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Aston Villa investigate club-bonding day that ended in a player fracas

• Confrontation is latest incident in a troubled season
• Manager Gérard Houllier had already departed




  • Stuart James
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 23.21 GMT <li class="history">Article history Gérard Houllier has not had an easy time at Aston Villa. Photograph: Phil Noble/Reuters Aston Villa's troubles on and off the pitch show no sign of coming to an end, with the news that two of the club's players have become involved in a heated exchange during a team-bonding exercise. It is understood that the players had been drinking and, although there is no suggestion that punches were thrown, it is a measure of how seriously Villa view the incident that they have launched an internal investigation.
    It is just about the last thing the club's manager, Gérard Houllier, needs at a time when Villa are in a relegation battle and when unrest among the club's supporters is festering, after the Frenchman's controversial decision to field a weakened team in an FA Cup fifth-round tie against Manchester City last week. Houllier has strong views on how players should conduct themselves and he will be particularly disappointed that two members of his squad have behaved so badly, especially at an event that was organised to boost morale.
    With no fixture this weekend, Houllier decided to take the players away to a luxury hotel and spa in Leicestershire, in midweek, for a change of scenery and to improve team spirit. The players took part in a paintballing exercise during the day but in the evening things threatened to get out of hand when, after dinner and out of sight of the public, two of the squad became involved in a heated row.
    A source said: "Two players who were pissed up had a frank exchange of views."
    Houllier was present during the day but travelled to London, with Gary McAllister, his assistant, to watch Tottenham Hotspur play Milan in the Champions League in the evening. He was made aware of the confrontation, which the club will investigate before deciding whether to take disciplinary action.
    "The club is aware that there has been an incident," a Villa spokesman said. "We have launched an investigation in line with our internal disciplinary procedures."
    Villa have had several off-the-field issues this season. The striker John Carew, who is now on loan at Stoke, had a disagreement with Houllier in November; Richard Dunne clashed with McAllister on the training ground in December and was dropped from the starting team; and Stephen Ireland &#8211; currently on loan at Newcastle &#8211; Stephen Warnock and Habib Beye have also fallen out with Houllier.
    Elsewhere Sunderland will offer the Egypt midfielder Ahmed Elmohamady a permanent deal at the end of the season. The 22-year-old has been on loan at the Stadium of Light since last summer.
    "Ahmed has been a pleasure to have around the place since he joined us," said the Sunderland manager, Steve Bruce. "He's a great professional, has settled into the club and is keen to learn."
    The West Ham midfielder Kieron Dyer has rejoined his first club, Ipswich Town, on loan for a month. Dyer has made 13 appearances for West Ham this season.

 
Fernando Torres decided to leave Anfield well before transfer

&#8226; Chelsea striker tried to arrange departure in summer
&#8226; Liverpool were a club in chaos, he believed




  • Sid Lowe in Madrid
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 19.29 GMT <li class="history">Article history Fernando Torres considered Liverpool to be in chaos and now enjoys the atmosphere of easy-going professionalism at Chelsea. Photograph: Kerim Okten/EPA Fernando Torres has revealed he resolved to leave Liverpool long before his January transfer to Chelsea because the club were in "chaos". In a damning assessment, the striker said he could not reject a move to Stamford Bridge because the remaining six months of this season would have felt like three years at Anfield.
    Torres hit out at the direction Liverpool have taken, describing them as a club no longer living up to their history and unable to compete with England's biggest teams. He said he had found greater togetherness in the Chelsea dressing room than at Anfield.
    "[Leaving Liverpool] was a decision I had mulled over for a long time, even though it appeared to be taken very hastily," Torres said in an interview with the Spanish newspaper Marca. "I had made up my mind a long time before. In the summer in which Xabi Alonso left [2009] I started to wonder.
    "I had the best three years of my career at Liverpool. I thought I was at the best club around, one that would win things with time. But when Xabi and [Javier] Mascherano left, and before them [Peter] Crouch and [Alvaro] Arbeloa, when reinforcements didn't arrive, I started to wonder if Liverpool was the club its history suggests or if it was in fact a selling club.
    "I knew I was an idol at the club but it was no longer the same. There was also the departure of [the manager Rafael] Benítez and the club was in chaos with the sale. There was so much said, so much talk about projects, but then nothing. It reminded me of Atlético Madrid: great history, lots of ideas but without money you need time. And I didn't have much of that."
    Torres said that he had first tried to move in the summer but was told that he could not depart with Liverpool in the midst of a battle over ownership. "They told me they would not sell anyone and I turned down an offer from Chelsea in the summer," he said. "I understood Liverpool's reasons for not wanting to sell me, even though I knew I was letting an opportunity go by &#8211; one that might not come back again. [But] the club was not the same, it wasn't heading in the direction I thought it should head in and I could see that a change was needed.
    "What other teams could I have gone to? I couldn't go to [Manchester] United out of respect for Liverpool. Or [Real] Madrid, because of my past. I don't think Barcelona needed anyone. I didn't like the idea of Italy. Chelsea were the only club left. There was only one option. In fact, I thought there were no options at all until Chelsea appeared out of nowhere [in January]. The idea was in my head before but it was a long way from being a reality.
    "And then suddenly one day, 20 days before [the end of the transfer window], the opportunity appeared. I didn't expect it; it was like a light bulb coming on in a long, dark passageway. I thought that the six months left at Liverpool this season would feel like three years."
    In a veiled criticism of Liverpool's handling of his move, he said: "I wanted to be honest. If others haven't been honest, that's not my problem. Football is not a sport populated by honest people. You can't tell the truth or be up front with people. It's a business and no one is friends. I was honest. I know [the transfer] wasn't [handled in] the best way but I was honest. If anyone used the press, it wasn't me. I was straight and I have a clear conscience."
    He said he had no regrets at joining Chelsea. "We have an owner who will invest when it is necessary and I have been surprised by the atmosphere in the dressing room, considering there are so many stars. There is more of personal relationship and jokes between players than there was at Liverpool. There, it was much more serious. Here, you don't have to prove you are a professional. That's just taken as read."

 
Fernando Torres decided to leave Anfield well before transfer

• Chelsea striker tried to arrange departure in summer
• Liverpool were a club in chaos, he believed




  • Sid Lowe in Madrid
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 19.29 GMT <li class="history">Article history Fernando Torres considered Liverpool to be in chaos and now enjoys the atmosphere of easy-going professionalism at Chelsea. Photograph: Kerim Okten/EPA Fernando Torres has revealed he resolved to leave Liverpool long before his January transfer to Chelsea because the club were in "chaos". In a damning assessment, the striker said he could not reject a move to Stamford Bridge because the remaining six months of this season would have felt like three years at Anfield.
    Torres hit out at the direction Liverpool have taken, describing them as a club no longer living up to their history and unable to compete with England's biggest teams. He said he had found greater togetherness in the Chelsea dressing room than at Anfield.
    "[Leaving Liverpool] was a decision I had mulled over for a long time, even though it appeared to be taken very hastily," Torres said in an interview with the Spanish newspaper Marca. "I had made up my mind a long time before. In the summer in which Xabi Alonso left [2009] I started to wonder.
    "I had the best three years of my career at Liverpool. I thought I was at the best club around, one that would win things with time. But when Xabi and [Javier] Mascherano left, and before them [Peter] Crouch and [Alvaro] Arbeloa, when reinforcements didn't arrive, I started to wonder if Liverpool was the club its history suggests or if it was in fact a selling club.
    "I knew I was an idol at the club but it was no longer the same. There was also the departure of [the manager Rafael] Benítez and the club was in chaos with the sale. There was so much said, so much talk about projects, but then nothing. It reminded me of Atlético Madrid: great history, lots of ideas but without money you need time. And I didn't have much of that."
    Torres said that he had first tried to move in the summer but was told that he could not depart with Liverpool in the midst of a battle over ownership. "They told me they would not sell anyone and I turned down an offer from Chelsea in the summer," he said. "I understood Liverpool's reasons for not wanting to sell me, even though I knew I was letting an opportunity go by – one that might not come back again. [But] the club was not the same, it wasn't heading in the direction I thought it should head in and I could see that a change was needed.
    "What other teams could I have gone to? I couldn't go to [Manchester] United out of respect for Liverpool. Or [Real] Madrid, because of my past. I don't think Barcelona needed anyone. I didn't like the idea of Italy. Chelsea were the only club left. There was only one option. In fact, I thought there were no options at all until Chelsea appeared out of nowhere [in January]. The idea was in my head before but it was a long way from being a reality.
    "And then suddenly one day, 20 days before [the end of the transfer window], the opportunity appeared. I didn't expect it; it was like a light bulb coming on in a long, dark passageway. I thought that the six months left at Liverpool this season would feel like three years."
    In a veiled criticism of Liverpool's handling of his move, he said: "I wanted to be honest. If others haven't been honest, that's not my problem. Football is not a sport populated by honest people. You can't tell the truth or be up front with people. It's a business and no one is friends. I was honest. I know [the transfer] wasn't [handled in] the best way but I was honest. If anyone used the press, it wasn't me. I was straight and I have a clear conscience."
    He said he had no regrets at joining Chelsea. "We have an owner who will invest when it is necessary and I have been surprised by the atmosphere in the dressing room, considering there are so many stars. There is more of personal relationship and jokes between players than there was at Liverpool. There, it was much more serious. Here, you don't have to prove you are a professional. That's just taken as read."
 

England v Scotland, Twickenham, 3pm Sunday 13 March

Martin Johnson warns England they must seize high ground to stop Scotland

&#8226; Visitors will target the rucks, suspects England manager
&#8226; There will be no Twickenham comfort zone, he says




  • Robert Kitson
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 19.16 GMT <li class="history">Article history Martin Johnson, the England manager, talks to his players during their training session at Bagshot. Photograph: David Rogers/Getty Images When Capt Harry Parker, a British officer badly injured in Afghanistan, met the England squad last autumn he reminded them of the old military truism that no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Everyone south of Hadrian's Wall may be anticipating a heavy Scottish defeat at Twickenham, but Calcutta Cups are rarely dished out without some kind of bristling, chest-to-chest altercation, particularly when there is a possible English grand slam to disrupt.
    It is hard, even so, to envisage the hosts not giving their opponents more in the way of hammer, even if the Scots arrive with an array of tactical tricks. Half this England team were not born the last time Scotland conquered Twickenham in 1983; latterly the fixture has become all too predictable, as close as the Six Nations ever comes to a home banker. If his resurgent side revert to bad old habits, Martin Johnson will not be alone in wanting to know why.
    The confirmation of a virtually unchanged starting XV, with Alex Corbisiero deputising once more for the injured Andrew Sheridan, simply underlines Johnson's desire not to deviate from the highly encouraging road his squad are progressing down. No matter that Andy Robinson used to be England's head coach and, as such, is better placed than anyone to know what is coming. Robinson may know Twickenham's corridors extremely well, but the flowering confidence of the players in white will still be a nasty shock.
    With the referee, Romain Poite, renowned for favouring the stronger scrummaging side the most obvious threat to England would appear to be complacency, particularly at the rucks where Robinson will have noticed France caused them one or two problems. "We know what Scotland are like; they'll come after us in that area," Johnson said. "If we're not strong over the breakdown, all that stuff you want to see out wide won't be happening. You'll have slow ball and a big defensive line in your face."
    Johnson, as a result, does not buy into the general view of Scotland providing about as solid a barrier as Rab C Nesbitt's string vest. "Rugby's not the sort of game where you can sit back and say: 'We're better than you.' If you sit back you just get smashed. Losing is always a possibility. If we don't get it right we know what can happen. They'll have things lined up for us that we haven't seen all tournament. We have to be smart. Luxury and comfort are not words you associate with playing international rugby."
    There is also the minor detail of centuries of historical enmity, with the 140th anniversary this month of the first England-Scotland encounter at Raeburn Place, Edinburgh. Even England's resident Kiwi hooker Dylan Hartley has grown used to a red rose acting as a veritable red rag to every bull-necked opponent in world rugby, although the finer points of Caledonian legend still elude him. "I roughly know what happened ... I've seen Braveheart," he said. "But every team we've played against hates us and wants to beat us so passionately. You expect it from everyone."
    As for Robinson's midweek complaint that Hartley deliberately stands up in the scrums to milk penalties, the hooker is determined to show England are squeaky clean in that department. "My girlfriend teases me that whenever she watches a game on the TV all she can hear is me shouting 'Squeaky' down the microphone. I don't think we've given away any free-kicks for [standing up] in this tournament. Romain's a good referee and he'll reward the dominant team." Having rebuffed Warren Gatland's taunts before the Wales game, he expects to have the last laugh again. "I'm used to people trying to wind me up. Maybe it's a compliment. I think I answered a lot of critics in Cardiff."
    With Tom Croft back on the bench, and his fellow replacements Matt Banahan and Jonny Wilkinson more than capable of preying on a tiring defence, it will also require something special from the visiting loose forwards if Chris Ashton, England's frequent flyer, is to be deprived of more air miles. There have been glimpses of Scottish fluency against France and Ireland but England's defence has been decidedly mean, with two tries conceded in this championship.
    Given Ruaridh Jackson does not have the longest of tactical boots, their best option is probably to try and exploit Twickenham's wide open spaces by keeping the ball in hand, disrupting the English lineout at every opportunity. Robinson will also know, even in defeat, that there are psychological points to be scored, with the two countries in the same pool at this autumn's World Cup in New Zealand. Johnson's side, however, have only one priority, namely booking a title decider in Dublin on Saturday week. A high-flying England victory by 20 points would be the perfect springboard.

 

England v Scotland, Twickenham, 3pm Sunday 13 March

Martin Johnson warns England they must seize high ground to stop Scotland

• Visitors will target the rucks, suspects England manager
• There will be no Twickenham comfort zone, he says




  • Robert Kitson
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 19.16 GMT <li class="history">Article history Martin Johnson, the England manager, talks to his players during their training session at Bagshot. Photograph: David Rogers/Getty Images When Capt Harry Parker, a British officer badly injured in Afghanistan, met the England squad last autumn he reminded them of the old military truism that no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Everyone south of Hadrian's Wall may be anticipating a heavy Scottish defeat at Twickenham, but Calcutta Cups are rarely dished out without some kind of bristling, chest-to-chest altercation, particularly when there is a possible English grand slam to disrupt.
    It is hard, even so, to envisage the hosts not giving their opponents more in the way of hammer, even if the Scots arrive with an array of tactical tricks. Half this England team were not born the last time Scotland conquered Twickenham in 1983; latterly the fixture has become all too predictable, as close as the Six Nations ever comes to a home banker. If his resurgent side revert to bad old habits, Martin Johnson will not be alone in wanting to know why.
    The confirmation of a virtually unchanged starting XV, with Alex Corbisiero deputising once more for the injured Andrew Sheridan, simply underlines Johnson's desire not to deviate from the highly encouraging road his squad are progressing down. No matter that Andy Robinson used to be England's head coach and, as such, is better placed than anyone to know what is coming. Robinson may know Twickenham's corridors extremely well, but the flowering confidence of the players in white will still be a nasty shock.
    With the referee, Romain Poite, renowned for favouring the stronger scrummaging side the most obvious threat to England would appear to be complacency, particularly at the rucks where Robinson will have noticed France caused them one or two problems. "We know what Scotland are like; they'll come after us in that area," Johnson said. "If we're not strong over the breakdown, all that stuff you want to see out wide won't be happening. You'll have slow ball and a big defensive line in your face."
    Johnson, as a result, does not buy into the general view of Scotland providing about as solid a barrier as Rab C Nesbitt's string vest. "Rugby's not the sort of game where you can sit back and say: 'We're better than you.' If you sit back you just get smashed. Losing is always a possibility. If we don't get it right we know what can happen. They'll have things lined up for us that we haven't seen all tournament. We have to be smart. Luxury and comfort are not words you associate with playing international rugby."
    There is also the minor detail of centuries of historical enmity, with the 140th anniversary this month of the first England-Scotland encounter at Raeburn Place, Edinburgh. Even England's resident Kiwi hooker Dylan Hartley has grown used to a red rose acting as a veritable red rag to every bull-necked opponent in world rugby, although the finer points of Caledonian legend still elude him. "I roughly know what happened ... I've seen Braveheart," he said. "But every team we've played against hates us and wants to beat us so passionately. You expect it from everyone."
    As for Robinson's midweek complaint that Hartley deliberately stands up in the scrums to milk penalties, the hooker is determined to show England are squeaky clean in that department. "My girlfriend teases me that whenever she watches a game on the TV all she can hear is me shouting 'Squeaky' down the microphone. I don't think we've given away any free-kicks for [standing up] in this tournament. Romain's a good referee and he'll reward the dominant team." Having rebuffed Warren Gatland's taunts before the Wales game, he expects to have the last laugh again. "I'm used to people trying to wind me up. Maybe it's a compliment. I think I answered a lot of critics in Cardiff."
    With Tom Croft back on the bench, and his fellow replacements Matt Banahan and Jonny Wilkinson more than capable of preying on a tiring defence, it will also require something special from the visiting loose forwards if Chris Ashton, England's frequent flyer, is to be deprived of more air miles. There have been glimpses of Scottish fluency against France and Ireland but England's defence has been decidedly mean, with two tries conceded in this championship.
    Given Ruaridh Jackson does not have the longest of tactical boots, their best option is probably to try and exploit Twickenham's wide open spaces by keeping the ball in hand, disrupting the English lineout at every opportunity. Robinson will also know, even in defeat, that there are psychological points to be scored, with the two countries in the same pool at this autumn's World Cup in New Zealand. Johnson's side, however, have only one priority, namely booking a title decider in Dublin on Saturday week. A high-flying England victory by 20 points would be the perfect springboard.
 

England deal in drama once again as Bangladesh win by two wickets

&#8226; England 225 (49.4 overs); Bangladesh 227-8 (49.0 overs)
&#8226; Bangladesh win by two wickets






  • Vic Marks in Chittagong
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 20.03 GMT <li class="history">Article history The Bangladesh batsman Imrul Kayes edges the ball towards the boundary against England. Photograph: Matthew Lewis/Getty Images To the delirium of a nation and the despair of England's increasingly grumpy cricketers, Bangladesh conjured a famous victory that throws Group B wide open yet again.
    Shakib Al Hasan's side, pilloried here after their ignominious defeat to West Indies in Dhaka a week ago, were heroes once more after defeating England by two wickets with an over to spare in yet another thrilling contest involving Andrew Strauss's weary tourists.
    A breathtaking ninth-wicket partnership between Mahmudullah, the coolest man in Chittagong on Friday night, and Shafiul Islam, bold and nerveless in a crisis, saw Bangladesh home. They added 58 to snatch back a game that the home side had dominated for most of the day, but that seemed to be lurching back towards England when Bangladesh lost five wickets for 14 runs in mid&#8209;innings.
    Suddenly that stand, sparked by Shafiul smiting Graeme Swann for four and six in the off-spinner's final over, transformed the mood of the crowd, many of whom had started to drift home. Some of England's players looked exhausted as well as disenchanted by the end. Jimmy Anderson, Strauss's banker in the Ashes series, delivered three wides in the first over of the final powerplay. He was striving as hard as he could but the eyes were glazed and there was not much going on behind them. There seemed nothing left to give.
    This result means that England will surely have to beat West Indies in their final group match next Thursday to have a chance of that quarter-final slot. A blitz from Chris Gayle, if he recovers fitness, or Kieron Pollard in Chennai could finish them off for good. Meanwhile, Bangladesh's hopes are still alive.
    England were at their most capricious here. In the field their ill-temper was reflected by Swann, snatching his cap from the umpire Daryl Harper, after remonstrating with the Australian on several occasions. It was not Harper's fault that Swann was compelled to bowl with a wet ball. There was more chance of seeing Swann with a smile than a parking meter in Chittagong, even though he managed to pick up two important wickets when he had a chance to bowl with the drier replacement ball in his second spell.
    It may be a nonsense that one side is able to bowl with a dry ball and the other with a wet one in a contest of this importance. But the financial lure of floodlit cricket far exceeds any urge for a fair contest in the minds of the modern cricket administrator.
    Even so England, having lost the toss, had only themselves to blame. For periods they fought tenaciously in the field, where they were compelled to defend an inadequate total of 225. Ajmal Shahzad popped up everywhere, bowling a poor first spell, running out Imrul Kayes with a brilliant throw, then producing three superb deliveries to right-handed batsmen. At least he was not lacking energy; nor was Eoin Morgan, England's saviour when they were batting. It may be no coincidence that England's liveliest players were not much involved in the Ashes campaign.
    With the exception of Morgan England's batsmen were witless, as insipid as the last cup of lukewarm tea at the village fete. However, the atmosphere was as far removed from the gentility of the village green as it possible to be. No cream teas, just a wonderful cacophony of support for the home side.
    The dismissal of their converted opener, Matt Prior, reflected England's doziness. He was stumped at the second attempt by the far more alert Mushfiqur Rahim. When Rahim first removed the bails after a leg-side wide from Abdur Razzak, Prior's back foot was just inside the popping crease. But England's wicketkeeper continued meandering so Rahim, ball in hand, removed the stump and in so doing removed Prior as well.
    The pattern was set. Strauss, tentative after his first-over dismissal against South Africa, cut an off-break from Naeem Islam to slip. Then Ian Bell played the most insipid innings of all: five runs from 23 balls before he chipped an off-break gently to midwicket.
    England were falling into that old trap again: trying only to eliminate error they were terrified of taking a risk and they allowed the Bangladesh spinners to dominate.
    But for Morgan the England innings might have stagnated completely. He was the one batsman who did not appear to be petrified by the situation or the orthodox wiles of the spin bowlers. Even though he has barely picked up a bat for six weeks, Morgan had the confidence to dart down the pitch and clip the spinners in the air into the gaps. Maybe a fresh mind is more important than the constant diet of hitting balls into nets. Jonathan Trott looked on enviously.
    Trott was Trott. Scenting a crisis he trundled along on his low-risk route, for which England were grateful once again. Together this pair added 106, whereupon Kayes took a critical catch calmly. Morgan swept firmly and the ball sped towards square-leg, where Kayes dived forward to hold the ball inches above the ground.
    None of the other English batsmen could match the fluency of Morgan. Obliged to do something in the powerplay Trott holed out to long-off but no one else could make much headway against a Bangladesh side that was buzzing in the field throughout.
    That nightmare against West Indies was being exorcised, forgotten or forgiven by an adoring crowd; every wicket, every catch and the solitary run-out was cheered to the skies. Their team bus instead of being stoned was surrounded by revellers dancing with delight.

 
28 players lock horns in darts tourney

By JAPHET KAZENGA, 11th March 2011 @ 11:00, Total Comments: 0, Hits: 40

UPANGA Darts Club (UDC) venue is, from this week, expected to be the centre of attraction to darts enthusiasts from the Dar es Salaam city centre vicinity as it has hosted the Paul Cup 2011 tournament.

The club's secretary general Bharat Vyas said the tournament, which has been organized by the club's newly elected executive committee, has attracted 28 players who have been put into teams A, B, C and D.

Team A players are Paramjit Singh, Mohamed Samji, Rajesh Divecha, Azim Haji Mohamed, Mustafa Bhimji, Devanand Rajput and Vyas while team B has Nitin Katakia, Fauzi Omar, Nanu Vaghela, Sanjay Kara, Zaib, Rizwan Dhalla and Bhavesh Solanki.

"Team C consists of Kishan Vadher, Panchi Singh, Ashraf, Daud, Nanji Bhudia, Vasant Rana and Sayad Aman as Ramesh Chohan, Mohamed, Shamsh Grana, Pramod Solanki, Ashok Motichand, Godfrey Tarimo and Mehboob Khakoo form team D," said Vyas.

"Our teammate Tarimo has sponsored the tournament whose draw was made early this week," he added.

He said the tournament, which involves the singles event only, will see participating players battle it out in a round robin format in the first round to determine the ones who will qualify for the second round that will be played in knockout basis.

