Casual Conversation: DAE struggle to maintain friendships?

Kiranga said:

Asante Paula.

Ningependa kujifunza kubwa ulilojifunza.

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Kwanza kabisa urafiki haimaanishi ni lazima tuwe na mawasiliano ya mara kwa mara. Kutokuwasiliana na mtu mara kwa mara hapamalizi urafiki.

Pili, kadri umri unavokwenda watu wanapoteza idadi ya marafiki na kujikuta ana watu wa karibu kama coworkers, majirani, wanachuo wenzako, wafanya biashara wenzako.
Unajikuta hawa ndio watu wapo kwenye cycle yako. Na ukaribu wetu utalenga kushirikishana fursa kwa wafanya biashara, kusaidiana kwenye matatizo kwa majirani, discussion na kusaidiana kushirikishana ajira mpya kwa wana vyuo nk.

Lakini pia mtu ukishakuwa umeolewa , unajikuta muda mchache unaoupata unajihusisha kwenye familia yako, mume/mke na watoto.

And lastly, hamna tatizo kutokuwa na marafiki, unaweza kuamua kuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe ila pia kama una nafasi ya kuwa na marafiki hamna tatizo na faida zake ndio kama kushirikishana vitu vya msingi na sio kupiga soga. Na sio lazima kupigiana simu kila saa.

Hayo ndio niliyojifunza kwenye comment yako.

Mnazareth said:

Inaweza kuwa Tatizo na Pia inaweza kuwa si Tatizo,,

Binafsi mara nyingi napenda kuwa mwenyewe......ila kuna muda tunahitaji marafiki wa Kupeana Moyo,Kufarijiana na kufurahia Maisha pamoja sasa kwa Tabia yetu hii kuna muda inatugharimu sana..

Watu wanaweza Kutuona kama ni watu tusiotanga ukaribu na wengine na Pengine kuonekana tuna majivuno ama maringo kwenye Jamii zetu..


Upande wa Pili wa Shilingi kuwa na marafiki sana hupoteza muda pia hasa ukikutana na Marafiki ambao hawako real..

Yes Paula nimeshalalamikiwa Mno tena mara nyingine urafiki nina uanzisha mimi halafu unanishinda ...Huwa najisikia vibaya kuna muda naweza kuomba Msamaha kwamba nitajirekebisha... Nita Keep urafiki ila baada ya Muda kidogo nashindwa tena na kuwaacha marafiki waende mie niendelee na maisha yangu niliyoyazoea !!!

Hebu sema sasa tunafanyaje aisee!!!



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Nimekuelewa barabaaara.
Tusubiri hapa tupate tiba kutoka kwa wachangiaji.
Usiache kupitia comments kusoma.

Preist incharge said:

Wengi tupo hivyo na sioni kama ni tatizo tuwe na jambo la kujadili sio story tu na salamu.

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Nafurahi kusikia hivo Priest incharge

Zurri said:

Tatizo lugha, nilitaka niseme chochote.

Ila kuna watu naona wanasema "I'm my own best friend" na mwingine anasema ".....sina rafiki kama mimi", mwingine anasema "...kuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe". Sasa sidhani kama wanajua maama ya tamko rafiki.

Yaani kauli zao zote zinapingana na uhalisia.

Embu tuishi katika kauli hizi chache huenda tukajua urafiki ni nini na je unaweza kuepuka kutokuwa na rafiki.

Husemwa :

1. Ukitaka kumjua mtu fulani angalia watu anaosuhubiana nao (Marafiki hao)

2. Ndege wafananao ndio huruka pamoja (Hapa wanazungumziwa marafiki)

3. Ukisuhubiana na mfua chuma kama sio harufu ya chuma utakuwa nayo basi hata zile zicheche zitakupata tu,na ukisuhubiana na muuza mafuta ya misk, kama hutanukia harufu ya misk basi lazima utavutiwa na bidhaa ile kisha ununue.

Naendelea ....

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Lugha ya leo ni nyepesi Zurri.

Sasa kuna tatizo kama mtu anashindwa kudumu kwenye urafiki?

Na ni lazima kuwa na rafiki au marafiki?

Wewe binafsi unatumia mbinu gani kuhakikisha unauendeleza urafiki uliouanzisha?

Paula Paul said:

Kwanza kabisa urafiki haimaanishi ni lazima tuwe na mawasiliano ya mara kwa mara. Kutokuwasiliana na mtu mara kwa mara hapamalizi urafiki.

