Trust.........................

MwanajamiiOne said:

Mbu umenena sawa kwa kuongezea nyumba kubwa ni kuwa mnapoanza mapenzi wote huwa mna ile kuaminiana kuwa mwenzako anakupenda na yeye ndie kubwa kuliko wote! Unapopata mpenzi mpya binadamu tunaamini kuwa ni mbora kuliko a/walotangulia.............so trust inajijenga outomatically.......But anapokukosea kwa kosa ambalo pengine ulikwishawahitendewa zamani au hata kama ni kosa jipya (Lakini linaumiza) unaanza kuidoubt ile imani yako ya kuwa "huyu ni tofauti na wa/yule" hapo tunasema trust ime'shake' au kupotea.

Ili kuijenga upya inakubidi kwanza uane na kusamehe....kwa kuamini kuwa kosa lililofanyka ilikuwa bahati mbaya, au kulikuwa kuna explanation nyingine nje ya uwezo wa mkosaji. Ukisha samehe then kwa kuangalia mwenendo (marudio ya kosa hilo) kwa mwenzako unaanza kuijenga tena ile trust kuwa mwenzangu amebadilika so now nawezamtrust tena.

Ninajiuliza ......how do you rebuild the trust which has been destroyed because of "cheating" and je wanawake wanaokuta mume amecheat wakasamehe, do they trust them ever again? if not how do they live in a 'non-trust' marriage life?

Wanaume: Why its hard for you to forgive mwanamke aliyecheat (kabla ya kuuliza trust)?

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Hapo kwenye bold; nikijibu kwa upande wangu; mimi nilishawahi kuwa cheated a year a go, maisha ninayoishi sasa ni yale ya kugongwa na nyoka, ukiona mjusi unashtuka. But yes, you can leave with someone without trusting him 100% na si kwa kupenda, narudia ni nje ya uwezo wangu.

But if you will ask me if I still love him, the answer is Yes. I love him than ever before. May be because sijiamini tena and nafikiri kuwa nikizidisha mapenzi basi hatarudia kosa. I love him and I can't bear the pain of sharing him with another woman.

Nachelea ku conclude kuwa trust once broken can never be amended 100%. Kwa mfano nikisikia mume wangu anacheat tena wala sitashtuka kama first incidence kwani najua what he is capable of since the first incidence.

nyumba kubwa said:

Mbu hamna mtu anayekosa trust kwa mpenzi wake kwa makosa madogo madogo. Kwa experience yangu chanzo kikubwa cha kuondoa trust ni cheating ambayo si ya kuhisi ila yenye evidence. Sasa kama ulishacheat afu nikakupigia simu umezima sijuhi imeishiwa charger, well naweza nikaonyesha kukubali maelezo utakayonipa lakini deep inside naanza ku relate na cheating incidence. That is out of my control. I can forgive yes but forgetting is difficult no matter how hard I try.

Sijawahi kusosa trust kwa mtu kwa sababu nyingine yoyote zaidi ya uzinzi.

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Hahahah nyumba kubwa I love the way you challenge Mbu (hebu mwulize bwana ah atujuze maana naona hilo penzi lake jipya karibu litamfanya afungue kituo cha ushahuri nasaha kwa wanandoa)

Ila hebu kwanza...........umesema makosa madogo madogo zaidi ya kuzini...nikuulize mwenzio ataharibu 'trust' yako kwake iwapo UTAMFUMANIA ANAZINI (as in kitendo cha kuzini kabisa) au hata mfano alioutoa CPU wa jinsi alivyosave some contacts in his mobile?

Kwa sababu ninavyoamini mie ni kuwa sometimes anaweza awe smart usimkamate live but ana kila dalili ya kucheat mf. Anarudi usiku pasipo sababu wala kueleweka anakotoka, anarudi na viparcel vya zawadi ukiuliza siku mbili mfuliulizo unapata majibu tofauti, simu inazimwa kila mkiwa pamoja, anachelewa kurudi au simu ikiita anapata kigugumizi cha ukubwa......ili mradi tu vijimambo...sasa hivi si vitu vidogo ambavyo vinaashiria 'cheating'?

Sasa kukiwa na hizi tunapaswa kupuuza na kuendellea ku'trust' hadi tumkamate akicheat??