Teams A and B players began locking horns early this week while teams C and D players were expected to complete their round robin games before this weekend.

"First round matches are played in the best of three games and the top four players in each group will progress to the second round," said Vyas.

"The second round will be played in the best of five games' format, quarterfinals' duels will be the best of seven games while the semi-finals and final will constitute the best of nine games and best of 11 games respectively," he added.

Vyas also said the champion and runner- up will be awarded floating trophies as it is the case to other best performers including the highest scorer (180) and highest finisher (120 and above).

"Financial support from darts enthusiasts and the rest of domestic sports stakeholders is welcomed because it will help us increase the prize package," he said.

Tournament sponsor Tarimo thanked all UDC members for their willingness to participate in the event and urged all players to observe discipline and friendly attitude throughout the games.

He promised to make the tournament an annual feature in a bid to support the domestic darts fraternity's efforts to revive the sport
 

Bangladesh v England &#8211; as it happened

England lost another heart-stopper by two wickets after an incredible ninth-wicket partnership from Mahmudullah and Shafiul Islam






  • Rob Smyth and James Dart (briefly)
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 00.25 GMT <li class="history">Article history Imrul Kayes hits out on the way to a matchwinning 60. Photograph: Matthew Lewis/Getty Images Preamble Morning. What hell crazy kinda England side are we watching at this World Cup? They have morphed from morbid losers into loose cannons; Mark Corrigan one minute, Super Hans the next. For a time they even managed to outdo Pakistan, until Tuesday, when Pakistan looked England up and down, sniggered disdainfully and then showed them what maverick cricket really looks like.
    Today, the Cornered Lions meet Bangladesh's Tigers. Though this fixture looks nowhere near as tricky as it did eight days ago, it is still a dicey assignment. If England win they are all but through to the quarter-finals; if they lose, squeaky-bum time will seem like a golden age.
    In Mohali, Ireland need 276 to win to beat the West Indies after Kieron Pollard boshed 94 from 55 balls.
    Bangladesh have won the toss, to wild cheers, and will field first. That's a slight surprise, although Andrew Strauss said he would also have bowled first.
    England make three changes: EOIN MORGAN!!!! for Kevin Pietersen, Ajmal Shahzad for Stuart Broad and Paul Collingwood for Michael Yardy. So that means just one spinner, while Matt Prior to open in place of Pietersen. Bangladesh bring in Mahmudullah for Mohammad Ashraful.
    Bangladesh Tamim Iqbal, Imrul Kayes, Junaid Siddique, Raqibul Hasan, Shakib Al Hasan (c), Mushfiqur Rahim (wk), Mahmudullah, Naeem Islam, Abdur Razzak, Shafiul Islan, Rubel Hossain.
    England Strauss (c), Prior (wk), Trott, Bell, Morgan, Bopara, Collingwood, Bresnan, Swann, Shahzad, Anderson.
    Something chirpy to talk about during today's play Weirdness. Specifically, weird phobias. For some reason, half the time I walk out of shops I expect the alarm to go off &#8211; even when I haven't stuffed a load of expensive goods into my bag.
    I feel my feet slow down as I reach the door, certain I'm going to have to stop and show the security guard that there's nothing in my bag and politely explain to him that, yes, you can be roguishly good looking without being a rogue; yes, you can pull off the urban-deviant look without being an urban deviant; yes, you can drive girls wild with your bad-boy chic while actually being a good guy; and yes, on this occasion the man upstairs did indeed give with both hands.
    Anyway, the alarm things is all very weird, and I wish it would stop. It's not as if it relates to a criminal adolescence; the only thing I ever stole was a strawberry bonbon, and I was so racked with guilt that it tasted disgusting.
    Please tell me you have weird stories too. I don't want to be the only one.
    1st over: England 4-0 (Strauss 2, Prior 1) This is a novelty: a seamer opening the bowling. It's Shafiul Islam and, after starting with a wide, he then beats Matt Prior with consecutive jaffas. The first swung late, the second seamed and bounced. Welcome back to the top of the order. "I assume my card will be rejected every time," says Alex Netherton, "so I always have sufficient cash with me to cover it in case." Is that a phobia or just pragmatism?
    2nd over: England 6-0 (Strauss 4, Prior 1) Another seamer, Rubel Hossain, will share the new ball. The pitch has a bit of grass on it, which is probably why Bangladesh have gone with two seamers rather than one seamer and a spinner. He has a biggish shout for LBW against Strauss second ball from a ball, yet it pitched well outside leg. The fourth ball brings a carbon copy - but staggeringly, Bangladesh decide to review it. That's a monstrous howler, because it pitched miles outside leg. That aside, Bangladesh have started well and Rubel slants a good delivery past Strauss's outside edge. England might start carefully for five overs or so here, partly because of the conditions and particularly because of that shocking start against South Africa on Sunday. "If you haven't bought anything, why are you carrying a bag?" says Ben Dunn. "That's just asking for an intrusive search by the mildly camp shop assistant. Is it a Louis Vuitton?" You don't carry a man bag, a jaunty little number in which you keep your lotions, moisturiser, eye balm and Guardian Style Guide, available from all good online stories? Weirdo.
    3rd over: England 12-0 (Strauss 5, Prior 6) That's the first boundary, a wide, swinging delivery from Shafiul that is square-driven for four by Prior. That aside it's another good over &#8211; very straight, which is always good to Prior &#8211; and Bangladesh will be very pleased with this start. "Horses," says Tom Van der Gucht. "I feel intimidated and scared by horses. They're just too big. And I'm sure they can sense my unease and fear, horses tend to give me dirty looks as if to say 'What's your problem?' I want to shout 'You are, you're my problem!' but talking to horses is a bad road to walk down."
    4th over: England 13-0 (Strauss 6, Prior 6) When Bangladesh started the tournament by fielding first against India, their seamers had a shocker, but this has been an admirably disciplined start. Rubel gives Strauss no room at all in that over, and after four dot balls Strauss drives down the ground for a single. "I'm the same as you with the alarms," says Alastair Malcom. "I even pause my ipod as I go through them, as if I might miss the alarm somehow. But I take solace in the fact I have a mate with a phobia of ketchup; it genuinely unsettles him having it on the table. which makes me seem normal by comparison."
    5th over: England 25-0 (Strauss 11, Prior 13) England have barely played an attacking stroke, although that's mainly because of excellent bowling. The control of line and length has been outstanding. And the moment I type that, Shafiul sends down a wide half volley that Prior drives ruthlessly through extra cover for four. Then Strauss, driving, edges through the vacant second-slip area for four. "I must confess to a fear of 'being found out'," says Phil Withall. "Not that I have done anything wrong but there is always this nagging voice in the back of my mind saying 'They're going to get you for that'. Also, if you have time, I'd like to discuss my mother." This is brilliant. I knew this was a good idea. By the end of the today, I am going to feel almost normal!
    6th over: England 27-0 (Strauss 11, Prior 15) Prior cuts Rubel for a couple, but those are the only runs from another very accurate over. "That feeling you get around store alarms is similar to mine and police cars," says William Hardy. "No matter what time of day, or what state I'm in, if I am driving next to/in front of a police car, I assume he is going to pull me over." Well, if you will own a Starsailor CD you get what you deserve.
    7th over: England 31-0 (Strauss 15, Prior 15) Here's the first of many spinners, the offie Naeem Islam. After five dot balls, Strauss is given too much width and screws a cut to third man for four. "It's not a phobia as such, but I really cannot stand it when people open cereal packets from the wrong end," says Martin Sinclair. "Why would anyone do that?! The correct end has clever things like instructions and a flap that's easy to slide you finger into. Why would any normal, sane person use the other end? Sends me doolally, I tell you." Oh crikey, we're moved into this territory already.
    WICKET! England 32-1 (Prior st Mushfiqur b Razzak 15) This is an staggeringly air-headed dismissal from Matt Prior, who has been stumped off a wide from Abdur Razzak. Prior missed a push down the leg side and, although his foot was just in the crease when Mushfiqur took the bails off, it then slipped out of the crease. Instead of dragging it back, he stood gawping at the third umpire over the original appeal, and that allowed the alert Mushfiqur to have a second bite at the cherry by pulling a stump out of the ground. It was for that, rather than the first appeal, that Prior was given out by the third umpire. That was bizarre.
    8th over: England 35-1 (Strauss 16, Trott 1) The new batsman is Jonathan Trott, the man who makes you think everything is going to be okay. "Marvellous stuff from Prior!" says Phil Withall. "This England team just can't stop providing new and innovative ways of keeping up their 'Entertainers' tag. What next Strauss to stump Trott and get himself run out in the same delivery?" It's a competition with Pakistan, like two drunks in a pub headbutting bottles and drinking toilet water to show who's the greater maverick. Or something. Something, I think, on reflection.
    9th over: England 37-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 2) Strauss tries to cut a ball that is too close for the shot and misses the off stump by this much. Two singles from Naeem's over. Early impressions are that this will be very hard work for the batsmen, and that anything above 280 would be a handy score. "I have terrifying Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, which is fear of long words," says Phil Dobbin. "Even typing that made me do a passable impression of Linda Blair in the head spinning scene of 'The Exorcist'..."
    10th over: England 37-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 2) A maiden from Razzak to Trott. This is excellent from Bangladesh. "I have a driving phobia," says John Crawley Andrew Stroud. "If I'm on the main road with the right of way, I'm terrified of vehicles approaching a junction from the left, ever since being knocked off my bike by a car coming out of a side road about 30 years ago. Even today, when I'm driving, I still flinch when I see a car speed up to a junction while I'm on the main road, even though no further incidents have occurred since that day cycling down to Grace Hill in Sunny Folkestone for double science, all those years ago." That's pretty rational, though. What do you think this is, a forum for normal people?
    WICKET! England 39-2 (Strauss c Junaid Siddique b Naeem Islan 18) Strauss got away with a dodgy cut in Naeem Islam's previous over, and now he has fallen to one. It was again too close for the shot, and this time he screwed it to slip, where Junaid Siddique took a very sharp catch. England are in a fair bit of bother here.
    11th over: England 40-2 (Trott 3, Bell 1) If Tamim comes off later today &#8211; and he is due &#8211; England will be in serious bother. His innings will probably decide the game. "My phone," says Kathryn Oliver. "It just sits there looking at me." That's the best film David Lynch never directed. Just 150 minutes of someone disintegrating as their phone looks at them.
    12th over: England 40-2 (Trott 3, Bell 1) Bell, pushing at Razzak, edges not far short of slip. This has got a sniff about it. England are really struggling to work the ball around, and the dot-ball ratio that was so impressive against India and Ireland must be hopeless today. There are six more in that over, Razzak's second consecutive maiden. "When I was younger I used to be extremely scared of heights," says Duncan Haskell. "One morning my dad decided to take decisive action and locked me out on the roof of our house until I was no longer afraid. After a couple of hours of sheer terror I eventually realised I was quite safe and his maverick methods had actually paid off. To this day I wish I'd come back later in the week having developed a mass phobia of naked ladies."
    Ireland update They are 64 for two after 16 overs, chasing 275. So they need 212 from 34 overs at 6.23 per over. Stranger things have happened on a Friday in March.
    13th over: England 43-2 (Trott 5, Bell 2) Another over passes by in an instant, with just three singles from Naeem Islam. This is fascinating stuff, and at the moment Bangladesh are well on top. "I can feel for Andrew in the 10th over," says Machiel Akkerman. "I have sort of the same. Ever since I was knocked of my racing bike by someone casually opening his car door I never dare to venture near a parked car door again, which means half of the time I'm in the middle of the road which is far more dangerous. What these things can do to you."
    14th over: England 44-2 (Trott 6, Bell 2) Just a single from Razzak's over. Bangladesh are flying through the overs, each one taking barely two minutes. It's the old Combined Universities trick, to make the batsmen think there are more overs remaining than is actually the case. "Despite being 30 and carrying ID, I worry every time that I go to the off licence that I'm going to be asked for ID," says Nic Denson. "The panic results in me getting cold sweats and looking shifty, hence becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy." That's so true; I had the same when going to nightclubs. Until my hair fell out and I started to look more like one of the bouncers than one of the people trying to get in.
    15th over: England 47-2 (Trott 8, Bell 3) A better over for England, bringing three whole runs. So the five overs of the bowling Powerplay produced ten overs and a wicket. "Will all due respect, mate, I think 280 is way above par for this Chittagong Super-Slow Special," says my sometime colleague Dileep Premachandran. "I'd fancy England to defend 200. Swann and Shahzad will have to bowl really badly not to get a bagful." I'm just one of life's optimists, I suppose. But yes, you are right. I'd still want 280 to feel comfortable, in case Tamim comes off, but par is what, 230, if that. England will probably need Morgan to come off if they are to get significantly more than that.
    16th over: England 49-2 (Trott 9, Bell 4) I should stress that this pitch isn't a raging turner. It's not even a mild turner. It's just extremely slow; there's more life in a tramp's vest, whatever that means. Two singles from the over, so Razzak has figures of 5-2-7-1. He's good, but he's not that good. "This may be blurring the boundary between a phobia and manageable OCD but I always assume the door isn't locked if I haven't tapped it eight times before leaving," says Suzanne Hall. "The words moist, voucher, bap and pony make me itch as I find them so abhorrent and I can't bear the sound of water being poured out of a kettle which is a shame as I like to drink tea almost constantly throughout the day. I also work on the premise that my friends hate me after spending any time with them - a text message to check the next day is usually necessary. I always assume I have accidentally CCed in the whole office when I email OBO as well." You've got to love the CC paranoia.
    WICKET! England 53-3 (Bell c Naeem Islam b Mahmdullah 5) This is an another wretched dismissal, straight from the pre-maturity Ian Bell scrapbook. It was a nothing delivery from the new bowler Mahmdullah, and Bell chipped it tamely to midwicket. I have no idea what he was trying to do there. He walks off shaking his head after a forgettable innings of five from 23 balls.
    17th over: England 54-3 (Trott 12, Morgan 1) It was Mahmdullah, not Naeem Islam, who took that wicket. I can't distinguish between short, flat offspinners. So sue me! Anyway, Eoin Morgan!!! walks out to play his first World Cup innings for England and, just for a change, he has a mess to clean up. "Walking down long, empty corridors," says Devika Pande. "I don't know if it's the echoing, hollow sound or the eerie feeling that someone is watching me from the back but it just freaks me out. Does the Guardian headquarters have any?" Metaphorically, that's all it ha Not really, no, although
    18th over: England 55-3 (Trott 12, Morgan 2) Just one single from Razzak's over. England can hardly get him off the square. This, as that little known cricket fan Celine Dion once noted, is getting serious. "Having once ran out of loo roll after persuading a girl far far out of my league back to mine, and realising far too late, I have never allowed this to happen again," says Will Davies. "Now whenever I go to the supermarket I always buy at least 18 rolls. And that's at least twice a week."
    19th over: England 59-3 (Trott 14, Morgan 4) I can't believe I'm watching Eoin Morgan in a World Cup for England. I hardly slept a wink last night with the piles excitement. He's started well, picking the gaps to make four from eight balls and drag that dot-ball ratio down a little bit. "A friend of mine developed appropriate CC phobia after accidentally replying to everyone on a birthday invite email," says Jon. "It would have been fine if it was a simple yes or no, but instead she decided to share the doubts about her forthcoming marriage. To about 50 people. Still, we've got two kids now..."
    20th over: England 64-3 (Trott 18, Morgan 5) Five from Razzak's over. England are rotating the strike much better now. "When I lived in Hawaii, I was always afraid that The People's Liberation Army of China would invade, and I'd be forced to escape capture by fleeing to the upper slopes of Mauna Loa volcano, where I would have to live on my wits," says Mac Millings. "That wouldn't have lasted long."
    21st over: England 70-3 (Trott 19, Morgan 10) Masterful stuff from Morgan, who comes down the track and chips Mahmudullah decisively over midwicket for four. That's a fine stroke, and England's first boundary for 82 balls. "Neither blood, nor needles, nor anything normal scares me about that whole genre of phobias," says Richard Craig. "I am, however, terrified by the thought of the circulatory system. Just the mere contemplation of arteries, valves and blood pressure brings me out in a cold sweat. It's a vicious circle, however, as the fear raises my blood pressure to the point where it is even harder to ignore. So much so that, on the one occasion I gave blood, my heart was pounding so heavily that my pint came out in under twenty seconds. Then I fainted." I remember a teacher talking about nose bleeds at school once, a 20-minute affair throughout which I was convinced I was about to die.
    22nd over: England 75-3 (Trott 20, Morgan 14) The genius is back. Shakib Al Hasan brings himself on, and his first ball is driven lazily over mid off for a one-bounce four by Morgan. He is pure class and has skipped to 15 from 17 balls. The rest of the team have 57 from 115. "Trott and Morgan," says Mike McCarthy. "By God they're different batsmen but you can't help loving them both." They are very different in many respects, but they both have ice in their veins and that has served them well in this nascent partnership.
    23rd over: England 82-3 (Trott 20, Morgan 21) This is beautiful batting from Morgan, who comes down the track to chip Mahmudullah over midwicket for four more with outstanding timing and placement. Effortless stuff. At times his talent is terrifying, and he has completely changed the mood of this match. "I am not sure if it is quite a phobia, but I will do anything to avoid leaving an answer phone message," says Ian Palmer. "I mean, you just sound so ridiculous on an answer phone!" How so?
    24th over: England 86-3 (Trott 23, Morgan 22) Four from the over. "So," says Phil Withall, "can you remind us as to why Morgan missed out in the first place?" Don't get me started.
    25th over: England 94-3 (Trott 25, Morgan 28) Too short from Mahmudullah, and Morgan rocks back to hammer a pull for four. He looks in wonderful nick. To see an Englishman England player bat like this is beautiful. That said, he takes a very tight single into the covers that leaves Trott in some trouble and he just survives a run-out referral on a split frame. That was so, so close. I suspect he was probably out, but because of the split frame he could not be given out. With a direct hit it would not even have been close. "I don't like drains/gaps/bridges/anything similar into or down which anything I am carrying or is safe in a pocket or a bag will inexplicably, at the exact moment of passing said gap, release itself from its previously safe nest and disappear into a sewer/abyss/railway line/etc forever lost to me," says John Dalby. "Once safely past the hazard I'll spend a good five minutes pondering ways to retrieve my wallet/wedding ring/half eaten bag of Haribo had disaster struck." The first bit I kind of understand. The second bit scares me a lot.
    26th over: England 99-3 (Trott 25, Morgan 32) This is a good move from Shakib Al Hasan. He has brought on the seamer Rubel Hossain to bowl to Morgan, who had been bullying the spinners with ease. The move is so nearly rewarded from the very first ball, when Morgan edges a fraction wide of the keeper and away for four. That was very close, and Morgan is also beaten off the final delivery of an excellent over. "I live in India, a tropical, wild country full of man-eating animals and mosquitoes and crazy rickshaw drivers so I suppose it isn't terribly weird that I'm scared to death of snakes," says Leo Mirani. "What worries me in equal measure though is that something will fall on my head. The list includes lampposts, building beams, construction pylons and, most importantly, coconuts. I know the chances are pretty slim but it would just be such a humiliating way to go."
    27th over: England 104-3 (Trott 29, Morgan 33) Naeem Islam replaces Mahmudullah. What's that hideous shriek every time they announce a new bowler? It sounds like an extended version of the Gareth Gates character on Bo Selecta. Anyway, Trott reverse sweeps the ball cleverly for three to bring up an excellent fifty partnership from just 62 balls. "I have developed something of a fear of Philosophy, ever since I studied epistemology and for a week became convinced that I didn't exist," says Joseph Orchard. "Also I am scared of women, I saw one yesterday and nearly fell over." That's no way to greet your mother. Honk!
    Ireland update They are 126 for three from 29 overs, and need 150 off 126 balls. That should be a cracking finish.
    28th over: England 111-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 33) Trott gets his first boundary from his 54th delivery, walking across the stumps to flick Rubel Hossain behind square. He paces his innings so well. Rubel then cuts &#8211; that's cuts &#8211; Morgan in half with a good delivery and has a desperate shout for LBW. It pitched outside leg, but Rubel has given Morgan plenty of problems in this little spell and is surely worth keeping on for at least one more over. "Trott and Morgan," says Ian Palmer. "Ying and Yang. Black and White. Night and Day. Karma and Sutra. Beauty and Beast. But if anyone else calls Trott a beast I will be very upset at them."
    29th over: England 118-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 37) Erm, apologies for the typo in the previous over, which has now been amended. The same thing happened on Sunday, rather worryingly. New subconscious, please! Anyway, Morgan drags a sweep very fine for four off Naeem Islam in an over that brings seven.
    30th over: England 123-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 41) Rubel does continue, which is definitely the right move, and for my sake I hope he doesn't cut Morgan in half again. He does have a huge shout for LBW against Morgan turned down. There was only one issue: whether the ball pitched outside leg. I suspect it did, but it would have been well worth a review if Bangladesh had two remaining. Of course they only have one, because of that daft review earlier, although it doesn't matter because replays show it pitched outside leg. Morgan responds with the most gorgeous piece of placement, walking down the wicket to drive a low full toss through extra cover for four. I've run out of things to say about him; he's just a genius.
    31st over: England 126-3 (Trott 40, Morgan 42) Can the ICC ban the cut stroke please? I'm getting worried about this. It's now seam from both ends, with Shafiul Islam. That's a good move for two reasons: because Morgan has looked less secure against pace, and because the ball might reverse swing before it is changed after 34 overs. Three singles from the over. "Meanwhile," says Alex Laugharne, "I'm terrified that a high-tensile wire like what holds up electricity pylons will come loose when I walk past and cut me in half, ever since I was told they have the capability to do that when I was about eight."
    TROTT SURVIVES A REVIEW! England 132-3 (Trott c Mushfiqur b Shakib 43, LBW b Shakib 40) They're reviewing for everything. Shall I tell you what happened? You want to know what happened? Sure? Okay, here's what happened. Trott pushed at a good one from Shakib that went through to Mushfiqur. He caught the ball and then, in trying to cover all bases with the stumping, dropped it. Shakib appealed for the review, primarily for caught behind. There was no edge &#8211; and Mushfiqur might not have held the ball long enough anyway &#8211; but it also looked a decent shout for LBW. Replays showed the ball was just hitting the top of off stump, which means we stay with the on-field call of not out. Except the not-out call was for the caught behind. Confused? Excellent. Shakib has got the face on and, while I can sort of understand that, I don't see how Trott could have been given out there. Certainly not for the caught behind, which was Shakib's main appeal.
    32nd over: England 132-3 (Trott 43, Morgan 45) "Could this be the first time two Irishmen have scored centuries playing for different teams in a World Cup on a Friday in March?" says Sam Blackledge, whose address, phone number and vital statistics I shall print for all your retributory needs when Morgan is out in the next over.
    33rd over: England 134-3 (Trott 44, Morgan 46) If I had time I'd look at Morgan v seam and spin, as it has been two completely different games. Just two from another good Shafiul over. In fact, here we are: 10 from 20 balls off seam, 36 off 36 from spin, so he double the strike rate against spin. Now, a few of you have mentioned that there is no detail of Strauss and Bell's dismissal. Really? I did write some; I'm not that useless. What normally happens is that we type the bare detail, so that YOU, THE READER gets the basic information immediately, and then we return to add the detail. Which should be there now. Right?