Pili, kadri umri unavokwenda watu wanapoteza idadi ya marafiki na kujikuta ana watu wa karibu kama coworkers, majirani, wanachuo wenzako, wafanya biashara wenzako.
Unajikuta hawa ndio watu wapo kwenye cycle yako. Na ukaribu wetu utalenga kushirikishana fursa kwa wafanya biashara, kusaidiana kwenye matatizo kwa majirani, discussion na kusaidiana kushirikishana ajira mpya kwa wana vyuo nk.

Lakini pia mtu ukishakuwa umeolewa , unajikuta muda mchache unaoupata unajihusisha kwenye familia yako, mume/mke na watoto.

And lastly, hamna tatizo kutokuwa na marafiki, unaweza kuamua kuwa rafiki yako wewe mwenyewe ila pia kama una nafasi ya kuwa na marafiki hamna tatizo na faida zake ndio kama kushirikishana vitu vya msingi na sio kupiga soga. Na sio lazima kupigiana simu kila saa.

Hayo ndio niliyojifunza kwenye comment yako.

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Asante. Naam.

Kuna rafiki zangu wazuri sana tumejuana zaidi ya miaka 20, wengine 30.

Wengine tulikuwa tunachukua likizo pamoja tunazunguka kuangalia scene ya miji kama Nairobi, Kampala etc. Miaka hiyo.

Sasa tumetenganishwa na jiografia, wao wako Tanzania, mimi niko Marekani.

Na inaweza kupita miezi hatujawasiliana, lakini tukiwasiliana moto wa urafiki uko pale pale.

Tunashirikiana kwenye misiba, harusi, watoto wanazaliwa, urafiki haujapungua kwa sababu ya umbali au kutowasiliana kila siku.

Mimi rafiki anayetaka kuwasiliana extensively kila siku sitamuweza.

Imagine una marafiki 10 halafu wote wanataka kuwasiliana extensively, one on one, kila siku. Huo utakuwa utumwa.

Kuna mambo yangu mengine mengi, maelfu ya vitabu, movies, documentaries, kaka mkubwa kwenye family mimi, mambo ya kazi manyota nategemewa mimi etc.

Uzuri au ubaya ni kwamba nilishakuwa "life of the party", literally. Yani watu walikuwa wanatangaza party kwa jina langu, kwamba Kiranga atakuwepo, watu wakisikia hivyo wanakuja kwa wingi.

Maisha ya marafiki wengi sana.

Halafu nikareject maisha yale.

Nikataka kwenda kuwa Buddhist Monk.

Nikawa na uchaguzi wa mawili, kwenda kuwa Buddhist Monk au kwenda kufanya kazi Wall St.

Nikaona kwenda kuwa Buddhist Monk itakuwa extreme isolation. Nikaamua kupunguza contact na kwenda Wall St.

Lakini baadhi ya rafiki zangu wa zamani nawasiliana nao mpaka leo.

Wengine wanachukua likizo wanafunga safari kunitembelea kutoka Tanzania.

Na mimi nikirudi Tanzania tunaendeleza parties pamoja pale tulipoziacha.



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chaliifrancisco said:

There are so many reasons that might be the cause of all this. For instance, if you are shy and uncomfortable around others it makes the people around you feel uncomfortable too. Do you feel like you can't measure up to the people you want as friends? Are you able to trust other people? These may be barriers that create distance between you and others.

Are you introverted? When push comes to shove, do you actually prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends? Do you think people know this when they're around you?

Have you ever had difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others? Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

Some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

Living in an area where it is difficult to connect with others might also be a reason. This might include living someplace where there are few people or, because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider or even feeling the distance between you and your close friends if you dont live in the same area.

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I neither shy nor uncomfortable around people.
I know how to measure up and quality over quantity is my preference for friendships.

I am not introverted, I don't like being alone, I like to interact with people, I like spending time with new people, meeting new people, hang out, etc. But I am just shit at maintaining the friendship. I mean I am not good at keeping them.
It's really frustrating.

I like someone who can handle being apart and not getting angry when I don't contact him/her constantly.

I think maybe a lot of people I met don’t share similar interests with me. It's really hard to find people with my interest.

"Some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships " what are those skills Chaliifrancisco?

Kusema kweli mm huwa sipendi marafiki nakuwa rafiki ako tunapokuwa pamoja kama vile shule au chuo au kazi au tunafanya kazi eneo nikiondoka eneo hilo sina urafiki tena mm sipendi urafiki

Kutesekaaa..??

That is the battle of trying not to be yourself.

That's Equal to slavery.

Ukwel ulio uchi ni kuwa, we do not have potentials of being good at everything.

