BASIASI
JF-Expert Member
- Sep 20, 2010
- 9,732
- 5,010
Today's lesson for women
Dear Women!
I have been saying this for a very long time.
If he hits you, leave.
If he cheats and you can’t take it, leave!
If you are bored and you feel like you deserve more, instead of staying in the marriage and being suicidal or nursing resentment effective enough to kill, end your misery, leave!
If you feel emotionally deprived, sexually frustrated, mentally tired, work it out as legally as you should.
Walking away is not a crime, neither divorce is a crime... The crime is staying in a loveless marriage where you can't feel joy.
Stop worrying about the society will say about you,nobody knows what you're going through except you.
Life is sweet,brace yourself and bring back your mojo rather than dying silently.
Depression is real,therefore go for what brings you joy and don't add to the statistics of bitter women in marriage.
Cheers
5 WAYS TO KNOW A POTENTIAL PARTNER
Yesterday, I shared a post titled 10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT A POTENTIAL PARTNER and in the post I mentioned 10 important and critical things you need to know about someone whom you're considering to marry but I didn't include in the post how or ways to know about these things. That's what I intend to do in this post.
After sharing that post, a woman from one of the African countries sent me a message that she has been married for years now but don't practically know the man he married and the the thing is causing problems now and that the marriage is on the verge of divorce. I'm still on the case. Hopefully, God will intervene and restore peace and love to the marriage.
I will say it again that the importance of knowing who you want to marry cannot be overemphasized. It empowers you to know how best to relate with your partner, it helps you to make an informed decision, it enables you to avoid some things which your partner do not like and it helps you to live peacefully with your partner to be.
So, in this post, I present to you 5 WAYS TO KNOW A POTENTIAL PARTNER. How do you know the likes, dislikes, aspirations, values, beliefs, favorites, health status, work or job, character, family, relative and friends of your someone you're considering to marry? Read on...
1. Spend Quality Time Together
Spending time together is one critical way we get to know who someone really is. How do you get to know your brother, sister, mother, father so well? It's by spending time together. These are people you live, sleep and eat with. You spend large chunk of your time with.
So, as often as possible spend quality time together doing some activities(not sex o. Remember you're not yet married!). Have time for your partner. Spend time with your partner. Put away your phones at times and spend uninterrupted time together. I'm busy or I don't have time isn't an excuse if you really want to know who you are getting married to unless of course you want to marry a stranger like the woman in our story.
2. Dating And Courtship
Dating is a trial period when two people engage in a relationship examining, assessing and watching each other to determine their sustainability as a life partner.
I have always say that dating or courtship is not a time to be going from one restaurant to another eating fried rice and chicken, visiting the beach, cinema, etc. These things are just the social activities involved in dating period but many people are making it the end little wonder after getting married they sadly discovered that they've married a total stranger. Dating and courtship provides you with an opportunity to get to know someone. Maximize it.
3. Observe The Person
To observe means to carefully note, record or to pay attention to something. Many scientific theories and inventions we have today, came through observation. That's to say that we can learn from observation.
So, take time to observe the person. How does he or she react to issues, people? How does he or she eat, is it something you can deal with? How does he or she dresses, is it something you can be proud of? What are the things he or loves to do or talk about often? Observe. Pay attention to details.
4. Ask Questions
My people often say that, he that asks questions doesn't miss road. Asking questions is another effective way to know your potential partner. Is there anything you are not clear about the person, simply ask the person. There's no harm in asking.
So, ask questions. The Bible says ask and you shall receive. Don't keep mute to avoid stories. Let it be that you ask too much questions. It's better than not asking. Ask the person, ask his or her friends siblings if you're opportune.
5. Pray About it
Normally, we shouldn't do anything without prayer but when it comes to the issue of choosing a life partner, more prayers are needed. Don't be wise in your own eyes or lean on your own understanding. Pray!(Prov. 3:5)
Ask God questions about the person you want to marry. It's not a joking matter. Whomever you marry, you're practically handing over your life to the person. This is someone you're going to have sex with, sleep with, and do other things together. You better get it right! God is the Revealer of secrets so whatever you want to know about your potential partner, pray about it(Deut. 29:29; Matt. 7:7).
