Mpaka uzeeni...

Dr Lizzy

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Kutoka........

....mpaka.....
Leo kuna mwalimu wetu ametuambia ushauri aliopewa kuhusu ndoa , na nani?Hakutwambia.
Neway ushauri wenyewe unasema hivi ''KAMA UNAWEZA KUMWONA HUYO ULIYENAE AKIKUFUNGIA VIFUNGO VYA BLAUZI UZEENI WAKATI WEWE HUWEZI TENA, BASI HUYO NDIE''.Kwahiyo kama unaweza kuona mkiwa pamoja miaka mingi baadae, wakati nguvu za kufanya mambo unayofanya mwenyewe huna tena na mwenzako akikusaidia basi ujue umempata mtu ambae anakufaa, moyo wako umemkubali.

That got me thinking, hivi ni wangapi waliopo kwenye uchumba na walioingia ndoani tayari wanafikiria hata kuwa pamoja na wenzi wao miaka minne mitatu mbele huku wakiwa na furaha? Hapo ulipo, unamwonaje mwenzi wako,Akizeeka, au hata akipata matatizo tu ambayo yatamfanya akutegemee wewe kwa kiasi kikubwa will you be there for him/her completely?No regrets or complaints? Utamsaidia kwa fahari? Au ndio utatamani Mungu amchukue mapema???

I hope the answers are YES, DEFINATELY, ABSOLUTLY NO REGRETS, YES and GOD NO!
Kama sio pole kwa kuwa kwenye ndoa na mtu ambae hajaziteka hisia zako kikamilifu. Naomba Mungu wale ambao bado wapo wapo siku wakiamua kuuga ukapera watatafuta watu ambao wanakubalika mioyon, nafsini na akilini mwao ili wimbi wa ndoa zinazovunjika ama zile zinazozaa manyanyaso/dharau/udanganyifu na mengineyo yapungue.
 
Lizzy tatizo ni kwamba watu wengi wako selfish. wanataka wafungiwe vifingo vya shati wenyewe, ila wenyewe wasifungiani...
Kuna mtu alinambia kua from the moment alikua 35 years (10 years baada ya ndoa) alikua hana tena hisia na mume wake ila aliendelea kubaki ndani kwa kuogopa stigma ya mwanamke alie achika. then from miaka 45 (20 years baada ya ndoa) akawa na uwezo wa kuomba divorce but she refrained sababu alikua na hope kua mume wake (who was almost 60 by then) atakufa na kumuachia mali yote...
 


Ni maneno mazuri saana hasa kama yangekua yanawezekana.... Lizzy dear... Haya ni mafundisho kuhusiana na ndoa ambayo miaka nenda rudi hayabadiliki, ni maneno ambayo yametolewa kama muongozo wa watu kujua/kutafuta ama kupata mchumba; Pamoja na yale ya jinsi ya kuhakikisha unampata mtu ambae anafaa kua mwenza mara nyingi ikisukwa na dini.... Uzuri ni kwamba pamoja na kusema dini zatofautiana, katika mambo kama haya zafanana sababu culture plays it role hasa with its elements katika marriage institution.

However hayo mafundisho hayajazingatia kubadilika kwa maisha na life circumstances.... Most importantly hata watu wenyewe.... Kijana wa leo sio kijana wa kale... Walau wanaume kidogo wapo constant (thou nao wapungua at a pace kubwa) kuliko wadada. Hii inafanya kua vijana wanapo kutana... Hope ya kusema watafika hapo kwenye picha toka ujanani ni very minimal.... Labda waje waoane utu uzima, kila mmoja aliachika na kupata second chance....
 
Dah!
Kwahiyo miaka yote hiyo akavumilia kwa woga na matumaini ya mume kutangulia kabla yake mwisho akajikuta hana kitu?Inasikitisha kweli, hapo mzee wa watu si ajabu alikua anampenda mama bila kipimo kumbe mwenzie anamwombea kifo.
 
Lizzy said:
Dah!
Kwahiyo miaka yote hiyo akavumilia kwa woga na matumaini ya mume kutangulia kabla yake mwisho akajikuta hana kitu?Inasikitisha kweli, hapo mzee wa watu si ajabu alikua anampenda mama bila kipimo kumbe mwenzie anamwombea kifo.
Click to expand...
Alipo nihadithia alikua almost 50, na mume wake bado alive, nguvu tele. Maybe anaweza kufa yeye kabla...
 
kongosho said:
Inatisha, till death do us part.
Amka, sinzia, safiri, nuna, cheka duh mtu yupo tu

ila mkizeeshana kuna raha yake.
Click to expand...
Hahahahaha, simnapumzishana kila baada ya mida bana?Hamna haja ya kugandana siku zote 365, mnapeana hizo 65 kwaajilia ya kukosana kidogo ili mapenzi yenu yaendelee kunoga.
 
...Nilishawahi kusoma mahali: Kijana alimwambia mama yake mzazi kuwa amepata mchumba. Mama mtu akamuuliza kijana wake: "Umeshawahi kumuona mama yake huyo binti?" Kijana akasema bado na kumuuliza ***** kisa cha kutaka akumuone mama ya binti kwanza. Mama yake akajibu: "Kwa kuwa baada ya muda huyo malaika wako atakuwa jinsi alivyo mama yake leo. UTAENDELEA KUMPENDA BADO?"
 
