A certain lady went to see a councellor over a marital problem that had persisted for over three years. The woman had already made up her mind that she wanted to divorce the man and she seemed determined to do so at any cost.
"I only thought it courteous to to inform you because besides being our family councellor, you have sacrificed a lot to see us live together happily", she told the councellor.
The councellor was dumbfounded. He could not believe it. But the lady continued, "I swear I have done my best and I can't sacrifice more. I will teach him a lesson. I will make him suffer. He will miss me and know I have made his life. Let's all see what he will do without me. He will regret for the rest of his life". She said, wiping away tears.
The councellor looked at her and knew at once that with her temper that high, the only option was to agree with her and avoid any further confrontation. If his advise was to be useful at all, then it must be on how to do that which she had purposed in her heart to do and not otherwise.
"I get your point and I fully understand and agree with what you want to do at this point. But if you want him to feel it, to suffer the consequences, to regret and to miss you, then I advise you do it in a way that you will get these results", he said as the woman adjusted her position to hear more. Then he went on thus:
"Even if it means faking it, you must fake it. But by all means pretend you love him even at this moment. Do this to him the way you have never done before. Shower him with love and gifts. Tell him how much you love him and then suddenly when all these reaches the climax, divorce him. That way, he will miss you more and live to regret it. You will live a scar in his heart that will never heal. There is no worse punishment".
The lady considered it a great idea and a powerful strategy to bring the man to his knees. She went home a different woman, not ready to quarrel with anyone as she counted the days. She knew after a few weeks, if not months, she will be somewhere else and her brutal husband will be suffering.
After three months, the councellor had not heard from the woman. It was by mere coincidence that they met on the street. "Hey Pal (not real name), are you still Mrs?" he joked. you can guess what the woman answered.
When she changed her behavior, even her husband changed. Her husband reciprocated the love and good treatment in a bigger way. She could not resist loving him more and she could not afford to hurt him. Love filled the home so much so that every time she longed to be near him.
Sometimes we think the problem is with other people when we are actually the problem. We spend immense resources trying to change others when changing ourselves, which is easier, could change everything. The above woman changed her attitude towards her husband and by default ended up changing him and salvaging her marriage.
My experience is that people usually treat you the way they perceive you regard them. If you value and respect them, they will respond in a bigger way. If you treat them ill, they will give you a bigger dose of it (Murori Kiunga, 2008 p.43-45; Any One Can Win: Succeeding Where Others Fail, Queenex Publihers Ltd, Nairobi Kenya).
"I only thought it courteous to to inform you because besides being our family councellor, you have sacrificed a lot to see us live together happily", she told the councellor.
The councellor was dumbfounded. He could not believe it. But the lady continued, "I swear I have done my best and I can't sacrifice more. I will teach him a lesson. I will make him suffer. He will miss me and know I have made his life. Let's all see what he will do without me. He will regret for the rest of his life". She said, wiping away tears.
The councellor looked at her and knew at once that with her temper that high, the only option was to agree with her and avoid any further confrontation. If his advise was to be useful at all, then it must be on how to do that which she had purposed in her heart to do and not otherwise.
"I get your point and I fully understand and agree with what you want to do at this point. But if you want him to feel it, to suffer the consequences, to regret and to miss you, then I advise you do it in a way that you will get these results", he said as the woman adjusted her position to hear more. Then he went on thus:
"Even if it means faking it, you must fake it. But by all means pretend you love him even at this moment. Do this to him the way you have never done before. Shower him with love and gifts. Tell him how much you love him and then suddenly when all these reaches the climax, divorce him. That way, he will miss you more and live to regret it. You will live a scar in his heart that will never heal. There is no worse punishment".
The lady considered it a great idea and a powerful strategy to bring the man to his knees. She went home a different woman, not ready to quarrel with anyone as she counted the days. She knew after a few weeks, if not months, she will be somewhere else and her brutal husband will be suffering.
After three months, the councellor had not heard from the woman. It was by mere coincidence that they met on the street. "Hey Pal (not real name), are you still Mrs?" he joked. you can guess what the woman answered.
When she changed her behavior, even her husband changed. Her husband reciprocated the love and good treatment in a bigger way. She could not resist loving him more and she could not afford to hurt him. Love filled the home so much so that every time she longed to be near him.
Sometimes we think the problem is with other people when we are actually the problem. We spend immense resources trying to change others when changing ourselves, which is easier, could change everything. The above woman changed her attitude towards her husband and by default ended up changing him and salvaging her marriage.
My experience is that people usually treat you the way they perceive you regard them. If you value and respect them, they will respond in a bigger way. If you treat them ill, they will give you a bigger dose of it (Murori Kiunga, 2008 p.43-45; Any One Can Win: Succeeding Where Others Fail, Queenex Publihers Ltd, Nairobi Kenya).
