Everyone is bound to cheat on their spouse one time or another. Chance
comes to all. Opportunities abound for all to seize. Admittedly,
cheating is sweet (stolen bread is sweet). While some will try to remain
faithful, a lot more will cheat as the physical attraction wanes. Long
term relationships get boring with time. The one-time sweetie will turn
sour and will be a big turn off. They just lose that magic that would
makes the sparks fly and the heart race like a formula one car.
Cheating brings back that energetic spark in ones life. Cheating is
inevitable. To cheat is human not to be caught is divine. Here are a few
rules to help you as you cheat.
0. Never ignore your spouse's call when you are out with your lover,
much more, never switch it off or cut the line when she calls you.
1. Always let your lover know about your marital status. If you hide
your status, your lover might surprise you at a very awkward time.
2. Never promise marriage to your lovers. You can only do so when your
spouse passes on.
3. Avoid falling in love with your lovers (this is hard). If you notice
that you are falling in love get another lover. If you do fall in love
with your lover your spouse will know very fast because it will to show.
4. Be sweet to your spouse when you are cheating. If your spouses
demands something, give it to them without being irritated even if it
means getting them the moon. Check Nakumatt or Duty Free Shop at UNON or
Village Market as they may just be having a promotion for those who want
to get the moon for their spouses .
5. Avoid keeping contact details of your lovers anywhere near home.
Phone numbers in diaries or email addresses on receipts is a no no. If
you have business cards use these instead and keep them at the office.
6. Never switch off your phone or be protective of it when at home. If a
call or an sms comes let your spouse answer the phone for you. You have
to tell your lovers not to call you when you are at home. Try to use the
company phone for those important calls.
7. Never raise your spouses suspicion. If you say you are going to see a
friend that the spouse knows make sure you see the friend first and then
proceed to see your lover then return to your friends house, if it is
the bar return to the bar. If you lie about being in a certain place and
you are not there when a follow up is made then you are screwed.
8. Never let your spouse know all your sources of income. Always
maintain a secret account, A sort of CIA operations Account. You need it
to finance you covert operations.
9. If you are going to be in a public place always go with a wingman (or
merchie) who is not married.
10. The only time you ever admit cheating is when you are caught red
handed. All other allegations "kufwa na no", whether you have cum on
your slacks, lipstick on the collar or a used cartridge in the jacket or
in the car.
11. Always destroy incriminating evidence before going home. This might
include erasing (some) call records, going to the gym to sweat off the
sweet perfume. If you drink always rinse off you privates with a beer
(preferably the smelliest drink you can find) if you going home drunk.
You might just black out in the matrimonial bed smelling of cheap
Condoms from Nakumatt (its unmistakable) . Remember to always have
perfume or deodorant in your car or office make sure it is the same
fragrance as the one you regularly use.
12. Whatever you do never neglect your spouse. if you need to buy your
lover a RAV4 make sure you get your wife a better SUV such as Honda or
anything better than what you get your lover.
13. Never slacken your game in bed (remember a good Whiskey such as
Gleinfidic Single Malt,JD or Gold Label helps). Even if you are from
having a sex festival with your lover, always do a repeat performance at
home. You might need to act a little to pull it off though.
Good luck and, you didn't hear it from me.......... ........ and pleas