Appreciating what you are not good at ni bonge la step Ahead, kwa sbb kati ya mambo yanayorudisha watu nyuma ni kubeba mizigo tusiyoiweza.

Hata katika biashara we believe the best strategy inapatikana kwa kutambua what you are not good at. The same goes to personal life ili uishi fulfilling life.

Time is so limited, tufocus in discovering our potentials, releasing and maximizing them.

Is it okay to have no friends?

Big Yes, ukiona kitu hakijawa emphasized na social norms, sheria and even the bible, kukikumbatia ni kujipendekeza tu.

"Tupendane tu".. na hii haina uhusiano na urafiki kabisa.

Niishie hapa.

Suriya said:

Nimekupata.

But mim mtizamo wangu katika maisha.. kila rafik ana percent zake za kujua mambo yangu, kulingana na hekima zake.

Ukiwa na rafik mwenye hekima nyingi si jambo la ajabu kumshirikisha mambo yako.

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Nimekuelewa Suriya.
Asante kwa mchango wako.

Ulisema kuhusu rafiki wa kufanya nae kikundi cha maombi. Huyu atakuwa ni rafiki au prayer partner? Au huyu huyu ndio huyo utakayekuwa mnashirikishana hadi vitu binafsi?

Friends are for fools, it's either family or nothing. Barker Haines ( muigizaji wa zamani wa isidingo)

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Ukiona hivyo, ujue sasa umekua. Namaanisha kwamba, sasa hivi majukumu yameongezeka so you spend more time with the people in your circle (mostly social or economic). Pia kadri unavyokua smart upstairs, ndio unavyozidi kua na marafiki wachache.

Paula Paul said:

Lugha ya leo ni nyepesi Zurri.

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Nimeanza kutumia lugha laini siku hizi, baada ya kusoma soma mahali.

Paula Paul said:

Sasa kuna tatizo kama mtu anashindwa kudumu kwenye urafiki

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Hapa kuna hali mbili. Tulio wengi humu tunaonyesha uzuri wetu, hali ya kuwa wapo marafiki zetu wanajitahidi kujitenga na sisi kutokana na tabia zetu mbaya.

Hali ya pili ni kuwa kuna kuwa hakuns tatizo endapo ukijitenga na kuvunja urafiki na watu waovu ils tatizo linakuja endapo wewe ukawa ndio muovu na ukavunja urafiki na rafiki wema,aisee hapa lazima ile kwako, sababu nyoyo zetu uhitajia sana marafiki wema ili kuzilea.

Paula Paul said:

Wewe binafsi unatumia mbinu gani kuhakikisha unauendeleza urafiki uliouanzisha?

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Ikitokea hilo kwanza kabla napima katika mizani nikiona ni mtu wa maana mtu ambae nikisuhubiana nae nitapata faida chanya, nashikamana nae na kuhakikisha simkwazi.

Ndomana mtu akiwa mbali na mimi hata namba yake staki, nataka mtu tukichati leo kesho tunaonana (NOT SEXUALLY)

I'm so good at making new friends, Mimi ni aina ya watu ambao siwezi kaa pahala kwa muda mrefu bila kujenga urafiki na watu.! Lakini tatizo huanza nikitoka pale tu naweza hata kusahau kukutafuta, na siyo kwamba thamani imeshuka, Hapana..!

Huwa naona ni muhimu zaidi tukiwasiliana pale tu kuna umuhimu wa kufanya hivyo.! Different from that kila mtu ashinde match zake, but we are very good.!

Tatizo linaanza pale mtu anakutafuta anaanza kulalamika mbona kimya, mara umenisusa, jamani..! Huwa napata shida mno, sasa tuzungumzie nini? tusalimiane kila siku, ndiyo zile za 'niambie', nipo kimya sababu sina cha kukuambia, habari ya kufuatana kila muda wakati maisha yenyewe yanatupeleka mbio, ni ngumu sana.!!

Enwei, kwa point yako huwa inatokea, nina watu nilikuwa naongea nao saaana yaani ile sana ila kiukweli sahii hata namba zao sina..! Na naona it's very okay with Me sababu najua hatuna ugomvi siku ikitokea tukakutana tutaendelea na maisha vyema kabisa..!

Baby Doll umenigusa sana, mpaka nilihisi nina tatizo ama naamini sana hawa binadamu, marafiki niliowaamini wamenipiga matukio jamani mpaka siyo poa.!
there are some people outta there believes that I am their friend, but deep down I know I got none of them in my list.! L.I.F.E..!

