What to do?

Jestina · Nov 15, 2014

katibasitti said:
Ndugu yangu, si busara sana kuleta ndoa yako jf badala ya mbele za Mungu au kwa mchungaji wako.

Huyu mama unaemuongelea ninamfahamu sana muda,mimi ni mama mwenzie. Mara ya kwanza kumfahamu miaka iliyopita,alikuwa mwenye afya kweli na mng'ao wa matumaini kama mtu ila nilimshangaa nilivomuona juzi juzi hapo,nilimuuliza ni nini?una matatizo gani? unawaza nini. Tofauti na ulivosema hapa kuhusu God fearness,mimi nilikutana nae kanisa la kiroho misa ya pili kwenye maombi napo alikuwa ametoka ibada ya kwanza akaunga huku maombini. na siku hiyo alisema amelala analia hivo akija kwenye maombi ataondoka mwepesi. Unamwambia na kumfanyia vitu vizito sana na vingine unamlazimisha akubali.

Mambo ya kampani na kuchati na kuona wanawake wengine ndio wa maana acha! Msichana ambae uliflirt nae,ukampa zawadi unadiriki tena na kuanzisha nae biashara afu unalazimisha mwenzio akubali. je ni haki?

Kama uliwahi kuambiwa uoe kabila fulani ukaoa wa kabila lingine,ikatokea hajakubalika kihivyo na ameshaliona hilo hata akienda huko ukweni,je atakuwa huru kwenda huko? mfano " aliambiwa eti unasikiliza nini "acha kufanya masikio kama paka mara ya kwanza tu kwenda? ni neno la kawaida kumwambia mkweo?
kumwamrisha mwenzio afanye matakwa ya wifi au ndugu wakati mkeo huwezi kumfanyia hilo kiujumla ni sawa? Nyumba ni yenu na amri na maamuzi yatoke kwenu.

Mavazi mara nyingi ni yeye anastruggle akupendezee. Ni kujinyima tu. si kweli wewe ndio unashughulika. anakuonesha wewe kama kioo chake kama vile wewe unavyomuonesha akupe opinion yake ukivaa.

Kumwambia utazaa nje upelekee wazazi watoto eti umetumwa na unataka kuwaridhisha , je ni sawa? Huo uperfectionist !!
Unamwambiaje mwenzio mtoto mdogo akakae kwa bibi badala ya mama yake?

Ubalance. inakuwaje unamkataza kwenda kwenye misiba ya upande wa mke?

Hayo ni machache ,mengi nimeyastahi na kuhifadhi toka kwa mama huyo. Ila mengi yako hapo uliyoeleza umejipotray kama mtakatifu usie na mawaa.
Nimeyahifadhi sababu Jf si mahali pake.

Mmmnh mtakuwa waarabu mnajuana kwa vilemba,,mtoa mada sie wanawake ni watu wa hisia,ukicheza na hisia zetu basi ume-tuwin,tunapenda kuonewa huruma na kuonyesha tunajaliwa....embu kuanzia sasa step out of the line,jishushe..na uanze kumsifia mkeo km amependeza,mpe hela akasuke nywele hata km unajua hana shida hio, mtoe out ,mpitie kazini, mrushie vocha...msaidie kazi za nyumbani mkuu ukifanya hayo lazima utawin back her affections

Mkuu kingine ni kutafuta mzizi wa matatizo yako na kuukata, seems unaplay " blaming mind game"....kwamba matatizo yote mlio nayo km kukosa hela,kukosa hamu ya kushiriki tendo la ndoa yameletwa na mkeo!....sio kweli, nakushauri ujishushe to her level na myaongee...usimfanye akafeel wewe ni superior yeye ni binadamu km wewe anafaa kusikilizwa na kujaliwa...

As for kuumwa nendeni hospitali for check up and treatment, inawezekana ni underlying bigger problem kama msongo wa mawazo ambao unaweza kuathiri ufanisi ktk kazi zenu na mahusiano yenu ya kindoa!

Mwisho mkuu kusiwe na nyumba ndogo unaizengea na wifi akajua!hamna jambo la kunyong'onyeza na kukoseshaa amani km hilo....kunyang'anywa tonge mdomoni...ndio maana hata tendo la ndoa linalega lega,simply ana hofu usije kumuambukiza!.... nakushauri kuanzia sasa biashara na mipango mingine ya maendeleo,usifanye na wanawake wengine,fanya nae ili kuondoa 'hofu' may be theres'something behind rather than bussiness!!

