Heaven on Earth
JF-Expert Member
- Mar 21, 2013
- 37,226
- 26,639
A Tribute to My friend
I was lucky enough to not experience the death of a close friend until she left my life,
The day was 30/4/2019
Ni mid night nashtuka kutoka usingizini jasho linanitoka huku nahema kama nilikua nakimbizwa... ni ndoto mbaya ndio imenifanya nishtuke katika hali hiyo.. natazama saa pembeni yangu ni saa 9 usiku.. nimeota naambiwa mama yangu mzazi amefariki na dada yangu pia nikawa nakataa kwamba haiwezekani katika ndoto naambiwa kama huamini njoo angalia miili yao so wakati wanafunua naangalia.. I was screaming kuwa haiwezekani.. hawajafa huku nalia kwa nguvuu.. then nikashtuka usingizini.
Naingia msalani kujisaidia kisha navuta shuka langu kuanza kuutafuta usingizi upya. Sina tabia ya kushika simu yangu usiku nikilala.. wakati naendelea kutafuta usingizi mara meseji inaingia kwa simu. Notification ilikua message ya kawaida.. If it was whatsApp msgs ninge igonore nikijua Maybe ni za groups. Najiuliza ni nani huyo ananitumia meseji mida hii... Nafungua meseji nakutana na ujumbe “ Heaven Carol wetu... Carol rafiki yetu.....
Nashtuka saana.. Najua she is sick but kafanyaje najaribu kupiga simu ya alienitumia meseji but sim yake iko busy... kila nikipiga sim iko busy. Nataka kumpigia Carol ila nikakumbuka in few days aliamua kuizima sim yake for good. Hakutaka kuwa na mawasiliano yoyote ya sim kutokana na kuumwa. Alisema she is tired akipona ndio ataanza tena kutumia simu. Naomba Mungu kimya kimya kwamba hiki ninachofikiria kisiwe kimetokea.
Afer trying calling for a while sim inapokelewa kinyonge namuuliza nini kinaendelea ananizungusha namwambia wewe go straight to the point nini kinaendelea ananambia Caro amefariki.. mwili wangu ulikua kama umepigwa shoti.. nikashindwa kupumua for sometime.. Moyo wangu ukawa na maumivu makaliiii saana. How? Why her? Why now?
I locked ny phone.. crawled back into bed.. naanza kutafakari nasikia uchungu wa kutokwa machozi lakini machozi hayanidondoki hata tone... imagine ni saa 9 usiku niko mwenyewe najiuliza hata nikisema natoka hii saa 9 naenda wapi.. Niende Muhimbili moja kwa moja.. niende nyumbani kwa kina Caro. Sielewi nachukua sim nataka kumpigia Mama Caro.. najiuliza nampigia namwambia nini?? Mama pole ama nini namwambia naacha sipigi... Naona moyo wangu mzito kama unapaa.. uchungu nausikia rohoni ila machozi hayatoki.. Nachukua sim naenda kwenye chat zangu mi na Caro naanza kusoma naona haiwezekani..
CAROL’S DEATH.
Nakumbuka kuna siku nilimwambia kuna event someone na yeye anahitajika kuwepo akanambia heaven I wish niwepo lakini hali yangu ni mbaya naumwa.. nikmpigia sim but she seemed in a good spirit nikajisemea hii itakua excuse ya kutokwenda huyu.. I didnt want to believe what worse really meant at that time.. Few days later akanambia unakuja kuniona nikamuuliza hauko kazini akanambia ndio. Amepewa bed rest apumzike maana hali yake si nzuri hapo ndio nikashtuka kumbe this is serious.. sikuwa na plan ila nikamwambia lazima nije siwezi kuacha. Jamani tuwe na tabia ya kuwasikiliza wenzetu tusichukulie mambo kirahisi mimi nimejifunza.
