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- Feb 16, 2010
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Quotes on Is He or She THE ONE?
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The following are quotes from various resources on the question of whether she or he is truly the one you are supposed to marry (not for those wondering IF they should have married someone). Because marriage is designed by God to be for a lifetime, you need to be prayerful and careful in choosing the right person to be your covenant partner for life. We pray these quotes will help with that mission:
Too many couples fall in love, but they dont realize that falling in love and getting married are two different steps. Its not too difficult to fall in love with someone. But that doesnt mean that you should spend the rest of your lives married to each other. You may have loved each other through a certain season of your lives, but this relationship may not be one that would last through the rest of the seasons of your lives. Marriage is something you commit to because youre both equally committed to each other and to the Lord who wants to bless your union, helping it to be one that reflects Gods agape love.
If either of you dont feel like you can commit to living together for the rest of your lives in commitment to your marital union, doing things Gods way then it would be best to either put the wedding on hold until youre both committed to do so, or let the relationship go and move on with your lives apart from each other. The time to do this is BEFORE the wedding NOT afterwards. (Cindy Wright, Marriage Missions.com)
Would you marry you? If you need to get your act together, do it before you get engaged. You will be better off, and one day, if you end up getting married, your marriage will reap the benefit of the relational health you bring into it. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Psychologist Neil Warren has said that couples who marry around age 20 have an 80 to 85 percent chance of divorcing. He believes the correlation an older age and fewer divorces is connected to a persons identity development. He writes (in the book, Finding the Love of Your Life):
Get yourself healthy before you get yourself married. Too often we bring our unexamined selves into our marriage relationship. Also, have a cultivating commitment to have a quality relationship with each other in your marriage. (Neil Clark Warren)
Youll never know everything about the person youve chosen to marry. But the more information you have before entering into this commitment, the less chance you will be confronted with unfulfillable expectations. (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook How to really get to know the person youre going to marry - by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
Before you get engaged, Id strongly suggest you consult with those who know you and your dating relationship best. Usually this means your family and friends. Find an appropriate time to sit down with them and share what youre thinking. Open up your heart and say something like, Katie and I are at a place in our relationship where we are thinking about getting engaged. Since you know us best, Id like to know what you think. From what you know about us and our relationship, do you think we should get married? I think asking your family or friends a question like that is one of the wisest things you can do. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Keep the following two biblical principles in mind. First, you need others input. Those who dont get wise input arent as wise as they think they are. As Isaiah said, Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Humble yourself, restrain your pride, and open your heart and ears to what the significant others in your life are saying and thinking.
Second, you need to carefully weigh others input before you act. What you hear may or may not be right for you. Remember these words: A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps. Before you jump in, hook, line, and sinker, carefully check out the validity of what youve been told. (David Gudgel, from the book Before You Get Engaged)
If youre single, and you want to know who to marry, run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can and if, out of the corner of your eye, you see somebody running in the same direction, take a second look. (Pastor Tommy Nelson)
Q: Im a young woman and I met a young man recently where I work. He asked me out and hes proposing a relationship. I like him a lot but when I ask him about his faith, he told me that though he is a Christian, he does not bring his faith into the relationship. I decided I couldnt have a relationship with such person. Am I too hasty in my decision?
A: I believe you have made a wise choice. While its good to ask someone Are you a Christian? before you begin dating, its better to ask, Are you a follower of Jesus? They may sound the same, but theres a huge difference. Someone may say theyre a Christian because they were confirmed when they were 12 or grew up in a Christian home. When you ask if theyre a follower of Jesus, then youre asking whether or not they read their Bible, pray regularly and are growing in their relationship with God.
If a person just says theyre a Christian, you can make a lot of assumptions that may or may not be true. Before you begin dating, find out about the persons character. Remember that character will also manifest itself in self-control. How does the person respond to frustration and disappointment? Does the person treat you with respectverbally, spiritually and physically? Do they know their own boundaries? All of this is linked to ones faith. You dont want to date someone who claims Christianity, but has no desire to grow in their relationship with the Lord. That is a road you dont want to go down. (Gary Smalley The Official site of Gary Smalley, Michael and Amy Smalley, and Greg and Erin Smalley! | Expert advice on dating, marriage, and parenting from a name you trust - Smalley! Question of the Week 06/04/07)
Just because a man calls himself a Christian doesnt mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a mans faith is actionnot trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. Gods choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you. (Julie Ferwerda, from Crosswalk.com article 9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men)
Many will instruct you just to follow your heart. This advice can lead to a heartbreaking situation. One emotional student was heard to exclaim, I know Ive met the right girl I cant sleep, I cant eat, and Im flunking all my tests! Sounds like a case of the flu to me. Let me suggest, instead of asking, Am I in love? ask, Is my love mature enough to produce a fulfilled love, marriage, and sex relationship? I prefer to evaluate love in terms of maturity because I believe we are always in love. Puppy love is a kind of love, but it differs greatly in degree and intensity from mature love. The problem with puppy love is that if you stick with it, youll end up leading a dogs life. Puppy love is certainly real, and it deserves the same respect given to the other feelings people may have throughout their lives.
When a child comes home and declares, Im in love, he or she shouldnt be ridiculed. Adolescent feelings of love are equally genuine and wonderful. They are very real to the young person feeling them and they shouldnt be taken lightly. Thus, again, the issue isnt whether or not you are in love. The real question remains, Is my love mature enough to lead to a commitment and a lasting relationship? (Josh McDowell, The Secret of Loving, pg. 240-241)
Regardless of your level of compatibility, conflict in marriage is inevitable. One of the most important things you need to know is whether your partner can stand the heat. Will s/he be willing to get help when the going gets tough? Is s/he willing to take a marriage education class to learn the necessary skills to get and keep your marriage on track or back on track? Would s/he be willing to go to a qualified marriage counselor or speak to your pastor or rabbi? And if youre going to talk, talk about the taboo, x-rated subjects.