Alright friends, I have presented you with the things you ought to know about your potential partner and here I've shown you ways you can get to know your potential partner. So, in all your lovey dovey, know who you want marry, otherwise na stranger you go marry, na OYO state be that o!
Thanks for reading
© Okolie Samuel
1) "I HAVE A HOT TEMPER"
This isn't a strength, but a weakness.
Having a Hot temper isn't a good thing.
Don't JUSTIFY it, instead MORTIFY it.
Seek Help.
Hot temper and poor anger management has led many Men to murder their wives in the fit of rage and start crying later in police cells
Hot temper has lead many ladies to scatter
their homes/marriages.
Deal with it before it deals with you
2) "I can't do that, I AM A MAN"
Yes, You are a Man, and Head of the home, but if you are actually interested in having a good marriage, having a happy wife that will last for you, and a happy home, you'd think twice about flinging those words around.
Help your wife at home with chores. You're still a Man.
Let her take charge often, you are still a Man.
Treat her as an equal, you are still a Man
3) "THAT'S HOW I AM"
Excuse me, no body likes nonsense.
You either Step Up or Step Out.
That's how you are means that?
There's nobody that can't change.
Instead of saying that's how I am, work on yourself and your excesses, make changes, get better...
#Musa Gift
#MARRYWELL
#RELATIONSHIPHEARTBITS
We sometimes complain that the men don't want to talk or listen. Here's some things that could help..
WATCH YOUR TONE
When upset or frustrated, your tone could easily become sharp, harsh, condescending and full of coldness. A man doesn't like engaging anyone with such a tone. Approach him with peace and the issue will be resolved in peace
TIMING
Straight after work is not the time for a deep talk. One is mentally and physically tired. Let him relax first, put his feet up and approach the subject at a good time
WATCH YOUR EYES
Men get repelled by condescending and mean eyes. I'm sure you would too
DON'T ENGAGE HIM WHEN HE IS DRUNK
If your man is they type that gets intoxicated, don't bother yourself to talk serious issues. Wait till he is sober to have a meaningful talk
DON'T CONFRONT HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD(REN)
Infront of the kids be cordial, smile, show unity and when it's just you and him, then talk about the issue
DON'T ACCUSE HIM FALSELY
Some women do this. However, this is the easiest way to make him feel attacked and to break the delicate fabric of trust between you two. Before you jump into conclusions, ask him questions politely. Talk with facts. Don't interrogate, politely ask.
DON'T CAUSE A SCENE
A man loses respect for a woman who causes a scene in public or in front of family or friends
SOOTHE HIM
If you want to introduce a topic that has been bothering you, hold on to it. Prepare him his favourite meal, do things that make him feel good. While he is in a good mood, lovingly introduce the issue for discussion
BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS
If the issue is heavy, be prepared for a conversation that will be heavy on your heart but remain calm and collected. Being frantic and delirious will not aid your cause.
NO INSULTS
Watch your tongue. Keep calm. Insulting him or parading his weaknesses and past mistakes will complicate things. You need him to know you are on the same team
DON'T INTRODUCE OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS
Don't tell him things like 'Even my mum thinks you should...', 'My friend Kajwang who is a man thinks we should...", "Zamira says her husband..." Don't show him you talk about your personal issues with outsiders. Don't show him you value other people's opinion more than his. Don't show him your motivation is based on comparing you two with other couples
BOOST HIS EGO A TAD 😉
Appreciate him more than you criticize him. If you want a man to grow in doing good, praise him for the good he does big and small. When you make him feel like a hero each time he pleases you, he will love pleasing you and will listen more
DON'T BOY HIM
Don't talk down at him. He should never feel disrespected by the woman he has committed to. He hates it when you baby-sit him
DON'T TALK AT HIM
Talk with him. Give him time to speak, don't run your mouth. It should be a two way conversation, not an order
TALK AFTER MAKING LOVE
You can choose to talk about the issue after making love. At that time, both of you are feeling most in love. Talk intimately and peacefully about the issue, he is so receptive to all you say at that time
TAKE HIM ON A DATE
Or you can take him to a place outside home where he will be more conscious of his demeanour in public. An outside setting also breaks the monotony of home. Talk about the issue over a date
DON'T MAKE HIM FEEL UNEASY
Men get unsettled by the words 'We need to talk'. Ease off the pressure by not putting him on the hot seat
DON'T PUSH HIM
Don't pressure him to conclude the issue. If he needs time to think through what you have talked with him about, give him time. Sometimes a man needs to arrange his thoughts in his "me" time. You have had ample time to think about the issue, probably more time than him
BE FLEXIBLE
Perhaps after you talk, he might not see things your way or the outcome may not be as you anticipated. Don't have a fixed mind, you two have to come to a joint agreement. Some times also you will need to exercise patience
© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech
1) YOUR BODY
1 Corinthians 7:4 "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."
Your spouse has the right to touch and play with your body for their sensual satisfaction, as long as that doesn't cause you any pain
This will promote intimacy in your home and tighten the bond between you both.
Making your spouse to beg or pay for access to your body is unscriptural and never ends well.
2) Your Money
It's funny, how many have no problem submitting their body to their husbands or wives, but can't submit their money.
Ironic isn't it?
Your Money should not be "MY Money" but "OUR Money"
Everything you own, you should place at the disposal of your spouse. This will promote peace and trust in your marriage
3) Your Achievements/Status
In marriage, you'll need to place whatever position or achievements you have under your spouse as you relate with them daily,
just the way you place everything you are as a person aside (be you a President or Governor) and relate with God as though you were nothing.
Never intimidate or impose yourself on your spouse using your achievements or status in society.
4) Your Time
You'd have to Submit your time to your spouse in such a way that you'll need their concent and approval to use your time. Yes.
This doesn't mean you are a slave, No.
In marriage, your time no longer belongs to you alone, it now belongs to the both of you.
Never Get too busy that you have no time for your Spouse. If they cry to God, you won't be innocent.
5) Your Energy
Yes oh..
You'll need to work to please your spouse, Inside and outside za oda room.
In marriage, you will not just spend (money) but you'll get spent (energy).
For example, helping them out with physical chores, doing things to please them.
****************************
PS
1) Never marry someone You know you yourself can't submit these things to.
2) Before you say I do, make sure that Man or Woman is one that can submit their everything (as outlined above) to you.
It takes two to tangle
#Musa Gift
#MARRYWELL
#RELATIONSHIPHEARTBITS
============================== ============================ ================================
Dear Ladies,
I know Money is a defense, and Money answers all things...
But Money isn't everything.
There are things Money can't solve and Buy.
Money can't buy Sleep
Money can't buy Peace
Money can't buy Happiness
Above all, Money can't buy extra Life.
So a Man has money, that's good, now also check.
Does he have Emotional Stability? When he gets angry, how does he react?
Does he have Mental stability?
Does he have Spiritual stability?
Don't marry a Rich husband that will turn you into a punching Bag, or ultimately send you to an early grave.
Don't marry a husband that will abandon you and run away with side chic.
Don't marry a Man that can't stand with you should pregnancy delay.
Marry a good Man
Marry Well
#Musa Gift
#MARRYWELL
#RELATIONSHIPHEARTBITS
- If your husband is abusive ,harsh and violent,and you know you can not take it... WALKAWAY
- If your husband is a serial womanizer and you cannot take it... WALKAWAY
- If your husband married or impregnated another woman and you think you cannot withstand it... WALKAWAY
- If there's anything you're uncomfortable with in your marriage... WALKAWAY
- If you think your marriage can no longer be amended ... WALKAWAY
- It is better to be tagged as a DIVORCEE than to be tagged as a MURDERER.
- You will be sentenced to life imprisonment or death by hanging if you kill your spouse.
- The rest of your life will be wasted in prison.