Nakumbuka nimeenda alikua kajilaza kwenye coach very weak na mimi hadi nikashtuka ila Nikajitahidi kutoonesha hali ya kushtuka.. nikawa nachangamka na Mama ake alikuwepo. Na ingawa alikua anaumwa akawa anajitahidi kuonekana she is okay. That day akataka kula samaki sato.. Sanaki wakapikwa vizuri but akaishia kula kidogooo mama akanambia huo ndio ulaji wake na hata katika uzima wake Carol hakuwa mlaji...so ukichanganya na kuumwa ndio ikawa kabisa.
Tumekaa namuangalia na yeye ananiangalia macho yake yakiwa hayana ile rangi ya kawaida tiliyoizoea akanambia Heaven mimi nakufa.. This time siwezi kupona .. nikamuuliza what do you mean.. usiongee hivyo we have to be positive Mungu atakuponya na utarudi kazini.. akasema not this time nakufa nikamuangalia sikujibu kitu.. nikainama chini.. baadae akaniuliza nikifa utafanyaje?? Nikamwambia kwa uwezo wa Mungu haufi leo wala kesho.. akaendelea msilie saana.. muwe strong mimi nawapenda sana.. muangalie mama yangu yaani nilitamani kuliaaaa kwa nguvu ila I had to be strong for her.. Her strenght was everythng maana alikua katika kipindi kigum but hakuwa na self pity na alikua hataki mtu asikitikee. She was a type of person i wish I could be.
Siku mbili baadae hali yake ikabadilika kabisaaa akapelekwa Regency Hospital but alikaa pale kwa masaa machache. It was Monday then jion ya siku hiyo akahamishiwa Muhimbili hospital hali yake haikuwa nzuri na muda wote analalamika ana maumivu makali saaaana. Jumanne still hali ikawa mbaya I never had the chance kwenda hospital na hili linaniuma sana na I feel guilt for that. Nikijua nitaenda kesho ambayo hiyo kesho haikufika. Mama ake alinambia Muhimbili walifika ila still hali haikua nzuri na masaa yalivyokua yanaenda hali ikaanza kubadilika... anamwambia Mama mimi nakufa ila naomba uwe strong..najua uko mwenyewe ila kuwa na nguvu na uniombee tu kwa Mungu.... baadae akamwambia njoo tusali pamoja kabla sijafa mama akamwambia utapona Carol maana ni mtu wa dini.. she was like not this time Ma’.... akaomba mama ake amkumbatie akamkumbatia akamwambia Maa unajua nakupenda nakupenda saana nae akwambia Nakupenda mwanangu ndio maana niko hapa na wewe hadi utakapopona turudi nyumbani. then slowly muda unavyoenda hata kufumbua macho akawa anafungua kwa tabu.. sauti ikawa inakata mwanzo alikua anaweza kuzumgumza baadae akimuongelesha anatingisha tu kichwa (Roho yangu inaniuma sana ninavyoandika hapa).. Mama akawa anasali.. baadae akawa anaisha taratibu......... She died peacefully that way. Hata madaktari walivyokuja akaambia atoke nje wakamuweka sawa akaitwa ndani in few minuts roho ikaacha mwili. Mama alinionyesha picha yake mara baada ya kufariki kamwe haitofutika katika kichwa changu... amelala like atakuja kuamka baadae. SHE IS GONE. Alifariki usiku wa Jumanne ndio huo nilipopata simu.
I feel guilt kwamba wakati mimi nimelala she was figting for her life.. I wish I was there too...
REMEMBERING CARO
Many times we wait until a friend has died to tell the world what a wonderful person they were, and I’m just as guilty as the next person about that and Caros sudden death came with so many questions, lessons and memories
Carol tulijuana in 3 years but we became so close kama tumejuana miaka kumi naaa huko nyuma.. Alikua na roho ya kipekee.. We took time to understand each other and get to know one another. Alikua mtu mwema saaana kwangu. Alikua na upendo wa dhati kwa watu. alikua mwenye kunijali.. She was a perfect friend. Kule kuelewana kwetu tukaweza kutengeneza a very strong bond. Nakumbuka kuna spot yake alikua anapenda kukaa akiniona ataniita jina langu.. nitapiga nae story hapo kila nikipita hapo naona kama namuona Caro amekaa... nywele zangu zikiwa tim atanambia hivi Heaven una mpango gani na hizo nywele.. kukiwa na sale ya nguo ama pochi ataniambia ... alikua mtu mtoaji kutoka moyoni... she was honest....maybe thats why we bonded so fast..she was different in so many ways. Mimi sinaga marafiki wengi she was one among the few I have.