    34th over: England 139-3 (Trott 46, Morgan 49) Five from Shakib's over, all in low-risk ones and twos. "I have a complete fear of driving round country lanes ever since I smashed my mini (old style, this was twenty years ago) into the front of a post office van on a bend in a country lane in Hertfordshire," says Nigel Smith. "The steering wheel (the size of one off a bus) bashed into my knee cap and as I got out to give this Van Driver a piece of my mind my leg was had lost all feeling and I fell into the ditch by the side of the road where the said van driver had to help me out. God, the humiliation."
    Ireland watch, aka squeaky-bum time They are 163 for three after 36 overs, so they need 113 from 84 balls. Kevin O'Brien hasn't batted yet, and they have a Powerplay up their sleeve. They couldn't do it again, could they?
    35th over: England 144-3 (Trott 48, Morgan 52) Morgan cuts Shafiul for a single to reach a lovely, initiative-seizing half-century, from 60 balls and with seven fours. Time for drinks. "I work in the public sector and have a fear of sending a typo like the one in over 28 in an e-mail to senior management," says Patrick Coulson. "Especially with all the cuts in the coalition government."
    Ah, apparently the auto-refresh does not update paragraphs that are subsequently amended (such as when there's a wicket and, er, a little typo). But if you do it manually, with a hearty tickle of F5, they will update.
    36th over: England 147-3 (Trott 50, Morgan 53) Trott works Shakib into the leg side to reach another unobtrusive half century, this one from 78 balls. Three from the over.
    Ed Joyce has gone So Sam Blackledge lives at Ireland are 177 for four from 38, needing 99 from 72 balls. Boom Boom O'Brien is at the crease.
    37th over: England 156-3 (Trott 52, Morgan 60) So, the P word. I would leave it for now, as these two are going pretty well. After five in ones and twos, Morgan pings a full delivery from Shafiul over midwicket for a brilliant one-bounce four. That brings up a nerveless century partnership from two men whose hearts would not skip a beat if you dropped an entire family of marmots in the bath. "Further to Patrick Coulson's email, I am also a public sector worker," says Andi Thomas. "I once managed to sign off a long, important, slightly controversial and endlessly drafted and re-drafted mail with a chirpy 'Kind retards'. Fortunately, everybody saw the funny side. And still do. Years later." To your face, they do. You should see the emails they haven't accidentally sent to you.
    38th over: England 161-3 (Trott 54, Morgan 63) Five from Shakib's over, all low-risk ones and twos. "I'm struggling to find a cricket song used by Sky many, many years ago for their cricket coverage," says Lorraine Reese. "All I remember is the line 'Young lions are gonna roar', which I admit isn't that helpful. I've failed miserably with Google so I'm turning to the mighty OBO for help &#8211; does anyone remember the song and what it was called/who recorded it?" Well?
    WICKET! England 162-5 (Morgan c Imrul Kayes b Naeem Islan 63) What a fantastic catch from Imrul Kayes! Morgan swept the returning Naeem Islam flat and hard towards deep square leg, and Kayes ran it to take a superb low catch, two-handed as he dived forward. Wonderful work. That's the end of a delightful innings from Morgan, 63 from 72 balls.
    39th over: England 163-4 (Trott 54, Bopara 1) Sam Blackledge's phone is 0*3*3 3*33*3. All the threes. "Kevin at the crease in one game, Eoin at the crease in the other," says Sara Torvalds. Whoops! "Unlike many people, my trouble is not with the boss (or emailing management-level cuts, brilliant as Patrick Coulson's phobia is in the 35th over) as I'm my own woman, so I've given up the pretence of work long ago - but how do I follow two matches simultaneously? I've got two computers running side by side, with the England game on one and the OBO and several Cricinfo pages open on the other, but I'm running out of eyes here..."
    40th over: England 169-4 (Trott 60, Bopara 2) Ireland are struggling too, 191 for five after 40 overs. So they need 85 from the last 10. Back in Chittagong, Trott whips Shakib through midwicket off the back foot for only his second boundary. England are still well set for a total of around 230, although a lot will depend on whether Bopara comes off. He can be a punishing death hitter. He usually likes to have 10-15 balls to get his eye in first, mind.
    41st over: England 174-4 (Trott 64, Bopara 3) The left-arm spinner Abdur Razzak, who strangled England earlier with figures of 7-1-13-1, returns to the attack. Trott reverse laps the first ball for three in an over that brings five. "Email address auto-complete in Outlook is fairly dangerous," says Fiona Dunlop. "Emailing your boss with 'Hi Dad' is just weird&#8230;" Especially when you didn't even have the auto-complete on.
    42nd over: England 177-4 (Trott 66, Bopara 5) England have taken the Powerplay. Everyone behind the sofa please. I would have left it an over or two longer, to let Bopara get his eye in a wee bit more. Anyhow, Trott survives another run-out referral &#8211; he was gone with a direct hit from cover &#8211; in an over that brings just four singles. "I used to have a tremendous fear of leaving the handbrake off in the car," says Jo Beasley. "If parked on an incline I'd have to keep dashing back to peer through the window, ensuring my car wasn't about to roll down the hill taking out hundreds of innocents. I've recently had a new car which has no handbrake, just a button on the dashboard. I'm now in therapy." Is that what they call this? It's only a matter of time before we stop talking about cricket on the OBO and get done to brass tacks, namely the psychological rubbish flowing through all of us. It'll be like the film Mumford, only without the charm and Zooey Deschanel.
    It's all over for Ireland. They are 199 for six, and need 77 from 50 balls. That's bad for the tournament but it does mean that England will be through if they win today.
    43rd over: England 181-4 (Trott 67, Bopara 7) The good news is that England have survived two overs of the Powerplay without losing a wicket; the bad news is that they have scored just seven runs in that time, with only three from that over by the wily Razzak. Time for Bopara to start trying to hit sixes. "Re: Lorraine Reese (over 38)," says Patrick O'Brien, for whose brother the ladies should form an orderly queue. "I'm pretty sure that was the theme tune for the 1994 West Indies tour. It was one of the great theme tunes and one that my brother is after for his ringtone. Along with the Captain Sensible penned tunes for Cannon Fodder and Sensible Soccer for the Amiga..."
    WICKET! England 183-5 (Trott c Junaid Siddique b Shakib Al Hasan 68) In an unusual development, England are making a right dog's dinner of the Powerplay. After another tight over from Shakib, Trott makes room and cross-bats a deliberately wider delivery straight down long off's throat. Smart bowling from Shakib, who saw Trott coming, and Bangladesh are right back in this match.
    44th over: England 187-5 (Bopara 9, Swann 4) Graeme Swann has been promoted above Paul Collingwood for the last two overs of the Powerplay, a good move I think. And that's why: Swann lines up his first delivery and smacks a reverse slog-sweep over the covers for four. Great stuff. "Rob, what is with all the "coming off" in today's OBO?" says James Williams. "We have had two references querying whether Tamim will "come off" later, one mention of England's need for Morgan to "come off" and now another comment about Bopara's "coming off" ability. Did I miss the memo or is there some bet involved that you need to share with us?" Nup, none of those, just poor writing from me I'm afraid.
    WICKET! England 195-6 (Bopara c Naeem Islam b Abdul Razzak 16) Bopara's slightly laboured innings of 16 from 22 balls comes to an end when he makes room and flogs Razzak straight to extra cover. He didn't come off today, but if Tamim comes off England will have a big problem. 'Come off it', you might say, 230 will be fine, but we all know what Tamim can do.
    45th over: England 198-6 (Swann 5, Collingwood 1) Paul Collingwood comes in at No8, yet another new role for England's odd-job man. He has batted here before, but not since he was a semi-regular at No8 (no, really) in 2002. Razzak ends with terrific and deserved figures of 10-2-32-2. "I confess to trusting media pundits and commentators far too much, to the extent that if I hear them mispronounce a word on air, I am torn between dismissing said commentator as an ignoramus or questioning my own historic usage of the word in question," says Sarah Bacon. "To wit: during this morning's coverage of the Ireland v West Indies game, Mark Nicholas described one of the Windies players as the 'epi-TOME' of a good cricketer. I've been torturing myself as to the accepted pronunciation of 'epi-to-me' ever since. And it will keep me awake tonight as well."
    Apparently there was a UDRS controversy over the dismissal of Ireland's Gary Wilson, which was the turning point of a match that West Indies are now winning comfortably. Oh dear.
    46th over: England 207-6 (Swann 11, Collingwood 4) The last over of the Powerplay, bowled by Rubel Hossain, goes for nine. There's more good work from Swann, who makes room to scorch a boundary over mid off. The rest come in dribs and drabs. "Care to give a little hat-tip to a hack in the shires?" says Erik Petersen. "Matt Halfpenny of the Nottingham Post won sport writer of the year at last night's Midlands Media Awards and pissup at Edgbaston. It's worth noting that he won the award entirely on the back of writing about Notts' championship season -&#8211;nary a word about the football. Proof &#8211; proof! &#8211; that good things can still happen to people who write about county cricket in local newspapers." Great stuff, and congratulations to Jill Halfpenny. Sorry.
    WICKET! England 209-7 (Swann ct and b Shakib Al Hasan 12) Swann top edges a reverse slog sweep straight up in the air and Shakib takes an easy return catch. That was a decent cameo from Swann, 12 from eight balls.
    47th over: England 212-7 (Collingwood 5, Bresnan 2) Just five from Shakib's final over, so he ends with figures of 10-0-49-2. "Was Swann being used as a Powerplaywatchman?" says Ant Pease.
    WICKET! England 215-8 (Bresnan c Shafiul Islam b Rubel Hossain 2) Bresnan slices a full toss up in the air, and Shafiul takes the catch at backward point. Bresnan is unhappy, thinking it was over waist height and therefore a no-ball, but it certainly wasn't and he is on his way. He should have been run out two balls earlier, in fact. He was wheezing back for two, well short of his ground, but the throw from the deep went through the hands of the bowler Rubel Hossain.
    48th over: England 217-8 (Collingwood 9, Shahzad 1) Five from that over as well, and this game is really tough to call now. If England lose today, they will go out of the tournament unless they beat West Indies in their final match. Where's that eek emoticon when you need it? "I have a sewer grate just outside my house," boasts Richard Mansell, "and whenever I (or wife) have parked the car so that the driver door is over the grate, I fear that I'll drop the key into it while fumblingly unlocking the door. I've been known to restart the car just to move it a foot away."
    WICKET! England 217-9 (Shahzad b Shafiul Islam 1) You miss, I'll hit. Shahzad has a reckless waft at Shafiul's first delivery, which shaves the inside edge on its way through to hit middle stump. All Shahzad needed to do there was get Collingwood on strike. Oh, England.
    49th over: England 219-9 (Collingwood 9, Anderson 1) Shafiul keeps Anderson on strike for four deliveries with some terrific bowling. Collingwood eventually gets on strike for the final delivery, but he can't get a single so Anderson will be on strike for the final over. There's an odd incident at the end of the over when Bangladesh review a caught behind, even though they had already used two reviews. I actually thought the umpires had gone upstairs for a run out review, after some prompting from Bangladesh, yet all they showed on the replays was the caught behind. Either way, Collingwood was not out. "I've got a phobia of inadvertently using nuclear swear words whilst typing an OBO," says Neill Halliday. "Ridiculous, I know! That sort of thing could never happen." Not in a place as professional as this.
    WICKET! England 225 all out (Collingwood run out 14) A brilliant direct hit from Naeem Islam at midwicket ends the England innings with two balls to spare. Collingwood had already scampered back for two lung-busting twos, but he fell going for a third thanks to a superb piece of fielding. So, Bangladesh need 226 to win the match and leave England on the brink of an early elimination. I would make England slight favourites on a very slow pitch, but they only have one spinner and if Tamim gets in they will have a big problem. See you in half an hour for the Bangladesh innings.
    INNINGS BREAK
    Things to plug while I head off for some Monster Lunch
    1. The OBO book.
    2. Smyth on Twitter.
    3. Bull on Twitter.
    4. Kat Petersen's charity run.
    5. A mighty fine tea company.
    1st over: Bangladesh 3-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 3, Imrul Kayes 0) Jimmy Anderson starts with a bit of rib music to Tamim Iqbal &#8211; that's clearly a plan &#8211; and then curves one straight into Imrul Kayes' special place. England appeal for LBW but it was clearly too high. There's some encouraging swing here for Anderson, and that's a good start. "I remember Lorraine Reese's Young Lions well (38th over)," says Mac Millings. "They were England's tourists to the West Indies in 1989-90, whose first Test had a remarkable result. Among the Young Lions were debutants N Hussain and AJ Stewart. Not so Young, but still fairly Leonine, GA Gooch and AJ Lamb." And don't forget David Capel, and unused squad member Keith Medlycott. What a series that was. England were heroic. That victory was so unlikely that, before the first Test, I did one of those stupid childish trade-offs, in which (and I can't believe this with hindsight) I decided I would accept Man Utd being relegated (they were 16th at the time) if England won the first Test.
    2nd over: Bangladesh 10-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 8, Imrul Kayes 1) With Stuart Broad injured, the new ball goes to Ajmal Shahzad. His first over is far too straight and he is worked into the leg side for two singles, a two and a three.
    3rd over: Bangladesh 16-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 13, Imrul Kayes 2) The dew has changed the character of the pitch a bit, with the ball going through at a reasonable pace. That's a mixed blessing for England. A good over from Anderson by the last delivery, a short ball that Tamim pulls round the corner and through the hamfisted Bopara at fine leg for four. This looks a little ominous, you know. "The expression 'rib music' always conjures up cheery images of a skeleton's ribs being played like a xylophone, in a Nightmare Before Christmas/Skeleton Bride kind of way," says Richard Mansell. "Surely I am not alone in making this connection." Oh not at all. I heard two octogenarian ladies discussing the very same on the train this morning.
    4th over: Bangladesh 22-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 18, Imrul Kayes 3) Too straight again from Shahzad, and this time Tamim tucks him to fine leg for four. He has raced to 17 from 10 balls. "I know that there are probably doctorate-level courses in figuring out ICC tournament formats - but surely we can lose both this match and against the WI and still go through?" says Olly Skinner. "We'd need an unlikely bit of help from the Dutch against Bangladesh, but still... something to cling to?" Yep, you're right, but obviously the clue's in the 'help from the Dutch against Bangladesh' bit. If England lose today they will surely have to beat the West Indies to qualify.
    5th over: Bangladesh 30-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 25, Imrul Kayes 4) Tamim times Anderson through midwicket for three and then flicks a cocky boundary off the pads to deep backward square. England have bowled far too straight thus far &#8211; 27 of the 30 runs have come on the leg side &#8211; and they have a big problem. Already. Tamim has 25 from 15 balls. "I remember that 1989-90 series vividly," says Adam Penwarden. "The first overseas series (I think) to be shown live on British telly. I was sharing a flat with my mate Chris, just next door to an Aussie pub in Acton called The Captain Cook. We would knock off work early on freezing cold January days and ensconce ourselves with a few pints to watch Lamby and the boys (nearly) beat the mighty Windies." It was the one in which Tony Greig kept screaming "GOODNIGHT CHARLIE!" Also, who remembers that daft warm-up game in which Mervin Durand, an unknown left-arm spinner, took seven for 15 from 19 overs? Preposterous. All those terrifying fast bowlers and you let Mervin Durand take seven from 15. After the previous summer, they probably just saw the name Merv and went a big rubbery one.
    6th over: Bangladesh 36-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 26, Imrul Kayes 9) Andrew Strauss turns to his most reliable seamer, Tim Bresnan, although it makes no difference. Kayes plays a pristine drive through mid off for four, the shot of the innings so far. Crikey, England are in all sorts of trouble here. In their defence, the dew has definitely livened up the pitch. This suddenly looks a really good toss to have won.
    7th over: Bangladesh 46-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 36, Imrul Kayes 9) England are being Tamimmed, and how. Anderson is short again and Tamim plays a wonderful, Calypso pull stroke, front foot off the ground as he flicks it extravagantly behind square. He gets four more off the last ball of the over, slamming a thrilling drive through the covers before holding the pose at the end of his follow through. Magnificent batsmanship! He has 36 from 22 balls and, if he is here in half an hour's time, this will be over. "You can smell the impending doom here, and the difference, at the moment, is Broad," says Guy Hornsby. "We'll miss him today. Shazhad will be more useful in the late overs if it reverses, but it could be all over by then. Surely we need to take the pace off the ball, so why have we not picked more than Swann to turn the ball? Colly and Trott's leg cutters maybe? If we milked around by the openers much more this will be over before the fat lady's even put her slap on. I'm off for a drink with my old friend Pessimism." Say hi to him. Broad is such an underrated limited-overs bowler, especially on the subcontinent. I suppose England will just try to minimise the damage in these first 10 overs and then try to squeeze Bangladesh with pace off the ball. Trouble is, this is a different pitch now. England are in a rare old mess after just seven overs. Swann needs to come on now, not after the first Powerplay.
    8th over: Bangladesh 50-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 36, Imrul Kayes 13) Swann does come into the attack, although even before his first ball he is having problems with the wet ball. He has even more problems when he finally bowls that first ball, because Imrul Kayes blasts it through the covers for four to bring up a fabulous fifty partnership. Swann is drying the ball furiously after every delivery, clearly unhappy, although he concludes the over with five dot balls. "Rob," says Steven House, "not exactly a phobia but when I was a boy I used to jump over the lamp-post shadows that move in the headlights of approaching cars and think this would bring me luck. If I'm on my own I often inadvertently do a little skip over them even now. Embarrassing, yes?" I'm not really one to judge when it comes to embarrassing phobias.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 52-1 (Tamim Iqbal b Bresnan 38) That's the big wicket that England desperately needed. The ever reliable Bresnan jags one back towards Tamim, who can't drag his bat down in time before the ball skips through and rattles into off stump. That's a beauty. Tamim made a thrilling 38 from 26 balls and has left Bangladesh in a fantastic position.
    9th over: Bangladesh 53-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 13, Junaid Siddique 1) That's changed the mood in Chittagong. "Could you possibly plug my friend Robert's frankly mental polar expedition for charity please?" says Domink Hindal.
    10th over: Bangladesh 58-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 13, Junaid Siddique 6) Swann's second ball is a full toss that Siddique whacks through midwicket for four. That's clearly a consequence of the wet ball, which Swann can't grip properly. This is a huge problem for England. "I used to be afraid of getting knocked out and being unconscious for a while," says Phil Podolsky. "I kept imagining that when I woke up, there'd be officers around my bed informing me I'm under arrest for certain bad things I might have or might have not done, and which would end up horribly misconstrued anyway." The bad thing.
    11th over: Bangladesh 65-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 15, Junaid Siddique 11) England take the bowling Powerplay, and Siddique edges Bresnan's first ball through the vacant first-slip area for four. "On the subject of irrational fears or phobias: I have a fear of walking in front of stationary or parked cars, as if at any second they will suddenly lurch forward and run me over," says Tom Uden. "When there is no option but to walk in front of a parked car, I feel as if it's watching me; much like a lion crouches and calmly watches its unsuspecting prey."
    12th over: Bangladesh 69-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 18, Junaid Siddique 12) Swann has got a rare funk on about this ball. After each delivery he is scrubbing his hands on the pitch and then drying the ball. Four from his third over. "I've said this before on a similarly themed OBO riff," says David Horn, mistaking this for an OBO that repeats the same riffs again and again and again and again and again and again, "but it remains a troubling concept for me: wet cardboard. It's just so nasty. My vision of hell: the back of Budgens in Tolworth, when I was about 8, where they used to stack the old cardboard boxes, waiting for my mum to finish shopping on a rainy day. Gah &#8211; to this day I don't know how I survived being so close to All. That. Wet. Cardboard. Oh god let it stop."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 70-2 (Junaid Siddique run out 12) This is a magnificent piece of fielding from Jimmy Anderson. Siddique inside-edged Bresnan towards square leg and belatedly set off. Anderson ran to collect the ball, turned 180 degrees and slammed down the stumps at the non striker's end. It was a breathtaking piece of fielding, with Siddique a fraction short of his ground. It was incredibly close, and the third umpire looked at more than 10 replays, but he was just out.
    13th over: Bangladesh 71-2 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 19, Raqibul Hasan 0) Anderson is a staggeringly good all-round fielder, especially for a fast bowler. Has there ever been a better fast bowler/fielder? (All-round fielder, I mean; I know there have been great catchers.) "I'm not sure whether the following is a phobia or a an irrational dislike but I can't stand bus stops being too close together," says Phil Rhodes. "If you can read the bus number from the stop before the one you are standing at they are too close together. It's so infuriating when a bus cant get beyond second gear before having to slow down to stop at the next stop. I tend refuse to travel on buses as a result. If you took out these bus stops then bus travel would be so much quicker, efficient and travel friendly."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 73-3 (Raqibul Hasan b Shahzad 0) Brilliant work from Ajmal Shahzad, and from Andrew Strauss. With the ball nipping around a bit he brought Shahzad back on for the unhappy Swann, and Shahzad struck straight away with a gorgeous leg cutter that beat Raqibul Hasan all ends up and hit the top of off stump. Good luck playing that second ball. That really is a beauty, and England are back in the match.
    14th over: Bangladesh 74-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 19, Shakib Al Hasan 0) The crowd have gone very quiet. They have The Fear. Who doesn't? "Any chance of keeping us up to date with the D/L par?" says Al Tagliabue. None whatsoever I'm afraid. I'm nowhere near compete enough to do that and assert the flippin' obvious.
    15th over: Bangladesh 75-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 20, Shakib Al Hasan 2) Shakib fresh-airs a windy woof at Bresnan, well wide of off stump. Remember when people thought Bresnan had no place in an England squad, never mind team? Now, with Broad gone, he's the most reliable seamer. That's a fine over, just one from it. "This one might be explicable," says Thomas Cope. "I don't like being at the front of traffic lights, far too much pressure, is that a phobia or rational? On the more obviously irrational, I despise odd numbers (which extends to radio stations (909 is a struggle) and even volume level on TV. But I do have a distinct fascination with the number 7." Drinks break. And with that, I'll hand you over to James Dart while I have a quick break of my own.
    16th over: Bangladesh 83-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 20, Shakib Al Hasan 3) Afternoon. James here, as Shahzad resumes and quickly delivers up some red-hot filth: a rank sloppy wide delivery down leg-side, which Prior fails to even drop a glove on. Four wides. He serves up another with what becomes the penultimate delivery of the over too. "I have an intense fear of advertising inserts falling out of a newspaper when I open it and giving me a paper cut on my legs," worries Chris Purcell. "Consequently I always open a newspaper over a table. But it's still quite a tense moment."
    17th over: Bangladesh 88-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 23, Shakib Al Hasan 4) Two more wides come from this Bopara over, while three easy singles are run down just behind square. Five more from the over. Paul Billington's irrational fear? "Tube ticket gates," he begins. "Ever since I saw my poor little brother get his head stuck in one at South Kensington on our way to the V&A I've had a fear of them snapping shut on me. This wasn't helped recently by my trying to rush through one after someone else had just been through, without putting my ticket in; in return I was violently jerked back and I threw my hangover-sapping Burger King coffee all over the platform. I still caught the train, so I suppose I won &#8211; then again it was going to Northampton, so it's probably more of a score-draw." #winning #myfoot
    18th over: Bangladesh 92-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 25, Shakib Al Hasan 5) "I have a dread of being recognised when buying the Daily Mail for my mother so have to buy a top-shelf mag to hide it in," declares Richard Mason. Keep telling yourself that, Richard. For your 'mother'. England were 55-3 at this stage. Better from Shahzad, including a toe-busting yorker that has Kayes in all sorts of discomfort, before the batsman drives uppishly from the last delivery through square for two.
