According to the book 'Heart to Heart' by Nancy Van Pelt, the following are the most important things you must do in your marriage discussion. 1. Do your best to reach an agreement before ending the discussion. Do not leave in the heat of the argument. 2. Speak in a normal tone of voice, without yelling. 3. Be positive. No threats should be shouted, and never use threats of divorce. 4. Use language acceptable to both partners. Teasing or taunting your partner is completely forbidden. 5. Big argumengs should always be privately discussed and never infront of people outside the family. Limit big arguments infront of the children. 6. Pay attention and try to understand what your partner wants to communicate. 7. Adapt an accepting rather than defensive attitude. 8. Attempt to reach an aggrement rather than winning.