Recently nilienda kutembelea kaburi lake.. nikawa najiuliza haya maisha ni nini... nikambuka siku za mwisho she came to my office ananambia naumwa.. na shingo yake anapenda kuiweka upande.. am telling her everyrhing will be alright and she is like not this time.. Time has a very harsh role in this world for real.. Few months ago she was celebrating her birthday then boom things went upside down.
Ever since she passed away I have come to appreciate each second more and more... Kwasababu I never saw it coming nilikua anaumwa lakini nilijua atapona and life litaenda kama kawaida..hata yale maneno yake nilijua tu maneno ya mgonjwa... Najua kuna Kifo ila I never saw it kitamtokea rafiki yangu mapema saaaana.. Naikimbuka sauti yakee ilivyoanza kubadilika.. Nakumbuka sura yake baada ya mauti kumkuta.. nakumbuka sura yake wakati kalala katika jeneza...
Namkumbuka rafiki yangu na nitamkumbuka daima.... nakumbuka kicheko chake... akiongea huku ananyoosha kidole chake kuweka msisitizo... i miss her hugs whether they were for a happy reason or sad ones.. I miss her viewing my status huku akinipa encouraging words and endless emojis.. I miss everything kwakweli. She leaves behind alot of people who loved her akiwemo mama yake. She was the only child and her mom considered her as her best friend... na ndio huyo ameondoka kabaki mwenyewe.
Kwa wale waliokua wanamfaham our loss and grief is deep.
May her soul rest in the peace she so richly deserve.
I was lucky enough to not experience the death of a close friend until she left my life,
The day was 30/4/2019
Ni mid night nashtuka kutoka usingizini jasho linanitoka huku nahema kama nilikua nakimbizwa... ni ndoto mbaya ndio imenifanya nishtuke katika hali hiyo.. natazama saa pembeni yangu ni saa 9 usiku.. nimeota naambiwa mama yangu mzazi amefariki na dada yangu pia nikawa nakataa kwamba haiwezekani katika ndoto naambiwa kama huamini njoo angalia miili yao so wakati wanafunua naangalia.. I was screaming kuwa haiwezekani.. hawajafa huku nalia kwa nguvuu.. then nikashtuka usingizini.
Naingia msalani kujisaidia kisha navuta shuka langu kuanza kuutafuta usingizi upya. Sina tabia ya kushika simu yangu usiku nikilala.. wakati naendelea kutafuta usingizi mara meseji inaingia kwa simu. Notification ilikua message ya kawaida.. If it was whatsApp msgs ninge igonore nikijua Maybe ni za groups. Najiuliza ni nani huyo ananitumia meseji mida hii... Nafungua meseji nakutana na ujumbe “ Heaven Carol wetu... Carol rafiki yetu.....
Nashtuka saana.. Najua she is sick but kafanyaje najaribu kupiga simu ya alienitumia meseji but sim yake iko busy... kila nikipiga sim iko busy. Nataka kumpigia Carol ila nikakumbuka in few days aliamua kuizima sim yake for good. Hakutaka kuwa na mawasiliano yoyote ya sim kutokana na kuumwa. Alisema she is tired akipona ndio ataanza tena kutumia simu. Naomba Mungu kimya kimya kwamba hiki ninachofikiria kisiwe kimetokea.