BADILI TABIA · Nov 15, 2014

Oooh yeah

Hakuna kitu kinabore kama unaishi na binadamu anayekukosoa 24/7

Nadhani miaka 7 uliyo ndoani imekufundisha kuwa hakuna kitu muhimu kama kuyakubali mapungufu ya mwenzio na kumchukulia jinsi alivyo (as long as hayahusiani na uzinzi)....

Maisha sio magumu kiasi hicho kaka...

Kama kutwa waoana mabaya ya mwenzio hebu jitathmini

Tized said:
Tatizo kubwa lipo kwako ndugu, kila saa kukosoa tu kila saa kulalamika, kila saa kulaumu na kuona mabaya tu ya mwenza wako unayotaka abadilike (awe perfect).... Hii kitu kwenye mahusiano au hata kwenye maisha ya kawaida tu ni SUMU mbaya sana.

Huna shida nyingine yeyote ile. Acha kuwa Mr perfect, mshukuru na mfurahie mkeo kwa vile alivyo sasa, vile ambavyo amekua mke mwema kwako, vile amewalea vyema wanao, vile ambavyo amakuwa mwaminifu kwako (seven years hakuna tuhuma za kucheat sio mchezo kwa kizai cha leo) na mengine meengi anayokufanyia mazuri itamsaidia kuboreka zaidi.. Maandiko yanasema ''Mithali 17:22 MOYO ULICHANGAMKA NI DAWA NZURI, BALI ROHO ILIOPONDEKA HUIKAUSHA MIFUPA '' (Asignment yako iko hapa kuuchangamsha moyo wake)

Kama kila wakati ni kukosoa kwa kujidai unautetea ukweli, kumlaumu kwa vitu vidogo kama unavyosema unakosea sana kaka kwa maana UNAIPONDA ROHO WAKE bila kujua. Na roho ikishapondeka ndio inakua imejaa uchungu, hasira, chuki, ghadhabu, visasi, woga/wasiwasi na kukata tamaa. Wanawake wapo sensitive sana na comments tunazowapa na kama kila saa ni kusikia habari mbaya tu utampoteza kabisa siku za usoni kwa depression n.k kaka yangu

Learn to appreciate her, compliment her, mfurahie kwa mapungufu aliyo nayo (si ilimpenda kiwa hivyo toka mwanzo), acha kabisa kumkosoa bali katika kila jambo zungumzeni kwa nini liko hivyo na mnawezaje kusaidiana kuuondoa au kucover huo upungufu. Ukilenga kumkosoa mwanamke unatakiwa utumie akili na busara sana kiasi kwamba utamfanya akuelewe na mnaishia kucheka baadae. Kumuambia tu acha kitu fulani kama mtoto sio sawa, bali mnazungumza na kubembelezana kwa upendo.

Kumbuka ukiwa na nafsi ya kukosoa kosoa sana ni NADRA sana itatokea uweze kuona mazuri ya mtu. Jitahidi kwenye hilo.

Tumeambia tutumie akili sana kuishi na wanawake, usimchukulie kama mtu yeyote tu yule au kama unavyowakomalia watu walio chini yako ofisini au kwenye kazi yako ukaona wanawake nao wako hivyo.

THE ONLY ONE WITH A PROBLEM AND YOU CAN TO CHANGE IS YOURSELF MR jaxonwaziri. No one else. We can only influence the changes, we can not change people. See how to improve your infuence, and leaders we only show the way and not telling the way.

Pole nimetumia lugha ngumu kidogo, ila kwa kuwa wewe ni mwanaume mwenzangu, unapaswa kuambiwa vyako ili upone.

Best to you.
Tized.

platozoom · Nov 15, 2014

jaxonwaziri said:
Wakuu shukrani kwa mawazo na ushauri wenu. Labda niongeze details kidogo kama alivyoshauri chardams na Tized hapo juu
Sehemu ambazo nimekua siridhishwi na utendaji wake na huwa namueleza:

1.Kwanza ni 'The Ministry of Domestic Affairs' - the way she manages the house, cleanliness, cooking (or cooking supervision if she isnt the one cooking). I happen to be very particular in my tastes. Sio kwamba hafanyi. mfano usafi etc anafanya but nakua kama mwalimu wa zamu, ikitokea anything is less than my expectation kwa alichofanya hata kama alitumia siku nzima I normally says right there.