    19th over: Bangladesh 98-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 30, Shakib Al Hasan 6) Comfortable progress for the fourth-wicket partnership here, Bopara offering up an easy flick to the fine-leg boundary to Kayes which is gratefully taken. "I'm getting pretty scared of some of the people who email in to the OBO," notes Matt Hindle. "Does that count?" They're not the ones that have got your email address, Matt. Mwhahahahaha.
    20th over: Bangladesh 105-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 35, Shakib Al Hasan 7) Seventy-four balls for the second 50 to come up, but it's comfortable, especially with Shahzad offering up freebies with another wide: 11% of that first 100 came from wides. Shambles. From the next ball, Kayes plays a delicious forward press straight down the ground for four. England are in trouble. "I have a couple of strange phobias," offers Mike McCarthy. "1) Melted chocolate. Not fully melted, just in a bar form when it's all squishy. Freaks me right out. I have to throw it away, and even then I think it's planning something from the bin. 2) Escalators. I go up or down them incredibly timidly, scared of getting off. Which really doesn't help phobia 3) Public shame." At least you haven't just had them revealed on the OBO, eh? Ah. And with that, I'll hand you back to the more capable hands of Mr Smyth. Cheers.
    21st over: Bangladesh 111-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 36, Shakib Al Hasan 12) The commentator refers to England's new bowler as Jamie Anderson. Bah! We've been wrestling with the Jimmy/James thing for eight years and now we have a new option. What next, Jay? Jim? J? Whatever his name is, England need a wicket from him, as this is going Bangladesh's way. The captain Shakib Al Hasan plays a scintillating cover drive for four from the third delivery. While he is at the crease, Bangladesh will feel pretty comfortable. "I very rarely tell people this, although my closest friends have all worked it out and think it's hilarious, but if I'm with one or more people, I absolutely hate going through a door first," says Carl Wrigley. "I have no idea why, but you'll always find me holding the door open for everyone in the party. I also don't like waiting in a place on my own. If I'm meeting someone, I'll wait outside until they arrive, regardless of the weather. When they arrive, I'll open the door for them."
    22nd over: Bangladesh 113-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 37, Shakib Al Hasan 12) The ball has been changed &#8211; it was in a right state &#8211; and England give the dry replacement ball to Graeme Swann. He gets some spin for the first time, turning one past Imrul Kayes' defensive stroke. Then England react petulantly when Daryl Harper gives a harsh leg-side wide. There has been something going on there, today: Harper has been unusually short tempered with England &#8211; he refused to let them have a drink earlier, and gave Matt Prior a reprimand a couple of minutes ago &#8211; and vice versa. "Dry sponges," ughs Niall Harden. "I have to lift them with an implement and give them a thorough soaking."
    23rd over: Bangladesh 117-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 41, Shakib Al Hasan 12) Paul Collingwood comes into the attack, and Kayes slashes his first ball over point for a couple. Four from the over. Bangladesh have all the time in the world to get these runs, so England need to start picking up wickets, particularly Shakib's. "Here's an online D/L calculator," says Kristian Petterson. "Oh, anda propos of nothing, have you heard the new J Mascis track, it's worth it."
    24th over: Bangladesh 120-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 42, Shakib Al Hasan 14) Two singles from Swann's over. He's bowling tightly, and is much happier with this replacement ball, but England surely need a wicket or two from him if they are to win this game. "Following on from Mike McCarthy in over 20, I'm not a fan of getting on escalators that are broken and not moving," says Daryl Vodden. "I had to get on one the other day, presuming I would be automatically propelled to the upper floor, and proceeded to fall backside over breast. Why do broken escalators feel that much weirder to walk up than, say, a regular flight of stairs? Or am I just an idiot?!" Well, the two aren't mutually exclusive... But you are right, that first step onto a broken escalator always feels wrong.
    25th over: Bangladesh 123-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 44, Shakib Al Hasan 15) Collingwood is bowling almost as an offspinner, and getting the ball to grip off the pitch a little. Three from the over, a single to Shakib and a drive for two from the relatively becalmed Imrul Kayes. "Cotton wool makes my skin crawl," says Jos Roberts. " Just the thought of it - I don't even have to pick it up. It doesn't even have to be there - even writing this email is making me feel a bit urgh." What's wrong with cotton wool? Weirdo. Next you'll be telling me you don't like dragging your nails down a chalkboard.
    26th over: Bangladesh 127-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 45, Shakib Al Hasan 17) The ball is now wet again, and Swann is scrubbing it as a hygiene freak might an apple he's just bought from Grimsby Market. He's complaining to Daryl Harper, asking him to change it again. Harper says no and Swann is having a real sulk. When the next ball slips out of his hands he screams "Effing rubbish" even before Kayes has cut it for two and then "Effing horse pucky". He didn't say pucky. Then he hoofs the ground in frustration. This isn't good to see. England are in trouble here. Not on-the-run-from-the-cops-in-a-neo-noir trouble, but trouble nonetheless. Talking of which... "I am terrified that some of my DNA, in the form of a single hair, some saliva, some dead skin or even my chewed fingernail, might attach themselves in public to somebody who is consequently brutally attacked, leaving me as prime suspect," says Luke Dealtry. "It hasn't happened yet, but that's probably because I'm not already on the DNA database. But for when it does happen, can I take the chance now to say I'm innocent."
    27th over: Bangladesh 131-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 48, Shakib Al Hasan 19) Kayes cuts Collingwood to third man for three. This game is slipping away from England, who desperately need a wicket. It must be time to bring on one of the three main seamers. At the moment Bangladesh are cruising. "Niall Harden has a point about sponges," says Clare Davies. "However there is a huge difference between real sponges and synthetic ones. For me, the real sponge is toe-curlingly hideous when dry, but a wet synthetic sponge is what really sets my teeth on edge. Now that I would have to approach with a pair of tongs or other suitable implement. Do I mean implement? I am now getting phobic about implement not meaning what I think it does. Help. This whole thread is very disturbing." You're telling me. Whose idea wa- oh.
    28th over: Bangladesh 135-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 51, Shakib Al Hasan 20) Swann is coming off, which has to be the right move as he's in a very special place at the moment, and it's not a happy one. His replacement is Jimbo Anderson, and Kayes steers him to third man to reach a vital and mature half-century, from 91 balls. The target of 226 is like something from the 1980s, and he has played an old-fashioned innings, setting himself to bat through like Dessie Haynes used to. Well played. "On subject of strange fears; I knew someone who was petrified (I mean physically repulsed) by newspaper," says Simon Burnay. "He was going out with one of wife's then housemates at University and it didn't help when they covered their bed in newspaper under the sheets so that when they went to bed the guy hit the ceiling! Cruel but undeniably amusing. We never did find out if there was a scale of fear from red-top to broadsheet..."
    29th over: Bangladesh 139-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 53, Shakib Al Hasan 22) That was a chance for England. Kayes dropped Collingwood into the off side and set off, but the advancing Bopara did not pick the ball up cleanly with Shakib running desperately towards the striker's end. That's one of four singles from the over. Bangladesh need 87 from 126 balls and will kick themselves forever more if they blow this. "Might I be the first of 1,067 amateur sleuths to suggest that the police immediately investigate Luke Dealtry's whereabouts forthwith?" says Duncan Smith. "Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much." He's certainly guilty of a few crimes against fashion. Honk! Ho-honk!
    30th over: Bangladesh 149-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 59, Shakib Al Hasan 24) Bopara replaces Anderson and is flayed through extra cover for four by Kayes, a cracking shot that takes him past 1000 runs in ODIs. Bopara's response is one of the filthier deliveries you'll ever see, a quarter-tracker that is also well wide of off stump. Ten from a pretty miserable over. Time for a drink. "In a sideline, I act as Luke Dealtry's barber," says David Weston. "I have been saving his hair for a special occasion. I also have a VERY sharp knife, some detailed plans and a cast-iron alibi."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 155-4 (Imrul Kayes run out 60) This is madness from Bangladesh. They were cruising to victory, absolutely cruising. They had already taken seven from Collingwood's over, but they tried for an eighth and lost a vital wicket as a result. Kayes came back for a daft second and Shahzad's bullet throw was collected in front of the stumps by Prior, who then demolished the stumps with Kayes still short of his ground.
    31st over: Bangladesh 155-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 28, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) This is a big test of Bangladesh's nerve. "The thing with escalators is that the brain subconsciously predicts that the first step will be moving, even if is stationary," says Edward Barrie. "So when you mount a stopped escalator the brain is tricked into compensating for movement that doesn't exist, hence the uncomfortable feeling of instability. Weird huh?" After today's emails, I have no idea where 'weird' even begins. All I know is that I am normal.
    32nd over: Bangladesh 156-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 29, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) Strauss returns to Bresnan, knowing that another quick wicket would make this game almost even. Bangladesh do bat a fair way down, with Mahmudullah and Naeem Islam still to come after the excellent Mushfiqur, who just digs out a majestic reverse inswinger from Bresnan. One from the over. "My granddad had a paralysing fear of flying," says Erik Petersen. "Couldn't get on a plane without a decent bit of scotch and what I believe amounted to horse tranquilisers. (Don't try that at home, kids.) Now granted, many people fear flying. But my grandfather was an engineer for Boeing."
    33rd over: Bangladesh 158-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 30, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) You have to press F5 to read about the wicket. Something odd going on with the auto-refresh, sorry. Collingwood has a big shout for LBW against Mushfiqur turned down, but England have gone for the review. There were two noises, but I reckon that hit the pad first. I also think it might have been swinging down leg. It was definitely pad, because Mushfiqur jammed his bat against the boot, but replays show that it was missing leg stump. So Mushfiqur continues, and that was a good decision from Rod Tucker. "Not really a phobia, but Thomas Cope's perfectly rational fear of 909 reminds me of the time when everyone had video recorders," says Andrew Stroud. "I found it intensely irritating that people couldn't be bothered to set the clock and it was left flashing at 00:00, so whenever I was at someone's house, or passing the TV & video section of Dixons, I either set the clock for them or covered it with paper so that I couldn't see it flashing &#8211; even though I KNEW it was &#8211; which was better than nothing." Nurse!
    34th over: Bangladesh 159-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 30, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) Bresnan starts with a wide, then pulls the over back with a six consecutive dot balls to the becalmed Mushfiqur, who has one from 13 deliveries. "Normal?" sniffs Chris Purcell. "How normal is it to make up all these emails from all these other people who 'follow' OBO. Your OBO? wake up, look round, there is no Guardian office; just you, your radio in your bedsit in New Cross. You're sending these emails to yourself. Rob Smyth. New Cross. London."
    35th over: Bangladesh 160-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 31, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) Paul Collingwood continues, now armed with the replacement ball, and there is just one from the over. The scoring rate has dropped a fair bit in the last five overs, but the required rate is still only just above four an over. England need wickets, six of them. "Watching in Christchurch, New Zealand," says Victoria Ashton. "Staying up all night to watch these close games is far too stressful. And here they delayed the England match until after the WI. Anyway, I'm quite convinced that people are watching me through mirrors. Even the one in my room that I know is only propped up against the wall. That's normal, right?" I no longer have any idea what normal means. All I know is that I am normal.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 162-5 (Shakib b Swann 32) The pressure tells on the captain Shakib Al Hasan, who bottom edges a slog sweep onto his stumps off the new bowler Swann. The scoring rate had slowed to a crawl, and that's the result. Itwas a poor stroke, completely needless. Swann actually thought it had gone through Prior's legs, and threw his hands to his head; then he realised that it had gone through Prior's legs via the off stump. England are right back in this, and the Bangladeshi look terrified that their side are going to bottle this.
    36th over: Bangladesh 162-5 (target 226; Mushfiqur Rahim 2, Mahmudullah 0) "My 'thing' is people who don't set the aspect ratios correctly on their TV's, and quite happily sit and watch squashed or stretched pictures," says Leo Carroll. "I either have to leave the house immediately (leaving the room or turning the set off isn't enough) or find their remote control and start messing with their picture settings until it's correct." I love the use of 'thing', in the way gangsters talk about "this thing of ours". We never discuss the existence of this thing... Are you in the TV aspect ratio obsessives group, Dad... and so on.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 166-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim c Prior b Shahzad 6) Another bowling change, another wicket. This is a jaffa from Shahzad, almost unplayable. It angled in before cutting sharply off the pitch to take the edge, and Matt Prior took a fine low catch diving to his right. Shahzad does bowl some snorters.
    37th over: Bangladesh 166-6 (target 226; Mahmudullah 0, Naeem Islam 0) "Chris Purcell, over 34, assuming it IS Chris Purcell and not Rob Smyth, has opened up a whole sub-riff here where we your imaginary public can collectively shred what's left of a psyche already battered from following the England cricket team with optimism. Can I lure you into some self psychoanalysis for the amusement of your inner voices?" That email is from Matt Horsham. At least I think it was.
    38th over: Bangladesh 166-6 (target 226; Mahmudullah 0, Naeem Islam 0) Swann whips through a maiden to Mahmdullah. Bangladesh can feel the soil falling over their head. That run from Imrul Kayes; what on earth was he doing? "I knew a fella at uni who ordered his clothes hanging in his wardrobe according to the wavelength of light of the colour of his vestments," says Hugh Maguire. "Believe me - you did not want to eat a meal with this man." Whereas I'd imagine a night out would have been a barrel of laughs.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 166-7 (Naeem Islam b Shahzad 0) If you thought Shahzad's last wicket was a good delivery, this is a monster. If a better ball is bowled in the entire tournament, I hope I'm OBOing it.What a piece of bowling! Again it angled in from wide of the crease, and again it seamed violently off the pitch, this time to hit the outside of the top of off stump. Don Bradman wouldn't have laid a bat on that. Even Trevor Ward wouldn't have done. That was utterly, gloriously unplayable.
    39th over: Bangladesh 168-7 (target 226; Mahmudullah 1, Razzak 1) All three of Shahzad's wickets have come from vicious leg-cutters, the sort Jason Gillespie used to bowl in his snarling pomp. Shahzad has a biggish shout for LBW against Razzak, but it pitched well outside leg stump. "What is 'normal'? (35th over)" wonders John Starbuck. "This is always an open question. Your idea of normality will undoubtedly have been changed by today's OBO, just as we all come to realise that it's normal for England to wring us dry by playing as if they're a team of complete incompetents, up to the point where they just scrape through. Get used to it."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 169-8 (Razzak c Bresnan b Swann 1) A wonderful catch from Tim Bresnan, and this is turning into an epic collapse. Razzak slugged Swann over midwicket, miles in the air, and Bresnan ran a long way before sliding forward to take a beautifully judged catch. Bangladesh have lost five wickets for 14 in nine overs. As an Englishman, the phrase 'lovin' your work' comes to mind.
    40th over: Bangladesh 170-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 3, Shafiul Islam 0) As Aristotle famously said: it's Mahmudullah or bust for Bangladesh. "Effin' 'ell, my emails are rubbish today," weeps Mac Millings. "Ha. Today. Sorry. i'm just trying to play myself into some sort of form. My recent run has been the ugliest of Colly-innings." Millings, are you okay? Just remember: form is temporary, lack of class is permanent.
    41st over: Bangladesh 171-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 4, Shafiul Islam 0) Shahzad's penultimate over goes for a single, and for the first time Bangladesh need more than a run a ball. They have, sad to say, well and truly bottled this. Just to clarify, if England win today they are through to the quarter-finals. And what a serene qualification process it wWHERE'STHEVALIUMill have been, eh? Meanwhile, here's Guy Hornsby, riffing on an old favourite. "The one thing that puts my teeth physically on edge is the Comic Sans MS font. (i can see the crowd thinning out as a type but hear me out). It's a font that was created for a kid's word processor back in the mists of Windows 3.11 and yet now it's baffingly ubiquitous, used across the globe for all sorts of stuff, and I'm haunted by it wherever I go, even when I was away in Paris, it was on shop fronts, and menus. It's used to seem 'ker-azy' or 'fun' by the sort of people that go to car boot sales, or use colours in professional emails, but who basically have no social skills whatsoever and think that it's acceptable to put smileys when they're writing to their boss. They should all be shot."
    42nd over: Bangladesh 187-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 9, Shafiul Islam 10) Swann's last over goes for 16! I can't take this. If there's another twist in this game I will have two pencils up my nose and a pair of underpants on my head faster than you say 'wibble'. The fun starts when Mahmudullah reverse sweeps nicely for four. He can certainly play, while Shafiul Islam at the other end has a Test fifty against England. And he shows why by pinging a flighted delivery superbly over mid off for four to get off the mark. Then, two balls later, he swipes Swann over midwicket for a mighty six! Amazing stuff. "On the subject of irrational fears, I have a complete aversion to wet plastic bags," says Matthew Bramall, who isn't done there. "Shower caps give me the shivers. Those stupid games you are made to play as a kid where you make clothes out of bin bags make me sick. And I can't walk down the same side of the street as anyone wearing a plastic bag on their head in the rain without almost throwing up. I even find raincoats a bit weird, but I'm a big boy now and can deal with them enough to wear one if I am caught in a hurricane (but nothing less)."
    43rd over: Bangladesh 189-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 10, Shafiul Islam 10) Two from Shahzad's final over. He has had a superb day and finishes with figures of 10-0-43-3. Bangladesh need 37 from 42 balls. It's happening again. "Comic Sans, for all its krazy wacky faults, is apparently easier for dyslexic people to read than other fonts," says Louise Wright. "The font that looks like handwriting (don't know the name), on the other hand, is the work of Beelzebub. People who are in denial about the electronic nature of communication need to get over the problem and Stop Using It." I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELF GUY HORNSBY.
    44th over: Bangladesh 192-8 (need 34 from 36 balls) Anderson and Bresnan have seven overs left between them, so they will probably bowl out from here. It's Anderson first, and his seventh over costs three. The mood of this match has definitely changed. For the 974th time. "You chose not to mention me, a real 'another', and instead to focus on your own intranet like network of aliases, but, just to point out for the sake of my own modesty, I predicted a Bangladeshi collapse, and an England victory, BEFORE the 45th over some ten overs previously," says Andreas Vassiliades. "Surely worth a mention?" Definitely, especially if Bangladesh win.
    45th over: Bangladesh 193-8 (need 33 from 30 balls) Mahmudullah edges Bresnan this far short of Prior. It's a superb over from Bresnan, everything on an unhittable half-and-half length, with just one leg bye from it. Right, for the fourth heart-stopping England game in a row, let's go ball by ball. "I know I'm not alone in feeling a weirdo urge to shout during a quiet bit during a performance at the theatre," says Tom Oxley. "I know I'm not going to do it but the thought is always there. Like the thought of drinking neat gin."
    45 overs: Bangladesh 198-8 (need 28 from 30 balls) Bangladesh take the batting Powerplay, which is now compulsory with five overs remaining. Anderson runs in... and his first ball is utter filth that goes down the leg side for five wides! Oh dear heaven. "I worry that if I was ever to get an email on the OBO, I'd be shot down by some of the finest literary minds on the planet," says Nic Denson. "If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton, ... I'd go Naylor, Copestake. Netherton."
    45.1 overs: Bangladesh 199-8 (need 27 from 29 balls) Mahmudullah works a single into the leg side. I can't believe this is happening again. A tetralogy of utter misery.
    45.2 overs: Bangladesh 200-8 (need 26 from 28 balls) A sensible shot from Shafiul, pushing a single to mid off. Bangladesh have the momentum at the moment.
    45.3 overs: Bangladesh 200-8 (need 26 from 27 balls) Mahmudullah blocks.
    45.3 overs: Bangladesh 201-8 (need 25 from 27 balls) It's another wide!
    45.3 overs: Bangladesh 202-8 (need 24 from 27 balls) And another wide!
    45.4 overs: Bangladesh 202-8 (need 24 from 26 balls) A miracle, aka a dot ball.
    45.5 overs: Bangladesh 203-8 (need 23 from 25 balls) Mahmudullah pushes a single into the covers.
    46 overs: Bangladesh 204-8 (need 22 from 24 balls) Anderson's ten-ball, 11-run over finally ends with a leg bye. Bangladesh need 22 from four overs, and I desperate for the loo. This is miserable on so many levels.
    46.1 overs: Bangladesh 204-8 (need 22 from 23 balls) A dot ball from Bresnan to Shafiul. Bresnan has been outstanding again.
    46.2 overs: Bangladesh 208-8 (need 18 from 22 balls) Shafiul slices Bresnan over the top for four! The crowd are going mad. He had a mighty heave and it flew over backward point and away to the fence.
    46.3 overs: Bangladesh 209-8 (need 17 from 21 balls) A fine yorker slips down to fine leg for a leg bye. There was half an LBW appeal but it was going down.
    46.4 overs: Bangladesh 210-8 (need 16 from 20 balls) Another single, worked to leg by Mahmudullah. We've entered a world of pain.
    46.5 overs: Bangladesh 214-8 (need 12 from 19 balls) Shafiul smashes a full toss for four! It was low outside off stump, and he scorched it through point. This is amazing stuff. The crowd have completely lost it. I know how they feel.
    47 overs: Bangladesh 214-8 (need 12 from 18 balls) Shafiul drives into the covers. "He's playing like Bradman!" says Bumble.
    47.1 overs: Bangladesh 215-8 (need 11 from 17 balls) Anderson will continue, and his first ball is flicked for a single by Mahmudullah. He's playing second fiddle to the No10! This has been an awesome partnership.
    47.2 overs: Bangladesh 215-8 (need 11 from 16 balls) A dot ball from Anderson to Shafiul.
    47.3 overs: Bangladesh 219-8 (need 7 from 15 balls) What a shot from Shafiul! He smears Anderson imperiously down the ground for four to bring up the fifty partnership, and Bangladesh are nearly home. What an absurd turnaround. Shafiul has 23 from 21 balls and is playing like a dream. Before this innings, he had an average of 5.60!
    47.4 overs: Bangladesh 220-8 (need 6 from 14 balls) A leg bye. This is ridiculous. England lost the game, won it, and now they are losing it again.
    47.5 overs: Bangladesh 220-8 (need 6 from 13 balls) A dot ball.
    48 overs: Bangladesh 221-8 (need 5 from 12 balls) A yorker from Anderson is worked to leg by Mahmudullah for a single. Five to win, and I think I might take up smoking.
    48.1 overs: Bangladesh 222-8 (need 4 from 11 balls) Another leg bye, this time off Bresnan. Shafiul could finish this with one hit.
    48.2 overs: Bangladesh 222-8 (need 4 from 10 balls) A dot ball, pushed into the covers by Shafiul.
    48.3 overs: Bangladesh 223-8 (need 3 from 9 balls) Shafiul squirts a single to third man.
    48.4 overs: Bangladesh 223-8 (need 3 from 8 balls) Another dot ball, pushed down the pitch by Mahmudullah.
    48.5 overs: Bangladesh 223-8 (need 3 from 7 balls) And another dot ball, this time with a shovel to short midwicket.
    49 overs: Bangladesh 227-8; BANGLADESH WIN BY TWO WICKETS Bangladesh have done it! Mahmudullah forces a low full toss through the covers for four to spark joyous celebrations in Chittagong. All the players have charged onto the field to embrace Mahmudullah and Shafiul, who played magnificently in an unbroken ninth-wicket partnership of 58. This is spine-tingling stuff. Bangladesh had to win to stay in the tournament, yet at 166 for eight they seemed dead and buried. England know all about the dangers of cornered tigers in a World Cup, however, and they have been savaged again.
    It's hard to fathom how this has happened; Andrew Strauss looks like he's been mugged. The upshot is that England almost certainly need to beat West Indies to qualify for the quarter-finals, while Bangladesh will go through if they win their last two games. My head is spinning, my fingers are numb, my eyes don't work and there are no words left, so I'll leave you. Thanks for your emails; see you tomorrow for India v South Africa, and then next Thursday for Round Five of England's World Cup Coronary Tour 2011. Who needs a drink?

