. Don't lose yourself so much in the relationship that you irrationally post things that could otherwise be kept between you and your spouse.
Always think of the worst case scenario before you click.Remember the web doesn't forget, and the decisions you make online could eventually spill over to our offline lives. Once a mistake or failure has made its way to the digital world, it stays there, and is distributed in the wink of an eye.
