Rev: Sex is a great stress reliever

Mtoto wa Mkulima

JF-Expert Member
Apr 12, 2007
Men shun committed relationships
Peter Nyanzi


THE vast majority of adults in Kampala City are living in involuntary celibacy because they are not getting enough sex, according to a new survey.

The survey conducted by the Steadman Group in the five divisions of Kampala involving 250 people between the ages of 20 and 50 years last month, also shows that at least 55 per cent of the respondents do have sex at least once a week.

However, when asked how frequently they would like to have sex, the proportion of all respondents who would like to have sex at least once every week shot up to 80 per cent, an indication that at least one quarter of respondents are having sex less frequently than they would want to.

According to Internet sources, studies have shown that in most developed countries, a typical couple has sex at least twice a week. But the Rev. Denis Odoi, a marriage counsellor based in Kampala, says on average, a normal young African couple should have sex at least three times in a week.

"Three times in a week would be perfect but in a super marriage, the couple should voluntarily be able to have sex on a daily basis," he said.

Ms Lois Ochieng, also a counsellor based in Bugolobi, agrees. She said sex is widely acclaimed to be a great stress reliever, and tends to bring the couple closer to one another.

"It is extremely important for a couple to have sex," she said on Wednesday. "It is not just a need but a right and even the Bible admonishes married people not to deny each other sex."

But according to Steadman's survey on 'social issues that sustain or break relationships,' only 7 per cent of those interviewed do have sex at least once a day.

The number of those who have sex at least three times a week stands at 23 per cent and about a quarter of the respondents said they have it at least once a week. Interestingly, a significant proportion of the respondents (45 per cent) have sex only once a month or less frequently.

The survey took care to select respondents who belong to different cultures, educational backgrounds and social class in each of the five divisions of the city. Asked if they were in any romantic relationship at the moment, the majority (68 per cent) said they were, leaving a significant number of 32 per cent with no romance in their lives. Those abstaining, those widowed and those who depend on prostitutes for sexual gratification, fall in this category.

Of those who were in a relationship, 20 per cent of the men have been in their relationship for less than a year compared to 15 per cent of the women.

The majority of those in romantic relationships (34 per cent of the men and 25 per cent of the women), have been in their relationship for between one and two years. But the interesting bit is that the number of respondents whose relationships are between two to three years declined to 13 per cent for men and 18 per cent for women - indicating that men are more likely to lose interest and start new relationships.

The number of mature relationships declined even further when the respondents were asked if their affairs were between three to five years old. However, the number shot up sharply to about 26 per cent for both men and women who said their relationships were more than five years old.

This seems to indicate that the bulk of respondents had been in a romantic relationship for less than two years or more than five years - suggesting that most romantic relationships do not last more than two years and when they do, they usually endure beyond five years. Apparently, the third and fourth years are the hardest for relationships in Kampala.

Length of relationship
The average life expectancy of most relationships in Kampala is three years. In other words, most relationships will not survive to see their third birthday. However, relationships that survive the first four years have a high chance of surviving for more years thereafter.

Additionally, what these statistics seem to indicate is that more men than women get involved in short-term relationships. But as the demands of relationships take their toll after two to three years, more women stick in there after three years as their male counterparts chicken out.

Thirdly, an almost equal proportion of both men and women tend to commit themselves to each other in a relationship lasting five years or more. Mr Paul Nyende, a social psychologist at the Department of Psychology at Makerere University, said most young adults tend to be reluctant to commit themselves to a long-term relationship.

"They have a feeling that somebody better might come along eventually so they tend to take their time and wait a little longer," he said.

On the other hand, he said, older couples tend to become progressively more equipped to deal with the rigours of relationships, are more willing to settle conflicts amicably and have more emotional intelligence - how well one understands one's own emotions and respects those of one's partner.

Asked to describe the status of their current romantic relationships, the majority of the respondents - both men and women (30 versus 33 per cent respectively) - said they were engaged/married.

A significant number (28 versus 26 per cent) were single and dating (probably several people) with no particular partner to commit to - a statistic that could get the HIV/Aids campaigners a little anxious.

Those who were single but "in a steady relationship" were 13 per cent for men and 16 per cent for women, an indication that men are less likely to commit themselves to a steady relationship.

With the number of those cohabiting (living together as husband and wife but not legally married) standing at 13 per cent for men and 11 per cent for women, there is no doubt that the number of people who have not yet formalised their marriages in Kampala is still high.

Also significant is the fact that three per cent of the men and seven per cent of women interviewed were divorced/separated, while one per cent of the respondents were widows.

Asked to say how many romantic relationships they had experienced in the past five years, which lasted at least three months excluding the current relationship, the respondents' responses indicate that Kampala has an abundant supply of promiscuous people.

About six in 10 men said they had been involved in up to three romantic relationships that lasted at least three months, compared to 57 per cent of the women. Only 25 per cent of the men said they had not had such a relationship compared to 33 per cent of the women. The rest, mostly men, said they had had four or more relationships in the past five years.

About 29 per cent indicated that in the past five years they had not been involved in any romantic relationships that lasted at least three months.

