Watoto....best interest.....

Mr Daddy said:
It's okay BabyGal...some people are just hypersensitive. I clearly didn't mean to offend him. All I did was a ask a simple, straightforward question. They call him ODM and I just wanted to know what it stands for. That's all. But my golly - I didn't think it was gonna be a hard question to answer or that he was gonna make it to be a big deal.

I don't really care if he puts me in his ignore list or if he adds me onto his list of friends. I don't know him and he doesn't know me. I don't put food on his table and neither he does on mine. I don't lose or gain anything if I'm on his ignore list or his list of "friends". So in the greater scheme of things - as they say - it's all good.

All that matters to me is my BabyGal. My whole world revolves around her.
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BabyGal said:
Pardon my papito..he just want to understand what you guys are all about in here.
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Mr Daddy said:
It's okay BabyGal....let him pout. Most grown men I know aren't that sensitive and they are usually straightforward when you ask them a question. So just let him be.
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Asprin said:
Your papito has done nothing wrong babie....... dont you worry..... Ol' Dirty Mbuzi is ok.
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BabyGal said:
Alright..thank you daddy for being here.

I think we are done with this issue of mama vs papa..rural vs urban areas child raising so we can get outta here.
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Asprin said:
C'mon babie...... I never put no body in my Ignore list...... and why should I do that? Thanks for your caring..... you are an angel on earth. Even your avatar tells it all.
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Asprin said:
Haya yote ni matatizo ya UMEME!.......... Ngeleja where r u @?
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Mr Daddy said:
Yes, let's be done with it lest we offend more people. Now go tidy up your room so we can get going. Guess where I'm taking you to today?
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BabyGal said:
Glad to hear that..
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Asprin said:
You are welcome!
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BabyGal said:
All done.

Mmmh where?! And hey don‘t forget about my wish list..
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Where is paw...when need!
 
MwanajamiiOne said:
Mbu...............yaani laiti tungejaaliwa angalau siku hiyo tuingie ndani ya mioyo na mawazo ya watoto wa aina hii hakika tungejuta. Hii ni dhuluma ya aina ya juu sana na nafikiri ni uthibitisho wa kutojali interest za mtoto anakosemea RR. Kwa mtoto wa hivi mwenye utambuzi yakinifu anaweza akajikuta anatengeneza chuki kwa mzazi wake milele.............mara nyingi huwa tunaambiwa eti ukijigundua kuwa umefichwa habari za mzazi wako mmoja usiulize sana kama unaona kuna dalili za reluctance............eti huwezijua waliachanaje...............mh mimi najiulizaga maugomvi yenu, machuki yenu na visasi vyenu, what do they have to do with me kama mtoto?! hayanihusu! wala hayamuhusu mtoto yoyote yule, haki ya mtoto ni haki yake

Ningependna wazazi tulitambue hili kwa sababu hatuwezijua tunawaumizaje watoto wetu unless uwe umepitia the same route.
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Kuna tukio kama hili:

Baada ya binti kumaliza chuo kikuu, mama yake akamwambia binti akamuonyeshe baba yake halisi......... Yaani mida yote amekaa na mtu akidhania ni baba yake kumbe si baba yake. Imagine!......... ngoja nisiendelee manake chozi laweza kunitoka bure....
 
RR said:
Najua wengi wetu mmeshawahi kushuhudia au kuishi ndani ya ‘single parenting'……ama maisha ya magomvi muda wote….namaanisha kuwa mzazi kati ya migongano ya kimahusiano….
Mimi (ex. st) RR nawashauri ‘single parents' (wale walio kwenye magomvi)

  • waache kutumia watoto kama zana ya kupigania uhusiano wao….. au kama kifaa cha kumwadhibu mzazi mwenzake….(hapa wengine hata hupandikiza chuki kwa watoto dhidi ya uapande wa pili).
  • waache ubinafsi katika kufanya maamuzi yahusuyo watoto….sio vizuri mzazi akaruhusu mtoto akakaa na mzazi mwengine, hata kama kisheria mzazi huyu ana uwezo wa kung'ang'ania …as long as it is of best interest to the kid….mfano sioni ulazima wa baba kumchukua mtoto kwa kisingizio cha mtoto kutimiza miaka saba ya kisheria au mama kukataa mtoto asikae na baba kwa akisingizia mtoto hajatimiza miaka saba!
Kumbukeni....mzazi wa mwanao akipata maumivu….basi hayo maumivi yanamfikia mtoto…in some ways!
Ni ushauri tu!
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Raha kwa alie/atakaekuwa mzazi mwenzako...Una busara kupita maelezo!!

Nice thread mkuu iliyojaa michango yenye maana katika jamii mana hili suala lipo sana tu!!
 
Mbu said:
Experience mbaya kabisa!

