Naomba Msaada

Pundit · Feb 9, 2008

Mbongo Asili said:
how would you put if someone tells you that its not a guarantee to be with you immediately after marriage and every year she asks you to divorce her...its a song am used to

That simply means either I did not do my homework before marrying or she made some drastic U turn due to something that went down immediately after the marriage, chances are she was always like this but I was blinded by love to see and thought things would change with the marriage.

Folks need to be realistic when marrying, do not expect to change a person after marriage so one important question to ask oneself is "Can I really live with this person if she is going to have her worst day every day?" ",Can I put up with her worst?".

Most times ukiwa na mamaa mzuri wa sura anapika vizuri anajua ku entertain unasahau ubaya mwingine mpaka baada ya kuoana ndiyo unaona sasa mnapoishi kama mume na mke hivi vitu vina resurface.

But I don't have that problem, my chicks worship the ground I walk on, and If I even dream of marrying one she would be on cloud nine.You should go for someone that digs you like that, you would not get problems like ones being experienced now.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

DAR si LAMU said:
..how old is she? and you by the way?

Old Enough we have a difference of 3 yrs and am between >36 and <42

Pundit · Feb 9, 2008

DAR si LAMU said:
...pundit,hapa tunabadilishana mawazo. ni kama baraza ya jioni yenye kahawa na kashata!

...kwahiyo tuendelee kwa spirit hiyo! yawezekana akatoka hapa akijua nini atakihitaji kitaalamu.

Nilitaka kuweka hiyo disclaimer kwanza kwamba advice yetu wengi haiko katika standard za qualified professional help.Hapa si tunaongelea mambo abstract tunaongelea ndoa ya mshkaji ndiyo maana nikataka kuipa topic uzito wake.Najua tunabadilishana mawazo, hata ku suggest professional help ni kubadilishana mawazo.

DAR si LAMU · Feb 9, 2008

Mbongo Asili said:
by the way people after i had proposed to her i had never looked for her until when she started looking for me by her own self... i told her that i drank and smoked cigarete and she said that was not a problem with her. i once asked her why she married me and she said its because she believed me and her could cope ...take note its not because she was in love with me

..ok!so its seem you guys are not coping!i think you are doing just fine ila kuna dosari ndogo ndogo mnazifanya kuwa big deals!

..as a matter of fact,you dont need to be in love to stay in a marriage! u need to compromise,tolerate and understand each other.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

DAR si LAMU said:
..how old is she? and you by the way?

Pundit said:
That simply means either I did not do my homework before marrying or she made some drastic U turn due to something that went down immediately after the marriage, chances are she was always like this but I was blinded by love to see and thought things would change with the marriage.

Folks need to be realistic when marrying, do not expect to change a person after marriage so one important question to ask oneself is "Can I really live with this person if she is going to have her worst day every day?" ",Can I put up with her worst?".

Most times ukiwa na mamaa mzuri wa sura anapika vizuri anajua ku entertain unasahau ubaya mwingine mpaka baada ya kuoana ndiyo unaona sasa mnapoishi kama mume na mke hivi vitu vina resurface.

that is not the case here bro/sis

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

DAR si LAMU said:
..ok!so its seem you guys are not coping!i think you are doing just fine ila kuna dosari ndogo ndogo mnazifanya kuwa big deals!

..as a matter of fact,you dont need to be in love to stay in a marriage! u need to compromise,tolerate and understand each other.

Dont you think am the one who is in love here and that has pushed me to 5 yrs of marriage

DAR si LAMU · Feb 9, 2008

Mbongo Asili said:
Old Enough we have a difference of 3 yrs and am between >36 and <42

..then hawezi kukimbia. labda kama umefanya kitu na hutaki kukiweka wazi kwa sababu fulani.

DAR si LAMU · Feb 9, 2008

Mbongo Asili said:
Dont you think am the one who is in love here and that has pushed me to 5 yrs of marriage

..nope! i'm just saying,you guys can do it.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

love is 2 way. If she claims kuwa toka nimuoe namnyanyasa i bought a second TV because i could not watch football elsewhere,i have tried to please her in every way and according to what she wants but still she causes a fuss out of nothing...and i mean nothing...two days ago i told her i will move out and leave her and the kids with the house

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

Mbongo Asili said:
love is 2 way. If she claims kuwa toka nimuoe namnyanyasa i bought a second TV because i could not watch football elsewhere,i have tried to please her in every way and according to what she wants but still she causes a fuss out of nothing...and i mean nothing...two days ago i told her i will move out and leave her and the kids with the house

and am not moving out becoz of another woman, NO.