2. Suala la kuwahi kuamka na kuweka mambo ya nyumbani sawa, be it we are travelling, we are going to church etc. Ni mzito ajabu, na nikijaribu kumuamsha na kumuhimiza anakua very reluctant. na ikitokea mwishowe kakubali kuamka na kushughulika ila tukachelewa ama muda ukafika mambo yakawa hayajakamilika kama ilivyopasa, huwa nakua furious sijapata kuona. hata kama tunakwenda ibadani siku huwa imeharibikia hapo.

3. I like her to look good and appear admirable popote anapokua, she is my wife and there is nothing more that delights me than kusikia mke wangu ana-stand out. So, I do my best kuhakikisha anapata mahitaji ya aina hiyo. Haitoshi tu, bali hata wakati mwingi nahusika kumpangia mavazi hadi viatu ili tu anifurahishe. The matter comes anapokua mwenyewe, she may appear not as per my liking (ilhali najua uwezo wa ku-appear alikua nao na nguo kaziacha nyingi na nzuri ndani). hapo hasira huwaka kama mwendawazimu, na hata kama nisipomuambia right there and then, ila siku hiyo haitaisha nitamkosoa kwa alichokifanya.

4. A wife should be my support, my peace, my comforter ect (thats what I believe and expect). Ila anapokua anahitaji kitu fulani sometimes, anapenda sana ku-rely kwenye 'feelings' i.e what she feels rather than what reasoning is telling her. Mfano, if there happens to be a limited amount of money at hand and we are faced with two options to spend the money, she wont rely on the brain as to which one should be prioritised. She would go for what she feels - and as it turns out it often turns out to be the worst choice. As a result, nimejikuta simshirikishi katika maamuzi muhimu kwakua nitaanzisha zogo ama nitamuumiza kwakua most times nitakua against what she may choose. This itself pia ni tatizo: Kwanini simshirikishi!

5. Unfortunately, both her parents have passed but mine are still alive. Me and her come from very different background (kabila tofauti, makuzi tofauti, mikoa tofauti) Wakati wa msiba wa mmoja wa wazazi wake, me and my parents, siblings kuna maamuzi na maongezi tukawa tunayafanya wakati wa msiba akiwepo. To us it was just normal or felt normal basing on our background but kwake yeye alovyoyachukulia it is like hatukuyapa baadhi ya mambo uzito uliostahiki na maamuzi mengine yalifanyika kama bila heshima hivi (kwa mtizamo wake). Ever since (its more than four years now) hakuna siku tumetofautiana akaacha kutaja hilo jambo! Pia, uhusiano wake na upande wa wakwe zake umedorora sana. Wakati mwingi najikuta katikati kushoto upande mmoja mke wangu, upande mwingine wakwe zake na shemeji zake!trust me, its a position no man wants or wishes to be!

6. I like a God fearing, constant God seeking woman. When we got married, she wasnt so much into God business. Yet what she had was something that could be developed and enhanced to become what I needed. I have tried and I havent stopped to date, anachukulia poa sana. Ushauri wangu ama hitaji langu in this topic to her most of the times halipewi uzito stahiki.

Nikisema hayo tote hapo (1 - 6) and many others, I come up against a massive wall: UNANIONEA. This statement shuts me down completely, hata nguvu ya ku-work out a lasting solution inapotea. I either fly into blind rage or I shut down and burry it deep inside somewhwere.

Naomba niishie hapo kwa sasa, ila nitarudi endapo patahitajika clarification zaidi toka kwangu.

You sound like Luo!! Jambo la muhimu sana, kubali mapingufu yako na pia kubali kuwa kila mtu anaweza kufanya makosa, na kila binadamu ana mapungufu yake. Usijone perfect sana.

platozoom · Nov 15, 2014

Asprin said:
Ungekuwa unapiga ulabu.... wala hata usingeanzisha hii thread kwa kuwa mara nyingi pombe ni problems solver. Yaani inasolvu automatikale kama vile... yani shwaaaap.