Mi nae ka prosecutor!!

nyumba kubwa said:

Mbu hamna mtu anayekosa trust kwa mpenzi wake kwa makosa madogo madogo. Kwa experience yangu chanzo kikubwa cha kuondoa trust ni cheating ambayo si ya kuhisi ila yenye evidence. Sasa kama ulishacheat afu nikakupigia simu umezima sijuhi imeishiwa charger, well naweza nikaonyesha kukubali maelezo utakayonipa lakini deep inside naanza ku relate na cheating incidence. That is out of my control. I can forgive yes but forgetting is difficult no matter how hard I try.Sijawahi kusosa trust kwa mtu kwa sababu nyingine yoyote zaidi ya uzinzi.

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...trust ya watoto, mali, pesa, ukweli nk? Au labda mimi naitafsiri trust (imani) kimakosa?

Kwa kweli mimi siwezi hata siku moja kuhukumu bila evidence. Ukianza kumuhisi mtu ni vema kufanya uchunguzi.

Ila tatizo ni kuwa nikishapata evidence basi naanza ku connect past incidences kutumia current evidence.

Afu kumkamata cheater kama umeshaona dalili mbona easy! Hupaswi kuanzisha varangati, unatakiwa utulie tuli huku ukipeleleza, ili mshukiwa asipoteze ushaidi. Tena ndio unajifanya don't care, akikwambia amepewa zawadi sijuhi parcel wewe ndio unatoa misifa kweli kweli kwa aliyemzawadia, kumbe unamzuga ili uendelee na upelelezi. Akichelewa kurudi, akianza kujieleza ndio unamkumbatia kabisa na kumwambia stop darling najua umechoka kaoge ule tulale nimekumiss. Kumbe unalo moyoni. FBI at work.

MwanajamiiOne said:

Hahahah nyumba kubwa I love the way you challenge Mbu (hebu mwulize bwana ah atujuze maana naona hilo penzi lake jipya karibu litamfanya afungue kituo cha ushahuri nasaha kwa wanandoa)

Ila hebu kwanza...........umesema makosa madogo madogo zaidi ya kuzini...nikuulize mwenzio ataharibu 'trust' yako kwake iwapo UTAMFUMANIA ANAZINI (as in kitendo cha kuzini kabisa) au hata mfano alioutoa CPU wa jinsi alivyosave some contacts in his mobile?

Kwa sababu ninavyoamini mie ni kuwa sometimes anaweza awe smart usimkamate live but ana kila dalili ya kucheat mf. Anarudi usiku pasipo sababu wala kueleweka anakotoka, anarudi na viparcel vya zawadi ukiuliza siku mbili mfuliulizo unapata majibu tofauti, simu inazimwa kila mkiwa pamoja, anachelewa kurudi au simu ikiita anapata kigugumizi cha ukubwa......ili mradi tu vijimambo...sasa hivi si vitu vidogo ambavyo vinaashiria 'cheating'?

Sasa kukiwa na hizi tunapaswa kupuuza na kuendellea ku'trust' hadi tumkamate akicheat??

Mi nae ka prosecutor!!

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Nyie wawili hapo juu mwanfurahisha mjue! Haya

Nadhani Mbu ni trust ya penzi si mali wala watoto.

Mbu said:

...trust ya watoto, mali, pesa, ukweli nk? Au labda mimi naitafsiri trust (imani) kimakosa?

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The Boss said:

Halafu watu wengine
tuna sura za hatia
even when we are innocents

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Hata ukiwa na sura ya hatia lakini moyoni umebeba hekima na huruma na innocents, hiyo tu inatosha kwa mtu wko wa karibu

nyumba kubwa said:

Mbu hamna mtu anayekosa trust kwa mpenzi wake kwa makosa madogo madogo. Kwa experience yangu chanzo kikubwa cha kuondoa trust ni cheating ambayo si ya kuhisi ila yenye evidence. Sasa kama ulishacheat afu nikakupigia simu umezima sijuhi imeishiwa charger, well naweza nikaonyesha kukubali maelezo utakayonipa lakini deep inside naanza ku relate na cheating incidence. That is out of my control. I can forgive yes but forgetting is difficult no matter how hard I try.

Sijawahi kukosa trust kwa mtu kwa sababu nyingine yoyote (ndogo ndogo) zaidi ya uzinzi.