 

Bangladesh v England – as it happened

England lost another heart-stopper by two wickets after an incredible ninth-wicket partnership from Mahmudullah and Shafiul Islam






  • Rob Smyth and James Dart (briefly)
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 00.25 GMT <li class="history">Article history Imrul Kayes hits out on the way to a matchwinning 60. Photograph: Matthew Lewis/Getty Images Preamble Morning. What hell crazy kinda England side are we watching at this World Cup? They have morphed from morbid losers into loose cannons; Mark Corrigan one minute, Super Hans the next. For a time they even managed to outdo Pakistan, until Tuesday, when Pakistan looked England up and down, sniggered disdainfully and then showed them what maverick cricket really looks like.
    Today, the Cornered Lions meet Bangladesh's Tigers. Though this fixture looks nowhere near as tricky as it did eight days ago, it is still a dicey assignment. If England win they are all but through to the quarter-finals; if they lose, squeaky-bum time will seem like a golden age.
    In Mohali, Ireland need 276 to win to beat the West Indies after Kieron Pollard boshed 94 from 55 balls.
    Bangladesh have won the toss, to wild cheers, and will field first. That's a slight surprise, although Andrew Strauss said he would also have bowled first.
    England make three changes: EOIN MORGAN!!!! for Kevin Pietersen, Ajmal Shahzad for Stuart Broad and Paul Collingwood for Michael Yardy. So that means just one spinner, while Matt Prior to open in place of Pietersen. Bangladesh bring in Mahmudullah for Mohammad Ashraful.
    Bangladesh Tamim Iqbal, Imrul Kayes, Junaid Siddique, Raqibul Hasan, Shakib Al Hasan (c), Mushfiqur Rahim (wk), Mahmudullah, Naeem Islam, Abdur Razzak, Shafiul Islan, Rubel Hossain.
    England Strauss (c), Prior (wk), Trott, Bell, Morgan, Bopara, Collingwood, Bresnan, Swann, Shahzad, Anderson.
    Something chirpy to talk about during today's play Weirdness. Specifically, weird phobias. For some reason, half the time I walk out of shops I expect the alarm to go off – even when I haven't stuffed a load of expensive goods into my bag.
    I feel my feet slow down as I reach the door, certain I'm going to have to stop and show the security guard that there's nothing in my bag and politely explain to him that, yes, you can be roguishly good looking without being a rogue; yes, you can pull off the urban-deviant look without being an urban deviant; yes, you can drive girls wild with your bad-boy chic while actually being a good guy; and yes, on this occasion the man upstairs did indeed give with both hands.
    Anyway, the alarm things is all very weird, and I wish it would stop. It's not as if it relates to a criminal adolescence; the only thing I ever stole was a strawberry bonbon, and I was so racked with guilt that it tasted disgusting.
    Please tell me you have weird stories too. I don't want to be the only one.
    1st over: England 4-0 (Strauss 2, Prior 1) This is a novelty: a seamer opening the bowling. It's Shafiul Islam and, after starting with a wide, he then beats Matt Prior with consecutive jaffas. The first swung late, the second seamed and bounced. Welcome back to the top of the order. "I assume my card will be rejected every time," says Alex Netherton, "so I always have sufficient cash with me to cover it in case." Is that a phobia or just pragmatism?
    2nd over: England 6-0 (Strauss 4, Prior 1) Another seamer, Rubel Hossain, will share the new ball. The pitch has a bit of grass on it, which is probably why Bangladesh have gone with two seamers rather than one seamer and a spinner. He has a biggish shout for LBW against Strauss second ball from a ball, yet it pitched well outside leg. The fourth ball brings a carbon copy - but staggeringly, Bangladesh decide to review it. That's a monstrous howler, because it pitched miles outside leg. That aside, Bangladesh have started well and Rubel slants a good delivery past Strauss's outside edge. England might start carefully for five overs or so here, partly because of the conditions and particularly because of that shocking start against South Africa on Sunday. "If you haven't bought anything, why are you carrying a bag?" says Ben Dunn. "That's just asking for an intrusive search by the mildly camp shop assistant. Is it a Louis Vuitton?" You don't carry a man bag, a jaunty little number in which you keep your lotions, moisturiser, eye balm and Guardian Style Guide, available from all good online stories? Weirdo.
    3rd over: England 12-0 (Strauss 5, Prior 6) That's the first boundary, a wide, swinging delivery from Shafiul that is square-driven for four by Prior. That aside it's another good over – very straight, which is always good to Prior – and Bangladesh will be very pleased with this start. "Horses," says Tom Van der Gucht. "I feel intimidated and scared by horses. They're just too big. And I'm sure they can sense my unease and fear, horses tend to give me dirty looks as if to say 'What's your problem?' I want to shout 'You are, you're my problem!' but talking to horses is a bad road to walk down."
    4th over: England 13-0 (Strauss 6, Prior 6) When Bangladesh started the tournament by fielding first against India, their seamers had a shocker, but this has been an admirably disciplined start. Rubel gives Strauss no room at all in that over, and after four dot balls Strauss drives down the ground for a single. "I'm the same as you with the alarms," says Alastair Malcom. "I even pause my ipod as I go through them, as if I might miss the alarm somehow. But I take solace in the fact I have a mate with a phobia of ketchup; it genuinely unsettles him having it on the table. which makes me seem normal by comparison."
    5th over: England 25-0 (Strauss 11, Prior 13) England have barely played an attacking stroke, although that's mainly because of excellent bowling. The control of line and length has been outstanding. And the moment I type that, Shafiul sends down a wide half volley that Prior drives ruthlessly through extra cover for four. Then Strauss, driving, edges through the vacant second-slip area for four. "I must confess to a fear of 'being found out'," says Phil Withall. "Not that I have done anything wrong but there is always this nagging voice in the back of my mind saying 'They're going to get you for that'. Also, if you have time, I'd like to discuss my mother." This is brilliant. I knew this was a good idea. By the end of the today, I am going to feel almost normal!
    6th over: England 27-0 (Strauss 11, Prior 15) Prior cuts Rubel for a couple, but those are the only runs from another very accurate over. "That feeling you get around store alarms is similar to mine and police cars," says William Hardy. "No matter what time of day, or what state I'm in, if I am driving next to/in front of a police car, I assume he is going to pull me over." Well, if you will own a Starsailor CD you get what you deserve.
    7th over: England 31-0 (Strauss 15, Prior 15) Here's the first of many spinners, the offie Naeem Islam. After five dot balls, Strauss is given too much width and screws a cut to third man for four. "It's not a phobia as such, but I really cannot stand it when people open cereal packets from the wrong end," says Martin Sinclair. "Why would anyone do that?! The correct end has clever things like instructions and a flap that's easy to slide you finger into. Why would any normal, sane person use the other end? Sends me doolally, I tell you." Oh crikey, we're moved into this territory already.
    WICKET! England 32-1 (Prior st Mushfiqur b Razzak 15) This is an staggeringly air-headed dismissal from Matt Prior, who has been stumped off a wide from Abdur Razzak. Prior missed a push down the leg side and, although his foot was just in the crease when Mushfiqur took the bails off, it then slipped out of the crease. Instead of dragging it back, he stood gawping at the third umpire over the original appeal, and that allowed the alert Mushfiqur to have a second bite at the cherry by pulling a stump out of the ground. It was for that, rather than the first appeal, that Prior was given out by the third umpire. That was bizarre.
    8th over: England 35-1 (Strauss 16, Trott 1) The new batsman is Jonathan Trott, the man who makes you think everything is going to be okay. "Marvellous stuff from Prior!" says Phil Withall. "This England team just can't stop providing new and innovative ways of keeping up their 'Entertainers' tag. What next Strauss to stump Trott and get himself run out in the same delivery?" It's a competition with Pakistan, like two drunks in a pub headbutting bottles and drinking toilet water to show who's the greater maverick. Or something. Something, I think, on reflection.
    9th over: England 37-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 2) Strauss tries to cut a ball that is too close for the shot and misses the off stump by this much. Two singles from Naeem's over. Early impressions are that this will be very hard work for the batsmen, and that anything above 280 would be a handy score. "I have terrifying Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, which is fear of long words," says Phil Dobbin. "Even typing that made me do a passable impression of Linda Blair in the head spinning scene of 'The Exorcist'..."
    10th over: England 37-1 (Strauss 17, Trott 2) A maiden from Razzak to Trott. This is excellent from Bangladesh. "I have a driving phobia," says John Crawley Andrew Stroud. "If I'm on the main road with the right of way, I'm terrified of vehicles approaching a junction from the left, ever since being knocked off my bike by a car coming out of a side road about 30 years ago. Even today, when I'm driving, I still flinch when I see a car speed up to a junction while I'm on the main road, even though no further incidents have occurred since that day cycling down to Grace Hill in Sunny Folkestone for double science, all those years ago." That's pretty rational, though. What do you think this is, a forum for normal people?
    WICKET! England 39-2 (Strauss c Junaid Siddique b Naeem Islan 18) Strauss got away with a dodgy cut in Naeem Islam's previous over, and now he has fallen to one. It was again too close for the shot, and this time he screwed it to slip, where Junaid Siddique took a very sharp catch. England are in a fair bit of bother here.
    11th over: England 40-2 (Trott 3, Bell 1) If Tamim comes off later today – and he is due – England will be in serious bother. His innings will probably decide the game. "My phone," says Kathryn Oliver. "It just sits there looking at me." That's the best film David Lynch never directed. Just 150 minutes of someone disintegrating as their phone looks at them.
    12th over: England 40-2 (Trott 3, Bell 1) Bell, pushing at Razzak, edges not far short of slip. This has got a sniff about it. England are really struggling to work the ball around, and the dot-ball ratio that was so impressive against India and Ireland must be hopeless today. There are six more in that over, Razzak's second consecutive maiden. "When I was younger I used to be extremely scared of heights," says Duncan Haskell. "One morning my dad decided to take decisive action and locked me out on the roof of our house until I was no longer afraid. After a couple of hours of sheer terror I eventually realised I was quite safe and his maverick methods had actually paid off. To this day I wish I'd come back later in the week having developed a mass phobia of naked ladies."
    Ireland update They are 64 for two after 16 overs, chasing 275. So they need 212 from 34 overs at 6.23 per over. Stranger things have happened on a Friday in March.
    13th over: England 43-2 (Trott 5, Bell 2) Another over passes by in an instant, with just three singles from Naeem Islam. This is fascinating stuff, and at the moment Bangladesh are well on top. "I can feel for Andrew in the 10th over," says Machiel Akkerman. "I have sort of the same. Ever since I was knocked of my racing bike by someone casually opening his car door I never dare to venture near a parked car door again, which means half of the time I'm in the middle of the road which is far more dangerous. What these things can do to you."
    14th over: England 44-2 (Trott 6, Bell 2) Just a single from Razzak's over. Bangladesh are flying through the overs, each one taking barely two minutes. It's the old Combined Universities trick, to make the batsmen think there are more overs remaining than is actually the case. "Despite being 30 and carrying ID, I worry every time that I go to the off licence that I'm going to be asked for ID," says Nic Denson. "The panic results in me getting cold sweats and looking shifty, hence becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy." That's so true; I had the same when going to nightclubs. Until my hair fell out and I started to look more like one of the bouncers than one of the people trying to get in.
    15th over: England 47-2 (Trott 8, Bell 3) A better over for England, bringing three whole runs. So the five overs of the bowling Powerplay produced ten overs and a wicket. "Will all due respect, mate, I think 280 is way above par for this Chittagong Super-Slow Special," says my sometime colleague Dileep Premachandran. "I'd fancy England to defend 200. Swann and Shahzad will have to bowl really badly not to get a bagful." I'm just one of life's optimists, I suppose. But yes, you are right. I'd still want 280 to feel comfortable, in case Tamim comes off, but par is what, 230, if that. England will probably need Morgan to come off if they are to get significantly more than that.
    16th over: England 49-2 (Trott 9, Bell 4) I should stress that this pitch isn't a raging turner. It's not even a mild turner. It's just extremely slow; there's more life in a tramp's vest, whatever that means. Two singles from the over, so Razzak has figures of 5-2-7-1. He's good, but he's not that good. "This may be blurring the boundary between a phobia and manageable OCD but I always assume the door isn't locked if I haven't tapped it eight times before leaving," says Suzanne Hall. "The words moist, voucher, bap and pony make me itch as I find them so abhorrent and I can't bear the sound of water being poured out of a kettle which is a shame as I like to drink tea almost constantly throughout the day. I also work on the premise that my friends hate me after spending any time with them - a text message to check the next day is usually necessary. I always assume I have accidentally CCed in the whole office when I email OBO as well." You've got to love the CC paranoia.
    WICKET! England 53-3 (Bell c Naeem Islam b Mahmdullah 5) This is an another wretched dismissal, straight from the pre-maturity Ian Bell scrapbook. It was a nothing delivery from the new bowler Mahmdullah, and Bell chipped it tamely to midwicket. I have no idea what he was trying to do there. He walks off shaking his head after a forgettable innings of five from 23 balls.
    17th over: England 54-3 (Trott 12, Morgan 1) It was Mahmdullah, not Naeem Islam, who took that wicket. I can't distinguish between short, flat offspinners. So sue me! Anyway, Eoin Morgan!!! walks out to play his first World Cup innings for England and, just for a change, he has a mess to clean up. "Walking down long, empty corridors," says Devika Pande. "I don't know if it's the echoing, hollow sound or the eerie feeling that someone is watching me from the back but it just freaks me out. Does the Guardian headquarters have any?" Metaphorically, that's all it ha Not really, no, although
    18th over: England 55-3 (Trott 12, Morgan 2) Just one single from Razzak's over. England can hardly get him off the square. This, as that little known cricket fan Celine Dion once noted, is getting serious. "Having once ran out of loo roll after persuading a girl far far out of my league back to mine, and realising far too late, I have never allowed this to happen again," says Will Davies. "Now whenever I go to the supermarket I always buy at least 18 rolls. And that's at least twice a week."
    19th over: England 59-3 (Trott 14, Morgan 4) I can't believe I'm watching Eoin Morgan in a World Cup for England. I hardly slept a wink last night with the piles excitement. He's started well, picking the gaps to make four from eight balls and drag that dot-ball ratio down a little bit. "A friend of mine developed appropriate CC phobia after accidentally replying to everyone on a birthday invite email," says Jon. "It would have been fine if it was a simple yes or no, but instead she decided to share the doubts about her forthcoming marriage. To about 50 people. Still, we've got two kids now..."
    20th over: England 64-3 (Trott 18, Morgan 5) Five from Razzak's over. England are rotating the strike much better now. "When I lived in Hawaii, I was always afraid that The People's Liberation Army of China would invade, and I'd be forced to escape capture by fleeing to the upper slopes of Mauna Loa volcano, where I would have to live on my wits," says Mac Millings. "That wouldn't have lasted long."
    21st over: England 70-3 (Trott 19, Morgan 10) Masterful stuff from Morgan, who comes down the track and chips Mahmudullah decisively over midwicket for four. That's a fine stroke, and England's first boundary for 82 balls. "Neither blood, nor needles, nor anything normal scares me about that whole genre of phobias," says Richard Craig. "I am, however, terrified by the thought of the circulatory system. Just the mere contemplation of arteries, valves and blood pressure brings me out in a cold sweat. It's a vicious circle, however, as the fear raises my blood pressure to the point where it is even harder to ignore. So much so that, on the one occasion I gave blood, my heart was pounding so heavily that my pint came out in under twenty seconds. Then I fainted." I remember a teacher talking about nose bleeds at school once, a 20-minute affair throughout which I was convinced I was about to die.
    22nd over: England 75-3 (Trott 20, Morgan 14) The genius is back. Shakib Al Hasan brings himself on, and his first ball is driven lazily over mid off for a one-bounce four by Morgan. He is pure class and has skipped to 15 from 17 balls. The rest of the team have 57 from 115. "Trott and Morgan," says Mike McCarthy. "By God they're different batsmen but you can't help loving them both." They are very different in many respects, but they both have ice in their veins and that has served them well in this nascent partnership.
    23rd over: England 82-3 (Trott 20, Morgan 21) This is beautiful batting from Morgan, who comes down the track to chip Mahmudullah over midwicket for four more with outstanding timing and placement. Effortless stuff. At times his talent is terrifying, and he has completely changed the mood of this match. "I am not sure if it is quite a phobia, but I will do anything to avoid leaving an answer phone message," says Ian Palmer. "I mean, you just sound so ridiculous on an answer phone!" How so?
    24th over: England 86-3 (Trott 23, Morgan 22) Four from the over. "So," says Phil Withall, "can you remind us as to why Morgan missed out in the first place?" Don't get me started.
    25th over: England 94-3 (Trott 25, Morgan 28) Too short from Mahmudullah, and Morgan rocks back to hammer a pull for four. He looks in wonderful nick. To see an Englishman England player bat like this is beautiful. That said, he takes a very tight single into the covers that leaves Trott in some trouble and he just survives a run-out referral on a split frame. That was so, so close. I suspect he was probably out, but because of the split frame he could not be given out. With a direct hit it would not even have been close. "I don't like drains/gaps/bridges/anything similar into or down which anything I am carrying or is safe in a pocket or a bag will inexplicably, at the exact moment of passing said gap, release itself from its previously safe nest and disappear into a sewer/abyss/railway line/etc forever lost to me," says John Dalby. "Once safely past the hazard I'll spend a good five minutes pondering ways to retrieve my wallet/wedding ring/half eaten bag of Haribo had disaster struck." The first bit I kind of understand. The second bit scares me a lot.
    26th over: England 99-3 (Trott 25, Morgan 32) This is a good move from Shakib Al Hasan. He has brought on the seamer Rubel Hossain to bowl to Morgan, who had been bullying the spinners with ease. The move is so nearly rewarded from the very first ball, when Morgan edges a fraction wide of the keeper and away for four. That was very close, and Morgan is also beaten off the final delivery of an excellent over. "I live in India, a tropical, wild country full of man-eating animals and mosquitoes and crazy rickshaw drivers so I suppose it isn't terribly weird that I'm scared to death of snakes," says Leo Mirani. "What worries me in equal measure though is that something will fall on my head. The list includes lampposts, building beams, construction pylons and, most importantly, coconuts. I know the chances are pretty slim but it would just be such a humiliating way to go."
    27th over: England 104-3 (Trott 29, Morgan 33) Naeem Islam replaces Mahmudullah. What's that hideous shriek every time they announce a new bowler? It sounds like an extended version of the Gareth Gates character on Bo Selecta. Anyway, Trott reverse sweeps the ball cleverly for three to bring up an excellent fifty partnership from just 62 balls. "I have developed something of a fear of Philosophy, ever since I studied epistemology and for a week became convinced that I didn't exist," says Joseph Orchard. "Also I am scared of women, I saw one yesterday and nearly fell over." That's no way to greet your mother. Honk!
    Ireland update They are 126 for three from 29 overs, and need 150 off 126 balls. That should be a cracking finish.
    28th over: England 111-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 33) Trott gets his first boundary from his 54th delivery, walking across the stumps to flick Rubel Hossain behind square. He paces his innings so well. Rubel then cuts – that's cuts – Morgan in half with a good delivery and has a desperate shout for LBW. It pitched outside leg, but Rubel has given Morgan plenty of problems in this little spell and is surely worth keeping on for at least one more over. "Trott and Morgan," says Ian Palmer. "Ying and Yang. Black and White. Night and Day. Karma and Sutra. Beauty and Beast. But if anyone else calls Trott a beast I will be very upset at them."
    29th over: England 118-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 37) Erm, apologies for the typo in the previous over, which has now been amended. The same thing happened on Sunday, rather worryingly. New subconscious, please! Anyway, Morgan drags a sweep very fine for four off Naeem Islam in an over that brings seven.
    30th over: England 123-3 (Trott 34, Morgan 41) Rubel does continue, which is definitely the right move, and for my sake I hope he doesn't cut Morgan in half again. He does have a huge shout for LBW against Morgan turned down. There was only one issue: whether the ball pitched outside leg. I suspect it did, but it would have been well worth a review if Bangladesh had two remaining. Of course they only have one, because of that daft review earlier, although it doesn't matter because replays show it pitched outside leg. Morgan responds with the most gorgeous piece of placement, walking down the wicket to drive a low full toss through extra cover for four. I've run out of things to say about him; he's just a genius.
    31st over: England 126-3 (Trott 40, Morgan 42) Can the ICC ban the cut stroke please? I'm getting worried about this. It's now seam from both ends, with Shafiul Islam. That's a good move for two reasons: because Morgan has looked less secure against pace, and because the ball might reverse swing before it is changed after 34 overs. Three singles from the over. "Meanwhile," says Alex Laugharne, "I'm terrified that a high-tensile wire like what holds up electricity pylons will come loose when I walk past and cut me in half, ever since I was told they have the capability to do that when I was about eight."
    TROTT SURVIVES A REVIEW! England 132-3 (Trott c Mushfiqur b Shakib 43, LBW b Shakib 40) They're reviewing for everything. Shall I tell you what happened? You want to know what happened? Sure? Okay, here's what happened. Trott pushed at a good one from Shakib that went through to Mushfiqur. He caught the ball and then, in trying to cover all bases with the stumping, dropped it. Shakib appealed for the review, primarily for caught behind. There was no edge – and Mushfiqur might not have held the ball long enough anyway – but it also looked a decent shout for LBW. Replays showed the ball was just hitting the top of off stump, which means we stay with the on-field call of not out. Except the not-out call was for the caught behind. Confused? Excellent. Shakib has got the face on and, while I can sort of understand that, I don't see how Trott could have been given out there. Certainly not for the caught behind, which was Shakib's main appeal.
    32nd over: England 132-3 (Trott 43, Morgan 45) "Could this be the first time two Irishmen have scored centuries playing for different teams in a World Cup on a Friday in March?" says Sam Blackledge, whose address, phone number and vital statistics I shall print for all your retributory needs when Morgan is out in the next over.
    33rd over: England 134-3 (Trott 44, Morgan 46) If I had time I'd look at Morgan v seam and spin, as it has been two completely different games. Just two from another good Shafiul over. In fact, here we are: 10 from 20 balls off seam, 36 off 36 from spin, so he double the strike rate against spin. Now, a few of you have mentioned that there is no detail of Strauss and Bell's dismissal. Really? I did write some; I'm not that useless. What normally happens is that we type the bare detail, so that YOU, THE READER gets the basic information immediately, and then we return to add the detail. Which should be there now. Right?
    34th over: England 139-3 (Trott 46, Morgan 49) Five from Shakib's over, all in low-risk ones and twos. "I have a complete fear of driving round country lanes ever since I smashed my mini (old style, this was twenty years ago) into the front of a post office van on a bend in a country lane in Hertfordshire," says Nigel Smith. "The steering wheel (the size of one off a bus) bashed into my knee cap and as I got out to give this Van Driver a piece of my mind my leg was had lost all feeling and I fell into the ditch by the side of the road where the said van driver had to help me out. God, the humiliation."
    Ireland watch, aka squeaky-bum time They are 163 for three after 36 overs, so they need 113 from 84 balls. Kevin O'Brien hasn't batted yet, and they have a Powerplay up their sleeve. They couldn't do it again, could they?
    35th over: England 144-3 (Trott 48, Morgan 52) Morgan cuts Shafiul for a single to reach a lovely, initiative-seizing half-century, from 60 balls and with seven fours. Time for drinks. "I work in the public sector and have a fear of sending a typo like the one in over 28 in an e-mail to senior management," says Patrick Coulson. "Especially with all the cuts in the coalition government."
    Ah, apparently the auto-refresh does not update paragraphs that are subsequently amended (such as when there's a wicket and, er, a little typo). But if you do it manually, with a hearty tickle of F5, they will update.
    36th over: England 147-3 (Trott 50, Morgan 53) Trott works Shakib into the leg side to reach another unobtrusive half century, this one from 78 balls. Three from the over.
    Ed Joyce has gone So Sam Blackledge lives at Ireland are 177 for four from 38, needing 99 from 72 balls. Boom Boom O'Brien is at the crease.
    37th over: England 156-3 (Trott 52, Morgan 60) So, the P word. I would leave it for now, as these two are going pretty well. After five in ones and twos, Morgan pings a full delivery from Shafiul over midwicket for a brilliant one-bounce four. That brings up a nerveless century partnership from two men whose hearts would not skip a beat if you dropped an entire family of marmots in the bath. "Further to Patrick Coulson's email, I am also a public sector worker," says Andi Thomas. "I once managed to sign off a long, important, slightly controversial and endlessly drafted and re-drafted mail with a chirpy 'Kind retards'. Fortunately, everybody saw the funny side. And still do. Years later." To your face, they do. You should see the emails they haven't accidentally sent to you.
    38th over: England 161-3 (Trott 54, Morgan 63) Five from Shakib's over, all low-risk ones and twos. "I'm struggling to find a cricket song used by Sky many, many years ago for their cricket coverage," says Lorraine Reese. "All I remember is the line 'Young lions are gonna roar', which I admit isn't that helpful. I've failed miserably with Google so I'm turning to the mighty OBO for help – does anyone remember the song and what it was called/who recorded it?" Well?
    WICKET! England 162-5 (Morgan c Imrul Kayes b Naeem Islan 63) What a fantastic catch from Imrul Kayes! Morgan swept the returning Naeem Islam flat and hard towards deep square leg, and Kayes ran it to take a superb low catch, two-handed as he dived forward. Wonderful work. That's the end of a delightful innings from Morgan, 63 from 72 balls.
    39th over: England 163-4 (Trott 54, Bopara 1) Sam Blackledge's phone is 0*3*3 3*33*3. All the threes. "Kevin at the crease in one game, Eoin at the crease in the other," says Sara Torvalds. Whoops! "Unlike many people, my trouble is not with the boss (or emailing management-level cuts, brilliant as Patrick Coulson's phobia is in the 35th over) as I'm my own woman, so I've given up the pretence of work long ago - but how do I follow two matches simultaneously? I've got two computers running side by side, with the England game on one and the OBO and several Cricinfo pages open on the other, but I'm running out of eyes here..."
    40th over: England 169-4 (Trott 60, Bopara 2) Ireland are struggling too, 191 for five after 40 overs. So they need 85 from the last 10. Back in Chittagong, Trott whips Shakib through midwicket off the back foot for only his second boundary. England are still well set for a total of around 230, although a lot will depend on whether Bopara comes off. He can be a punishing death hitter. He usually likes to have 10-15 balls to get his eye in first, mind.
    41st over: England 174-4 (Trott 64, Bopara 3) The left-arm spinner Abdur Razzak, who strangled England earlier with figures of 7-1-13-1, returns to the attack. Trott reverse laps the first ball for three in an over that brings five. "Email address auto-complete in Outlook is fairly dangerous," says Fiona Dunlop. "Emailing your boss with 'Hi Dad' is just weird…" Especially when you didn't even have the auto-complete on.
    42nd over: England 177-4 (Trott 66, Bopara 5) England have taken the Powerplay. Everyone behind the sofa please. I would have left it an over or two longer, to let Bopara get his eye in a wee bit more. Anyhow, Trott survives another run-out referral – he was gone with a direct hit from cover – in an over that brings just four singles. "I used to have a tremendous fear of leaving the handbrake off in the car," says Jo Beasley. "If parked on an incline I'd have to keep dashing back to peer through the window, ensuring my car wasn't about to roll down the hill taking out hundreds of innocents. I've recently had a new car which has no handbrake, just a button on the dashboard. I'm now in therapy." Is that what they call this? It's only a matter of time before we stop talking about cricket on the OBO and get done to brass tacks, namely the psychological rubbish flowing through all of us. It'll be like the film Mumford, only without the charm and Zooey Deschanel.
    It's all over for Ireland. They are 199 for six, and need 77 from 50 balls. That's bad for the tournament but it does mean that England will be through if they win today.
    43rd over: England 181-4 (Trott 67, Bopara 7) The good news is that England have survived two overs of the Powerplay without losing a wicket; the bad news is that they have scored just seven runs in that time, with only three from that over by the wily Razzak. Time for Bopara to start trying to hit sixes. "Re: Lorraine Reese (over 38)," says Patrick O'Brien, for whose brother the ladies should form an orderly queue. "I'm pretty sure that was the theme tune for the 1994 West Indies tour. It was one of the great theme tunes and one that my brother is after for his ringtone. Along with the Captain Sensible penned tunes for Cannon Fodder and Sensible Soccer for the Amiga..."
    WICKET! England 183-5 (Trott c Junaid Siddique b Shakib Al Hasan 68) In an unusual development, England are making a right dog's dinner of the Powerplay. After another tight over from Shakib, Trott makes room and cross-bats a deliberately wider delivery straight down long off's throat. Smart bowling from Shakib, who saw Trott coming, and Bangladesh are right back in this match.
    44th over: England 187-5 (Bopara 9, Swann 4) Graeme Swann has been promoted above Paul Collingwood for the last two overs of the Powerplay, a good move I think. And that's why: Swann lines up his first delivery and smacks a reverse slog-sweep over the covers for four. Great stuff. "Rob, what is with all the "coming off" in today's OBO?" says James Williams. "We have had two references querying whether Tamim will "come off" later, one mention of England's need for Morgan to "come off" and now another comment about Bopara's "coming off" ability. Did I miss the memo or is there some bet involved that you need to share with us?" Nup, none of those, just poor writing from me I'm afraid.
    WICKET! England 195-6 (Bopara c Naeem Islam b Abdul Razzak 16) Bopara's slightly laboured innings of 16 from 22 balls comes to an end when he makes room and flogs Razzak straight to extra cover. He didn't come off today, but if Tamim comes off England will have a big problem. 'Come off it', you might say, 230 will be fine, but we all know what Tamim can do.
    45th over: England 198-6 (Swann 5, Collingwood 1) Paul Collingwood comes in at No8, yet another new role for England's odd-job man. He has batted here before, but not since he was a semi-regular at No8 (no, really) in 2002. Razzak ends with terrific and deserved figures of 10-2-32-2. "I confess to trusting media pundits and commentators far too much, to the extent that if I hear them mispronounce a word on air, I am torn between dismissing said commentator as an ignoramus or questioning my own historic usage of the word in question," says Sarah Bacon. "To wit: during this morning's coverage of the Ireland v West Indies game, Mark Nicholas described one of the Windies players as the 'epi-TOME' of a good cricketer. I've been torturing myself as to the accepted pronunciation of 'epi-to-me' ever since. And it will keep me awake tonight as well."
    Apparently there was a UDRS controversy over the dismissal of Ireland's Gary Wilson, which was the turning point of a match that West Indies are now winning comfortably. Oh dear.
    46th over: England 207-6 (Swann 11, Collingwood 4) The last over of the Powerplay, bowled by Rubel Hossain, goes for nine. There's more good work from Swann, who makes room to scorch a boundary over mid off. The rest come in dribs and drabs. "Care to give a little hat-tip to a hack in the shires?" says Erik Petersen. "Matt Halfpenny of the Nottingham Post won sport writer of the year at last night's Midlands Media Awards and pissup at Edgbaston. It's worth noting that he won the award entirely on the back of writing about Notts' championship season -–nary a word about the football. Proof – proof! – that good things can still happen to people who write about county cricket in local newspapers." Great stuff, and congratulations to Jill Halfpenny. Sorry.
    WICKET! England 209-7 (Swann ct and b Shakib Al Hasan 12) Swann top edges a reverse slog sweep straight up in the air and Shakib takes an easy return catch. That was a decent cameo from Swann, 12 from eight balls.
    47th over: England 212-7 (Collingwood 5, Bresnan 2) Just five from Shakib's final over, so he ends with figures of 10-0-49-2. "Was Swann being used as a Powerplaywatchman?" says Ant Pease.
    WICKET! England 215-8 (Bresnan c Shafiul Islam b Rubel Hossain 2) Bresnan slices a full toss up in the air, and Shafiul takes the catch at backward point. Bresnan is unhappy, thinking it was over waist height and therefore a no-ball, but it certainly wasn't and he is on his way. He should have been run out two balls earlier, in fact. He was wheezing back for two, well short of his ground, but the throw from the deep went through the hands of the bowler Rubel Hossain.
    48th over: England 217-8 (Collingwood 9, Shahzad 1) Five from that over as well, and this game is really tough to call now. If England lose today, they will go out of the tournament unless they beat West Indies in their final match. Where's that eek emoticon when you need it? "I have a sewer grate just outside my house," boasts Richard Mansell, "and whenever I (or wife) have parked the car so that the driver door is over the grate, I fear that I'll drop the key into it while fumblingly unlocking the door. I've been known to restart the car just to move it a foot away."
    WICKET! England 217-9 (Shahzad b Shafiul Islam 1) You miss, I'll hit. Shahzad has a reckless waft at Shafiul's first delivery, which shaves the inside edge on its way through to hit middle stump. All Shahzad needed to do there was get Collingwood on strike. Oh, England.
    49th over: England 219-9 (Collingwood 9, Anderson 1) Shafiul keeps Anderson on strike for four deliveries with some terrific bowling. Collingwood eventually gets on strike for the final delivery, but he can't get a single so Anderson will be on strike for the final over. There's an odd incident at the end of the over when Bangladesh review a caught behind, even though they had already used two reviews. I actually thought the umpires had gone upstairs for a run out review, after some prompting from Bangladesh, yet all they showed on the replays was the caught behind. Either way, Collingwood was not out. "I've got a phobia of inadvertently using nuclear swear words whilst typing an OBO," says Neill Halliday. "Ridiculous, I know! That sort of thing could never happen." Not in a place as professional as this.
    WICKET! England 225 all out (Collingwood run out 14) A brilliant direct hit from Naeem Islam at midwicket ends the England innings with two balls to spare. Collingwood had already scampered back for two lung-busting twos, but he fell going for a third thanks to a superb piece of fielding. So, Bangladesh need 226 to win the match and leave England on the brink of an early elimination. I would make England slight favourites on a very slow pitch, but they only have one spinner and if Tamim gets in they will have a big problem. See you in half an hour for the Bangladesh innings.
    INNINGS BREAK
    Things to plug while I head off for some Monster Lunch
    1. The OBO book.
    2. Smyth on Twitter.
    3. Bull on Twitter.
    4. Kat Petersen's charity run.
    5. A mighty fine tea company.
    1st over: Bangladesh 3-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 3, Imrul Kayes 0) Jimmy Anderson starts with a bit of rib music to Tamim Iqbal – that's clearly a plan – and then curves one straight into Imrul Kayes' special place. England appeal for LBW but it was clearly too high. There's some encouraging swing here for Anderson, and that's a good start. "I remember Lorraine Reese's Young Lions well (38th over)," says Mac Millings. "They were England's tourists to the West Indies in 1989-90, whose first Test had a remarkable result. Among the Young Lions were debutants N Hussain and AJ Stewart. Not so Young, but still fairly Leonine, GA Gooch and AJ Lamb." And don't forget David Capel, and unused squad member Keith Medlycott. What a series that was. England were heroic. That victory was so unlikely that, before the first Test, I did one of those stupid childish trade-offs, in which (and I can't believe this with hindsight) I decided I would accept Man Utd being relegated (they were 16th at the time) if England won the first Test.