Discuss infidelity, infertility, aging parents, job layoffs, unexpected illnesses or deaths. Talk about the hard stuff. Does your partner know that over two thirds of what couples argue about in marriage is unresolvable? Does s/he know the predictable transitional stages that ALL marriages go through regardless of how much couples love each other? Does your mate know that while marriage is still one of the greatest institutions on earth, its not for the faint of heart? In fact, its [extremely] hard work!
And since it only takes one person to end a marriage, you might want to ask your partner, Under what circumstances would you feel that our marriage would be over? I know this question isnt pretty or romantic, far from it, but since most divorces are unilateral decisions, it might help to know what might prompt your spouse to call it quits. It could be a deal breaker.
So, heres the bottom line from the Divorce Buster. Dont place too much weight on those compatibility quizzes. Be more impressed with your partners level of commitment. With the right attitude and adequate set of relationship skills, even the quirkiest of personality differences or opposing life goals can be worked through. Know your prospective partners willingness to stay the course even when love isnt easy. (Michele Weiner Davis, as posted on her web site, www.divorcebusting.com in an article titled, What to Ask Before Tying the Knot)
WOMEN BEWARE: If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teachability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage. (Julie Ferwerda, from Crosswalk.com article 9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men)
MEN [BEWARE: OF THE LIE OF THE LIE YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF]: Shes clingy, but I like to be needed. Shell settle down once were married. Truth: According to studies, men thrive on being needed, but this can backfire because many women out there are desperate to get married for the wrong reasons. A woman with emotional gaps will put expectations on you that youll never live up to, no matter how much time, love, or words of encouragement you give her, because she has mistaken you as the answer to her longings. After the wedding, youll disappoint her because you cant do or be enough, and she may turn to other things for comfort food, other men, alcohol, or shopping, to name a few. Depending on you occasionally for emotional support, or to help with certain things (like changing her oil or mowing her lawn) are great, but when it comes to emotional neediness, its a red flag and its not going to get better until she gets help. (Julie Ferwerda, from Crosswalk.com article 9 Lies Men Tell Themselves About Women)
Theres an old saying, Marriage is a school in which the pupil learns too late. If we arent ready for marriage or if we choose a poor marriage partner, this can be very true. Yet for most people, it doesnt have to be. To be sure that it isnt, we need to do three things. First, we need to be prepared to be a reasonably mature, emotionally healthy, and spiritually committed spouse. Second, we need to select a mate who is ready to be a reasonably mature, emotionally healthy, and spiritually committed spouse. And third, we need to be willing to face our needs to grow and become better people and well-adjusted marriage partners. (Dr. Clyde Narramore, from the article: A Pre-Marriage Checklist)
There were some details about living with an unbeliever that seemed insignificant to me at first but gained importance as my own faith grew. Of all the things I miss out on with my husband at a spiritual level, his prayers for me are what I miss the most. Here is the person who knows me best, who knows my likes, dislikes, dreams, desires, failings and struggles, and he isnt praying for me. This puts me in the position of having to tell others my personal prayer needs and, in some cases, I may not even realize I have a need. My husband may know something isnt right, yet he isnt praying for me. This is certainly something to consider carefully as you choose a spouse. Will he pray for you? (Testimony of an annonymous homemaker who has the web site Child of Light.org)
One of the chief reasons so many marriages fail is that the functions of a date and mate differ radically: that of a date is to be charming; that of a mate is to be responsible; and, unfortunately, the most charming individuals are not necessarily the most responsible, while the most responsible are just as often deficient in charm. (Sydney Harris)
I came up with a basic question that is helping me figure out whether Im really finished with looking for someone better: When I see a woman I am physically or emotionally attracted to, what do I do? Do I entertain the thought of being with her, or do I react as if my heart is already taken?
It gets harder when I take into account that once Im married, I am supposed to answer this question the same way, even when things are rocky. Even when things havent been going well or were just not clicking that week. Am I willing to say that even then it wont matter if the girl at the coffee shop looks like a better option? There will be no other option. By choosing to get married, I am choosing to stop looking. (Brent Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Do opposites attract? Yes, they do. The problem with that is, is that opposites ATTRACT. What will drive you crazy about your mate are the things that attracted you to them at the outset, and you have been careful of that. Ill make this statement: to the degree that you and your future mate are socially opposite, you had better balance it out with an equal amount of flexibility and holiness. Couples that are real, real close in everything that they like, if they dont watch it, they can get bored in life because its easy just to go together.
If youre really at a disparity, thats okay. But if youve got 30 pounds of difference, there had better be 30 pounds of flexibility. If youve got 100 pounds of difference with you and your mate, there had better be 100 pounds of holiness and godliness with each other. Youve got to be able to enjoy the same things. (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Unity Part 2 of 2, September 8, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be located by clicking HERE)
If a couple find out before marriage how flimsy the basis of their love is, they are fortunate. (Marriage specialist Sylvanus Duvall, Before You Marry, pg. 36)
When couples fall in love they typically experience great passion for one another. This initial Infatuation Stage leads most couples into believing they have found their true soul mates. But once old behaviors and patterns show up with time, many couples lose the excitement and connection that once fueled their passion. Unfortunately many couples mistake that early infatuation with true love and give up on the relationship. (Pat Love, who defines this stage in her book, The Truth about Love)
All relationships go through predictable patterns the four up-and-down stages of love: Infatuation, Post-Rapture, Discovery, and Connection. Physiological changes account for some of the intense feelings brought on by initial attraction. Phenylethylamine, Dopamine, and Norpinephrine, for example, combine to create the natural high new lovers feel that helps them bond. This heady infatuation stage, glorious as it may be, is not what love is really about. (Pat Love, The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever)
Reasons to slow things down when youre still in the infatuation stage of love: When attraction, or romantic passion, occurs, we often lose our ability to think rationally. We may be oblivious to flaws our partner might possess. In this stage, couples spend many hours getting to know each other. If this attraction remains strong and is felt by both, the people usually enter the third stage of love: attachment. Attachment, or commitment, has to be strong enough to withstand problems and distractions. Again, chemicals are involved: Playing a key role in the attachment stage of love are oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphins.
