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Maariage is Forever

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by mojoki, Oct 9, 2012.

  1. mojoki

    mojoki JF-Expert Member

    Oct 9, 2012
    Joined: Oct 21, 2010
    Messages: 1,333
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    In our society marriage is the structure people use to create
    a stable family unit. A man and woman marry with the
    intention of staying together for life. Within that bond they
    usually have children and raise them. This arrangement is
    good for the children. It guarantees that the two parents are
    totally committed to the children and to each other.
    I can remember thinking as a teenager that marriage would
    be natural and easy. You fall in love and then you get
    married and you live happily ever after. Right? It turns out
    that that view of the world is a little naïve because it leaves
    out the most important part. To my teenage mind marriage
    was about love. To an adult, marriage is about commitment.
    It is about staying in love and staying together for a lifetime
    despite the fact that both partners are individuals who
    change over time. Marriage itself is easy. Two people can
    get married any time they want. The challenge of marriage
    is making it work for a lifetime.
    The question you might have as a teenager is, "What could
    possibly be hard about being married? What could possibly
    be ‘challenging’ about it? Once I find a person who I am
    madly in love with and who is madly in love with me,
    marriage will be easy. Our love will keep us together no
    matter what happens." What I would like to do in this
    chapter is suggest to you several reasons why marriage can
    be challenging, and show you why marriage is a big step
    that should not be taken lightly.
    Understanding the Challenge of Marriage
    The first few months of most marriages is easy. This phase
    is called the "honeymoon phase" and may last up to a year.
    The honeymoon phase exists because the couple is enjoying
    the significant advantages of being married: living together,
    being together constantly, looking toward the future as a
    team, planning a family, sexual intimacy, trust, closeness
    and so on. The honeymoon phase is also aided by the effects
    of romantic love, which tend to mask problems and
    differences. The honeymoon period starts to end as the
    couple comes to the realization that marriage lasts a
    lifetime. Let’s look at some of the things that make a life-
    long marriage interesting:
    Marriage is a lifetime commitment. This commitment can
    have a tremendous number of advantages: stability,
    financial strength and unity, infinite trust, etc. However, it
    can have a paralyzing disadvantage if one or both parties
    decides to abuse the commitment. Imagine a person who is
    told, "We are giving you your job for life—you can never be
    fired." Most people will continue to do a good job, but a few
    people would take that message as a cue to become
    extremely lazy. Marriage can cause the same effect. Both
    partners have to work hard to avoid complacency.
    Marriage means that everything is shared. Sharing means
    that every major decision involves a team decision. If both
    parties do not agree, then conflict arises. Most people enjoy
    having a certain amount of freedom in their lives. Marriage
    instead forces a great deal of compromise. If two people
    have different spending habits (i.e., one likes saving money
    and the other likes spending it), it can cause immense
    Marriage involves being with the same person for long
    periods of time. While the couple is still "in love," this is
    easy. Once romantic love’s effects wear off and the
    relationship is driven more by friendship than sexual
    attraction, however, little habits can become irritating.
    Imagine living in an RV with your best friend for 10 years.
    After awhile even your best friend can become annoying.
    Countering this natural effect requires skill and creativity.
    Marriage is something like a big amplifier. When things are
    going well, the team effect of marriage makes them go very
    well. When a marriage works it is a source of infinite peace
    and joy. However, when things are not working marriage
    tends to amplify things in a negative direction. It can make
    bad things worse because it can create a trap.
    Have you ever noticed that many married couples spend a
    lot of time fighting? Have you ever wondered why that
    happens? It happens because at any given moment the two
    people in the marriage may want to do two different things
    that are mutually exclusive. For example:
    You want to go to your best friend’s wedding while your
    spouse wants to go to "the big game" on the same day.
    You want to go to church but your spouse wants to stay
    home on Sunday morning.
    You want the house to be neat but your spouse does not
    You want to buy a new car but your spouse wants to save
    the money and continue fixing the old one.
    You want to live close to your family but so does your
    spouse, and the families live 1,000 miles apart.
    You want to buy a new riding lawn mower but your spouse
    wants a new sofa.
    You want to paint the house blue but your spouse prefers
    You want to spend extra time at work but your spouse
    wants you to be home for dinner.
    Imagine facing one or two situations like this every day, day
    in and day out, for 50 years. That is what makes marriage
    challenging. That is why you want to pick a good marriage
    partner. If you can find someone who will work with you
    daily and love you enough to solve all of the "little problems"
    that arise naturally in a marriage, then you will have a
    successful marriage that brings you joy throughout your life.
    All the best to all my family and friends who r looking
    forward for this...:-*
  2. Mahmetkid

    Mahmetkid JF-Expert Member

    Oct 9, 2012
    Joined: Apr 20, 2012
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    Thanks alot, it is a good as far as marriage concerned.
  3. nipeukweli

    nipeukweli JF-Expert Member

    Oct 9, 2012
    Joined: Jul 16, 2012
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  4. T

    Tetra JF-Expert Member

    Oct 10, 2012
    Joined: Oct 5, 2012
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    In those days not nowdays