Karucee
JF-Expert Member
- Mar 11, 2012
- 18,196
- 34,502
1. "I have this mouth fungus."
2. "But my cats watching." See her, over there in the corner? Her green eyes glowing in the darkness? Whenever she sees me going down on a guy she gets really anxious and shits in the shower.
3. "My mouth is a virgin that wants its first time to be really special." so lets just do that.
4. (In your best voice) "Dont you want to see my face?" Then flail around the bedroom sobbing, knocking shit over.
5. "Not until you get a mankini wax." Which will be approximately the twelfth of Never.
6. "I have a cold." Tell him that if your mouth is occupied and your nose is too stuffed-up to breathe, you will shortly die of lack of oxygen, and your ghost will linger in the bedroom to warn all the girls who are there after you that his penis tastes weird.
7. "Nope, you're too drunk." When he is sloshed, finishing is a crapshoot and either way it will take forever. In that amount of time, you can re-format your resume or read the next chapter of Gone Girl or pick up the mess your anxious cat left in the shower.
8. "Just warning you, I have an incontrollable habit of grinding flesh that makes its way into my mouth.
9. "But I already put my braces on!" This will be a valid excuse.
10. "Do me first." If he says no, you're in the clear. (And also, consider dumping him.)
Have a lovely weekend y'all.
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
CC snowhite, The secretary, Kongosho, Kaunga, Heaven on earth, dada white, Smile, Zahra White,
@lara1, King'asti, sakapal,
2. "But my cats watching." See her, over there in the corner? Her green eyes glowing in the darkness? Whenever she sees me going down on a guy she gets really anxious and shits in the shower.
3. "My mouth is a virgin that wants its first time to be really special." so lets just do that.
4. (In your best voice) "Dont you want to see my face?" Then flail around the bedroom sobbing, knocking shit over.
5. "Not until you get a mankini wax." Which will be approximately the twelfth of Never.
6. "I have a cold." Tell him that if your mouth is occupied and your nose is too stuffed-up to breathe, you will shortly die of lack of oxygen, and your ghost will linger in the bedroom to warn all the girls who are there after you that his penis tastes weird.
7. "Nope, you're too drunk." When he is sloshed, finishing is a crapshoot and either way it will take forever. In that amount of time, you can re-format your resume or read the next chapter of Gone Girl or pick up the mess your anxious cat left in the shower.
8. "Just warning you, I have an incontrollable habit of grinding flesh that makes its way into my mouth.
9. "But I already put my braces on!" This will be a valid excuse.
10. "Do me first." If he says no, you're in the clear. (And also, consider dumping him.)
Have a lovely weekend y'all.
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
CC snowhite, The secretary, Kongosho, Kaunga, Heaven on earth, dada white, Smile, Zahra White,
@lara1, King'asti, sakapal,
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