Afer trying calling for a while sim inapokelewa kinyonge namuuliza nini kinaendelea ananizungusha namwambia wewe go straight to the point nini kinaendelea ananambia Caro amefariki.. mwili wangu ulikua kama umepigwa shoti.. nikashindwa kupumua for sometime.. Moyo wangu ukawa na maumivu makaliiii saana. How? Why her? Why now?
I locked ny phone.. crawled back into bed.. naanza kutafakari nasikia uchungu wa kutokwa machozi lakini machozi hayanidondoki hata tone... imagine ni saa 9 usiku niko mwenyewe najiuliza hata nikisema natoka hii saa 9 naenda wapi.. Niende Muhimbili moja kwa moja.. niende nyumbani kwa kina Caro. Sielewi nachukua sim nataka kumpigia Mama Caro.. najiuliza nampigia namwambia nini?? Mama pole ama nini namwambia naacha sipigi... Naona moyo wangu mzito kama unapaa.. uchungu nausikia rohoni ila machozi hayatoki.. Nachukua sim naenda kwenye chat zangu mi na Caro naanza kusoma naona haiwezekani..
CAROL’S DEATH.
Nakumbuka kuna siku nilimwambia kuna event someone na yeye anahitajika kuwepo akanambia heaven I wish niwepo lakini hali yangu ni mbaya naumwa.. nikmpigia sim but she seemed in a good spirit nikajisemea hii itakua excuse ya kutokwenda huyu.. I didnt want to believe what worse really meant at that time.. Few days later akanambia unakuja kuniona nikamuuliza hauko kazini akanambia ndio. Amepewa bed rest apumzike maana hali yake si nzuri hapo ndio nikashtuka kumbe this is serious.. sikuwa na plan ila nikamwambia lazima nije siwezi kuacha. Jamani tuwe na tabia ya kuwasikiliza wenzetu tusichukulie mambo kirahisi mimi nimejifunza.
Nakumbuka nimeenda alikua kajilaza kwenye coach very weak na mimi hadi nikashtuka ila Nikajitahidi kutoonesha hali ya kushtuka.. nikawa nachangamka na Mama ake alikuwepo. Na ingawa alikua anaumwa akawa anajitahidi kuonekana she is okay. That day akataka kula samaki sato.. Sanaki wakapikwa vizuri but akaishia kula kidogooo mama akanambia huo ndio ulaji wake na hata katika uzima wake Carol hakuwa mlaji...so ukichanganya na kuumwa ndio ikawa kabisa.
Tumekaa namuangalia na yeye ananiangalia macho yake yakiwa hayana ile rangi ya kawaida tiliyoizoea akanambia Heaven mimi nakufa.. This time siwezi kupona .. nikamuuliza what do you mean.. usiongee hivyo we have to be positive Mungu atakuponya na utarudi kazini.. akasema not this time nakufa nikamuangalia sikujibu kitu.. nikainama chini.. baadae akaniuliza nikifa utafanyaje?? Nikamwambia kwa uwezo wa Mungu haufi leo wala kesho.. akaendelea msilie saana.. muwe strong mimi nawapenda sana.. muangalie mama yangu yaani nilitamani kuliaaaa kwa nguvu ila I had to be strong for her.. Her strenght was everythng maana alikua katika kipindi kigum but hakuwa na self pity na alikua hataki mtu asikitikee. She was a type of person i wish I could be.