A lot of chemicals surge through your brain and body when youre in love. Estrogen and testosterone play roles in the sex drive. Without them, we might never venture into the real love arena. That initial giddiness that comes when were first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say these are caused by the dopamine and norepinephrine our bodies are releasing: Dopamine is thought to be the pleasure chemical, producing a feeling of bliss. It is associated with euphoria, craving and addiction. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. It heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity and sleeplessness. Together, it is believed, these chemicals produce elation, intense energy, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention.
Researchers have also discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin, and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed possibly explaining why those in love obsess about their partner. The feelings of passionate love, however, do lose their strength over time. Studies have shown that passionate love fades quickly and is nearly gone after two or three years. This results in your being able to see your lover rationally, rather than through the blinding hormones of infatuation and passion. (St. Petersburg Times, What is this Thing Called Love, 2/13/07)
The Bible gives us one very specific standard for finding the right marriage partner: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Why is this so important to God? The reason is this: The believer and the unbeliever do not share the same values and future hope (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). However, Christians are to be like-minded about important issues; if two Christians are committed to their marriage and to obeying Christ, they already possess the ingredients for success. Unfortunately, the world we live in is inundated with many different kinds of professing Christians, so it is important to use discernment before devoting yourself to the lifelong commitment of marriage. Spend a sufficient amount of time together before discussing marriage.
We suggest experiencing all the seasons of life together before committing for life. Watch how your potential partner reacts to different situations, how they behave around family and friends, and the people they associate with. Discuss issues such as morality, values, children and church affiliation; are you in agreement in these areas? Study Gods Word together, especially the roles and duties of a husband and wife found in Ephesians 5:22-31; 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; Colossians 3:18-19; Titus 2:1-5; and 1 Peter 3:1-7; are there any red flags or major doctrinal disagreements? Finally, we recommend premarital counseling for all engaged couples. (Bill and Bridget Dunk, GTO Ministries, www.marriages.net)
Dont stop with the question, Is this person a Christian? You need to ask a much deeper question than that: Is this person I am thinking about marrying displaying the character and mind of Christ? I would look deep into the character of the individual. Make sure he or she loves the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength. And look for the markers that are displaying that love in their lives. (From the web site for the ministry of Dr Gary Smalley at www.smalleyonline.com)
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, My vow was a mistake. Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. (Ecclesiastes 5:2-7)
If either person isnt 100% committed to scale every mountain that comes before you to make your relationship work then you arent ready to enter into it. Thats part of the reason the divorce rate is so high. People are entering into the commitment theyre making without having the strength of character, fortitude, and resolve to keep the promises theyre making to each other and also to God. God cares VERY MUCH that we keep our marital promises He enters into the marriage with you whenever you marry so your promises arent only to each other but also to Him. (Cindy Wright)
Read this with care, as it could encourage you to make the right decisions! PLEASE DO NOT MARRY IF: (1) You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own. (2) You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive. (3) You are an abusive person (Mentally, emotionally and physically). (4) You are unwilling to commit. (5) You have an unresolved addiction problem. (6) Your career is the most important thing in your life. (7) You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision. (8) You are unwilling to be an active partner sexually with your spouse.
(9) You are unwilling to agree on an approach for handling finances, children and life decisions. (10) You expect your spouse to change after you get married. Remember, successful marriages are not of perfection, rather of two people willing to grow closer to Christ and each other. Dont be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons, but before you get married, do yourself and your future spouse a favor by first committing to grow stronger in each area. (Dr Randy Carlson, Loveyourmarriage.com, from the 11/10/05 Marriage E-mentoring tip)
Wedding jitters can strike even the happiest couples. Any change, even a positive one, takes some adjustment. But you need to make sure you are just nervous about the wedding and not whether you have chosen the right person to marry. Dont let the momentum of party planning sweep you along. You must have the courage to work through differences or, if you cannot, to break off the engagement or even call off the wedding no matter how far you have progressed with the preparations. However hard or embarrassing it might seem at that time, it is nothing compared to the pain of marrying the wrong person. (Lilo and Gerard Leeds, from the book, Wonderful Marriage)
If you have doubts dont do it. The Bible says that if youre thinking about doing something about which you have doubts, dont do it. Your doubts may be Gods warning signal to protect you from making a big mistake. Back off. Take some time. Rethink what youre about to do. A doubt may be Gods way of keeping you, or someone you care about, out of harms way and the inevitable hurtful consequences that could come. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
You must have the strength to be willing to end the engagement if you do not believe that marriage is the appropriate step. There is a reason that we do not go straight from the proposal to the wedding chapel. The engagement period is not just for planning the event; it is also for thinking through what it means to be married and, specifically, what it means to be married to this individual. Now, sometimes you might have the strength to call off the marriage, but youre worried about the fallout with your family. Please dont be. This is one of the most important decisions in your life, and you cannot allow your worry about hurt feelings to cause you to make a terrible mistake. A few minutes or days of embarrassment and hurt feelings are far easier to handle than months or years of a troubled marriage. (Kay Coles James, What I Wish Id Known before I Got Married)
You will make your heaven or hell on earth by the person you decide to marry. (Ravi Zacarius)
I wonder how many marriages would fare better today if each one in the relationship paused to consider this question: How do I really know that this person will seek my happiness above his/her own? (Todd Outcalt, Before You Say I Do)
FOR THOSE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE: There has to be a theological unity. You and your future husband, you and your future wife, have to be on the same page on who God is, because He is your reference point for how you act, for how you perceive the universe, for how you perceive man, children, everything is your perception of God. They dont simply have to be a Christian, but they have to line up on the major particulars. If you are an evangelical, and you see it in a certain way, and you marry a charismatic, youre going to have some struggles, but major league, if you marry a non-believer, you dont even interpret the universe the same in marriage or morality.