Jamaa yangu baada ya kuachana na mkewe, mke alimsafirisha kabinti ka mwaka mmoja kukapeleka akalelewe na Babu na bibi yake kijijini. Yeye mama ni muajiriwa mjini, na baba mfanyabiashara mkubwa tu. Kila jamaa yangu alipodai mtoto alishia patupu.

Mbaya kuliko yote, wazazi wa mke hawakutoa ushirikiano wakati wa uchumba mpaka ndoa, na sasa ndoa imekufa ndio kabisa jamaa yangu hawezi hata kutia mguu huko ukweni.

Kesi ipo mahakamani huyu ndugu yangu anadai haki ya kukaa na mwanawe, pesa zinaliwa tu...
Imagine kabinti ambako muda huu kangekuwa kanakula raha mjini, leo hii yupo kijijini huko?..aarrghhh, inauma sana.
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Mbu I think something is wrong somewhere kwa hii kesi........
1. Ilikuwaje mama akaamua kumsafirisha mtoto kwenda kwa wazazi wake? Kigezo au sababu ya kumsafirisha ilikuwa ni nini?
2. Utaratibu gani ulifuatwa katika kutekeleza hii 'forced transfer' ya mtoto? Baba alijulishwa au ndo ilikuwa kama kumtorosha??

Sheria inasemaje juu ya hili au imekaa kimya?
 
MwanajamiiOne said:
Mbu I think something is wrong somewhere kwa hii kesi........
1. Ilikuwaje mama akaamua kumsafirisha mtoto kwenda kwa wazazi wake? Kigezo au sababu ya kumsafirisha ilikuwa ni nini?
2. Utaratibu gani ulifuatwa katika kutekeleza hii 'forced transfer' ya mtoto? Baba alijulishwa au ndo ilikuwa kama kumtorosha??

Sheria inasemaje juu ya hili au imekaa kimya?
Click to expand...

Kuna swali langu Mbu kasema anagugo mabrasha yake...
Mama ana haki gani kwa mtoto wa chini ya miaka 7?
  • Kukaa na mtoto au
  • Hata kuamua mtoto akae wapi.....
Japo la muhimu sio content za sheria....la muhimu ni mtoto kupata kilicho bora toka kwa wazazi wote.
 
BabyGal said:
Uhakika wa kwamba angekua mjini angekua anakula raha ungetoka wapi?!Kukaa kijijini kunamkosesha raha ipi haswa kama analelewabila manyanyaso?!Kuona magari?!Huyo baba angemlea mwenyewe nyumbani au angemwacha na mama wa kambo/mfanyakazi?!Una uhakika gani kama ndivyo angelelewa vizuri?!
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BabyGal umeuliza swali la msingi sana ni kweli hakuna guarantee lakini pia kama nimemsoma vizuri Mbu hakusema kuwa mtoto angekuwa mjini AKILELEWA NA BABA angefaidi kuliko kuishi kijijini. Nilivyoelewa ni kuwa wazazi wote wawili wa mtoto huyu wako mjini wakati mtoto wamemwacha kijijini why? kwa nini asikae mjini na huyo mama yake?? Kwa hali ya maisha ilivyo sidhani kama kuna mzazi ambaye angekuwa na uwezo angeamua tu kumpeleka mwanae kijijini ilihali maisha ya kule yanajulikana. Ni ngumu kwa kweli.

Lakini pia nakubaliana na point yako kwa sababu ni kweli kumlea mtoto viizuri ni zaidi ya mahali pa kuishi, malazi, mavazi............Malezi (Rearing) ni tofauti na Matunzo (provision)!

BabyGal said:
Wakati mwingine inabidi kabla ya mama au baba kulilia kukaa na mtoto kwa kisingizio cha nna pesa aangalie kama atakua na muda kweli na huyo mtoto au la.Na kama hatakua na muda je atakaemwachia mtoto ana ukaribu nae kiasi gani cha kuweza kumwamini hata kumwachia mwanae.Huyo unayemwongelea yeye ni kama anashindana tu kwasababu anataka kukomoana na mama mtu.Though sio wote wamama wengi wanajua nini ni bora kwa watoto wao.Na huyo mama nampongeza kwasababu atakua ameona kwamba kwa shughuli zake hawezi kua na mwanae muda mrefu kwahiyo akaamua kumpeleka kwa wazazi wake waliomlea yeye (hivyo anawafahamu vizuri pamoja na malezi yao) wamsaidia na kumpa mtoto nafasi ya kua karibu na watu ambao ni ndugu zake.
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Sawa kabisa............ ndio maana uwezo tunauwekea 'UWEZO" zaidi ya pesa, awe na uwezo kiakili, muda n.k.
 