Paula Paul

hapa umeni-describe mimi openly!........ atleast baadhi ya wadada niliowahi kudate nao walinifanya nipende kuchart chart, otherwise huwa nashindwa kabisa!......

niliosoma nao almost wote, katika level zote mpk chuo sina mawasiliano nao ya karibu isipokua huyu mmoja ndio huwa tunawasiliana mara moja moja kwa mwezi!......

aiseee, sijui tatzo ni nini!

Huwa natamani sana kuwa na marafiki wa maana. Hii nimekuja kuiona hasa wakati wa shida maana wakati wa furaha unaweza beba mtu yeyote mkafurahi pamoja.
Nimeona wazee wana marafiki kadhaa wakuaminiana lakini vijana wenzangu kila siku tunazingatia connection. Kila mtu anataka connection kwenye kitu flani wala hazingatii marafiki. Hapa nilipo sijui rafiki yangu nani, ninaotamani wawe rafiki naona kama hawana nia. Na wanaoniita mimi rafiki yao, wao sio marafiki kwangu.

Nachoweza ni kusema na kila mtu na kuchukua watu kadhaa wa kujadili mambo flani au kushauriana.

Paula Paul said:

Nimekuelewa Suriya.
Asante kwa mchango wako.

Ulisema kuhusu rafiki wa kufanya nae kikundi cha maombi. Huyu atakuwa ni rafiki au prayer partner? Au huyu huyu ndio huyo utakayekuwa mnashirikishana hadi vitu binafsi?

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Yah rafik wa kiroho i wish nimpate, mfano nakutana nae, ananipa habar za neno la Mungu au mafundisho fulani ya neno la Mungu, but i think haitozuia kushare na vitu vingine pia.

Nishasahau kama nimewahi kukaa na mtu nikaanza kumwambia siri fulani about me,
Inshort sina siri.
Wanaume tunaita kausha/mute kitu fulani, mchongo fulani utembee.
Kama ni jambo ambalo najua ni weekness kwangu, lazima nitaikataa hiyo weekness na nipo tayari kuaibishwa na udhaifu wangu.

Inshort kumkomesha binadamu ni kitu kimoja, akikupaka mavi ya ng'ombe, wew unampaka mavi ya kuku.
Simple kuishi na watu hivo.

Sema wengi wanapenda siri kwahiyo hata ukimpa habari zako hato kujibu kitu, kwani itapelekea na wew kumuuliza habar zake.

Carleen said:

Baby Doll umenigusa sana, mpaka nilihisi nina tatizo ama naamini sana hawa binadamu, marafiki niliowaamini wamenipiga matukio jamani mpaka siyo poa.!
there are some people outta there believes that I am their friend, but deep down I know got none of them in my list.! L.I.F.E..!

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Watu mnachekeana kila siku, kumbe nyuma ya camera ni machatu yanafikiria ni lini yakupake mate yakumeze. Na siku wanakugeuka hauwezi kudhania, usiposhikwa tumbo la kuhara lazima uingie siku zako kwa huo mshtuko unaoupata.
Unawaza huyu ni rafiki au ni shetani. Maana hata adui yako angewaza mara mbili kukusaliti usaliti wa aibu namna hiyo.
Ogopa sana mtu anayekusisitizia ""you can trust me"[emoji13][emoji13][emoji13][emoji13][emoji13][emoji13]

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Baby Doll said:

Watu mnachekeana kila siku, kumbe nyuma ya camera ni machatu yanafikiria ni lini yakupake mate yakumeze. Na siku wanakugeuka hauwezi kudhania, usiposhikwa tumbo la kuhara lazima uingie siku zako kwa huo mshtuko unaoupata.
Unawaza huyu ni rafiki au ni shetani. Maana hata adui yako angewaza mara mbili kukusaliti usaliti wa aibu namna hiyo.
Ogopa sana mtu anayekusisitizia ""you can trust me"[emoji13][emoji13][emoji13][emoji13][emoji13][emoji13]

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Usinikumbushe tafadhali sana.!!
Kuna watu ni wanafki jamani mpaka aibu, halafu akitoka kukunafkia anakupigia simu mnaongea for hours maskiini,
Marafiki wameniumiza mno mpaka sina hamu.! Halafu nilijua ni wanawake tu, ukikutana na mwanaume mnafki jihesabie msiba..! 😂 😂

Kuna watu wanakuchekea na wanakupigia simu kila siku halafu deep down ni adui zako ila hutokaa uwahi kujua.!! Ukishakuwa adui yangu mazoea na wewe sitaki kabisa, sasa sijui mtu anawezaje ku act anakupenda on the same same time ana do shits behind your back..!!

Naunga mkono hoja hii kikamilifu

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