Theres not a one of you, under the heat of longing for marriage that can set aside what you know to be true and marry a non-believer. I can give you names, events, and dates where Ive seen it happen. Being single and being alone is a struggle. Its tough to be single, to be lonely. Ill tell you whats tougher is to be married and be lonely. To be lonely in a king-size bed with a person there that you cannot relate to is a major issue. When you are single, there is light at the end of your tunnel but its the providence and the timing of God. (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Essentials Part 1 of 2, September 7, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be found by clicking HERE)
On marrying someone who is theologically different than you: Youre not in danger of what the Scripture calls being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), since that passage is clearly about a joining of righteousness with lawlessness light to darkness Christ to Belial. You are both godly people trusting in the blood of Christ and received by faith into the kingdom of God through the Holy Spirit. But, just because you can, morally, marry is no sign that you, wisely, should. (Russell Moore, You can read more of this Crosswalk.com article at: Should We Marry If Were Theologically Divided?)
FOR THOSE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE: There has to be a moral unity, meaning that they cant merely both be Christians. They both must be under the auspices of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. If you have a man that takes his dictums from his flesh even though he can recite the Gospel and give the time of his testimony, weve got a problem. There has to be a moral unity, a North Star that doesnt move. My wife and I made a vow that wed never spend a day out of the Bible before we got married, because we knew that what attracted us to us was character, and that character was because of the person of God and His Word. And if we got away from Him, we lost essentially what attracted us. (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Essentials -Part 1 of 2, September 7, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be found by clicking HERE)
Women: Some men can never be husbands until they have been brides, until they have been the bride of Christ, they cant be your husband or any womans husband. Because the qualities that you want in a man are going to be qualities of love, kindness, tenderness, gentleness, and honesty those are qualities that are in God visited upon men. If that man is superficial with God, you have no guarantee that that man is going to maintain those qualities.
And there are some men who can simply never, ever be married. They can have dogs and cats, but they cant have a human in that house with them because when a man isnt submitted to the Lordship of Christ, he can become irresponsible or abusive, and both of those will drive you crazy. And so you check that man for his faithfulness in church, his faithfulness in the Bible, his faithfulness to his mother and his father, his commitment to moral purity. Look for those things in him, because thats the North Star that gives you a reasonable assurance of his character. Thats the fountain out of which will grow your affection is the continuity of that character.
Men: Watch that girl. If that girl has a problem with her authority of her parents, if she has a problem with her teachers, why do you think youll put [a wedding ring] on, and shell look to you and say, My head and my sovereign. Do you really think that will happen? Dont you do it! There are some women who can never, ever be married because of that very thing. And whenever you get a man, whenever you get a woman that is resistant to Genesis, chapter 1who God isyou cant have Genesis, chapter 2 marriage. First, Adam sees God; first, Eve sees God; THEN they see each other Amen? (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Essentials -Part 1 of 2, September 7, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be found by clicking HERE)
When youre ready to pledge to love and serve the person youre marrying as Christ washed the feet of His disciples, then youre ready for marriage. The problem comes into our married lives when we marry out of neediness. We arent to marry out of neediness, but to serve one another and work to bring out the best in each other so that together you serve Christ in a manner that could never happen apart from the manner in which you complete one another in Christ. (Cindy Wright)
People think they have to find their soul-mate to have a good marriage. Youre not going to find your soul-mate. Anyone you meet already has soul-matestheir mother, their father, and their lifelong friends. You get married, and after 20 years of loving, bearing and raising kids, and meeting challengesthen youll have created your soul-mate. (Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com)
When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that youll be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory. (Friedrich Nietzsche)
You know you love each other. But is love enough? You have grown up in distinctly different families. You have your own thoughts and feelings about marriage, children, religion, sex, work and careers, and money management. Each of you has priorities and expectations about the way people should conduct themselves in marriage. But have you openly discussed and evaluated your priorities and expectations? Unexpressed expectations are the seeds of trouble and conflict. One of the first questions we ask couples in our premarital workshops is, What do you think is the most important ingredient to have in a good marriage? (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
If you determine together to marry because you sense the anointing of the Lord upon your relationship (knowing you arent breaking Gods principles like not marrying someone who isnt a Believer), and you persevere with the Lords continual guidance, know that marriage can be very, very good. I want that for you. I want that for everyone who marries. But be cautious. The apostle Paul approached the subject of marriage the same way. He said in 1 Corinthians 7:25, Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. That is my heart also.
I LOVE being married to my husband but I caution everyone who marries to know that it wont be easy to combine your lives together to approach life as a marital team no matter what it looks like now life together will change and reshape itself. You will have to make a lot of sacrifices to make your marriage into a good one. Please pray, prepare, and proceed very reverently and cautiously into marriage. (Cindy Wright)
21 Comments
The following are quotes from various resources on the question of whether she or he is truly the one you are supposed to marry (not for those wondering IF they should have married someone). Because marriage is designed by God to be for a lifetime, you need to be prayerful and careful in choosing the right person to be your covenant partner for life. We pray these quotes will help with that mission:
Too many couples fall in love, but they dont realize that falling in love and getting married are two different steps. Its not too difficult to fall in love with someone. But that doesnt mean that you should spend the rest of your lives married to each other. You may have loved each other through a certain season of your lives, but this relationship may not be one that would last through the rest of the seasons of your lives. Marriage is something you commit to because youre both equally committed to each other and to the Lord who wants to bless your union, helping it to be one that reflects Gods agape love.