Yote hiyo ni kwasababu watu wanaingia kwenye ndoa bila kujua wanachofuata, watakayopata na watakayokosa.Matokeo yake ndio hapo vijana ndoa zinavunjikia ujanani, kwa kutojua na kutokua tayari kupambana na vikwazo vinavyoweza kujitokeza. Unakuta watu wanaingia ili maisha yawe mazuri (nyumba, magari, pesa), ili wapate sifa (sura , maumbo, fame vya hao watarajiwa wao) n.k
Wanachofikiria ni namna gani watauza majina mjini, gari gani ataendesha miaka mitatu mbeleni, ataenda wapi vacation, nyumba ya aina gani wataishi, wara ngapi watakula hotelini na sio nini kitatokea iwapo hivyo vinavyomshawishi kuingia ndoani vitakua havipo tena.Umbo la mke likikongoroka baada ya kuzaa, sura ikichoka kidogo, pesa za mume zikiisha, akifukizwa kazi, mmoja akipata ulema and so on.

Najua wapo wanaokua tricked ,makucha yanafichwa
alafu baada tu ya ndoa ghafla bin vooom mwenzi
kabadilika. Kwa style hiyo hata wakioana uzeeni kuna nafasi kubwa sana ya hiyo ndoa kufa iwapo mambo yatabadilika tofauti na matarajio yao.
 
Hapo alikua akimaanisha mabadiliko ya kimuonekano ama?
 
Modern life has changed the face of family life. People part for silly reasons. They do not value the relationships and stress more on their interests and comforts. Vices like ego, anger and selfishness are causing people to part ways more than ever before.

Modern life and family bonds
Marriage is a relationship between two people who love and trust each other. People marry to have a life long partnership with a person. They hope to share their life, their house, belongings and live together for many years till death parts. Marriage vows stresses on such words to seal the relationships between partners in a marriage.

In the modern era, people take each other for granted. They are engrossed in increasing their material possessions and become financially secure. In the race to do so, people forget to tend to their relationships and make it secure. In earlier ages, women were solely dependent on their husbands. They were not given a status of ‘equal' and thus bore grudges or abuse. Women of the modernage are educated and financially independent. They will not be ready to suffer any ill treatment.

Divorce rates are increasing even in developing countries at a fast rate. People opt for divorce even when children are involved. They do not reconsider their decisions. There are various reasons for this. Partners are less tolerant. The stress of modern life, the fast pace, high expectations, impatience, egoism, anger, emotional insecurity etc; are the common causes for divorce.

Modern life has changed the traditional way of living drastically. A house usually had aplump mother who cooked meals to feed her large family. The men folk used to work hardin the fields and return home happily. The modern life has changed the scenes completely. The mother and father work, often in different shifts. The children interact more with their friends and less with parents. Family meal times are rare. Evening prayers have given way to television shows. This lack of coordination has led to the disintegration of the family.

Vices like ego, anger, selfishness, greed and impatience also have contributed to estrangement. Selfless love which marked the signs of a happy married life is no longer present. Partners are not willing to adjust and compromise. They prefer to part ways than give up their desires or way of life.

People do not realize that their children imbibe the parent's attitudes and behavior. The life of the children and a care free childhood is being denied to children of divorced parents.Relocation has a great impact on children's life emotionally. Changing schools and losing old friends is not acceptable to most children. The partners can try to reconsider divorce decisions if children are involved in order to provide emotional security to children duringgrowing up years.

Married life may be successful if partners love each other, share unselfishly, adjust to a certain level and avoid unsuccessful arguments and fights. Arguments are never won because the people who argue will be left more convinced of their own strong points rather than accede. People who are married for a long time have withstood the trials of life bytrusting, loving their partners and being patient enough to give life one more chance
 
ndo maana ndoa inabidi utafakari na uwe na uhakika na ukifanyacho. Uwe umempenda mtu na si vitu. Pata picha kama mtakuwa wote miaka 10 mbele, jibu likija ndio oa/olewa likija kinyume kajipange upya.
 


Till death do us part is not reality for many people. It's not easy getting to the finish line in marriage. In fact, it can be extremely difficult to finish the line.

Someone has said, not PAW or Invisible "Marriage is an institution that simplifies life but complicates living.
​

 



Hii post umeeleza hapa hasa ndio hivo Lizzy, Labda swali naomba kujua how do you think inaweza kua controlled? Kwamba watu waweze jitambua na hii system ya sasa inayokua kwa kasi iweze badilika walau kuweza pata ndoa ambazo ni quality zenye hope of a better future?
 

AT getting there is not the issue, wanting to get there is. Kama mtu hafikirii/hataki/hajajiandaa kufika mwisho wa safari hata umbebe kichwa atafika sehemu akwambie umshushe maana unamchosha, wakati yeye ndie aliyebebwa.
 
Well mabadiliko hayawezi kutokea kama wahusika hawatokua wanajua athari za kuingia kwenye ndoa kwaajili ya vitu badala ya mtu, na bila kujiandaa kifikra na kihisia. Kwahiyo tunachoweza kufanya ni kujifunza na kuelimishana kutokana na makosa ya wale ambao yameshawakuta tayari. Mf. Kwasababu mimi najua(kwa kusikia na kuona) matatizo wanayopata wale waliokosea step ntajitahidi na mimi nisiishie huko, hivyo kinachohitajika ni ufahamu na uelewa wa ndoa kiundani.
 
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