- And Your kids...they will suffer and tagged as murderer kids. Their growing up will be hell . Family will keep passing them from one hand to another. Who want to keep a murderer kids in their home?. Schools will rejects them.Your kids will grow up to be emotionally psychologically disorder if...only if they survived the trauma. Their dreams may never be fulfilled. They will grow up as an orphan. When it's time for them to get married...the history of their parents will pop up. Remember...people never forget history.
- You would not only kill your husband,but you would kill and destroys so many generations with your own hands by yourself. Be wise! #copied#
Dear Women!
I have been saying this for a very long time.
If he hits you, leave.
If he cheats and you can’t take it, leave!
If you are bored and you feel like you deserve more, instead of staying in the marriage and being suicidal or nursing resentment effective enough to kill, end your misery, leave!
If you feel emotionally deprived, sexually frustrated, mentally tired, work it out as legally as you should.
Walking away is not a crime, neither divorce is a crime... The crime is staying in a loveless marriage where you can't feel joy.
Stop worrying about the society will say about you,nobody knows what you're going through except you.
Life is sweet,brace yourself and bring back your mojo rather than dying silently.
Depression is real,therefore go for what brings you joy and don't add to the statistics of bitter women in marriage.
Cheers
5 WAYS TO KNOW A POTENTIAL PARTNER
Yesterday, I shared a post titled 10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT A POTENTIAL PARTNER and in the post I mentioned 10 important and critical things you need to know about someone whom you're considering to marry but I didn't include in the post how or ways to know about these things. That's what I intend to do in this post.
After sharing that post, a woman from one of the African countries sent me a message that she has been married for years now but don't practically know the man he married and the the thing is causing problems now and that the marriage is on the verge of divorce. I'm still on the case. Hopefully, God will intervene and restore peace and love to the marriage.
I will say it again that the importance of knowing who you want to marry cannot be overemphasized. It empowers you to know how best to relate with your partner, it helps you to make an informed decision, it enables you to avoid some things which your partner do not like and it helps you to live peacefully with your partner to be.
So, in this post, I present to you 5 WAYS TO KNOW A POTENTIAL PARTNER. How do you know the likes, dislikes, aspirations, values, beliefs, favorites, health status, work or job, character, family, relative and friends of your someone you're considering to marry? Read on...
1. Spend Quality Time Together
Spending time together is one critical way we get to know who someone really is. How do you get to know your brother, sister, mother, father so well? It's by spending time together. These are people you live, sleep and eat with. You spend large chunk of your time with.
So, as often as possible spend quality time together doing some activities(not sex o. Remember you're not yet married!). Have time for your partner. Spend time with your partner. Put away your phones at times and spend uninterrupted time together. I'm busy or I don't have time isn't an excuse if you really want to know who you are getting married to unless of course you want to marry a stranger like the woman in our story.
2. Dating And Courtship
Dating is a trial period when two people engage in a relationship examining, assessing and watching each other to determine their sustainability as a life partner.
I have always say that dating or courtship is not a time to be going from one restaurant to another eating fried rice and chicken, visiting the beach, cinema, etc. These things are just the social activities involved in dating period but many people are making it the end little wonder after getting married they sadly discovered that they've married a total stranger. Dating and courtship provides you with an opportunity to get to know someone. Maximize it.
3. Observe The Person
To observe means to carefully note, record or to pay attention to something. Many scientific theories and inventions we have today, came through observation. That's to say that we can learn from observation.
So, take time to observe the person. How does he or she react to issues, people? How does he or she eat, is it something you can deal with? How does he or she dresses, is it something you can be proud of? What are the things he or loves to do or talk about often? Observe. Pay attention to details.
4. Ask Questions
My people often say that, he that asks questions doesn't miss road. Asking questions is another effective way to know your potential partner. Is there anything you are not clear about the person, simply ask the person. There's no harm in asking.
So, ask questions. The Bible says ask and you shall receive. Don't keep mute to avoid stories. Let it be that you ask too much questions. It's better than not asking. Ask the person, ask his or her friends siblings if you're opportune.