If either of you dont feel like you can commit to living together for the rest of your lives in commitment to your marital union, doing things Gods way then it would be best to either put the wedding on hold until youre both committed to do so, or let the relationship go and move on with your lives apart from each other. The time to do this is BEFORE the wedding NOT afterwards. (Cindy Wright, Marriage Missions.com)
Would you marry you? If you need to get your act together, do it before you get engaged. You will be better off, and one day, if you end up getting married, your marriage will reap the benefit of the relational health you bring into it. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Psychologist Neil Warren has said that couples who marry around age 20 have an 80 to 85 percent chance of divorcing. He believes the correlation an older age and fewer divorces is connected to a persons identity development. He writes (in the book, Finding the Love of Your Life):
The theory goes like this: Young people cant select a marriage partner very effectively if they dont know themselves well. In this society, where adolescence often lasts until the middle 20s, identify formation is incomplete until individuals have emotionally separated from their parents and discovered the details of their own uniqueness. Prior to their mid-20s, young adults havent defined their goals and needs. They arent in a good position to know the kind of person with whom they could form a meaningful lifetime attachment. They simply need more life experience.
As a general rule, marriage and family counselors have found that the older you are, the more likely you are to have developed healthy traits that will build a healthy marriage. Thats why what we already talked about in chapter one is so important. Be the right person before you start thinking about marrying the right person. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Get yourself healthy before you get yourself married. Too often we bring our unexamined selves into our marriage relationship. Also, have a cultivating commitment to have a quality relationship with each other in your marriage. (Neil Clark Warren)
Youll never know everything about the person youve chosen to marry. But the more information you have before entering into this commitment, the less chance you will be confronted with unfulfillable expectations. (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook How to really get to know the person youre going to marry - by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
Before you get engaged, Id strongly suggest you consult with those who know you and your dating relationship best. Usually this means your family and friends. Find an appropriate time to sit down with them and share what youre thinking. Open up your heart and say something like, Katie and I are at a place in our relationship where we are thinking about getting engaged. Since you know us best, Id like to know what you think. From what you know about us and our relationship, do you think we should get married? I think asking your family or friends a question like that is one of the wisest things you can do. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Keep the following two biblical principles in mind. First, you need others input. Those who dont get wise input arent as wise as they think they are. As Isaiah said, Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Humble yourself, restrain your pride, and open your heart and ears to what the significant others in your life are saying and thinking.
Second, you need to carefully weigh others input before you act. What you hear may or may not be right for you. Remember these words: A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps. Before you jump in, hook, line, and sinker, carefully check out the validity of what youve been told. (David Gudgel, from the book Before You Get Engaged)
If youre single, and you want to know who to marry, run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can and if, out of the corner of your eye, you see somebody running in the same direction, take a second look. (Pastor Tommy Nelson)
Q: Im a young woman and I met a young man recently where I work. He asked me out and hes proposing a relationship. I like him a lot but when I ask him about his faith, he told me that though he is a Christian, he does not bring his faith into the relationship. I decided I couldnt have a relationship with such person. Am I too hasty in my decision?
A: I believe you have made a wise choice. While its good to ask someone Are you a Christian? before you begin dating, its better to ask, Are you a follower of Jesus? They may sound the same, but theres a huge difference. Someone may say theyre a Christian because they were confirmed when they were 12 or grew up in a Christian home. When you ask if theyre a follower of Jesus, then youre asking whether or not they read their Bible, pray regularly and are growing in their relationship with God.
If a person just says theyre a Christian, you can make a lot of assumptions that may or may not be true. Before you begin dating, find out about the persons character. Remember that character will also manifest itself in self-control. How does the person respond to frustration and disappointment? Does the person treat you with respectverbally, spiritually and physically? Do they know their own boundaries? All of this is linked to ones faith. You dont want to date someone who claims Christianity, but has no desire to grow in their relationship with the Lord. That is a road you dont want to go down. (Gary Smalley The Official site of Gary Smalley, Michael and Amy Smalley, and Greg and Erin Smalley! | Expert advice on dating, marriage, and parenting from a name you trust - Smalley! Question of the Week 06/04/07)
Just because a man calls himself a Christian doesnt mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a mans faith is actionnot trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. Gods choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you. (Julie Ferwerda, from Crosswalk.com article 9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men)
Many will instruct you just to follow your heart. This advice can lead to a heartbreaking situation. One emotional student was heard to exclaim, I know Ive met the right girl I cant sleep, I cant eat, and Im flunking all my tests! Sounds like a case of the flu to me. Let me suggest, instead of asking, Am I in love? ask, Is my love mature enough to produce a fulfilled love, marriage, and sex relationship? I prefer to evaluate love in terms of maturity because I believe we are always in love. Puppy love is a kind of love, but it differs greatly in degree and intensity from mature love. The problem with puppy love is that if you stick with it, youll end up leading a dogs life. Puppy love is certainly real, and it deserves the same respect given to the other feelings people may have throughout their lives.
When a child comes home and declares, Im in love, he or she shouldnt be ridiculed. Adolescent feelings of love are equally genuine and wonderful. They are very real to the young person feeling them and they shouldnt be taken lightly. Thus, again, the issue isnt whether or not you are in love. The real question remains, Is my love mature enough to lead to a commitment and a lasting relationship? (Josh McDowell, The Secret of Loving, pg. 240-241)
Regardless of your level of compatibility, conflict in marriage is inevitable. One of the most important things you need to know is whether your partner can stand the heat. Will s/he be willing to get help when the going gets tough? Is s/he willing to take a marriage education class to learn the necessary skills to get and keep your marriage on track or back on track? Would s/he be willing to go to a qualified marriage counselor or speak to your pastor or rabbi? And if youre going to talk, talk about the taboo, x-rated subjects.