Siku mbili baadae hali yake ikabadilika kabisaaa akapelekwa Regency Hospital but alikaa pale kwa masaa machache. It was Monday then jion ya siku hiyo akahamishiwa Muhimbili hospital hali yake haikuwa nzuri na muda wote analalamika ana maumivu makali saaaana. Jumanne still hali ikawa mbaya I never had the chance kwenda hospital na hili linaniuma sana na I feel guilt for that. Nikijua nitaenda kesho ambayo hiyo kesho haikufika. Mama ake alinambia Muhimbili walifika ila still hali haikua nzuri na masaa yalivyokua yanaenda hali ikaanza kubadilika... anamwambia Mama mimi nakufa ila naomba uwe strong..najua uko mwenyewe ila kuwa na nguvu na uniombee tu kwa Mungu.... baadae akamwambia njoo tusali pamoja kabla sijafa mama akamwambia utapona Carol maana ni mtu wa dini.. she was like not this time Ma’.... akaomba mama ake amkumbatie akamkumbatia akamwambia Maa unajua nakupenda nakupenda saana nae akwambia Nakupenda mwanangu ndio maana niko hapa na wewe hadi utakapopona turudi nyumbani. then slowly muda unavyoenda hata kufumbua macho akawa anafungua kwa tabu.. sauti ikawa inakata mwanzo alikua anaweza kuzumgumza baadae akimuongelesha anatingisha tu kichwa (Roho yangu inaniuma sana ninavyoandika hapa).. Mama akawa anasali.. baadae akawa anaisha taratibu......... She died peacefully that way. Hata madaktari walivyokuja akaambia atoke nje wakamuweka sawa akaitwa ndani in few minuts roho ikaacha mwili. Mama alinionyesha picha yake mara baada ya kufariki kamwe haitofutika katika kichwa changu... amelala like atakuja kuamka baadae. SHE IS GONE. Alifariki usiku wa Jumanne ndio huo nilipopata simu.
I feel guilt kwamba wakati mimi nimelala she was figting for her life.. I wish I was there too...
REMEMBERING CARO
Many times we wait until a friend has died to tell the world what a wonderful person they were, and I’m just as guilty as the next person about that and Caros sudden death came with so many questions, lessons and memories
Carol tulijuana in 3 years but we became so close kama tumejuana miaka kumi naaa huko nyuma.. Alikua na roho ya kipekee.. We took time to understand each other and get to know one another. Alikua mtu mwema saaana kwangu. Alikua na upendo wa dhati kwa watu. alikua mwenye kunijali.. She was a perfect friend. Kule kuelewana kwetu tukaweza kutengeneza a very strong bond. Nakumbuka kuna spot yake alikua anapenda kukaa akiniona ataniita jina langu.. nitapiga nae story hapo kila nikipita hapo naona kama namuona Caro amekaa... nywele zangu zikiwa tim atanambia hivi Heaven una mpango gani na hizo nywele.. kukiwa na sale ya nguo ama pochi ataniambia ... alikua mtu mtoaji kutoka moyoni... she was honest....maybe thats why we bonded so fast..she was different in so many ways. Mimi sinaga marafiki wengi she was one among the few I have.
Recently nilienda kutembelea kaburi lake.. nikawa najiuliza haya maisha ni nini... nikambuka siku za mwisho she came to my office ananambia naumwa.. na shingo yake anapenda kuiweka upande.. am telling her everyrhing will be alright and she is like not this time.. Time has a very harsh role in this world for real.. Few months ago she was celebrating her birthday then boom things went upside down.
Ever since she passed away I have come to appreciate each second more and more... Kwasababu I never saw it coming nilikua anaumwa lakini nilijua atapona and life litaenda kama kawaida..hata yale maneno yake nilijua tu maneno ya mgonjwa... Najua kuna Kifo ila I never saw it kitamtokea rafiki yangu mapema saaaana.. Naikimbuka sauti yakee ilivyoanza kubadilika.. Nakumbuka sura yake baada ya mauti kumkuta.. nakumbuka sura yake wakati kalala katika jeneza...
Namkumbuka rafiki yangu na nitamkumbuka daima.... nakumbuka kicheko chake... akiongea huku ananyoosha kidole chake kuweka msisitizo... i miss her hugs whether they were for a happy reason or sad ones.. I miss her viewing my status huku akinipa encouraging words and endless emojis.. I miss everything kwakweli. She leaves behind alot of people who loved her akiwemo mama yake. She was the only child and her mom considered her as her best friend... na ndio huyo ameondoka kabaki mwenyewe.
Kwa wale waliokua wanamfaham our loss and grief is deep.
May her soul rest in the peace she so richly deserve.