5. Pray About it
Normally, we shouldn't do anything without prayer but when it comes to the issue of choosing a life partner, more prayers are needed. Don't be wise in your own eyes or lean on your own understanding. Pray!(Prov. 3:5)
Ask God questions about the person you want to marry. It's not a joking matter. Whomever you marry, you're practically handing over your life to the person. This is someone you're going to have sex with, sleep with, and do other things together. You better get it right! God is the Revealer of secrets so whatever you want to know about your potential partner, pray about it(Deut. 29:29; Matt. 7:7).
Alright friends, I have presented you with the things you ought to know about your potential partner and here I've shown you ways you can get to know your potential partner. So, in all your lovey dovey, know who you want marry, otherwise na stranger you go marry, na OYO state be that o!
Thanks for reading
© Okolie Samuel
3 EXCUSES YOU MUST NOT ACCOMDATE IF YOU WANT A HAPPY HOME
1) "I HAVE A HOT TEMPER"
This isn't a strength, but a weakness.
Having a Hot temper isn't a good thing.
Don't JUSTIFY it, instead MORTIFY it.
Seek Help.
Hot temper and poor anger management has led many Men to murder their wives in the fit of rage and start crying later in police cells
Hot temper has lead many ladies to scatter
their homes/marriages.
Deal with it before it deals with you
2) "I can't do that, I AM A MAN"
Yes, You are a Man, and Head of the home, but if you are actually interested in having a good marriage, having a happy wife that will last for you, and a happy home, you'd think twice about flinging those words around.
Help your wife at home with chores. You're still a Man.
Let her take charge often, you are still a Man.
Treat her as an equal, you are still a Man
3) "THAT'S HOW I AM"
Excuse me, no body likes nonsense.
You either Step Up or Step Out.
That's how you are means that?
There's nobody that can't change.
Instead of saying that's how I am, work on yourself and your excesses, make changes, get better...
#Musa Gift
#MARRYWELL
#RELATIONSHIPHEARTBITS
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR MAN ABOUT A SENSITIVE ISSUE
We sometimes complain that the men don't want to talk or listen. Here's some things that could help..
WATCH YOUR TONE
When upset or frustrated, your tone could easily become sharp, harsh, condescending and full of coldness. A man doesn't like engaging anyone with such a tone. Approach him with peace and the issue will be resolved in peace
TIMING
Straight after work is not the time for a deep talk. One is mentally and physically tired. Let him relax first, put his feet up and approach the subject at a good time
WATCH YOUR EYES
Men get repelled by condescending and mean eyes. I'm sure you would too
DON'T ENGAGE HIM WHEN HE IS DRUNK
If your man is they type that gets intoxicated, don't bother yourself to talk serious issues. Wait till he is sober to have a meaningful talk
DON'T CONFRONT HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD(REN)
Infront of the kids be cordial, smile, show unity and when it's just you and him, then talk about the issue
DON'T ACCUSE HIM FALSELY
Some women do this. However, this is the easiest way to make him feel attacked and to break the delicate fabric of trust between you two. Before you jump into conclusions, ask him questions politely. Talk with facts. Don't interrogate, politely ask.
DON'T CAUSE A SCENE
A man loses respect for a woman who causes a scene in public or in front of family or friends
SOOTHE HIM
If you want to introduce a topic that has been bothering you, hold on to it. Prepare him his favourite meal, do things that make him feel good. While he is in a good mood, lovingly introduce the issue for discussion
BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS
If the issue is heavy, be prepared for a conversation that will be heavy on your heart but remain calm and collected. Being frantic and delirious will not aid your cause.