Discuss infidelity, infertility, aging parents, job layoffs, unexpected illnesses or deaths. Talk about the hard stuff. Does your partner know that over two thirds of what couples argue about in marriage is unresolvable? Does s/he know the predictable transitional stages that ALL marriages go through regardless of how much couples love each other? Does your mate know that while marriage is still one of the greatest institutions on earth, its not for the faint of heart? In fact, its [extremely] hard work!
And since it only takes one person to end a marriage, you might want to ask your partner, Under what circumstances would you feel that our marriage would be over? I know this question isnt pretty or romantic, far from it, but since most divorces are unilateral decisions, it might help to know what might prompt your spouse to call it quits. It could be a deal breaker.
So, heres the bottom line from the Divorce Buster. Dont place too much weight on those compatibility quizzes. Be more impressed with your partners level of commitment. With the right attitude and adequate set of relationship skills, even the quirkiest of personality differences or opposing life goals can be worked through. Know your prospective partners willingness to stay the course even when love isnt easy. (Michele Weiner Davis, as posted on her web site, www.divorcebusting.com in an article titled, What to Ask Before Tying the Knot)
WOMEN BEWARE: If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teachability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage. (Julie Ferwerda, from Crosswalk.com article 9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men)
MEN [BEWARE: OF THE LIE OF THE LIE YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF]: Shes clingy, but I like to be needed. Shell settle down once were married. Truth: According to studies, men thrive on being needed, but this can backfire because many women out there are desperate to get married for the wrong reasons. A woman with emotional gaps will put expectations on you that youll never live up to, no matter how much time, love, or words of encouragement you give her, because she has mistaken you as the answer to her longings. After the wedding, youll disappoint her because you cant do or be enough, and she may turn to other things for comfort food, other men, alcohol, or shopping, to name a few. Depending on you occasionally for emotional support, or to help with certain things (like changing her oil or mowing her lawn) are great, but when it comes to emotional neediness, its a red flag and its not going to get better until she gets help. (Julie Ferwerda, from Crosswalk.com article 9 Lies Men Tell Themselves About Women)
Theres an old saying, Marriage is a school in which the pupil learns too late. If we arent ready for marriage or if we choose a poor marriage partner, this can be very true. Yet for most people, it doesnt have to be. To be sure that it isnt, we need to do three things. First, we need to be prepared to be a reasonably mature, emotionally healthy, and spiritually committed spouse. Second, we need to select a mate who is ready to be a reasonably mature, emotionally healthy, and spiritually committed spouse. And third, we need to be willing to face our needs to grow and become better people and well-adjusted marriage partners. (Dr. Clyde Narramore, from the article: A Pre-Marriage Checklist)
There were some details about living with an unbeliever that seemed insignificant to me at first but gained importance as my own faith grew. Of all the things I miss out on with my husband at a spiritual level, his prayers for me are what I miss the most. Here is the person who knows me best, who knows my likes, dislikes, dreams, desires, failings and struggles, and he isnt praying for me. This puts me in the position of having to tell others my personal prayer needs and, in some cases, I may not even realize I have a need. My husband may know something isnt right, yet he isnt praying for me. This is certainly something to consider carefully as you choose a spouse. Will he pray for you? (Testimony of an annonymous homemaker who has the web site Child of Light.org)
One of the chief reasons so many marriages fail is that the functions of a date and mate differ radically: that of a date is to be charming; that of a mate is to be responsible; and, unfortunately, the most charming individuals are not necessarily the most responsible, while the most responsible are just as often deficient in charm. (Sydney Harris)
I came up with a basic question that is helping me figure out whether Im really finished with looking for someone better: When I see a woman I am physically or emotionally attracted to, what do I do? Do I entertain the thought of being with her, or do I react as if my heart is already taken?
It gets harder when I take into account that once Im married, I am supposed to answer this question the same way, even when things are rocky. Even when things havent been going well or were just not clicking that week. Am I willing to say that even then it wont matter if the girl at the coffee shop looks like a better option? There will be no other option. By choosing to get married, I am choosing to stop looking. (Brent Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
Do opposites attract? Yes, they do. The problem with that is, is that opposites ATTRACT. What will drive you crazy about your mate are the things that attracted you to them at the outset, and you have been careful of that. Ill make this statement: to the degree that you and your future mate are socially opposite, you had better balance it out with an equal amount of flexibility and holiness. Couples that are real, real close in everything that they like, if they dont watch it, they can get bored in life because its easy just to go together.
If youre really at a disparity, thats okay. But if youve got 30 pounds of difference, there had better be 30 pounds of flexibility. If youve got 100 pounds of difference with you and your mate, there had better be 100 pounds of holiness and godliness with each other. Youve got to be able to enjoy the same things. (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Unity Part 2 of 2, September 8, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be located by clicking HERE)
If a couple find out before marriage how flimsy the basis of their love is, they are fortunate. (Marriage specialist Sylvanus Duvall, Before You Marry, pg. 36)
When couples fall in love they typically experience great passion for one another. This initial Infatuation Stage leads most couples into believing they have found their true soul mates. But once old behaviors and patterns show up with time, many couples lose the excitement and connection that once fueled their passion. Unfortunately many couples mistake that early infatuation with true love and give up on the relationship. (Pat Love, who defines this stage in her book, The Truth about Love)
All relationships go through predictable patterns the four up-and-down stages of love: Infatuation, Post-Rapture, Discovery, and Connection. Physiological changes account for some of the intense feelings brought on by initial attraction. Phenylethylamine, Dopamine, and Norpinephrine, for example, combine to create the natural high new lovers feel that helps them bond. This heady infatuation stage, glorious as it may be, is not what love is really about. (Pat Love, The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever)
Reasons to slow things down when youre still in the infatuation stage of love: When attraction, or romantic passion, occurs, we often lose our ability to think rationally. We may be oblivious to flaws our partner might possess. In this stage, couples spend many hours getting to know each other. If this attraction remains strong and is felt by both, the people usually enter the third stage of love: attachment. Attachment, or commitment, has to be strong enough to withstand problems and distractions. Again, chemicals are involved: Playing a key role in the attachment stage of love are oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphins.