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Nyumba kubwa, kukosa trust kwa makosa madogomadogo ndio huanza then anakuja kuzini badae sasa, mie huwa nakosa trust kwenye simu, akianza kuwa so protective na simu yake hapo ndio hanza kuona hakuna trust tena, coz kosa kubwa huanzia kwenye madogomadogo mengi ukiyajumlisha mwisho wake ndio anacheat kabisa, kwa hiyo ni bora uanze kustuka kuanzia vikosa vidogo kuliko kusubiria moja kubwa la kutembea nje
Kuna wanaume wanacheat kwenye internet na simu basi hakuna physical contact, kuna webgine wanataka kuchati msg za matusi tu ili apate stimu ndio aje kwako, unaweza kuishi na haya kweli

never trust any body hasa katika mapenzi ama chochote,rafiki yako unayempenda anakugeuka na kukuchukulia mmeo sometimes ata dadako.sisi wanadamu sijui kwa nini hatuelewi mabadiliko ya sasa hivi tofauti na zamani.ahhhhh!!!ushanboa utamwamini vpi mtu.?nakuja tenna ngoja nimalizie hii bf burgr na koka baridi.

MJ1,

Maisha ni usanii na hilo halina ubishi. Katika mazingira kama hayo mhusika anatakiwa kwenda shule ili akirudi atengeneze movie ambayo ni superb!

Dark City karibu sana Babu yangu duh asa mazingira gani unayozungumzia? Babu unatukatisha tamaa ina maana tupende kimachale?

MwanajamiiOne said:

Dark City karibu sana Babu yangu duh asa mazingira gani unayozungumzia? Babu unatukatisha tamaa ina maana tupende kimachale?

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MJ1 mjukuu wangu, mbona unanitisha?

Kwani wewe siku zote unaingiaga mzima mzima???? Haya mambo ni sanaa na hiyo element inatakiwa kuwekwa maanani wakati wote

Back to topic...Kama mwenzio kakuwekea alama za kuuliza..ni jukumu lako kuzitoa, kuziacha au kuzikazia. Ila kocha bora siku zote atajitahidi kubadili mchezo kama akiona mambo hayaendi kama alivyotegemea.

Bado hujaelewa?

MJ1 hili ni suala gumu sana kujadili. Huwa wanasema it is hard to gain trust but so easy to lose it. Feelings za kuwa betrayed sio mchezo japokuwa huwa tunazificha kisirisiri. kwa kifupi you cannot amend it kwa sababu a broken trust is a serious relationship offence. But with dedication you may rebuild trust back to a relationship. Ni process ndefu na mafanikio yatategemeana na response ya mwenzio.

Kwanza kabisa, kama wewe ndiye uliyekuwa betrayed, you have to trust yourself first. If you can't trust yourself, you won't be able to trust others. Kumbuka kwa vile trust yako tayari imeshakuwa violated, your defenses zitaanza kufanya kazi overtime kukulinda. Itakubidi uwe makini na jinsi unavyo handle hizo defences. The more defensive you are, the more difficult it will be to rebuild trust.

Pili, kusameheana nako ni muhimu kurudisha trust. Kama moyo wako ni mgumu kusamehe, itakuwa vigumu sana kurudisha trust.

Tatu, acha kujiona wewe kama victim. Kuna tofauti kati ya kuwa victim and living with a victim mentality. Katika maisha yetu, our trust have been tested and violated in many tiimes. Kwa hiyo, you are not the only one.

Nne, maara nyingi tunapokuwa betrayed tuna feel kama tumepoteza kila kitu. Ili kurudisha trust, inabidi kuwa na mentality kwamba kuwa betrayed haina maana kuwa umepoteza kila kitu. Look at everything you still have and be thankful for all of the good in your life. Look at the positive side of your life and you will realize how good your life is.

Tano, weka expectations zako juu. Epuka situations ambazo zilisababisha trust yako iwe violated tena. Tambua kwamba kwa vile trust yako imekuwa violeted haina maana kuwa it will automatically happen again. Stop thinking in negative way in your current or new relationship. Otherwise, utaishia kutokuwa na tena na mahusiano because you are too scared of being hurt again.

Sita, acha wivu. Kuwa na wivu ni natural kwa binadamu na hata wanyama. Lakini kuna different degrees of jealousy, and the way you handle it makes all the difference in rebuilding trust.

kwa hiyo kujenga tena trust kwenye mahusiano ni possible. But it takes great efforts, dedication and willingness to work on both yourself and your betrayer. Kurudisha trust, itabidi muwe honest with each other, communicate with each other (usifiche feelings), kuwa tayari kusamehe and do not withhold each others freedom. And when trust in a relationship is regained, it is truly healing. Trust me on this one.