    2nd over: Bangladesh 10-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 8, Imrul Kayes 1) With Stuart Broad injured, the new ball goes to Ajmal Shahzad. His first over is far too straight and he is worked into the leg side for two singles, a two and a three.
    3rd over: Bangladesh 16-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 13, Imrul Kayes 2) The dew has changed the character of the pitch a bit, with the ball going through at a reasonable pace. That's a mixed blessing for England. A good over from Anderson by the last delivery, a short ball that Tamim pulls round the corner and through the hamfisted Bopara at fine leg for four. This looks a little ominous, you know. "The expression 'rib music' always conjures up cheery images of a skeleton's ribs being played like a xylophone, in a Nightmare Before Christmas/Skeleton Bride kind of way," says Richard Mansell. "Surely I am not alone in making this connection." Oh not at all. I heard two octogenarian ladies discussing the very same on the train this morning.
    4th over: Bangladesh 22-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 18, Imrul Kayes 3) Too straight again from Shahzad, and this time Tamim tucks him to fine leg for four. He has raced to 17 from 10 balls. "I know that there are probably doctorate-level courses in figuring out ICC tournament formats - but surely we can lose both this match and against the WI and still go through?" says Olly Skinner. "We'd need an unlikely bit of help from the Dutch against Bangladesh, but still... something to cling to?" Yep, you're right, but obviously the clue's in the 'help from the Dutch against Bangladesh' bit. If England lose today they will surely have to beat the West Indies to qualify.
    5th over: Bangladesh 30-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 25, Imrul Kayes 4) Tamim times Anderson through midwicket for three and then flicks a cocky boundary off the pads to deep backward square. England have bowled far too straight thus far – 27 of the 30 runs have come on the leg side – and they have a big problem. Already. Tamim has 25 from 15 balls. "I remember that 1989-90 series vividly," says Adam Penwarden. "The first overseas series (I think) to be shown live on British telly. I was sharing a flat with my mate Chris, just next door to an Aussie pub in Acton called The Captain Cook. We would knock off work early on freezing cold January days and ensconce ourselves with a few pints to watch Lamby and the boys (nearly) beat the mighty Windies." It was the one in which Tony Greig kept screaming "GOODNIGHT CHARLIE!" Also, who remembers that daft warm-up game in which Mervin Durand, an unknown left-arm spinner, took seven for 15 from 19 overs? Preposterous. All those terrifying fast bowlers and you let Mervin Durand take seven from 15. After the previous summer, they probably just saw the name Merv and went a big rubbery one.
    6th over: Bangladesh 36-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 26, Imrul Kayes 9) Andrew Strauss turns to his most reliable seamer, Tim Bresnan, although it makes no difference. Kayes plays a pristine drive through mid off for four, the shot of the innings so far. Crikey, England are in all sorts of trouble here. In their defence, the dew has definitely livened up the pitch. This suddenly looks a really good toss to have won.
    7th over: Bangladesh 46-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 36, Imrul Kayes 9) England are being Tamimmed, and how. Anderson is short again and Tamim plays a wonderful, Calypso pull stroke, front foot off the ground as he flicks it extravagantly behind square. He gets four more off the last ball of the over, slamming a thrilling drive through the covers before holding the pose at the end of his follow through. Magnificent batsmanship! He has 36 from 22 balls and, if he is here in half an hour's time, this will be over. "You can smell the impending doom here, and the difference, at the moment, is Broad," says Guy Hornsby. "We'll miss him today. Shazhad will be more useful in the late overs if it reverses, but it could be all over by then. Surely we need to take the pace off the ball, so why have we not picked more than Swann to turn the ball? Colly and Trott's leg cutters maybe? If we milked around by the openers much more this will be over before the fat lady's even put her slap on. I'm off for a drink with my old friend Pessimism." Say hi to him. Broad is such an underrated limited-overs bowler, especially on the subcontinent. I suppose England will just try to minimise the damage in these first 10 overs and then try to squeeze Bangladesh with pace off the ball. Trouble is, this is a different pitch now. England are in a rare old mess after just seven overs. Swann needs to come on now, not after the first Powerplay.
    8th over: Bangladesh 50-0 (target 226; Tamim Iqbal 36, Imrul Kayes 13) Swann does come into the attack, although even before his first ball he is having problems with the wet ball. He has even more problems when he finally bowls that first ball, because Imrul Kayes blasts it through the covers for four to bring up a fabulous fifty partnership. Swann is drying the ball furiously after every delivery, clearly unhappy, although he concludes the over with five dot balls. "Rob," says Steven House, "not exactly a phobia but when I was a boy I used to jump over the lamp-post shadows that move in the headlights of approaching cars and think this would bring me luck. If I'm on my own I often inadvertently do a little skip over them even now. Embarrassing, yes?" I'm not really one to judge when it comes to embarrassing phobias.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 52-1 (Tamim Iqbal b Bresnan 38) That's the big wicket that England desperately needed. The ever reliable Bresnan jags one back towards Tamim, who can't drag his bat down in time before the ball skips through and rattles into off stump. That's a beauty. Tamim made a thrilling 38 from 26 balls and has left Bangladesh in a fantastic position.
    9th over: Bangladesh 53-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 13, Junaid Siddique 1) That's changed the mood in Chittagong. "Could you possibly plug my friend Robert's frankly mental polar expedition for charity please?" says Domink Hindal.
    10th over: Bangladesh 58-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 13, Junaid Siddique 6) Swann's second ball is a full toss that Siddique whacks through midwicket for four. That's clearly a consequence of the wet ball, which Swann can't grip properly. This is a huge problem for England. "I used to be afraid of getting knocked out and being unconscious for a while," says Phil Podolsky. "I kept imagining that when I woke up, there'd be officers around my bed informing me I'm under arrest for certain bad things I might have or might have not done, and which would end up horribly misconstrued anyway." The bad thing.
    11th over: Bangladesh 65-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 15, Junaid Siddique 11) England take the bowling Powerplay, and Siddique edges Bresnan's first ball through the vacant first-slip area for four. "On the subject of irrational fears or phobias: I have a fear of walking in front of stationary or parked cars, as if at any second they will suddenly lurch forward and run me over," says Tom Uden. "When there is no option but to walk in front of a parked car, I feel as if it's watching me; much like a lion crouches and calmly watches its unsuspecting prey."
    12th over: Bangladesh 69-1 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 18, Junaid Siddique 12) Swann has got a rare funk on about this ball. After each delivery he is scrubbing his hands on the pitch and then drying the ball. Four from his third over. "I've said this before on a similarly themed OBO riff," says David Horn, mistaking this for an OBO that repeats the same riffs again and again and again and again and again and again, "but it remains a troubling concept for me: wet cardboard. It's just so nasty. My vision of hell: the back of Budgens in Tolworth, when I was about 8, where they used to stack the old cardboard boxes, waiting for my mum to finish shopping on a rainy day. Gah – to this day I don't know how I survived being so close to All. That. Wet. Cardboard. Oh god let it stop."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 70-2 (Junaid Siddique run out 12) This is a magnificent piece of fielding from Jimmy Anderson. Siddique inside-edged Bresnan towards square leg and belatedly set off. Anderson ran to collect the ball, turned 180 degrees and slammed down the stumps at the non striker's end. It was a breathtaking piece of fielding, with Siddique a fraction short of his ground. It was incredibly close, and the third umpire looked at more than 10 replays, but he was just out.
    13th over: Bangladesh 71-2 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 19, Raqibul Hasan 0) Anderson is a staggeringly good all-round fielder, especially for a fast bowler. Has there ever been a better fast bowler/fielder? (All-round fielder, I mean; I know there have been great catchers.) "I'm not sure whether the following is a phobia or a an irrational dislike but I can't stand bus stops being too close together," says Phil Rhodes. "If you can read the bus number from the stop before the one you are standing at they are too close together. It's so infuriating when a bus cant get beyond second gear before having to slow down to stop at the next stop. I tend refuse to travel on buses as a result. If you took out these bus stops then bus travel would be so much quicker, efficient and travel friendly."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 73-3 (Raqibul Hasan b Shahzad 0) Brilliant work from Ajmal Shahzad, and from Andrew Strauss. With the ball nipping around a bit he brought Shahzad back on for the unhappy Swann, and Shahzad struck straight away with a gorgeous leg cutter that beat Raqibul Hasan all ends up and hit the top of off stump. Good luck playing that second ball. That really is a beauty, and England are back in the match.
    14th over: Bangladesh 74-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 19, Shakib Al Hasan 0) The crowd have gone very quiet. They have The Fear. Who doesn't? "Any chance of keeping us up to date with the D/L par?" says Al Tagliabue. None whatsoever I'm afraid. I'm nowhere near compete enough to do that and assert the flippin' obvious.
    15th over: Bangladesh 75-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 20, Shakib Al Hasan 2) Shakib fresh-airs a windy woof at Bresnan, well wide of off stump. Remember when people thought Bresnan had no place in an England squad, never mind team? Now, with Broad gone, he's the most reliable seamer. That's a fine over, just one from it. "This one might be explicable," says Thomas Cope. "I don't like being at the front of traffic lights, far too much pressure, is that a phobia or rational? On the more obviously irrational, I despise odd numbers (which extends to radio stations (909 is a struggle) and even volume level on TV. But I do have a distinct fascination with the number 7." Drinks break. And with that, I'll hand you over to James Dart while I have a quick break of my own.
    16th over: Bangladesh 83-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 20, Shakib Al Hasan 3) Afternoon. James here, as Shahzad resumes and quickly delivers up some red-hot filth: a rank sloppy wide delivery down leg-side, which Prior fails to even drop a glove on. Four wides. He serves up another with what becomes the penultimate delivery of the over too. "I have an intense fear of advertising inserts falling out of a newspaper when I open it and giving me a paper cut on my legs," worries Chris Purcell. "Consequently I always open a newspaper over a table. But it's still quite a tense moment."
    17th over: Bangladesh 88-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 23, Shakib Al Hasan 4) Two more wides come from this Bopara over, while three easy singles are run down just behind square. Five more from the over. Paul Billington's irrational fear? "Tube ticket gates," he begins. "Ever since I saw my poor little brother get his head stuck in one at South Kensington on our way to the V&A I've had a fear of them snapping shut on me. This wasn't helped recently by my trying to rush through one after someone else had just been through, without putting my ticket in; in return I was violently jerked back and I threw my hangover-sapping Burger King coffee all over the platform. I still caught the train, so I suppose I won – then again it was going to Northampton, so it's probably more of a score-draw." #winning #myfoot
    18th over: Bangladesh 92-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 25, Shakib Al Hasan 5) "I have a dread of being recognised when buying the Daily Mail for my mother so have to buy a top-shelf mag to hide it in," declares Richard Mason. Keep telling yourself that, Richard. For your 'mother'. England were 55-3 at this stage. Better from Shahzad, including a toe-busting yorker that has Kayes in all sorts of discomfort, before the batsman drives uppishly from the last delivery through square for two.
    19th over: Bangladesh 98-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 30, Shakib Al Hasan 6) Comfortable progress for the fourth-wicket partnership here, Bopara offering up an easy flick to the fine-leg boundary to Kayes which is gratefully taken. "I'm getting pretty scared of some of the people who email in to the OBO," notes Matt Hindle. "Does that count?" They're not the ones that have got your email address, Matt. Mwhahahahaha.
    20th over: Bangladesh 105-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 35, Shakib Al Hasan 7) Seventy-four balls for the second 50 to come up, but it's comfortable, especially with Shahzad offering up freebies with another wide: 11% of that first 100 came from wides. Shambles. From the next ball, Kayes plays a delicious forward press straight down the ground for four. England are in trouble. "I have a couple of strange phobias," offers Mike McCarthy. "1) Melted chocolate. Not fully melted, just in a bar form when it's all squishy. Freaks me right out. I have to throw it away, and even then I think it's planning something from the bin. 2) Escalators. I go up or down them incredibly timidly, scared of getting off. Which really doesn't help phobia 3) Public shame." At least you haven't just had them revealed on the OBO, eh? Ah. And with that, I'll hand you back to the more capable hands of Mr Smyth. Cheers.
    21st over: Bangladesh 111-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 36, Shakib Al Hasan 12) The commentator refers to England's new bowler as Jamie Anderson. Bah! We've been wrestling with the Jimmy/James thing for eight years and now we have a new option. What next, Jay? Jim? J? Whatever his name is, England need a wicket from him, as this is going Bangladesh's way. The captain Shakib Al Hasan plays a scintillating cover drive for four from the third delivery. While he is at the crease, Bangladesh will feel pretty comfortable. "I very rarely tell people this, although my closest friends have all worked it out and think it's hilarious, but if I'm with one or more people, I absolutely hate going through a door first," says Carl Wrigley. "I have no idea why, but you'll always find me holding the door open for everyone in the party. I also don't like waiting in a place on my own. If I'm meeting someone, I'll wait outside until they arrive, regardless of the weather. When they arrive, I'll open the door for them."
    22nd over: Bangladesh 113-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 37, Shakib Al Hasan 12) The ball has been changed – it was in a right state – and England give the dry replacement ball to Graeme Swann. He gets some spin for the first time, turning one past Imrul Kayes' defensive stroke. Then England react petulantly when Daryl Harper gives a harsh leg-side wide. There has been something going on there, today: Harper has been unusually short tempered with England – he refused to let them have a drink earlier, and gave Matt Prior a reprimand a couple of minutes ago – and vice versa. "Dry sponges," ughs Niall Harden. "I have to lift them with an implement and give them a thorough soaking."
    23rd over: Bangladesh 117-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 41, Shakib Al Hasan 12) Paul Collingwood comes into the attack, and Kayes slashes his first ball over point for a couple. Four from the over. Bangladesh have all the time in the world to get these runs, so England need to start picking up wickets, particularly Shakib's. "Here's an online D/L calculator," says Kristian Petterson. "Oh, anda propos of nothing, have you heard the new J Mascis track, it's worth it."
    24th over: Bangladesh 120-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 42, Shakib Al Hasan 14) Two singles from Swann's over. He's bowling tightly, and is much happier with this replacement ball, but England surely need a wicket or two from him if they are to win this game. "Following on from Mike McCarthy in over 20, I'm not a fan of getting on escalators that are broken and not moving," says Daryl Vodden. "I had to get on one the other day, presuming I would be automatically propelled to the upper floor, and proceeded to fall backside over breast. Why do broken escalators feel that much weirder to walk up than, say, a regular flight of stairs? Or am I just an idiot?!" Well, the two aren't mutually exclusive... But you are right, that first step onto a broken escalator always feels wrong.
    25th over: Bangladesh 123-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 44, Shakib Al Hasan 15) Collingwood is bowling almost as an offspinner, and getting the ball to grip off the pitch a little. Three from the over, a single to Shakib and a drive for two from the relatively becalmed Imrul Kayes. "Cotton wool makes my skin crawl," says Jos Roberts. " Just the thought of it - I don't even have to pick it up. It doesn't even have to be there - even writing this email is making me feel a bit urgh." What's wrong with cotton wool? Weirdo. Next you'll be telling me you don't like dragging your nails down a chalkboard.
    26th over: Bangladesh 127-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 45, Shakib Al Hasan 17) The ball is now wet again, and Swann is scrubbing it as a hygiene freak might an apple he's just bought from Grimsby Market. He's complaining to Daryl Harper, asking him to change it again. Harper says no and Swann is having a real sulk. When the next ball slips out of his hands he screams "Effing rubbish" even before Kayes has cut it for two and then "Effing horse pucky". He didn't say pucky. Then he hoofs the ground in frustration. This isn't good to see. England are in trouble here. Not on-the-run-from-the-cops-in-a-neo-noir trouble, but trouble nonetheless. Talking of which... "I am terrified that some of my DNA, in the form of a single hair, some saliva, some dead skin or even my chewed fingernail, might attach themselves in public to somebody who is consequently brutally attacked, leaving me as prime suspect," says Luke Dealtry. "It hasn't happened yet, but that's probably because I'm not already on the DNA database. But for when it does happen, can I take the chance now to say I'm innocent."
    27th over: Bangladesh 131-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 48, Shakib Al Hasan 19) Kayes cuts Collingwood to third man for three. This game is slipping away from England, who desperately need a wicket. It must be time to bring on one of the three main seamers. At the moment Bangladesh are cruising. "Niall Harden has a point about sponges," says Clare Davies. "However there is a huge difference between real sponges and synthetic ones. For me, the real sponge is toe-curlingly hideous when dry, but a wet synthetic sponge is what really sets my teeth on edge. Now that I would have to approach with a pair of tongs or other suitable implement. Do I mean implement? I am now getting phobic about implement not meaning what I think it does. Help. This whole thread is very disturbing." You're telling me. Whose idea wa- oh.
    28th over: Bangladesh 135-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 51, Shakib Al Hasan 20) Swann is coming off, which has to be the right move as he's in a very special place at the moment, and it's not a happy one. His replacement is Jimbo Anderson, and Kayes steers him to third man to reach a vital and mature half-century, from 91 balls. The target of 226 is like something from the 1980s, and he has played an old-fashioned innings, setting himself to bat through like Dessie Haynes used to. Well played. "On subject of strange fears; I knew someone who was petrified (I mean physically repulsed) by newspaper," says Simon Burnay. "He was going out with one of wife's then housemates at University and it didn't help when they covered their bed in newspaper under the sheets so that when they went to bed the guy hit the ceiling! Cruel but undeniably amusing. We never did find out if there was a scale of fear from red-top to broadsheet..."
    29th over: Bangladesh 139-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 53, Shakib Al Hasan 22) That was a chance for England. Kayes dropped Collingwood into the off side and set off, but the advancing Bopara did not pick the ball up cleanly with Shakib running desperately towards the striker's end. That's one of four singles from the over. Bangladesh need 87 from 126 balls and will kick themselves forever more if they blow this. "Might I be the first of 1,067 amateur sleuths to suggest that the police immediately investigate Luke Dealtry's whereabouts forthwith?" says Duncan Smith. "Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much." He's certainly guilty of a few crimes against fashion. Honk! Ho-honk!
    30th over: Bangladesh 149-3 (target 226; Imrul Kayes 59, Shakib Al Hasan 24) Bopara replaces Anderson and is flayed through extra cover for four by Kayes, a cracking shot that takes him past 1000 runs in ODIs. Bopara's response is one of the filthier deliveries you'll ever see, a quarter-tracker that is also well wide of off stump. Ten from a pretty miserable over. Time for a drink. "In a sideline, I act as Luke Dealtry's barber," says David Weston. "I have been saving his hair for a special occasion. I also have a VERY sharp knife, some detailed plans and a cast-iron alibi."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 155-4 (Imrul Kayes run out 60) This is madness from Bangladesh. They were cruising to victory, absolutely cruising. They had already taken seven from Collingwood's over, but they tried for an eighth and lost a vital wicket as a result. Kayes came back for a daft second and Shahzad's bullet throw was collected in front of the stumps by Prior, who then demolished the stumps with Kayes still short of his ground.
    31st over: Bangladesh 155-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 28, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) This is a big test of Bangladesh's nerve. "The thing with escalators is that the brain subconsciously predicts that the first step will be moving, even if is stationary," says Edward Barrie. "So when you mount a stopped escalator the brain is tricked into compensating for movement that doesn't exist, hence the uncomfortable feeling of instability. Weird huh?" After today's emails, I have no idea where 'weird' even begins. All I know is that I am normal.
    32nd over: Bangladesh 156-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 29, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) Strauss returns to Bresnan, knowing that another quick wicket would make this game almost even. Bangladesh do bat a fair way down, with Mahmudullah and Naeem Islam still to come after the excellent Mushfiqur, who just digs out a majestic reverse inswinger from Bresnan. One from the over. "My granddad had a paralysing fear of flying," says Erik Petersen. "Couldn't get on a plane without a decent bit of scotch and what I believe amounted to horse tranquilisers. (Don't try that at home, kids.) Now granted, many people fear flying. But my grandfather was an engineer for Boeing."
    33rd over: Bangladesh 158-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 30, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) You have to press F5 to read about the wicket. Something odd going on with the auto-refresh, sorry. Collingwood has a big shout for LBW against Mushfiqur turned down, but England have gone for the review. There were two noises, but I reckon that hit the pad first. I also think it might have been swinging down leg. It was definitely pad, because Mushfiqur jammed his bat against the boot, but replays show that it was missing leg stump. So Mushfiqur continues, and that was a good decision from Rod Tucker. "Not really a phobia, but Thomas Cope's perfectly rational fear of 909 reminds me of the time when everyone had video recorders," says Andrew Stroud. "I found it intensely irritating that people couldn't be bothered to set the clock and it was left flashing at 00:00, so whenever I was at someone's house, or passing the TV & video section of Dixons, I either set the clock for them or covered it with paper so that I couldn't see it flashing – even though I KNEW it was – which was better than nothing." Nurse!
    34th over: Bangladesh 159-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 30, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) Bresnan starts with a wide, then pulls the over back with a six consecutive dot balls to the becalmed Mushfiqur, who has one from 13 deliveries. "Normal?" sniffs Chris Purcell. "How normal is it to make up all these emails from all these other people who 'follow' OBO. Your OBO? wake up, look round, there is no Guardian office; just you, your radio in your bedsit in New Cross. You're sending these emails to yourself. Rob Smyth. New Cross. London."
    35th over: Bangladesh 160-4 (target 226; Shakib Al Hasan 31, Mushfiqur Rahim 1) Paul Collingwood continues, now armed with the replacement ball, and there is just one from the over. The scoring rate has dropped a fair bit in the last five overs, but the required rate is still only just above four an over. England need wickets, six of them. "Watching in Christchurch, New Zealand," says Victoria Ashton. "Staying up all night to watch these close games is far too stressful. And here they delayed the England match until after the WI. Anyway, I'm quite convinced that people are watching me through mirrors. Even the one in my room that I know is only propped up against the wall. That's normal, right?" I no longer have any idea what normal means. All I know is that I am normal.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 162-5 (Shakib b Swann 32) The pressure tells on the captain Shakib Al Hasan, who bottom edges a slog sweep onto his stumps off the new bowler Swann. The scoring rate had slowed to a crawl, and that's the result. Itwas a poor stroke, completely needless. Swann actually thought it had gone through Prior's legs, and threw his hands to his head; then he realised that it had gone through Prior's legs via the off stump. England are right back in this, and the Bangladeshi look terrified that their side are going to bottle this.
    36th over: Bangladesh 162-5 (target 226; Mushfiqur Rahim 2, Mahmudullah 0) "My 'thing' is people who don't set the aspect ratios correctly on their TV's, and quite happily sit and watch squashed or stretched pictures," says Leo Carroll. "I either have to leave the house immediately (leaving the room or turning the set off isn't enough) or find their remote control and start messing with their picture settings until it's correct." I love the use of 'thing', in the way gangsters talk about "this thing of ours". We never discuss the existence of this thing... Are you in the TV aspect ratio obsessives group, Dad... and so on.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 166-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim c Prior b Shahzad 6) Another bowling change, another wicket. This is a jaffa from Shahzad, almost unplayable. It angled in before cutting sharply off the pitch to take the edge, and Matt Prior took a fine low catch diving to his right. Shahzad does bowl some snorters.
    37th over: Bangladesh 166-6 (target 226; Mahmudullah 0, Naeem Islam 0) "Chris Purcell, over 34, assuming it IS Chris Purcell and not Rob Smyth, has opened up a whole sub-riff here where we your imaginary public can collectively shred what's left of a psyche already battered from following the England cricket team with optimism. Can I lure you into some self psychoanalysis for the amusement of your inner voices?" That email is from Matt Horsham. At least I think it was.
    38th over: Bangladesh 166-6 (target 226; Mahmudullah 0, Naeem Islam 0) Swann whips through a maiden to Mahmdullah. Bangladesh can feel the soil falling over their head. That run from Imrul Kayes; what on earth was he doing? "I knew a fella at uni who ordered his clothes hanging in his wardrobe according to the wavelength of light of the colour of his vestments," says Hugh Maguire. "Believe me - you did not want to eat a meal with this man." Whereas I'd imagine a night out would have been a barrel of laughs.
    WICKET! Bangladesh 166-7 (Naeem Islam b Shahzad 0) If you thought Shahzad's last wicket was a good delivery, this is a monster. If a better ball is bowled in the entire tournament, I hope I'm OBOing it.What a piece of bowling! Again it angled in from wide of the crease, and again it seamed violently off the pitch, this time to hit the outside of the top of off stump. Don Bradman wouldn't have laid a bat on that. Even Trevor Ward wouldn't have done. That was utterly, gloriously unplayable.
    39th over: Bangladesh 168-7 (target 226; Mahmudullah 1, Razzak 1) All three of Shahzad's wickets have come from vicious leg-cutters, the sort Jason Gillespie used to bowl in his snarling pomp. Shahzad has a biggish shout for LBW against Razzak, but it pitched well outside leg stump. "What is 'normal'? (35th over)" wonders John Starbuck. "This is always an open question. Your idea of normality will undoubtedly have been changed by today's OBO, just as we all come to realise that it's normal for England to wring us dry by playing as if they're a team of complete incompetents, up to the point where they just scrape through. Get used to it."
    WICKET! Bangladesh 169-8 (Razzak c Bresnan b Swann 1) A wonderful catch from Tim Bresnan, and this is turning into an epic collapse. Razzak slugged Swann over midwicket, miles in the air, and Bresnan ran a long way before sliding forward to take a beautifully judged catch. Bangladesh have lost five wickets for 14 in nine overs. As an Englishman, the phrase 'lovin' your work' comes to mind.
    40th over: Bangladesh 170-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 3, Shafiul Islam 0) As Aristotle famously said: it's Mahmudullah or bust for Bangladesh. "Effin' 'ell, my emails are rubbish today," weeps Mac Millings. "Ha. Today. Sorry. i'm just trying to play myself into some sort of form. My recent run has been the ugliest of Colly-innings." Millings, are you okay? Just remember: form is temporary, lack of class is permanent.
    41st over: Bangladesh 171-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 4, Shafiul Islam 0) Shahzad's penultimate over goes for a single, and for the first time Bangladesh need more than a run a ball. They have, sad to say, well and truly bottled this. Just to clarify, if England win today they are through to the quarter-finals. And what a serene qualification process it wWHERE'STHEVALIUMill have been, eh? Meanwhile, here's Guy Hornsby, riffing on an old favourite. "The one thing that puts my teeth physically on edge is the Comic Sans MS font. (i can see the crowd thinning out as a type but hear me out). It's a font that was created for a kid's word processor back in the mists of Windows 3.11 and yet now it's baffingly ubiquitous, used across the globe for all sorts of stuff, and I'm haunted by it wherever I go, even when I was away in Paris, it was on shop fronts, and menus. It's used to seem 'ker-azy' or 'fun' by the sort of people that go to car boot sales, or use colours in professional emails, but who basically have no social skills whatsoever and think that it's acceptable to put smileys when they're writing to their boss. They should all be shot."
    42nd over: Bangladesh 187-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 9, Shafiul Islam 10) Swann's last over goes for 16! I can't take this. If there's another twist in this game I will have two pencils up my nose and a pair of underpants on my head faster than you say 'wibble'. The fun starts when Mahmudullah reverse sweeps nicely for four. He can certainly play, while Shafiul Islam at the other end has a Test fifty against England. And he shows why by pinging a flighted delivery superbly over mid off for four to get off the mark. Then, two balls later, he swipes Swann over midwicket for a mighty six! Amazing stuff. "On the subject of irrational fears, I have a complete aversion to wet plastic bags," says Matthew Bramall, who isn't done there. "Shower caps give me the shivers. Those stupid games you are made to play as a kid where you make clothes out of bin bags make me sick. And I can't walk down the same side of the street as anyone wearing a plastic bag on their head in the rain without almost throwing up. I even find raincoats a bit weird, but I'm a big boy now and can deal with them enough to wear one if I am caught in a hurricane (but nothing less)."
    43rd over: Bangladesh 189-8 (target 226; Mahmudullah 10, Shafiul Islam 10) Two from Shahzad's final over. He has had a superb day and finishes with figures of 10-0-43-3. Bangladesh need 37 from 42 balls. It's happening again. "Comic Sans, for all its krazy wacky faults, is apparently easier for dyslexic people to read than other fonts," says Louise Wright. "The font that looks like handwriting (don't know the name), on the other hand, is the work of Beelzebub. People who are in denial about the electronic nature of communication need to get over the problem and Stop Using It." I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELF GUY HORNSBY.
    44th over: Bangladesh 192-8 (need 34 from 36 balls) Anderson and Bresnan have seven overs left between them, so they will probably bowl out from here. It's Anderson first, and his seventh over costs three. The mood of this match has definitely changed. For the 974th time. "You chose not to mention me, a real 'another', and instead to focus on your own intranet like network of aliases, but, just to point out for the sake of my own modesty, I predicted a Bangladeshi collapse, and an England victory, BEFORE the 45th over some ten overs previously," says Andreas Vassiliades. "Surely worth a mention?" Definitely, especially if Bangladesh win.
    45th over: Bangladesh 193-8 (need 33 from 30 balls) Mahmudullah edges Bresnan this far short of Prior. It's a superb over from Bresnan, everything on an unhittable half-and-half length, with just one leg bye from it. Right, for the fourth heart-stopping England game in a row, let's go ball by ball. "I know I'm not alone in feeling a weirdo urge to shout during a quiet bit during a performance at the theatre," says Tom Oxley. "I know I'm not going to do it but the thought is always there. Like the thought of drinking neat gin."
    45 overs: Bangladesh 198-8 (need 28 from 30 balls) Bangladesh take the batting Powerplay, which is now compulsory with five overs remaining. Anderson runs in... and his first ball is utter filth that goes down the leg side for five wides! Oh dear heaven. "I worry that if I was ever to get an email on the OBO, I'd be shot down by some of the finest literary minds on the planet," says Nic Denson. "If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton, ... I'd go Naylor, Copestake. Netherton."
    45.1 overs: Bangladesh 199-8 (need 27 from 29 balls) Mahmudullah works a single into the leg side. I can't believe this is happening again. A tetralogy of utter misery.
    45.2 overs: Bangladesh 200-8 (need 26 from 28 balls) A sensible shot from Shafiul, pushing a single to mid off. Bangladesh have the momentum at the moment.
    45.3 overs: Bangladesh 200-8 (need 26 from 27 balls) Mahmudullah blocks.
    45.3 overs: Bangladesh 201-8 (need 25 from 27 balls) It's another wide!
    45.3 overs: Bangladesh 202-8 (need 24 from 27 balls) And another wide!
    45.4 overs: Bangladesh 202-8 (need 24 from 26 balls) A miracle, aka a dot ball.
    45.5 overs: Bangladesh 203-8 (need 23 from 25 balls) Mahmudullah pushes a single into the covers.
    46 overs: Bangladesh 204-8 (need 22 from 24 balls) Anderson's ten-ball, 11-run over finally ends with a leg bye. Bangladesh need 22 from four overs, and I desperate for the loo. This is miserable on so many levels.
    46.1 overs: Bangladesh 204-8 (need 22 from 23 balls) A dot ball from Bresnan to Shafiul. Bresnan has been outstanding again.
    46.2 overs: Bangladesh 208-8 (need 18 from 22 balls) Shafiul slices Bresnan over the top for four! The crowd are going mad. He had a mighty heave and it flew over backward point and away to the fence.
    46.3 overs: Bangladesh 209-8 (need 17 from 21 balls) A fine yorker slips down to fine leg for a leg bye. There was half an LBW appeal but it was going down.
    46.4 overs: Bangladesh 210-8 (need 16 from 20 balls) Another single, worked to leg by Mahmudullah. We've entered a world of pain.
    46.5 overs: Bangladesh 214-8 (need 12 from 19 balls) Shafiul smashes a full toss for four! It was low outside off stump, and he scorched it through point. This is amazing stuff. The crowd have completely lost it. I know how they feel.
    47 overs: Bangladesh 214-8 (need 12 from 18 balls) Shafiul drives into the covers. "He's playing like Bradman!" says Bumble.
    47.1 overs: Bangladesh 215-8 (need 11 from 17 balls) Anderson will continue, and his first ball is flicked for a single by Mahmudullah. He's playing second fiddle to the No10! This has been an awesome partnership.
    47.2 overs: Bangladesh 215-8 (need 11 from 16 balls) A dot ball from Anderson to Shafiul.
    47.3 overs: Bangladesh 219-8 (need 7 from 15 balls) What a shot from Shafiul! He smears Anderson imperiously down the ground for four to bring up the fifty partnership, and Bangladesh are nearly home. What an absurd turnaround. Shafiul has 23 from 21 balls and is playing like a dream. Before this innings, he had an average of 5.60!
    47.4 overs: Bangladesh 220-8 (need 6 from 14 balls) A leg bye. This is ridiculous. England lost the game, won it, and now they are losing it again.
    47.5 overs: Bangladesh 220-8 (need 6 from 13 balls) A dot ball.
    48 overs: Bangladesh 221-8 (need 5 from 12 balls) A yorker from Anderson is worked to leg by Mahmudullah for a single. Five to win, and I think I might take up smoking.
    48.1 overs: Bangladesh 222-8 (need 4 from 11 balls) Another leg bye, this time off Bresnan. Shafiul could finish this with one hit.
    48.2 overs: Bangladesh 222-8 (need 4 from 10 balls) A dot ball, pushed into the covers by Shafiul.
    48.3 overs: Bangladesh 223-8 (need 3 from 9 balls) Shafiul squirts a single to third man.
    48.4 overs: Bangladesh 223-8 (need 3 from 8 balls) Another dot ball, pushed down the pitch by Mahmudullah.
    48.5 overs: Bangladesh 223-8 (need 3 from 7 balls) And another dot ball, this time with a shovel to short midwicket.
    49 overs: Bangladesh 227-8; BANGLADESH WIN BY TWO WICKETS Bangladesh have done it! Mahmudullah forces a low full toss through the covers for four to spark joyous celebrations in Chittagong. All the players have charged onto the field to embrace Mahmudullah and Shafiul, who played magnificently in an unbroken ninth-wicket partnership of 58. This is spine-tingling stuff. Bangladesh had to win to stay in the tournament, yet at 166 for eight they seemed dead and buried. England know all about the dangers of cornered tigers in a World Cup, however, and they have been savaged again.
    It's hard to fathom how this has happened; Andrew Strauss looks like he's been mugged. The upshot is that England almost certainly need to beat West Indies to qualify for the quarter-finals, while Bangladesh will go through if they win their last two games. My head is spinning, my fingers are numb, my eyes don't work and there are no words left, so I'll leave you. Thanks for your emails; see you tomorrow for India v South Africa, and then next Thursday for Round Five of England's World Cup Coronary Tour 2011. Who needs a drink?
 