A lot of chemicals surge through your brain and body when youre in love. Estrogen and testosterone play roles in the sex drive. Without them, we might never venture into the real love arena. That initial giddiness that comes when were first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say these are caused by the dopamine and norepinephrine our bodies are releasing: Dopamine is thought to be the pleasure chemical, producing a feeling of bliss. It is associated with euphoria, craving and addiction. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. It heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity and sleeplessness. Together, it is believed, these chemicals produce elation, intense energy, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention.
Researchers have also discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin, and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed possibly explaining why those in love obsess about their partner. The feelings of passionate love, however, do lose their strength over time. Studies have shown that passionate love fades quickly and is nearly gone after two or three years. This results in your being able to see your lover rationally, rather than through the blinding hormones of infatuation and passion. (St. Petersburg Times, What is this Thing Called Love, 2/13/07)
The Bible gives us one very specific standard for finding the right marriage partner: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Why is this so important to God? The reason is this: The believer and the unbeliever do not share the same values and future hope (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). However, Christians are to be like-minded about important issues; if two Christians are committed to their marriage and to obeying Christ, they already possess the ingredients for success. Unfortunately, the world we live in is inundated with many different kinds of professing Christians, so it is important to use discernment before devoting yourself to the lifelong commitment of marriage. Spend a sufficient amount of time together before discussing marriage.
We suggest experiencing all the seasons of life together before committing for life. Watch how your potential partner reacts to different situations, how they behave around family and friends, and the people they associate with. Discuss issues such as morality, values, children and church affiliation; are you in agreement in these areas? Study Gods Word together, especially the roles and duties of a husband and wife found in Ephesians 5:22-31; 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; Colossians 3:18-19; Titus 2:1-5; and 1 Peter 3:1-7; are there any red flags or major doctrinal disagreements? Finally, we recommend premarital counseling for all engaged couples. (Bill and Bridget Dunk, GTO Ministries, www.marriages.net)
Dont stop with the question, Is this person a Christian? You need to ask a much deeper question than that: Is this person I am thinking about marrying displaying the character and mind of Christ? I would look deep into the character of the individual. Make sure he or she loves the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength. And look for the markers that are displaying that love in their lives. (From the web site for the ministry of Dr Gary Smalley at www.smalleyonline.com)
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, My vow was a mistake. Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. (Ecclesiastes 5:2-7)
If either person isnt 100% committed to scale every mountain that comes before you to make your relationship work then you arent ready to enter into it. Thats part of the reason the divorce rate is so high. People are entering into the commitment theyre making without having the strength of character, fortitude, and resolve to keep the promises theyre making to each other and also to God. God cares VERY MUCH that we keep our marital promises He enters into the marriage with you whenever you marry so your promises arent only to each other but also to Him. (Cindy Wright)
Read this with care, as it could encourage you to make the right decisions! PLEASE DO NOT MARRY IF: (1) You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own. (2) You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive. (3) You are an abusive person (Mentally, emotionally and physically). (4) You are unwilling to commit. (5) You have an unresolved addiction problem. (6) Your career is the most important thing in your life. (7) You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision. (8) You are unwilling to be an active partner sexually with your spouse.
(9) You are unwilling to agree on an approach for handling finances, children and life decisions. (10) You expect your spouse to change after you get married. Remember, successful marriages are not of perfection, rather of two people willing to grow closer to Christ and each other. Dont be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons, but before you get married, do yourself and your future spouse a favor by first committing to grow stronger in each area. (Dr Randy Carlson, Loveyourmarriage.com, from the 11/10/05 Marriage E-mentoring tip)
Wedding jitters can strike even the happiest couples. Any change, even a positive one, takes some adjustment. But you need to make sure you are just nervous about the wedding and not whether you have chosen the right person to marry. Dont let the momentum of party planning sweep you along. You must have the courage to work through differences or, if you cannot, to break off the engagement or even call off the wedding no matter how far you have progressed with the preparations. However hard or embarrassing it might seem at that time, it is nothing compared to the pain of marrying the wrong person. (Lilo and Gerard Leeds, from the book, Wonderful Marriage)
If you have doubts dont do it. The Bible says that if youre thinking about doing something about which you have doubts, dont do it. Your doubts may be Gods warning signal to protect you from making a big mistake. Back off. Take some time. Rethink what youre about to do. A doubt may be Gods way of keeping you, or someone you care about, out of harms way and the inevitable hurtful consequences that could come. (David Gudgel, from the book, Before You Get Engaged)
You must have the strength to be willing to end the engagement if you do not believe that marriage is the appropriate step. There is a reason that we do not go straight from the proposal to the wedding chapel. The engagement period is not just for planning the event; it is also for thinking through what it means to be married and, specifically, what it means to be married to this individual. Now, sometimes you might have the strength to call off the marriage, but youre worried about the fallout with your family. Please dont be. This is one of the most important decisions in your life, and you cannot allow your worry about hurt feelings to cause you to make a terrible mistake. A few minutes or days of embarrassment and hurt feelings are far easier to handle than months or years of a troubled marriage. (Kay Coles James, What I Wish Id Known before I Got Married)
You will make your heaven or hell on earth by the person you decide to marry. (Ravi Zacarius)
I wonder how many marriages would fare better today if each one in the relationship paused to consider this question: How do I really know that this person will seek my happiness above his/her own? (Todd Outcalt, Before You Say I Do)
FOR THOSE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE: There has to be a theological unity. You and your future husband, you and your future wife, have to be on the same page on who God is, because He is your reference point for how you act, for how you perceive the universe, for how you perceive man, children, everything is your perception of God. They dont simply have to be a Christian, but they have to line up on the major particulars. If you are an evangelical, and you see it in a certain way, and you marry a charismatic, youre going to have some struggles, but major league, if you marry a non-believer, you dont even interpret the universe the same in marriage or morality.