Kama ni muumini na mcha Mungu, sali sana na mwombe Mungu mkeo nae awe mcha Mungu. Siku zote Mungu hawaangushi waja wake.

Kama we ni mkaksi..... fanya maamuzi magumu. Pima mwenyewe uone ujue kipi ni bora katika maisha yako. Furaha au karaha. Kama ni karaha basi vumilia na ishi maisha yako. Kama ni furaha.....hakuna lenye mwanzo lisilokuwa na mwisho..... aondoke zake uishi kwa amani na furaha. aftaroo.... maisha ni mafupi sana.

Mwisho kabisa.... mlete mkeo hapa tusikie upande wa pili. Isije ikawa wewe ndio tatizo kubwa kuliko ebola. Usisahau.... nyani haoni kundule.

Baada ya kusema hayo.... babu ODM narejea kitandani kukabiliana na challenges za hangover.

Na kila mmoja aseme Ameen!!

Lighondi · Nov 16, 2014

katibasitti said:
Ndugu yangu, si busara sana kuleta ndoa yako jf badala ya mbele za Mungu au kwa mchungaji wako.

Huyu mama unaemuongelea ninamfahamu sana muda,mimi ni mama mwenzie. Mara ya kwanza kumfahamu miaka iliyopita,alikuwa mwenye afya kweli na mng'ao wa matumaini kama mtu ila nilimshangaa nilivomuona juzi juzi hapo,nilimuuliza ni nini?una matatizo gani? unawaza nini. Tofauti na ulivosema hapa kuhusu God fearness,mimi nilikutana nae kanisa la kiroho misa ya pili kwenye maombi napo alikuwa ametoka ibada ya kwanza akaunga huku maombini. na siku hiyo alisema amelala analia hivo akija kwenye maombi ataondoka mwepesi. Unamwambia na kumfanyia vitu vizito sana na vingine unamlazimisha akubali.

Mambo ya kampani na kuchati na kuona wanawake wengine ndio wa maana acha! Msichana ambae uliflirt nae,ukampa zawadi unadiriki tena na kuanzisha nae biashara afu unalazimisha mwenzio akubali. je ni haki?

Kama uliwahi kuambiwa uoe kabila fulani ukaoa wa kabila lingine,ikatokea hajakubalika kihivyo na ameshaliona hilo hata akienda huko ukweni,je atakuwa huru kwenda huko? mfano " aliambiwa eti unasikiliza nini "acha kufanya masikio kama paka mara ya kwanza tu kwenda? ni neno la kawaida kumwambia mkweo?
kumwamrisha mwenzio afanye matakwa ya wifi au ndugu wakati mkeo huwezi kumfanyia hilo kiujumla ni sawa? Nyumba ni yenu na amri na maamuzi yatoke kwenu.

Mavazi mara nyingi ni yeye anastruggle akupendezee. Ni kujinyima tu. si kweli wewe ndio unashughulika. anakuonesha wewe kama kioo chake kama vile wewe unavyomuonesha akupe opinion yake ukivaa.

Kumwambia utazaa nje upelekee wazazi watoto eti umetumwa na unataka kuwaridhisha , je ni sawa? Huo uperfectionist !!
Unamwambiaje mwenzio mtoto mdogo akakae kwa bibi badala ya mama yake?

Ubalance. inakuwaje unamkataza kwenda kwenye misiba ya upande wa mke?

Hayo ni machache ,mengi nimeyastahi na kuhifadhi toka kwa mama huyo. Ila mengi yako hapo uliyoeleza umejipotray kama mtakatifu usie na mawaa.
Nimeyahifadhi sababu Jf si mahali pake.

