Roger Sterling
JF-Expert Member
- May 10, 2015
- 13,010
- 23,656
By Leandie Buys
Ive often heard people say that English people are more liberal than Afrikaans people when it comes to sex! And that young people are far more adventurous and open-minded than the older generations.
But when it comes to sex, there are three main factors that affect how you perceive sex, and the quality of your sex life.
1. Your individual perceptions of sex:
Where did you first learn about sex? Did you first learn about sex from your parents, from a book, from friends, or from watching TV? How you discovered this intimate activity will certainly influence your perceptions.
I find that parents often skirt around the issue of sex with their children. It is something that isnt talked about, and there is such an expectation and misperception about what sex is really like, that many people are actually disappointed when they find out that sex is not as glamorous as it is in the movies.
Men get upset if the woman doesnt achieve multiple orgasms first time, and wonder if theyre doing something wrong!
Men get upset if the woman doesnt achieve multiple orgasms first time, and wonder if theyre doing something wrong!
I have also encountered a number of people who struggle with sex, because they have a pre-conceived idea that it is dirty or forbidden. They feel as if they are committing a sin when they have sex.
Your perception of sex is affected by the messages that you received growing up either from your parents, society, culture, and religion.
2.Your perceptions of sex as a couple:
When you and your partner first got together, did you find that you had different ideas about how sex was going to be? And what you expected from each other? This is so important because talking about the expectations of sex in the relationship is something that is not often done in new relationships.
Discussions should include: How often you would like to have sex, what you are comfortable doing in the bedroom, and your religious and cultural background.
In counselling, I have a questionnaire that helps couples identify their sexual repertoire so that they can tell their partner what they are comfortable doing in the bedroom, and what is off limits.
Sex is about your value system what is right and wrong for you. It is important couples to know what turns their partner on, what they like and what they dont like.
3. Male and female perceptions of sex:
When it comes to our differences, sex is a big issue. Men and women differ in the way they perceive sex, the way they define its purpose, and how often they want to have it!
Some men dont understand that women cannot make love and war at the same time. For men, lovemaking is seen as peacemaking, and then they are taken by surprise when they realise that their partner is still angry with them!
For men, no sex means no love. But most women can go without sex for a long time before they begin to feel unloved.
What most couples dont realise at the beginning of relationships, is how different their libidos are.
It is a common misperception that men always have higher libidos than women, and men will always pursue sex more than women. This is not always the case. In my practice, I try to change the perception that men are always the ones who pursue sex. It is really something that individuals pursue at different levels whether they are male or female.
In my practice, I try to change the perception that men are always the ones who pursue sex.
I have seen many women with higher libidos than their partners, and how it affects their self esteem when they are rejected. Women take the disinterest of their partners personally, and think that there is something very wrong with them and the relationship.
It is often more difficult for women to accept that their partner has a lower sex drive. Differences in sex drives can cause a rift in the relationship, but thankfully, there are many different treatment strategies to deal with these differences which can lead to a healthy, happy sex life for most couples.
Ive often heard people say that English people are more liberal than Afrikaans people when it comes to sex! And that young people are far more adventurous and open-minded than the older generations.
But when it comes to sex, there are three main factors that affect how you perceive sex, and the quality of your sex life.
1. Your individual perceptions of sex:
Where did you first learn about sex? Did you first learn about sex from your parents, from a book, from friends, or from watching TV? How you discovered this intimate activity will certainly influence your perceptions.
I find that parents often skirt around the issue of sex with their children. It is something that isnt talked about, and there is such an expectation and misperception about what sex is really like, that many people are actually disappointed when they find out that sex is not as glamorous as it is in the movies.
Men get upset if the woman doesnt achieve multiple orgasms first time, and wonder if theyre doing something wrong!
Men get upset if the woman doesnt achieve multiple orgasms first time, and wonder if theyre doing something wrong!
I have also encountered a number of people who struggle with sex, because they have a pre-conceived idea that it is dirty or forbidden. They feel as if they are committing a sin when they have sex.
Your perception of sex is affected by the messages that you received growing up either from your parents, society, culture, and religion.
2.Your perceptions of sex as a couple:
When you and your partner first got together, did you find that you had different ideas about how sex was going to be? And what you expected from each other? This is so important because talking about the expectations of sex in the relationship is something that is not often done in new relationships.
Discussions should include: How often you would like to have sex, what you are comfortable doing in the bedroom, and your religious and cultural background.
In counselling, I have a questionnaire that helps couples identify their sexual repertoire so that they can tell their partner what they are comfortable doing in the bedroom, and what is off limits.
Sex is about your value system what is right and wrong for you. It is important couples to know what turns their partner on, what they like and what they dont like.
When it comes to our differences, sex is a big issue. Men and women differ in the way they perceive sex, the way they define its purpose, and how often they want to have it!
Some men dont understand that women cannot make love and war at the same time. For men, lovemaking is seen as peacemaking, and then they are taken by surprise when they realise that their partner is still angry with them!
For men, no sex means no love. But most women can go without sex for a long time before they begin to feel unloved.
What most couples dont realise at the beginning of relationships, is how different their libidos are.
It is a common misperception that men always have higher libidos than women, and men will always pursue sex more than women. This is not always the case. In my practice, I try to change the perception that men are always the ones who pursue sex. It is really something that individuals pursue at different levels whether they are male or female.
In my practice, I try to change the perception that men are always the ones who pursue sex.
I have seen many women with higher libidos than their partners, and how it affects their self esteem when they are rejected. Women take the disinterest of their partners personally, and think that there is something very wrong with them and the relationship.
It is often more difficult for women to accept that their partner has a lower sex drive. Differences in sex drives can cause a rift in the relationship, but thankfully, there are many different treatment strategies to deal with these differences which can lead to a healthy, happy sex life for most couples.