RR said:
Kuna swali langu Mbu kasema anagugo mabrasha yake...
Mama ana haki gani kwa mtoto wa chini ya miaka 7?
  • Kukaa na mtoto au
  • Hata kuamua mtoto akae wapi.....
Japo la muhimu sio content za sheria....la muhimu ni mtoto kupata kilicho bora toka kwa wazazi wote.
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Miaka 7. Hivi miaka 7 mtoto anakuwa na upeo gani mpaka "sheria" ndo ikaamua sasa baba anaweza "kummiliki" kutoka kwenye "miliki" ya mama?
 
RR said:
Kuna swali langu Mbu kasema anagugo mabrasha yake...
Mama ana haki gani kwa mtoto wa chini ya miaka 7?
  • Kukaa na mtoto au
  • Hata kuamua mtoto akae wapi.....
Japo la muhimu sio content za sheria....la muhimu ni mtoto kupata kilicho bora toka kwa wazazi wote.
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Sasa usipojua content za sheria utaelewaje kama Mama anaruhusiwa an haruhusiwi kumlea mtoto alokabidhiwa kisheria kwa "Remote control" pengine sheria ina loophole hiyo ya kuwa mradi imesema mtoto chini ya miaka 7 akae kwa mama lakini haitilii mkazo wa kutomhamishia kwa bibi/ma mkubwa au mdogo!

Kupata kilichobora kutoka kwa wazazi wote wawili nakubaliana na wewe lakini kuhakikisha kama anakipata kweli ndio changamoto........ ni vema tukajua kwanza nini lengo au nia ya kumtaka mama abaki na mtoto aliye chini ya miaka 7. Kwa nini sheria iliamua hivyo; nini kilikuwa kigezo!
 
MwanajamiiOne said:
Mbu I think something is wrong somewhere kwa hii kesi........
1. Ilikuwaje mama akaamua kumsafirisha mtoto kwenda kwa wazazi wake? Kigezo au sababu ya kumsafirisha ilikuwa ni nini?
2. Utaratibu gani ulifuatwa katika kutekeleza hii 'forced transfer' ya mtoto? Baba alijulishwa au ndo ilikuwa kama kumtorosha??

Sheria inasemaje juu ya hili au imekaa kimya?
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Mwj1, ...hebu msome Aspirin hapa...;

Asprin said:
Kuna tukio kama hili:

Baada ya binti kumaliza chuo kikuu, mama yake akamwambia binti akamuonyeshe baba yake halisi......... Yaani mida yote amekaa na mtu akidhania ni baba yake kumbe si baba yake. Imagine!......... ngoja nisiendelee manake chozi laweza kunitoka bure....
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Iweje binti mpaka amalize chuo kikuu ndio aje atambulishwe huyu sio baba'ko? Dhulma kiasi gani kwa mtoto hiyo?
kumjua Biological Dad wake?

...ilikuwaje ni ngumu kusema, ila wa baba wengi hutumia busara kwamba mtoto ni mdogo acha mama mtu aondoke nae.
Hayo mambo ya utaratibu nk yanapotokea maugomvi Mwj1 hakunaga na formula bana, yanalipukwa tu,...unajishtukia
mama na watoto wameshaondoka wewe umebakia na nyumba yako. Ngumu sana kuelezea, kwani kila mtu anakumbwa na
experiences zake, ila hakuna cha ajabu kuwa mama wengi huondoka na watoto wao.

Hapo kwenye sheria usimamizi na utekelezaji wake sahau.
 
Kisaikolojia mtoto anaweza kuwa trained kuwa unavyotaka awe up to seven (7) years baada ya hapo hakunjiki. Labda wameangalia hilo. Brain ya mtoto inakuwa flexible up to seven years baada ya hapo anaanza naye ku argue and ask "why?".

Asprin said:
Miaka 7. Hivi miaka 7 mtoto anakuwa na upeo gani mpaka "sheria" ndo ikaamua sasa baba anaweza "kummiliki" kutoka kwenye "miliki" ya mama?
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MwanajamiiOne said:
Sasa usipojua content za sheria utaelewaje kama Mama anaruhusiwa an haruhusiwi kumlea mtoto alokabidhiwa kisheria kwa "Remote control" pengine sheria ina loophole hiyo ya kuwa mradi imesema mtoto chini ya miaka 7 akae kwa mama lakini haitilii mkazo wa kutomhamishia kwa bibi/ma mkubwa au mdogo!

Kupata kilichobora kutoka kwa wazazi wote wawili nakubaliana na wewe lakini kuhakikisha kama anakipata kweli ndio changamoto........ ni vema tukajua kwanza nini lengo au nia ya kumtaka mama abaki na mtoto aliye chini ya miaka 7. Kwa nini sheria iliamua hivyo; nini kilikuwa kigezo!
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MJ1 bila hata ya kuangalia sheria....mtoto mdogo (sijui udogo unaishia wapi tho) kukaa na mama yake mzazi ni the best option ya malezi....
Naposema muhimu sio content za sheria namaanisha wazazi wawili wakubaliane kuhusu njia bora zaidi ya kumlea mtoto/watoto wao...
 
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