Nafikiri hii ni side B ya story yetu na hivyo kwa maoni yangu sasa iko balanced na hivyo tunaweza kujadili kuanzia hapa kwenda mbele.
Kwa namna fulani nakubaliana na #katibasiti kwamba mambo ya ndani si vizuri yakawekwa wazi kwa watu wengine ambao huenda unaona hawahusiki. Lakini ni kutokana na huo usiri wa muda mrefu umefanya mambo hayohayo yavuje hadi kukufikia. Na umekiri kuwa unajua mengi zaidi ya haya!!!!
Umewahi kujiuliza kwanini yamefika kwako na kama ilikuwa sahihi kufika kwako lakini sio kwa jf? Na baada ya kupewa taarifa zote hizo ulifanya nini kunusuru ndoa hii?
Kwa kusema hivi silazimishi haki ya jf kupata habari kama hizi bali naangalia lengo la mtoa mada la kutaka kusaidiwa katika ndoa yake.
Kwangu mimi kama mtu yupo tayari kupata mawazo tofauti (na ki ukweli amepata) kwa lengo la kuokoa ndoa yake ni jambo zuri na ni mwanzo mzuri wa kuibadili familia ili iwe ya furaha na amani kama zamani.
Kitu kingine kizuri ni kwamba hapa jf panatumika kama darasa huru. Mijadala kama hii inakuwa kama kioo kila mtu katika nafsi yake anajipimia mwenyewe na kuona wapi anapungukiwa na nini afanye kuboresha. Usiangalie tu idadi ya michango na wachangiaji, ukweli ni kwamba zinasomwa na maelfu ya watu both members and non members. Hvyo hapa nakusudia kushawishi watu walete kesi nyingi zaidi za design hii ili tuendelee kubadilishana uzoefu na kujifunza kutokana wenzetu miongoni mwetu. Jamani si mnajua kuwa tunakuwa certified kabla ya mtihani!!!!!!? (joking!)
Mimi binafsi nimeona mada imetolewa kwa staha bila dharau na wadau wamechangia vizuri na kwa nia njema kabisa na lengo la jf. By the way sio rahisi sana kumjua mhusika kutokana na majina yetu ya humu ndani na hivyo sioni udhalilishaji wowote wa mke wake hapa.
La mwisho na ambalo ni la kweli, kazi ya kurekebisha ndoa yako ni yako ndugu #jacksonwaziri . Usisahau kuja kutupa mrejesho baada ya kupraktisi maushauri yote yaliyotolewa huku ukichanganya na zako.

chardams · Nov 16, 2014

katibasitti said:
Ndugu yangu, si busara sana kuleta ndoa yako jf badala ya mbele za Mungu au kwa mchungaji wako.

Huyu mama unaemuongelea ninamfahamu sana muda,mimi ni mama mwenzie. Mara ya kwanza kumfahamu miaka iliyopita,alikuwa mwenye afya kweli na mng'ao wa matumaini kama mtu ila nilimshangaa nilivomuona juzi juzi hapo,nilimuuliza ni nini?una matatizo gani? unawaza nini. Tofauti na ulivosema hapa kuhusu God fearness,mimi nilikutana nae kanisa la kiroho misa ya pili kwenye maombi napo alikuwa ametoka ibada ya kwanza akaunga huku maombini. na siku hiyo alisema amelala analia hivo akija kwenye maombi ataondoka mwepesi. Unamwambia na kumfanyia vitu vizito sana na vingine unamlazimisha akubali.

Mambo ya kampani na kuchati na kuona wanawake wengine ndio wa maana acha! Msichana ambae uliflirt nae,ukampa zawadi unadiriki tena na kuanzisha nae biashara afu unalazimisha mwenzio akubali. je ni haki?

Kama uliwahi kuambiwa uoe kabila fulani ukaoa wa kabila lingine,ikatokea hajakubalika kihivyo na ameshaliona hilo hata akienda huko ukweni,je atakuwa huru kwenda huko? mfano " aliambiwa eti unasikiliza nini "acha kufanya masikio kama paka mara ya kwanza tu kwenda? ni neno la kawaida kumwambia mkweo?
kumwamrisha mwenzio afanye matakwa ya wifi au ndugu wakati mkeo huwezi kumfanyia hilo kiujumla ni sawa? Nyumba ni yenu na amri na maamuzi yatoke kwenu.

Mavazi mara nyingi ni yeye anastruggle akupendezee. Ni kujinyima tu. si kweli wewe ndio unashughulika. anakuonesha wewe kama kioo chake kama vile wewe unavyomuonesha akupe opinion yake ukivaa.