Ah

Dark City said:

MJ1 mjukuu wangu, mbona unanitisha?Kwani wewe siku zote unaingiaga mzima mzima???? Haya mambo ni sanaa na hiyo element inatakiwa kuwekwa maanani wakati woteBack to topic...Kama mwenzio kakuwekea alama za kuuliza..ni jukumu lako kuzitoa, kuziacha au kuzikazia. Ila kocha bora siku zote atajitahidi kubadili mchezo kama akiona mambo hayaendi kama alivyotegemea. Bado hujaelewa?

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Hahah Babu kwa hapo chini nimekuelewa hapo pa kuondoa kwesheni maki za mwenzio ila hapo juu pa kutoingia mzima mzima duh.... Kumbe nlikuwaga nakosea? Sasa ntampendaje mjukuu mkwe wako nusu nusu? Naomba unifundishe Babu mjukuu hatowezasavaivu akiumizwa tena! Hebu nipe teknikh

Kikubwa ni kutokurudia kosa na kuonesha kuwa unajutia ulichokifanya. Ongeza upendo zaidi, kidogo kidogo atakutrust kama zamani.

MJI bwana maswali yako yako kimtego mtego sana

kuna watu wameumbwa kutoamini wengine hata uwe hujafanya kosa anaweza kukubea bango kisa tu ulisalimiana na mwanaume mwingine.hawa huwa siwaelewi labda wanaishi na past kwenye present.

nimeona MJI anasema wanaume sio rahisi kusamehe mi nachelea kukuambia sio wote kuna wanaume wanasamehe na anakuambia kabisa hakuna binadamu aliyemkamilifu sasa wewe ndo unabaki kuhangaika na hutamsikia akiongelea kosa ulilotenda maisha.

MwanajamiiOne said:

AhHahah Babu kwa hapo chini nimekuelewa hapo pa kuondoa kwesheni maki za mwenzio ila hapo juu pa kutoingia mzima mzima duh.... Kumbe nlikuwaga nakosea? Sasa ntampendaje mjukuu mkwe wako nusu nusu? Naomba unifundishe Babu mjukuu hatowezasavaivu akiumizwa tena! Hebu nipe teknikh

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MJ1...kwenda mdogo mdogo mpenzi...Ukikua utajua tafauti katia kupenda kwa moyo wote na mwili wote hadi kupoteza akili zote na kupenda kwa kili zako zote (ukiwa sober), na kuwekeza nusu ya moyo wako kwenye mapenzi.. Ukifikia hapo tutaweza kuelewana lugha. Ila kama bado kwenye dunia ambayo neno kama vile "I love u so much" kutoka kwa mwanamume linakufanya umpatie kila hazina yako basi hatuwezi kuelewana bado. Ila naamini tutafika...muda huwa hauna longo longo!!

Chauro said:

MJI bwana maswali yako yako kimtego mtego sana

kuna watu wameumbwa kutoamini wengine hata uwe hujafanya kosa anaweza kukubea bango kisa tu ulisalimiana na mwanaume mwingine.hawa huwa siwaelewi labda wanaishi na past kwenye present.

nimeona MJI anasema wanaume sio rahisi kusamehe mi nachelea kukuambia sio wote kuna wanaume wanasamehe na anakuambia kabisa hakuna binadamu aliyemkamilifu sasa wewe ndo unabaki kuhangaika na hutamsikia akiongelea kosa ulilotenda maisha.

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Tupo wengi sana tunaosamehe na kumpatia bibi uhuru ili asipate ugonjwa wa moyo ili mradi hata aki-cheat anakuwa responsible ili asije ku-cross viwanja vya babu!

Jamani maisha bila usanii ni impossible!!

EMT duh aksante kwa shule loh kama una darubini! Umenimulika haswa! Ngoja nizifanyie kazi loh hii healing process

Chauro acha uwoga bana loh eti mtego mtego! We nshakuzoea kwa kureserve!

Nakubali kuwa kuna wanaume wenye moyo wa kipekee ingawa mara nyingi wa hivi huonekana/ huchukuliwa kama wanaume wenye mioyo ya kike!