Local artists set to compete in Dar es Salaam on Saturday

By IMAN MANI, 11th March 2011 @ 11:00, Total Comments: 0, Hits: 39

THIRTY SIX up-coming local artists are expected to participate in a competition at the Russian Cultural Centre, in Dar es Salaam on Saturday.

The objective of this contest is to chose 15 of them, to form a group that will represent the country in an eight-nation concert in Uganda this coming September. This is part of a move to extend the Umoja Cultural Flying Carpet Project to include all the countries that participated in it over the years of its existence.

The other countries that are to meet in Uganda this September are Norway, Netherlands, Kenya, Uganda, Mozambique and Zimbabwe.

The three local organisers, Hassan Mhenge, Mohammed Issa Matona and Kauzeni Liamba told the &#8216;Daily News' on Friday, while they went round the country conducting wide-scale auditions to select these 36 finalists they realized that there is an abundance of talented people in the country.

However, they had to stick to The stipulations of choosing 25 from the Mainland and 11 from the Isles. "We intend starting the competition at 09:00 tomorrow morning (today) until 05:00 in the evening.

I will be joined by my two colleagues from the Dhow Countries Music Academy (DCMA), when we sit as judges for the competition," Matona said.

The Umoja Cultural Flying Carpet Project Founder and Chairman,William Dahil, his Artistic Director Koen Schyvens and Finance Manager Per Skulgland, have flown into the country especially to take up the position as judges in today's event.

The Umoja Cultural Flying Carpet is a collaborative development programme, which involves the participation of cultural institutions.

The main objectives of the programme are to support art and culture in society development of cultural institutions and development of individuals. The project is supported by NORAD and Norsk Kulturskoleråd, as well as six other Norwegian Institutions.
 
CAR names squad to face Taifa Stars





By JAPHET KAZENGA, 11th March 2011 @ 11:00, Total Comments: 0, Hits: 94

THE Central African Republic (CAR), have named their squad to face Tanzanian national soccer team, Taifa Stars in the 2012 African Nations Cup (AFCON) qualifier in Dar es Salaam on March 27.

Tanzania Football Federation (TFF) information officer Boniface Wambura said on Friday that according to information from their CAR counterparts, FCF, the Les Fauves will arrive with a contingent of 32 people and will be led by the country's Sports Minister Aurelien Zingas.

"The CAR's delegation will comprise 23 players in which some of them are home-based while others are plying their trade in several countries including Chad, Congo Brazzaville, France, Gabon, Morocco and Singapore," said Wambura.

He named the players as Prince Samola, Delphin Gbazinon, Audin Boutou, Nicaise Ozingoni, Mamadi Saoudi, Hilaire Momi, Geoffroy Lembet, Euloges Enza, Manasse Enza, Foxi Kette-Vouama, David Manga and Habib Habibou.