NO INSULTS
Watch your tongue. Keep calm. Insulting him or parading his weaknesses and past mistakes will complicate things. You need him to know you are on the same team
DON'T INTRODUCE OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS
Don't tell him things like 'Even my mum thinks you should...', 'My friend Kajwang who is a man thinks we should...", "Zamira says her husband..." Don't show him you talk about your personal issues with outsiders. Don't show him you value other people's opinion more than his. Don't show him your motivation is based on comparing you two with other couples
BOOST HIS EGO A TAD 😉
Appreciate him more than you criticize him. If you want a man to grow in doing good, praise him for the good he does big and small. When you make him feel like a hero each time he pleases you, he will love pleasing you and will listen more
DON'T BOY HIM
Don't talk down at him. He should never feel disrespected by the woman he has committed to. He hates it when you baby-sit him
DON'T TALK AT HIM
Talk with him. Give him time to speak, don't run your mouth. It should be a two way conversation, not an order
TALK AFTER MAKING LOVE
You can choose to talk about the issue after making love. At that time, both of you are feeling most in love. Talk intimately and peacefully about the issue, he is so receptive to all you say at that time
TAKE HIM ON A DATE
Or you can take him to a place outside home where he will be more conscious of his demeanour in public. An outside setting also breaks the monotony of home. Talk about the issue over a date
DON'T MAKE HIM FEEL UNEASY
Men get unsettled by the words 'We need to talk'. Ease off the pressure by not putting him on the hot seat
DON'T PUSH HIM
Don't pressure him to conclude the issue. If he needs time to think through what you have talked with him about, give him time. Sometimes a man needs to arrange his thoughts in his "me" time. You have had ample time to think about the issue, probably more time than him
BE FLEXIBLE
Perhaps after you talk, he might not see things your way or the outcome may not be as you anticipated. Don't have a fixed mind, you two have to come to a joint agreement. Some times also you will need to exercise patience
© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech
5 THINGS YOU MUST SUBMIT TO YOUR SPOUSE IN MARRIAGE
1) YOUR BODY
1 Corinthians 7:4 "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."
Your spouse has the right to touch and play with your body for their sensual satisfaction, as long as that doesn't cause you any pain
This will promote intimacy in your home and tighten the bond between you both.
Making your spouse to beg or pay for access to your body is unscriptural and never ends well.
2) Your Money
It's funny, how many have no problem submitting their body to their husbands or wives, but can't submit their money.
Ironic isn't it?
Your Money should not be "MY Money" but "OUR Money"
Everything you own, you should place at the disposal of your spouse. This will promote peace and trust in your marriage
3) Your Achievements/Status
In marriage, you'll need to place whatever position or achievements you have under your spouse as you relate with them daily,
just the way you place everything you are as a person aside (be you a President or Governor) and relate with God as though you were nothing.
Never intimidate or impose yourself on your spouse using your achievements or status in society.
4) Your Time
You'd have to Submit your time to your spouse in such a way that you'll need their concent and approval to use your time. Yes.
This doesn't mean you are a slave, No.
In marriage, your time no longer belongs to you alone, it now belongs to the both of you.
Never Get too busy that you have no time for your Spouse. If they cry to God, you won't be innocent.
5) Your Energy
Yes oh..
You'll need to work to please your spouse, Inside and outside za oda room.
In marriage, you will not just spend (money) but you'll get spent (energy).
For example, helping them out with physical chores, doing things to please them.
****************************
PS
1) Never marry someone You know you yourself can't submit these things to.
2) Before you say I do, make sure that Man or Woman is one that can submit their everything (as outlined above) to you.
It takes two to tangle
#Musa Gift
#MARRYWELL
#RELATIONSHIPHEARTBITS
============================== ============================ ================================
Dear Ladies,
That a Man has money alone doesn't make him a Husband Material
I know Money is a defense, and Money answers all things...
But Money isn't everything.
There are things Money can't solve and Buy.
Money can't buy Sleep
Money can't buy Peace
Money can't buy Happiness
Above all, Money can't buy extra Life.
So a Man has money, that's good, now also check.
Does he have Emotional Stability? When he gets angry, how does he react?
Does he have Mental stability?
Does he have Spiritual stability?
Don't marry a Rich husband that will turn you into a punching Bag, or ultimately send you to an early grave.
Don't marry a husband that will abandon you and run away with side chic.
Don't marry a Man that can't stand with you should pregnancy delay.
Marry a good Man
Marry Well
#Musa Gift
#MARRYWELL
#RELATIONSHIPHEARTBITS
