Vituko mitandaoni. Tupia chako

Phone..​

Wife: Darling, please give me your phone for a second.
Husband: Wait, let me switch it on..
(he quickly went on a deleting spree) Delete videos. Delete pictures. Delete music. Delete private folders, Delete numbers. Delete sms. Delete out going calls. Delete incoming calls. Delete mms. UNISTALL Whatsapp. UNINSTALL Telegram. Delete... Delete... Delete.... FORMAT Memory Card. Reset phone to Factory settings...
Husband: Here you go honey, i have nothing to hide from you my dear.
Wife: Thanks my love... I just had wanted to call our daughter, she is already back.
Husband: Oh my God🙄

Soma Tena said:

Uko zako umelala usiku,ghafla unashtuka unaona hivyo. Sijui utafanyajeView attachment 2357712

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Hapo kama una panga, rungu au shoka unamalizana naye dakika 1 tu

Mshana Jr said:

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Mbususu imetuna vizuri jamani pastor atafaidi kinomaaa

You lavish 200k in a club and give a prostitute 40k.
But you give your girlfriend just 5k after washing your clothes and cleaning the entire house for you, then you say you're testing her to find out if she is after your money..

Brother, the thunder that will fire you will be like Drug prescription;-
3 in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and 3 at night😁

One spelling mistake in a hurry can turn life into hell..
A husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his business trip and missed an "e" in the last word... Now he is seeking police protection to enter to his own house!

He wrote, "Hi darling, I'm enjoying and experiencing the best time of my life and I wish you were her !

Therealmike25 said:

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No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words "COMPLETE" and "FINISHED".

Some people say there is no difference between the two, but there is.

When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE, and when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED!

When your wife catches you with another woman you are
COMPLETELY FINISHED and when your wife likes shopping so much you are FINISHED COMPLETELY 😁

Hiding..
Grandpa : grand son, see, your teacher is coming. Go and hide because you've missed school for two days.
Grand son: No, no, no.. I took an excuse that you had died; so you go and hide.

A wife and husband visited a farm..
They saw a bull having sex with a cow the wife asks the farm manager, Wife: how many times does a bull have sex per day?
Manager: 6 times a day.
Wife: looks at her husband and says .....you see!

Then the husband asks the manager,
Husband: You mean 6 times a day with the same cow?
Manager: No, no, no.. with different cows everyday.
Husband: looks to his wife and says ....you see😁

Shimba ya Buyenze said:

Na harusi juu kama bakhshishi ukitaka

View attachment 2357345

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Wacha wee unakimbilia wapi sasa? Rudi basi tuongee kiutu uzima

Born1703 said:

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aiseeee

amadala said:

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amadala said:

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Kuna vijana wa hovyo hata hapa wanaweza kusimamisha 😁😁😁

Mshana Jr said:

Askari hapo anatamani kutimua mbio

Sent from my LM-V500N using JamiiForums mobile app

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Hapana. Askari ni mtu na nusu. Aliongea naye kama dakika kumi. Akatoa hela akampa. Kilichonivutia zaidi ni jamaa alikuwa anamsikiliza kwa umakini.

Shimba ya Buyenze said:

Kuna vijana wa hovyo hata hapa wanaweza kusimamisha 😁😁😁

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🤣🤣🙌

Red Devils said:

Ahsante kwa kutujuza adriano marukus mselu

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Unamzungumzia huyu mtu?

Red Devils said:

hahahahahahaa dishi lako kama lipo sawa mbona unanifuatafuata mimi dishi ambalo limeyumba huwaoni wenye madishi yaliyokaa sawa? Nazani bwana wako hajakujua vizuri unata bia ya kufuatafuata watu ambao madishi yao yameyumba pumbavu. Mods wajue wewe na wenzako mjue is non of my business nachojua nitawajibu kwa kadri mnavokuja pumbavu grace kulagwa NA BADO SANA mwanaume mzima hovyooooooooooo. Peleka upumbavu wako kwa madishi wenzako yaliyokaa sawa kwangu mimi huwezi hambulia chochote zaidi ya matusi na kukujibu vibaya tu

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Leo sina kazi,

OK,kumbe unajijua kuwa ni punguani,

Basi tuliza mshono Mwajuma.

Acha kusumbua waume za watu.

Red Devils said:

grace kulagwa huna lolote acha usumbufu usiokua na msingi wewe ni mtoto mdogo sana kwangu nimeshakuonya mara kazaa na naendelea kukuonya mimi sio mpumbavu mwenzako peleka upumbavu wako kwa wapumbavu wenzako. Na naeza kukujibu wewe majibu yoyote yale ya kipunguani pumbavu wewe. Sumbua wenzako hawa 0784720642 na 0655321066

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Huwezi kuwa mkubwa na hauna akili,wakubwa wapo na akili,



Stress zako ndizo zinakufanya ujione mkubwa,


Usione tunakaa kimya,mpuuzi unakera sana

Kaanzishe uzi wako ukareply hizo namba za matahaira wenzio,

mawardat said:

Huwezi kuwa mkubwa na hauna akili,wakubwa wapo na akili,



Stress zako ndizo zinakufanya ujione mkubwa,


Usione tunakaa kimya,mpuuzi unakera sana

Kaanzishe uzi wako ukareply hizo namba za matahaira wenzio,

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Na bado hata sijawajibu kwa upuuzi wenu nshaanza kukera