Theres not a one of you, under the heat of longing for marriage that can set aside what you know to be true and marry a non-believer. I can give you names, events, and dates where Ive seen it happen. Being single and being alone is a struggle. Its tough to be single, to be lonely. Ill tell you whats tougher is to be married and be lonely. To be lonely in a king-size bed with a person there that you cannot relate to is a major issue. When you are single, there is light at the end of your tunnel but its the providence and the timing of God. (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Essentials Part 1 of 2, September 7, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be found by clicking HERE)
On marrying someone who is theologically different than you: Youre not in danger of what the Scripture calls being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), since that passage is clearly about a joining of righteousness with lawlessness light to darkness Christ to Belial. You are both godly people trusting in the blood of Christ and received by faith into the kingdom of God through the Holy Spirit. But, just because you can, morally, marry is no sign that you, wisely, should. (Russell Moore, You can read more of this Crosswalk.com article at: Should We Marry If Were Theologically Divided?)
FOR THOSE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE: There has to be a moral unity, meaning that they cant merely both be Christians. They both must be under the auspices of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. If you have a man that takes his dictums from his flesh even though he can recite the Gospel and give the time of his testimony, weve got a problem. There has to be a moral unity, a North Star that doesnt move. My wife and I made a vow that wed never spend a day out of the Bible before we got married, because we knew that what attracted us to us was character, and that character was because of the person of God and His Word. And if we got away from Him, we lost essentially what attracted us. (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Essentials -Part 1 of 2, September 7, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be found by clicking HERE)
Women: Some men can never be husbands until they have been brides, until they have been the bride of Christ, they cant be your husband or any womans husband. Because the qualities that you want in a man are going to be qualities of love, kindness, tenderness, gentleness, and honesty those are qualities that are in God visited upon men. If that man is superficial with God, you have no guarantee that that man is going to maintain those qualities.
And there are some men who can simply never, ever be married. They can have dogs and cats, but they cant have a human in that house with them because when a man isnt submitted to the Lordship of Christ, he can become irresponsible or abusive, and both of those will drive you crazy. And so you check that man for his faithfulness in church, his faithfulness in the Bible, his faithfulness to his mother and his father, his commitment to moral purity. Look for those things in him, because thats the North Star that gives you a reasonable assurance of his character. Thats the fountain out of which will grow your affection is the continuity of that character.
Men: Watch that girl. If that girl has a problem with her authority of her parents, if she has a problem with her teachers, why do you think youll put [a wedding ring] on, and shell look to you and say, My head and my sovereign. Do you really think that will happen? Dont you do it! There are some women who can never, ever be married because of that very thing. And whenever you get a man, whenever you get a woman that is resistant to Genesis, chapter 1who God isyou cant have Genesis, chapter 2 marriage. First, Adam sees God; first, Eve sees God; THEN they see each other Amen? (Tommy Nelson, from broadcast: Essentials -Part 1 of 2, September 7, 2006, This FamilyLife Today Transcript can be found by clicking HERE)
When youre ready to pledge to love and serve the person youre marrying as Christ washed the feet of His disciples, then youre ready for marriage. The problem comes into our married lives when we marry out of neediness. We arent to marry out of neediness, but to serve one another and work to bring out the best in each other so that together you serve Christ in a manner that could never happen apart from the manner in which you complete one another in Christ. (Cindy Wright)
People think they have to find their soul-mate to have a good marriage. Youre not going to find your soul-mate. Anyone you meet already has soul-matestheir mother, their father, and their lifelong friends. You get married, and after 20 years of loving, bearing and raising kids, and meeting challengesthen youll have created your soul-mate. (Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com)
When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that youll be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory. (Friedrich Nietzsche)
You know you love each other. But is love enough? You have grown up in distinctly different families. You have your own thoughts and feelings about marriage, children, religion, sex, work and careers, and money management. Each of you has priorities and expectations about the way people should conduct themselves in marriage. But have you openly discussed and evaluated your priorities and expectations? Unexpressed expectations are the seeds of trouble and conflict. One of the first questions we ask couples in our premarital workshops is, What do you think is the most important ingredient to have in a good marriage? (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
If you determine together to marry because you sense the anointing of the Lord upon your relationship (knowing you arent breaking Gods principles like not marrying someone who isnt a Believer), and you persevere with the Lords continual guidance, know that marriage can be very, very good. I want that for you. I want that for everyone who marries. But be cautious. The apostle Paul approached the subject of marriage the same way. He said in 1 Corinthians 7:25, Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. That is my heart also.
I LOVE being married to my husband but I caution everyone who marries to know that it wont be easy to combine your lives together to approach life as a marital team no matter what it looks like now life together will change and reshape itself. You will have to make a lot of sacrifices to make your marriage into a good one. Please pray, prepare, and proceed very reverently and cautiously into marriage. (Cindy Wright)