Kumwambia utazaa nje upelekee wazazi watoto eti umetumwa na unataka kuwaridhisha , je ni sawa? Huo uperfectionist !!
Unamwambiaje mwenzio mtoto mdogo akakae kwa bibi badala ya mama yake?

Ubalance. inakuwaje unamkataza kwenda kwenye misiba ya upande wa mke?

Hayo ni machache ,mengi nimeyastahi na kuhifadhi toka kwa mama huyo. Ila mengi yako hapo uliyoeleza umejipotray kama mtakatifu usie na mawaa.
Nimeyahifadhi sababu Jf si mahali pake.

Katibasitti, sidhani kama jf ni mbaya kwa masuala kama haya; kwani kuna watu wana ushauri mzuri sana.

Ninatumaini huwezi kupinga kwa hili kwani inajidhihirisha wazi, kwani ukiangalia toka mwanzo ushauri aliopewa jaxonwaziri ni abadilike licha ya kwamba tulikuwa hatujafaham matatitozo yako wapi, walio changia mawazo yao wamelalia upande wa mlalamikiwa.hii yote ni kwa sababu ya upeo mkubwa wakufikiria na kuchambua mambo walio nao baadhi ya wanajukwaa.

Jaxonwaziri suala la kuwaruhusu ndugu zako kuingilia mambo ya familia yako sio zuri hata kidogo, ukumbuke kwamba they will never be good to her hata kidogo ukuzingatia huku oa Huko walikotaka ndugu zako.

kwa sababu uliamua kumuoa mtu unaye mpenda na sio waliompenda wao, basi vivi hivo uishi nae. Kama alivyosema Katibasitti ni nyumba yenu na maamuzi yawe yakwenu.

Possibles · Nov 16, 2014

Hizi ndio thread zenye tija humu MMU....hutaona wale machakaramu.
Sijaoa lakini ushauri ninaoupata hapa utanisaidia sana baadae

MankaM · Nov 16, 2014

Hiv unaishije na mtu ndani kitanda kimoko afu hamna mawasiliano vizuri... nini tatizo...
nani chanzo...

Tized · Nov 17, 2014

Mkuu PetCash heshima kubwa sana kwako Kaka mkubwa kwa sharing na ushauri ulimpa ndugu yetu. Umekaa vyema sana kaka na ni ushauri wa Kiume haswa.

Mkuu jaxonwaziri, nikiongeza kitu ntakua nakosea kwa sasa, Nakusihi times and times again, kaa usome tena hizi coments, Anza kiziimplement and best moments are ahead of you.

Cha kuongezea hapo... Tambua kuwa ndoa ni ya watu wawili, ni yako na Mtu uliempenda wewe (sio aliopendwa na wazazi au ndugu zako) Mke kwanza, na ukimpenda mkeo atapenda na wale uwapendao, ila ukionesha upendo na mahaba kwa ndugu na wazazi kuliko yeye, tegemea atakuwa na maumivu na chuki kwao woote uwapendao (just a simple logic)

Uwezo wote upo mikononi mwako, Its enough now, you previous approches has failed and will still fail, TRY NEW ONES...
Remember ''DOING THE SAME THING, SAME WAY, EXPECT SAME RESULTS'' If you wanna get new/different results!!... do different thing, or do the same thing differently. ''Power to you''

Bless you Bro.

PetCash said:
Mkuu, jaxonwaziri;

Hutokaa upende kitu asilimia 100 brother. Try kuchukua muda uenjoy wife anavyomanage jiko na usafi. Hata kama ataanza kwa kutokukufurahisha, taratibu akijua anachofanya ni cha muhimu kwako huku ukimpa sifa kwa improvement. Itakapokuja akaanza kuona usafi na chakula chake ni kitu unaenjoy lazima aongeze manjonjo. Kiukweli mimi ni mchaguzi sana wa vyakula. Cha kushangaza (I still wonder) asilimia kubwa ya atakachopika wife nakula. Na hata simkosoi. Na kwenye kula napendwaje? Yani hata nije saa 9 usiku for absolutely no reasonable reason. Kama sijala na hakuna chakula ntaandaliwa, nikimaliza kula ndo niulizwe kulikoni kumjia saa9?