This figure is lower than the 32 per cent who had earlier indicated that they are not involved in any romantic relationships which suggests that only three per cent of the respondents had either not had any romantic relationship in the past five years or had been engaged in relationships that lasted less than three months.

To get a sense of how faithful partners are to each other, the survey asked respondents to say how long their longest previous relationship lasted.

At least 25 per cent of them said they had been involved in only one romantic relationship, with a bigger proportion of these being females.
Only about two in ten of the respondents had previously been in relationships that lasted over three years with the proportion of females being 10 per cent higher than that of the males. Asked how long two lovers should be in courtship before making a long-term commitment in their relationship, the bulk of the respondents said between at least six months and a year.

However, more women than men (over half) prefer a courtship period of more than a year compared to just 37 per cent of the men an indication that the women tend to want more time to assess the suitability of their potential husbands and out of the assumption that longer courtships guarantee a longer and happier marriage.

More findings in Sunday Monitor

Send this article
Printer friendly
Email the editor
Kumbe wa Africa kuna sehemu tumebarikiwa kuliko wengine? Kweli vichwa vyetu vya chini ni vikubwa ndio maana vya juu havifanyi kazi.
Rising up in protest over the long and short of penis size
Experts and experienced Japanese women are coming out against the findings of Indian and Spanish researchers that claim French men have, on average, the largest erect penises in the world, according to Shukan Shincho (12/21).

Indian scholars discovered that international standard-sized condoms were too large for many men and that they slipped off at precisely the time they needed to be snugly tight.

Researchers cited the findings of Andromedical, a Spanish company, which found that French men stood erect at an average of 16 centimeters, with Italians at 15 centimeters and Mexicans at 14.9 centimeters. South Koreans' 9.6 centimeters were the shortest recorded, while Indians stood at just 10.2 centimeters. (Japanese, incidentally, measured a healthy 13.0 centimeters to rank 10th of 16 nationalities, surprisingly topping the 12.9 centimeters that Americans recorded).

But before the pride of anybody is harmed, it should be noted that many dispute the Spanish company's survey.

"Penis size differs according to race and nationality," Junya Iwamuro, a urologist and head of the Japan Association for Development of Community Medicine, tells Shukan Shincho. "I must admit the Westerners' penises I have come in contact with have been large and fat and certainly seem to be larger than the Japanese. However, the data suggests that there is a huge gap in size between Japanese and South Koreans. How the original data was obtained is a problem. It doesn't mention age, or the extent of the erection. It's very difficult to get an average figure on an international scale."

Condom manufacturer Okamoto Inc. agrees.

"I doubt there's anywhere that has accurate data and length and thickness," a company spokesman says. "I'd say the most information anybody has comes from the individual medical organizations that have conducted their own independent studies and announced the results."

Experience suggests results considerably different from the study, too. Writer Shimako Iwai -- who claims to have slept with more Korean men than she has with her fellow Japanese men -- says the Asian neighbors both come up short.

"If the South Koreans knew about the results of this survey, they'd say it was a Japanese conspiracy. Speaking from personal experience, there's not a great deal of difference between Japanese and Korean men. I guess it's true to say that South Korean men aren't overly endowed. But there's no difference between them and Japanese men, either," Iwai, as experienced with penmanship as penismanship, tells Shukan Shincho.

Other women also dispute the finding, like the OL who says she has slept with men from over 30 different countries.

"French guys I've slept with have been, like a lot of Japanese, uncircumcised, but I didn't think they were particularly large," she says. "Their peach-colored penises were hard and thick, but they fit perfectly with the Japanese condoms I gave them to use. Apart from the color, they were no different to the Japanese ones. My memories are struggling to breathe from all the chest hair that kept hitting me when they were in the missionary position. They were fantastic at sex, though, really concentrating hard. They never leave you alone and are really kinky. The French have got an inordinate interest in anal sex."

The OL, who isn't named in the article, says that Americans left her feeling unsatisfied.

"White American men were my biggest disappointment. I can see why the survey ranked their size below the Japanese. They don't try anything new and barely do any foreplay. They just go through the motions, but then scream out like mad while they're doing it. They'd have to be regarded as pretty useless at sex," she says, forgetting she's supposed to be talking about length, not how it's used. "Basically, I think it's all right to think that Americans are slightly larger than Japanese."

An illustrator who says she has had intimate relationships with 50 foreign men says that the eggheads were looking in the wrong direction.

"I simply cannot believe why there weren't any African countries mentioned toward the top of the list in this survey. Africans are literally 'a head above the rest,' " the illustrator tells Shukan Shincho. "I've slept with African-Americans, Ugandans, Nigerians and South Africans and, while they are not overwhelmingly thicker, they are certainly longer. I can use both hands to grab hold of them and there'll still be some space left at the top. With Japanese, I've got the whole thing covered with a single hand. Africans also have incredible stamina and endurance. No wonder they always win those marathons." (By Ryann Connell) ni moja ya njia nzuri sana za kutakiana amani baada ya ugomvi fulani nyumbani!hasira na vijiba vya roho hupunguzwa nguvu kwa hiyo.

..kwa wenye wenza njiapanda....nayo pia yaweza sawazisha mambo,especially kama mnakaa pamoja.
Top Bottom