Pundit · Feb 9, 2008

Mbongo Asili said:
that is not the case here bro/sis

Mbongo angalia ulichoandika mwenyewe halafu unakataa hapa

by the way people after i had proposed to her i had never looked for her until when she started looking for me by her own self... i told her that i drank and smoked cigarete and she said that was not a problem with her. i once asked her why she married me and she said its because she believed me and her could cope ...take note its not because she was in love with me

According to your report, it seemed you were upfront about your habits and your wife chose to overlook them because she said you could cope, that is just a woman's euphimism of saying you will change or I will get used to it, this is exactly what I pointed out, that people overlook things before getting married, only to find out that the things overlooked are not as trivial. Does these things bother her now? Does this contribute to your problems?

I think if somebody chooses to overlook some habits that can be considered bad (smoking for non smokers example) and go with the faith that "things will get better" and "we will cope" I think thats love, the person is suspending the use of rational judgement and instead is going with wishful thinking and giddy naivette.So thats love to me, only someone in love, or a calculating opportunist, or a confused person can make that decision.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

Pundit said:
Mbongo angalia ulichoandika mwenyewe halafu unakataa hapa

According to your report, it seemed you were upfront about your habits and your wife chose to overlook them because she said you could cope, that is just a woman's euphimism of saying you will change or I will get used to it, this is exactly what I pointed out, that people overlook things before getting married, only to find out that the things overlooked are not as trivial. Does these things bother her now? Does this contribute to your problems?

I think if somebody chooses to overlook some habits that can be considered bad (smoking for non smokers example) and go with the faith that "things will get better" and "we will cope" I think thats love, the person is suspending the use of rational judgement and instead is going with wishful thinking and giddy naivette.So thats love to me, only someone in love, or a calculating opportunist, or a confused person can make that decision.

she could have been the last two i.e oppotunist and confused according to me and as to drinking i quited drinking 8 months ago...i dont smoke in the house.

Pundit · Feb 9, 2008

If opportunist, what opportunity was she seeking? What was her motive and how was she realizing the motive?

If confused, why, how?

Steve Dii · Feb 9, 2008

Pundit said:
According to your report, it seemed you were upfront about your habits and your wife chose to overlook them because she said you could cope, that is just a woman's euphimism of saying you will change or I will get used to it, this is exactly what I pointed out, that people overlook things before getting married, only to find out that the things overlooked are not as trivial. Does these things bother her now? Does this contribute to your problems?

I think if somebody chooses to overlook some habits that can be considered bad (smoking for non smokers example) and go with the faith that "things will get better" and "we will cope" I think thats love, the person is suspending the use of rational judgement and instead is going with wishful thinking and giddy naivette.So thats love to me, only someone in love, or a calculating opportunist, or a confused person can make that decision.

Pundit,
That is deep!!! Great.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

Pundit said:
If opportunist, what opportunity was she seeking? What was her motive and how was she realizing the motive?

If confused, why, how?

well according to me she had friends who were married and had kids,and during that time she had a boy friend of different religion from her and i have come to learn that she believed that her boy friend had another girl friend and lastly her family wanted her to marry some one not of her wish....from that i can see the motive and reason,and also it seems she thought she was aging and honestly my character is a soft and humble one and with that i see the opportunity. you know how women mind there ages and when they reach late 20's they start panicking and getting confused.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

Muko wapi ?

Pundit · Feb 9, 2008

So did you know this before tying the knot or you are just finding out?

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

Pundit said:
So did you know this before tying the knot or you are just finding out?

i knew this after tying the knot and things started going out of my way. one day she told me that i was very lucky and i should thank one of her friends in UK who convinced her to marry me.

Pundit · Feb 9, 2008

Like I said before, research before marriage is important, ndiyo maana kimila kuna kabila nyingine zilikuwa zinasisitiza sana kumfuatilia binti na tabia zake (mfumodume wanasema wenzetu) lakini inasaidia kumjua mtu kiundani.

Inaonekana hamna heshima ndani ya nyumba, je inawezekana mzee ni mpole sana mpaka mamaa anakuona huna dili? Huwezi ku stand up for your own? In this world there are every kind of personalities, wengine wako confrontational na wanataka mtu wa kuwa "put them in their place" or whatever nonsense passes for male aggressiveness, sasa kama mama anatafuta hiyo na mzee uko umechill inakuwa kama akiwa kwenye heat humpi vitu fulani.

Sikushauri ufanye nini, lakini mimi mtu wa attitude hii asingeweza kufika hata date ya pili.

Mbongo Asili · Feb 9, 2008

i have to go and do some errands why don't we continue tomorrow

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