Kiukweli a good wife huamka asubuhi akaandaa nyumba yake na familia kwa ajili ya siku. Ila kama yuko hivyo. waweza jaribu kumkumbusha mambo mengine mkaandaa usiku kabla ya kulala (i.e nguo za kunyoosha, usafi wa jikoni, vitu vya safari), Ilia asubuhi kuwe na vichache vya kufanya. Pia uandae kwenda ibada ama safari late kidogo. ILi siku nyingine apate usingizi autakao. Ukijamwamsha mara moja moja ataweza kuvumilia. Likini kiukweli ukikomaa naye kila siku! It will profit you nothing making her life a living hell! Hata si nzuri kwa maisha yako wewe kama mkeo asipokuwa na furaha.

Hapa pana shida. Si wote tulio kwenye ndoa hufurahia wenzi wetu wanavyovaa mara zote . Unakuta tu by average machoni kwako anapendeza. Usilazimishe kila saa avae upendavyo kwa sababu kwenye mavazi si kupendeza tu, pia comfort ni muhimu. Will it profit you avae upendavyo na asiwe comfortable? Man Happy Wife Happy Life!

And so are all women! She is normal kabisa. Mungu aliyewaumba hivyo ndiye ajuaye faida za kuwa hivyo. Inawezekana kwa kujudge kwake by feelings ameshafanya maamuzi mengi mazuri ila hujaona tu. Sikatai kuna rational decisions ambapo wewe ndiye unatakiwa kuongoza ila kuna decisions za feelings ambazo only her can see.

Kwa kuwa yeye ndiye mfiwa na uchungu wake kulingana na alivyokuwa ameusikia, It wont kill you to ask for forgiveness. Msamaha saa nyingine si kwasababu unaona umekosa. Kwa sababu wewe kuwa right na yeye kuishi na uchungu huo for 4years! ni kuzito kuliko wewe kumuomba msamaha for absolutely nothing you did! Waombee na familia yako. Kuwa kichwa cha nyumba brother ni lazima saa nyingine ukubali kubeba lawama (Ndio uanaume)

Only God can make a human to be such. Hapa muombee na Mungu atamsaidia.

Kaka mkubwa, kwanza punguza hasira. Pia kuna vitu vidogo vidogo potezea. Saa nyingine akifanya kosa potezea anaweza akajishtukia akajirekebisha. Just love your wife, make an effort. Kuna siku matunda yake utavuna. Hakuna anayevuna bila kupata shuruba ya kulima na kukuza!

PetCash · Nov 17, 2014

BADILI TABIA said:
Oooh yeah

Hakuna kitu kinabore kama unaishi na binadamu anayekukosoa 24/7

Nadhani miaka 7 uliyo ndoani imekufundisha kuwa hakuna kitu muhimu kama kuyakubali mapungufu ya mwenzio na kumchukulia jinsi alivyo (as long as hayahusiani na uzinzi)....

Maisha sio magumu kiasi hicho kaka...

Kama kutwa waoana mabaya ya mwenzio hebu jitathmini

Sio tu kuona mabaya mkuu. Ila ukiona mabaya huwezi kuvumilia usiseme na ukiona mazuri unapotezea (Yani unaona ndo anatakiwa awe hivyo), u don't make an effort to appreciate.

Binadamu wote ni wabaya na wazuri its how you present your judgement kwa sababu hata mengine mkosaji anajua fika kakosea ila mtagombana.

Mfano: Unakuta mkeo kazidisha chumvi kwenye chakula. HATUA: unakasirika na kuanza kunung'unika, inafikia unasema mke gani hajui kupika (Mistake: si kwamba hajui kupika kateleza tu) KISHA: Akiprotest unasema hana adabu na ni mke mbaya! (She starts believing u don't see her as a quality wife). Hapo ni kitu kidogo tu cha mkono kuachia a little bit more salt that she intended.

Kosa kama hili unaweza kupotezea kwa sababu mkeo anakula chakula hichohicho na ameshtukia kazidisha chumvi. Kesho yake atajirekebisha, sasa kwanini iharibu mambo?????

imaney · Nov 18, 2014

Mtoa mada leta mrejesho,mmeyasolvu na wifi?

