Vawulence
JF-Expert Member
- Jan 4, 2009
- 1,928
- 2,101
Why Women Shouldn't
Take Men Shopping.
After I retired, my wife
insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most
men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is
like most women - she
loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife
received the following letter from the local
Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months,
your husband has caused
quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate
this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our
complaints against your
husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are
documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1.June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly
put them in other people's
carts when they weren't
looking.
2.July 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in Housewares to
go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3.July 7: He made a trail of
tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's
restroom.
4.July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it
right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in
turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company
money.
5.August 4: Went to the
Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6.August 14: Moved a
'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area.
7.August 15: Set up a tent
in the camping
department and told the
children shoppers he'd
invite them in if they
would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department to which
twenty children obliged.
8.August 23: When a clerk
asked if they could help
him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me
alone?' EMTs were called.
9.September 4: Looked
right into the security
camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his
nose.
10.September 10: While
handling guns in the
hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were.
11.October 3: Darted
around the store
suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission
Impossible' theme.
12.October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of
funnels.
13.October 18: Hid in a
clothing rack and when
people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.October 21: When an
announcement came over
the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position
and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S
THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but certainly not
least:
15.October 23: Went into a
fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Take Men Shopping.
After I retired, my wife
insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most
men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is
like most women - she
loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife
received the following letter from the local
Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months,
your husband has caused
quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate
this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our
complaints against your
husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are
documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1.June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly
put them in other people's
carts when they weren't
looking.
2.July 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in Housewares to
go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3.July 7: He made a trail of
tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's
restroom.
4.July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it
right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in
turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company
money.
5.August 4: Went to the
Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6.August 14: Moved a
'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area.
7.August 15: Set up a tent
in the camping
department and told the
children shoppers he'd
invite them in if they
would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department to which
twenty children obliged.
8.August 23: When a clerk
asked if they could help
him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me
alone?' EMTs were called.
9.September 4: Looked
right into the security
camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his
nose.
10.September 10: While
handling guns in the
hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were.
11.October 3: Darted
around the store
suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission
Impossible' theme.
12.October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of
funnels.
13.October 18: Hid in a
clothing rack and when
people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.October 21: When an
announcement came over
the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position
and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S
THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but certainly not
least:
15.October 23: Went into a
fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the clerks passed out.