Others are Josue Balamandji, Fernander Kassai, Salif Keita, Freddy Lignanzi, Amores Dertin, Eudes Dagoulou, Vianney Mabide, Charly Dopekoulouyen, Emmanuel Yezzouat, Onassis Kemo and Franklin Anzite.

The FCF nevertheless has kept the actual date of the squad's arrival secret. Wambura noted that Taifa Stars head coach, Jan Poulsen, is expected to name his squad on Tuesday ahead of the crucial group D qualifier, which will determine Stars' chances of qualifying for the 2012 AFCON finals that will be jointly hosted by Equatorial Guinea and Gabon.

"Poulsen will name his final squad on Tuesday and the players are expected to enter camp 10 days before the match", he said.

Stars will be meeting the CAR for the first time ever in a continental competition and the two sides are expected to play the return leg encounter at the latter's backyard between June 3 and June 5.

The CAR currently tops the group D of the qualifiers with four points from two games, having won one and claimed a draw in the other.

Morocco is hot on the group leaders' heels at the second spot with four points from a win and a draw but has an inferior goal difference with the CAR.

Stars are in the third position with one point from two outings, having claimed a surprise away 1-1 draw in their first match of the qualifiers against Algeria before succumbing to a 1-0 defeat to Morocco at home in the second match.

Algeria, which participated in the 2010 World Cup finals in South Africa, is at the bottom of the standing with a point from two games after managing the frustrating draw with Stars before losing to the CAR in the other.

Algeria, which is now equally in a difficult position to qualify for the continental showpiece, will meet Morocco in the group's other qualifier at the end of this month.

With Stars having already dropped crucial three points in the only home game they have so far played in the qualifiers, progressing to the finals certainly turns out to be an arduous task as the team needs to win the remaining matches to stay within reach of a trip to Equatorial Guinea and Gabon next year.

Stars qualified for the first and only AFCON finals played in Nigeria in 1980 and has since then been experiencing embarrassing early exits in the tournament's qualifiers.
 
Junior cricket picks up in Arusha

<li class="kaziBody"> 28 players lock horns in darts tourney <li class="kaziBody"> Local artists set to compete in Dar es Salaam on Saturday <li class="kaziBody"> CAR names squad to face Taifa Stars <li class="kaziBody"> Giants intensify search for title <li class="kaziBody"> Junior cricket picks up in Arusha <li class="kaziBody"> NSSF Media Cup tourney on card <li class="kaziBody"> Jury still out on Thabeet's Rockets future <li class="kaziBody"> Phiri vows to build on 2-point lead <li class="kaziBody"> Nchimbi to grace TASWA bonanza <li class="kaziBody"> Darts championship attracts 28 players <li class="kaziBody"> Tanzania up two places in Fifa world rankings <li class="kaziBody"> Simba take title initiative <li class="kaziBody"> Darts official, Abel Mwamba, passes away <li class="kaziBody"> Azam's Mafisango earns Rwanda recall <li class="kaziBody"> African Stars to spice up Media Day Bonanza <li class="kaziBody"> Ulimwengu set for Mazembe trial <li class="kaziBody"> Morogoro junior cricket league live up to billing <li class="kaziBody"> Simba seek to dislodge Yanga <li class="kaziBody"> Simba, Yanga veterans to renew rivalry in charity match <li class="kaziBody"> Boxing team set for early Games preps
By JAPHETH KAZENGA, 10th March 2011 @ 12:00, Total Comments: 0, Hits: 71

LEVOLOSI and Uhuru primary schools' cricket teams have shown strong intent on excelling in the girls' category of this year's Arusha Tanfoam Junior Cricket League after garnering convincing wins in the opening matches played earlier this week.

Arusha Regional Cricket Committee (ARCC) has organized the league in a bid to maintain effective promotion of the sport among the region's youth.

Tournament coordinator Paul Manyanda said Uhuru girls outclassed Engira by 19 runs in the first match played at Braeburn School venue before Levolosi thrashed the first game's winners, Uhuru, by six wickets in the second match played at the same venue.

Uhuru girls opted to start batting against Engira and went on to record 75 runs for the loss of nine wickets in the innings that witnessed plenty of batting tenacity exhibited by the team's top order batters.

Salma notched 14 runs to finish the innings as the batter with highest number of runs and her team mate Emanoela offered crucial support by chipping in with 10 runs as Nesta added six runs for the side.

Engira wicket takers were Jessica and Tatu with two apiece but their efforts did little to frustrate Uhuru from posting a slightly challenging total in the innings.

Engira, in response, failed to chase their opponents score as they were bowled out for 56 runs with Jessica putting the only significant contribution of 10 runs in the fruitless chase. Team mate Ummy added nine runs in her innings.

Uhuru bowlers, led by Mary and Najma, made a mess of their opponents' batters with a barrage of tricky deliveries in which the two hauled three wickets apiece and Salma snatched two.

Uhuru then failed to maintain their solid performance in the second match against Levolosi as the latter commanded a sweet six-wicket win to give themselves crucial morale booster ahead of forthcoming games.

The losers batted first and scored 72 runs all out with Mary (13 runs), Emanoela and Salma, who had 12 runs apiece, contributing immensely to the team's respectable total.

Levolosi bowlers managed to foil their opponents' batting prowess and ensured their side faces an achievable target during the chase. Maureen led the bowling onslaught by taking three wickets as Esther, Irene and Hadija finished their respective spells with two wickets apiece.

Levolosi then mounted a successful chase to reach the target for the loss of four wickets with only two Uhuru bowlers, Nasra and Nesta, vainly attempting to frustrate the former by taking two wickets apiece.

Sekei Primary School edged St Constantine by one run in the only boys' category match played at Jaffery School venue. The winners batted and posted 68 runs while their opponents' chase faltered with only two runs needed to grab victory.
 
Junior cricket picks up in Arusha

<li class="kaziBody"> 28 players lock horns in darts tourney <li class="kaziBody"> Local artists set to compete in Dar es Salaam on Saturday <li class="kaziBody"> CAR names squad to face Taifa Stars <li class="kaziBody"> Giants intensify search for title <li class="kaziBody"> Junior cricket picks up in Arusha <li class="kaziBody"> NSSF Media Cup tourney on card <li class="kaziBody"> Jury still out on Thabeet’s Rockets future <li class="kaziBody"> Phiri vows to build on 2-point lead <li class="kaziBody"> Nchimbi to grace TASWA bonanza <li class="kaziBody"> Darts championship attracts 28 players <li class="kaziBody"> Tanzania up two places in Fifa world rankings <li class="kaziBody"> Simba take title initiative <li class="kaziBody"> Darts official, Abel Mwamba, passes away <li class="kaziBody"> Azam’s Mafisango earns Rwanda recall <li class="kaziBody"> African Stars to spice up Media Day Bonanza <li class="kaziBody"> Ulimwengu set for Mazembe trial <li class="kaziBody"> Morogoro junior cricket league live up to billing <li class="kaziBody"> Simba seek to dislodge Yanga <li class="kaziBody"> Simba, Yanga veterans to renew rivalry in charity match <li class="kaziBody"> Boxing team set for early Games preps
By JAPHETH KAZENGA, 10th March 2011 @ 12:00, Total Comments: 0, Hits: 71

LEVOLOSI and Uhuru primary schools’ cricket teams have shown strong intent on excelling in the girls’ category of this year’s Arusha Tanfoam Junior Cricket League after garnering convincing wins in the opening matches played earlier this week.

Arusha Regional Cricket Committee (ARCC) has organized the league in a bid to maintain effective promotion of the sport among the region’s youth.

Tournament coordinator Paul Manyanda said Uhuru girls outclassed Engira by 19 runs in the first match played at Braeburn School venue before Levolosi thrashed the first game’s winners, Uhuru, by six wickets in the second match played at the same venue.

Uhuru girls opted to start batting against Engira and went on to record 75 runs for the loss of nine wickets in the innings that witnessed plenty of batting tenacity exhibited by the team’s top order batters.

Salma notched 14 runs to finish the innings as the batter with highest number of runs and her team mate Emanoela offered crucial support by chipping in with 10 runs as Nesta added six runs for the side.

Engira wicket takers were Jessica and Tatu with two apiece but their efforts did little to frustrate Uhuru from posting a slightly challenging total in the innings.

Engira, in response, failed to chase their opponents score as they were bowled out for 56 runs with Jessica putting the only significant contribution of 10 runs in the fruitless chase. Team mate Ummy added nine runs in her innings.

Uhuru bowlers, led by Mary and Najma, made a mess of their opponents’ batters with a barrage of tricky deliveries in which the two hauled three wickets apiece and Salma snatched two.

Uhuru then failed to maintain their solid performance in the second match against Levolosi as the latter commanded a sweet six-wicket win to give themselves crucial morale booster ahead of forthcoming games.

The losers batted first and scored 72 runs all out with Mary (13 runs), Emanoela and Salma, who had 12 runs apiece, contributing immensely to the team’s respectable total.

Levolosi bowlers managed to foil their opponents’ batting prowess and ensured their side faces an achievable target during the chase. Maureen led the bowling onslaught by taking three wickets as Esther, Irene and Hadija finished their respective spells with two wickets apiece.

Levolosi then mounted a successful chase to reach the target for the loss of four wickets with only two Uhuru bowlers, Nasra and Nesta, vainly attempting to frustrate the former by taking two wickets apiece.

Sekei Primary School edged St Constantine by one run in the only boys’ category match played at Jaffery School venue. The winners batted and posted 68 runs while their opponents’ chase faltered with only two runs needed to grab victory.
 

Devon Smith and Kieron Pollard lead West Indies to win over Ireland

West Indies 275; Ireland 231. West Indies win by 44 runs




  • Agencies
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 11 March 2011 13.06 GMT <li class="history">Article history The West Indies batsman Kieron Pollard lets fly on his way to 94 from 55 balls against Ireland in Mohali. Photograph: Saurabh Das/AP Ireland's slim hopes of reaching the quarter-finals of the World Cup are all but over after Devon Smith's patient century and Kieron Pollard's quickfire 94 guided West Indies to a 44-run victory in their Group B match in Mohali on Friday.
    Opener Smith scored 107 off 133 balls to set up Pollard's 55-ball blitz, which helped West Indies recover from 130 for three in 32 overs to reach 275 all out in 50 overs.
    Ed Joyce (84 off 106) and Gary Wilson (61 off 62) kept Ireland in the hunt for the large part of their chase, but a late collapse meant they were bowled out for 231.
    Sulieman Benn (four for 53) and Darren Sammy (three for 31) brought West Indies back into the game after being threatened by Joyce and Wilson.
    Ireland's captain, William Porterfield, refused to comment on the controversial lbw ruling against Wilson by Asoka de Silva after a DRS review despite the Ireland player appearing to have pushed outside the line. "We will be speaking to the match referee before making any comments on that controversial decision," he said.
    On Ireland fading away after almost making a match of the Windies total, Porterfield said: "We were right in the game coming to the end. Wilson was playing really well. But a couple of wickets held us back and the powerplay did not go the way we wanted."
    Ireland have been fined for their slow over-rate. They were found one over short of the target when time allowances were taken into consideration, the International Cricket Council said in a statement. Porterfield has been fined 20% of his match fee and his team-mates will lose 10%.

 
Ferguson admits Valencia loss


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Updated Mar 11, 2011 6:15 AM ET
Sir Alex Ferguson admits Manchester United have missed Antonio Valencia's "pace and acceleration" this season - even despite the form of Nani.
FA Cup Scores | Stats | Fixtures

Valencia has been out of action since September after suffering a badly broken ankle in United's Champions League game with Rangers.
There were initially fears that he would be out for the remainder of the season, but the winger is close to a return to action.
The 25-year-old has been back in training for the last few weeks and he could be involved in the squad for this weekend's FA Cup quarter-final clash with Arsenal.
Ferguson is delighted to have the Ecuador international back and feels his pace and penetration has been missed down the right wing.
"He was fantastic last season, absolutely brilliant," the Scot is quoted as saying in The Sun.
"He was a great signing, he really was.
"The great thing about him was he takes the ball with such great strength and balance. He can take the ball up to the other end of the pitch for you. We missed that pace and acceleration.
"Although Nani has done fantastic - I mean he's been a revelation this season - we've missed that."



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  • Report Abuse PayBackisabytch
    • 3/11/2011 5:59:55 PM
    Do NOT expect too much from a player who has been out injured for months.
  •  Report Abuse larryjacobs
    • 3/11/2011 8:47:00 AM
    Drizz, I just noticed your avatar! Isn't that the worst referee in Chelsea's jersey? LOL
  •  Report Abuse canadianunleashed
    • 3/11/2011 7:38:08 AM
    Its what i stated yesterday hopfully he will make an impact right away but been out a while so here to hoping we need he pace and crossing.Rooney can play the left flank put Berby or Chico upfront.
  •  Report Abuse DRIZZ_IS_M.I.A
    • 3/11/2011 6:38:28 AM
    Heeeeee's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! He should be in the starting lineup against Arsenal tomorrow. If not, he will atleast get some minutes
  •  Report Abuse fr1313
    • 3/11/2011 5:42:47 AM
    Hopefully Valencia returns soon. United need him particularly now with Nani's injury
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Simba, Ngorongoro zamgombea Samata Send to a friend Thursday, 10 March 2011 20:11

Mbwana Samata

Sosthenes Nyoni
KIPAJI na uwezo mkubwa wa ufungaji alioonyeshwa na mashambuliaji chipukizi Mbwana Samata umeanza kuzua mvutano baina ya klabu yake ya Simba na timu ya taifa ya vijana Ngorongoro Herous.

Samata tangu alipoanza kuichezea Simba kwenye mzunguko wa pili wa Ligi Kuu ameshafunga mabao sita hadi sasa kwenye ligi na tayari amefanikiwa kujihakikishia namba ya kudumu katika kikosi cha kwanza cha mabingwa hao.

Kutokana na hali hiyo jana kocha mkuu wa timu hiyo ya vijana chini ya miaka 23, Jamhuri Kihwelo'Julio' aliliambia Mwananchi kuwa kitendo cha Samata kushindwa kujiunga na wenzake kwenye kambi yao ni utovu wa nidhamu.

Baada ya kauli hiyo ya Kihwelo, uongozi wa klabu ya Simba umesema umeandika barua Shirikisho la Soka Tanzania(TFF) kuomba mshambuliaji wake Samata abakie katika kikosi chao kinachojiandaa kwa mpambano wa Ligi ya Mabingwa Afrika dhidi ya TP Mazembe.

Mbwana ambaye ni miongoni mwa wachezaji walichaguliwa kuunda kikosi cha timu ya taifa ya umri chini ya miaka 23 kinachojiwinda na mechi za kusaka nafasi ya kushiriki michuano ya Olimpiki, lakini hadi wakati huu hajajiunga na wenzake waliopiga kambi katika Hoteli ya Bamba Beach baada ya akidaiwa kuwa na majukumu mengine katika klabu yake.

Akizungumza jijini Dar es Salaam jana Msemaji wa Simba, Criford Ndimbo alisema kuwa uongozi wa klabu yake umefuata taratibu zote ili kumbakisha nyota huyo katika kikosi chao.

"TFF ni marafiki zetu, pia tunatambua umuhimu wa kuchezea timu ya taifa lakini kwakua hata sisi tunapeperusha bendera ya taifa tumeandika barua kuomba tubaki naye alafu baada ya mechi dhidi ya TP Mazembe atakwenda.

"Tunamshangaa Julio kuzungumzia vitu visivyomhusu, sisi atuzungumzi na yeye, tunazungumza na wakubwa zake, na ni matumaini yetu TFF watatuelewa,"alisema Ndimbo.

Naye Msemaji wa TFF, Boniface Wambura alipoulizwa juu ya suala hilo alikiri barua ya Simba kupokelewa katika ofisi yake na kusema uamuzi wa kukubai ama kutokubali utatolewa na kamati ya ufundi.

"Kweli Simba wameleta barua hadi sasa ipo katika kamati ya ufundi ambayo ndiyo inayohusika na uamuzi wowote juu ya mchezaji huyo kukubali ama kukataa,"alisema Wambura.

Wakati huo huo, Clara Alphonce anaripotikuwa kocha Patrick Phiri amesema kuwa mchezo wao wa juzi dhidi ya Ruvu Shooting ndio umewafungulia njia japo amewataka wachezaji wake kuwa makini na michezo iliyofuatia kwani timu nyingi zitakuwa zikiwakamia sana.

Phiri alisema kuwa mchezo huo ulikuwa ngumu hasa kwa sababu timu hiyo ilicheza mpira mzuri na kuwakamia iliwasiweze kutimiza malengo yao, lakini kwa upande wao wameona matumaini ya kutetea taji hilo yapo vizuri.

Alisema mchezo huu ambao ulikuwa ni kiporo kwao ulikuwa na muhimu hasa baada ya kutoa sare 1-1 na Yanga katika mchezo uliochezwa mwishoni mwa wiki iliyopita.

Hata hivyo Phiri alisema kuwa wanatakiwa kuwa makini katika michezo hiyo minne iliyobaki ilikuakikisha wanashinda yote na kuchukua ubingwa kwa mara ya pili mfurulizo.

Alisema anakutana na AFC ya Arusha kesho watu wanaona kama mchezo huo ni mwepesi, lakini kwa upande wake kama kocha anaona akicheza na timu ndogo mechi inakuwa ngumu kwani wamekuwa wakiwakamia kuliko wakikutana na timu nyingine.

Pia, Phiri alisifu kikosi chake kwa kushinda mechi ya juzi kwani bila juhudi zao na kufuata anayowafundisha wasingeshinda mchezo huo kwani ulikuwa mgumu tofauti na walivyofikiria.

Timu hiyo ya Simba imeondoka jana Morogoro na kwenda mjini Arusha tayari kwa mchezo wao wa kesho kabla hawajaondoka nchini kwenda Kenya kwa ajili ya kuweka kambi kujiandaa na mechi ya Ligi ya Mabigwa Afrika dhidi ya TP Mazembe hapo Machi 20 nchini Congo.
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0 #3 valence 2011-03-11 21:00 mchezaji ni wa wote taifa na klabu sasa ni bora wapi kwa sasa. kwani inavyo onekana mambo yaleyale umimi viongozi tubadilike kwani klabu inaonekana inamuhitaji zaidi kuliko timu ya taifa acheze mchezo wa mazembe ndio ajiunge na timu ya taifa.
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0 #2 mjamaa 2011-03-11 15:45 mi naona bora abaki simba ambayo inagombania ubingwa badala ya kwenda kwenye timu inayotafuta nafasi yha kushiriki
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0 #1 GERALD NGELEJA 2011-03-11 12:38 MARA NYINGI TTF IMEKUWA IKIFANYA MAMBO BILA KUHESHIMU VILABU,KLABU KAMA SIMBA HIVI SASA INAPIGANIA UBINGWA UNAPOMTOA MTU KAMA SAMATA TAYARI UMESHAPUNGUZA NGUVU YAO VILEVILE UNAVURUGA PROGRAM YA MWALIMU AMBAYO ANAKUWA AMEIANDA,TFF IJARIBU KUFANYA MAMBO KISAYANSI NA SIO KUKURUPUKA KAMA INAVYOFANYA SASA,NI HAYO TU ,CHAOO
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Torres blames takeover 'chaos'


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Updated Mar 11, 2011 7:49 AM ET
Former Liverpool striker Fernando Torres has labelled the period during the club's takeover saga last October as "chaos".
The Reds were sold to New England Sports Ventures - now known as Fenway Sports Group (FSG) - in October last year following an acrimonious battle with former owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks.
Sat., Mar. 5​
Birmingham 1-3 West Brom | Recap
Arsenal 0-0 Sunderland | Recap
Bolton 3-2 Aston Villa | Recap
Fulham 3-2 Blackburn | Recap
Newcastle 1-2 Everton | Recap
West Ham 3-0 Stoke City | Recap
Man City 1-0 Wigan | Recap
Sun., Mar. 6​
Liverpool 3-1 Man Utd | Recap
Wolves 3-3 Tottenham | Recap
Mon., Mar. 7​
Blackpool 1-3 Chelsea | Recap
Wed., Mar. 9​
Everton 1-1 Birmingham | Recap
BPL Scores | Table | Fixtures​


The saga took its toll on Torres and he left Anfield in January for Premier League rivals Chelsea in January in a £50million move that has left Reds fans upset.
Torres knew the Merseysiders would need time to rebuild after changing hands and felt he needed to move on in order to maintain his successful career.
"I knew I was an idol for the fans but it wasn't the same any more," he told sports daily Marca.
"The institution was in chaos with the sale. There was all this talk of possible projects.
"In many ways it reminded me of (former club) Atletico Madrid... a great history, many ideas but without money, it needed time. I don't have that.
"People aren't honest in the world of football. You can't say the truth or be clear with people. It's a business and nobody is anyone's friend."
Although Torres has endured an unexpected slow start to life at Stamford Bridge, the Spain international is still pleased to have made the switch.
The 26-year-old has been pleasantly surprised by the camaraderie in Chelsea's camp, stating Liverpool's squad were always serious and rarely open to sharing a joke.
He added: "Chelsea have proved they have top-level players in all departments and that they will always be competitive whatever happens, with an owner who will invest when it is necessary.
"There are more personal relationships and jokes between the players than there were at Liverpool. Everything was much more serious there. Here, you don't have to prove you are a professional, it is assumed."
 
Boateng expects battle for Bale


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Updated Mar 11, 2011 10:32 AM ET
AC Milan midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng reckons Tottenham may struggle to hold on to Gareth Bale as "everyone" is asking about the Wales star.
Sat., Mar. 5​
Birmingham 1-3 West Brom | Recap
Arsenal 0-0 Sunderland | Recap
Bolton 3-2 Aston Villa | Recap
Fulham 3-2 Blackburn | Recap
Newcastle 1-2 Everton | Recap
West Ham 3-0 Stoke City | Recap
Man City 1-0 Wigan | Recap
Sun., Mar. 6​
Liverpool 3-1 Man Utd | Recap
Wolves 3-3 Tottenham | Recap
Mon., Mar. 7​
Blackpool 1-3 Chelsea | Recap
Wed., Mar. 9​
Everton 1-1 Birmingham | Recap
BPL Scores | Table | Fixtures​


Bale is one of the hottest properties in world football following his exploits in the Champions League with Spurs this season.
The likes of Barcelona, Real Madrid, Inter Milan and AC Milan have all been credited with an interest in the Welshman and former Spurs man Boateng expects all of Europe's top clubs to be in for him over the summer.
"Gareth was the player all the Milan players have been talking about, because of his pace and left foot," Boateng told The Mirror.
"When I played here there were talents like Gareth and Aaron Lennon, but they have improved a lot.
"I think the whole of Europe is after Gareth, because he is a great player.
"The way he played against Inter was impressive and everyone said: 'Who is this player? We need to get him.'
"I think it will be difficult for Tottenham to keep him but he is feeling good here in London, so we will see in the summer what is going to happen.
"With his quality, his pace and his strength, he could do well in any league."



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  • Report Abuse ArsenalGreek13
    • 3/11/2011 9:24:36 PM
    He's not going to ManUre pals....ManU cannot afford one guy at around 40-50 million....that may be the total amount of money they have to spend this summer....
  •  Report Abuse PhiladelphiaHotSpur
    • 3/11/2011 2:59:50 PM
    KG7 & FR1313 stoking Bale yet again........shoooooooocker

    Isn't going anywhere fools...........CL or not.
  •  Report Abuse KingGeorgeVII
    • 3/11/2011 2:50:00 PM
    No way he stays this summer. United need to get this kid asap.
  •  Report Abuse fr1313
    • 3/11/2011 11:51:46 AM
    Gareth has been having a phenomenal year. He's quality. I just wonder how long it will take for him to move to another club, particularly if Tottenham don't make the CL next year.
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