Theodora · Nov 20, 2014

jaxonwaziri said:
Wakuu shukrani kwa mawazo na ushauri wenu. Labda niongeze details kidogo kama alivyoshauri chardams na Tized hapo juu
Sehemu ambazo nimekua siridhishwi na utendaji wake na huwa namueleza:

1.Kwanza ni 'The Ministry of Domestic Affairs' - the way she manages the house, cleanliness, cooking (or cooking supervision if she isnt the one cooking). I happen to be very particular in my tastes. Sio kwamba hafanyi. mfano usafi etc anafanya but nakua kama mwalimu wa zamu, ikitokea anything is less than my expectation kwa alichofanya hata kama alitumia siku nzima I normally says right there.

2. Suala la kuwahi kuamka na kuweka mambo ya nyumbani sawa, be it we are travelling, we are going to church etc. Ni mzito ajabu, na nikijaribu kumuamsha na kumuhimiza anakua very reluctant. na ikitokea mwishowe kakubali kuamka na kushughulika ila tukachelewa ama muda ukafika mambo yakawa hayajakamilika kama ilivyopasa, huwa nakua furious sijapata kuona. hata kama tunakwenda ibadani siku huwa imeharibikia hapo.

3. I like her to look good and appear admirable popote anapokua, she is my wife and there is nothing more that delights me than kusikia mke wangu ana-stand out. So, I do my best kuhakikisha anapata mahitaji ya aina hiyo. Haitoshi tu, bali hata wakati mwingi nahusika kumpangia mavazi hadi viatu ili tu anifurahishe. The matter comes anapokua mwenyewe, she may appear not as per my liking (ilhali najua uwezo wa ku-appear alikua nao na nguo kaziacha nyingi na nzuri ndani). hapo hasira huwaka kama mwendawazimu, na hata kama nisipomuambia right there and then, ila siku hiyo haitaisha nitamkosoa kwa alichokifanya.

4. A wife should be my support, my peace, my comforter ect (thats what I believe and expect). Ila anapokua anahitaji kitu fulani sometimes, anapenda sana ku-rely kwenye 'feelings' i.e what she feels rather than what reasoning is telling her. Mfano, if there happens to be a limited amount of money at hand and we are faced with two options to spend the money, she wont rely on the brain as to which one should be prioritised. She would go for what she feels - and as it turns out it often turns out to be the worst choice. As a result, nimejikuta simshirikishi katika maamuzi muhimu kwakua nitaanzisha zogo ama nitamuumiza kwakua most times nitakua against what she may choose. This itself pia ni tatizo: Kwanini simshirikishi!

5. Unfortunately, both her parents have passed but mine are still alive. Me and her come from very different background (kabila tofauti, makuzi tofauti, mikoa tofauti) Wakati wa msiba wa mmoja wa wazazi wake, me and my parents, siblings kuna maamuzi na maongezi tukawa tunayafanya wakati wa msiba akiwepo. To us it was just normal or felt normal basing on our background but kwake yeye alovyoyachukulia it is like hatukuyapa baadhi ya mambo uzito uliostahiki na maamuzi mengine yalifanyika kama bila heshima hivi (kwa mtizamo wake). Ever since (its more than four years now) hakuna siku tumetofautiana akaacha kutaja hilo jambo! Pia, uhusiano wake na upande wa wakwe zake umedorora sana. Wakati mwingi najikuta katikati kushoto upande mmoja mke wangu, upande mwingine wakwe zake na shemeji zake!trust me, its a position no man wants or wishes to be!

6. I like a God fearing, constant God seeking woman. When we got married, she wasnt so much into God business. Yet what she had was something that could be developed and enhanced to become what I needed. I have tried and I havent stopped to date, anachukulia poa sana. Ushauri wangu ama hitaji langu in this topic to her most of the times halipewi uzito stahiki.

Nikisema hayo tote hapo (1 - 6) and many others, I come up against a massive wall: UNANIONEA. This statement shuts me down completely, hata nguvu ya ku-work out a lasting solution inapotea. I either fly into blind rage or I shut down and burry it deep inside somewhwere.

Naomba niishie hapo kwa sasa, ila nitarudi endapo patahitajika clarification zaidi toka kwangu.

Sounds u are a control freak. For a second remove all the I's in your statements above and try to know and ask for her opinion. I like, I believe, I happen to... I am a perfectionist but I have learnt putting myself in the other person's shoes.

What to do?

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