Je, wivu ni tokeo la kumpenda mtu kwa sana?

[SnowBall]

kila mtu ana njia zake za kutafakari mambo.

Mie bench mark yangu yaweza kuwa kiuno, mwingine miguu, mwingine kichwa.

Ukitumia benchmark ya mtu mwingine kutafakari waweza kujipoteza zaidi.

Hii sio roketi sayansi au mjadala wa kitaaluma.

Well said Kongosho wakati mwingine tuache ubishi na kukitazama kila kitu katika mizania ya kiakademia..
Neno wivu ni neno lililopo kwenye jamii zetu na linatumika na pengine tunalitumia sana..
Kwa Eiyer kutaka kila kitu utafuniwe ni kutoeitendea haki akili yako na weledi wako..
Tunaweza kupishana kuchambua mambo lakini lazima tukubali kwamba kupishana ndio mjadala wenyewe..
Nabaki kushangaa mtu anaposema hajui 'maana ya neno wivu'..

 

[SnowBall]

...Mfano wa pili, ni kutojiamini ndio maana unafikia kupekua na kunusa nguo.

Ndio maana nikaleta mjadala mezani kujaribu kuchora mstari unaoeleweka baina ya wivu na kutojiamini katika mapenzi..
Inawezekana na ninakupenda but the way unavyobehave unanijengea mazingira ya kukuhisi..mfano wewe ni mkewangu lakini hutaki kunishirkisha baadhi ya mambo yako na bahati mbaya nakuja kuyasikia kwa watubaki..Je? nikianza kukupekua huu utakuwa WIVU au KUTOJIAMINI.

Nimeshuhudia familia moja hvi mke anajenga nyumba bila kumhusisha mumewe na mume alikuja kushangaa kupewa pongezi za ujenzi wa nyumba..kufuatilia ndio anagundua kuwa mkewe ana hati za nyumba na tayari nyumba imeisha..Je..nitakapoanza kuchunguza handbag yako bado utasema SIJIAMINI???

 

[SnowBall]

Wivu unakuja pale umpendae.anapokuwa haeleweki, mfano hawasiliani na wewe hadi atake (hata ukimpigia siku hapokei na atarudisha usiku wa manane - ukikuuliza eti yuko busy!). Haya yanachangia insecurities upande wa pili na kuhisi kuibiwa na kuzidiwa kete.

Uwazi na mawasiliano ndio dawa ya kutibu wivu uliopitiliza katika mapenzi.

Freema Agyeman nimekusoma vzuri tu..
Suppose umeanza kuwa kuhisi kuwa 'insecured' na ukaanza kumchunguza huyo mtu wako kujua kipi kinamuweka busy kiasi hicho..Je? jamii ikisema haujiamini na una wivu uliopindukia utasemaje?. Manake kama nilvyosema mara nyingi kitendo cha kuwa 'suspicious' tu kwa mwenzako kinatafsrika kama wivu uliopitiliza...Unawezaje kuchora a clear boundary kati ya wivu na kutojiamini???

 

[SnowBall]

"...Binafsi, badala ya kusononeka ,'Snowball ananichukulia mke wangu' nitajiuliza 'kwa nini snowball anichukulie mke wangu? Mimi nina mapungufu gani? Snowball amenizidi nini?

Is this kutojiamini au wivu???

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Ikija kwenye mapenzi...mimi nina wivu, ni inferior, na sijiamini...na sioni ubaya wala aibu kuwa na hizi sifa.

Kwangu mimi the opposite ndio sumu ya mapenzi...kujiamini, superiority, na indifference .

Wivu unafanya nisimchukulie poa nimpendae (take him for granted); najua kuna wengine wanatamani kuwa naye (and it's true), najua ni ngekewa au privilege kuwa naye etc

Na nimejaribu kutafuta opposite ya jealous nikakuta wataalamu wanasema ni undesired, indifferent. SO you can imagine ... chagua uwe na mpenzi jealous au asiye na desire na wewe?

Hivyo mimi mtu akinambia NK una wivu akuuu naona poa tu; kwa sababu kweli ninao.

 

[SnowBall]

..Ikija kwenye mapenzi...mimi nina wivu, ni inferior, na sijiamini...na sioni ubaya wala aibu kuwa na hizi sifa...Na nimejaribu kutafuta opposite ya jealous nikakuta wataalamu wanasema ni undesired, indifferent. SO you can imagine ... chagua uwe na mpenzi jealous au asiye na desire na wewe?Hivyo mimi mtu akinambia NK una wivu akuuu naona poa tu; kwa sababu kweli ninao.

NK nimekusoma sana..
Sasa hapa inakuwaje?..ina maana hata wa upande wa pili wako naye yuko hivyo kama wewe??
I mean hivi wivu unatakiwa uwe two way traffic au??..

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Yeye nadhani ni zaidi...sina uhakika kwani ni ngumu kupima...ila makadirio yangu yeye ni zaidi.

Mfano akinipigia simu afu akasikia sauti huku nilipo...utaona anavyobadilika...anatamani apae na ungo aone niko na nani kumbe wakati mwingine niko naangalia movie...utasikia NK nikipiga simu uwe unazima TV. Hana amani kabisa wakati ukisema ufanye analysis hana sababu kwa kuwa sijawahi kuonyesha kutokuwa mwaminifu kwake.

Ila naelewa kwa kuwa na mimi nina wivu vile vile. Na napenda aendelee kunionea wivu kwani hii inanifanya nijue hanichukulii poa (for granted). Yani kwa kuwa ni mkewe basi siwezi kuvutiwa au kutamaniwa na wanaume wengine...nahisi ananiona bado nalipa. Lol.

NK nimekusoma sana..
Sasa hapa inakuwaje?..ina maana hata wa upande wa pili wako naye yuko hivyo kama wewe??
I mean hivi wivu unatakiwa uwe two way traffic au??..

 

[SnowBall]

...Mfano akinipigia simu afu akasikia sauti huku nilipo...utaona anavyobadilika...anatamani apae na ungo aone niko na nani kumbe wakati mwingine niko naangalia movie...utasikia NK nikipiga simu uwe unazima TV. Hana amani kabisa wakati ukisema ufanye analysis hana sababu kwa kuwa sijawahi kuonyesha kutokuwa mwaminifu kwake.

NK unaamini kuwa kuna Wivu uliopitiliza?..kama huamini vipi huu wa shemeji??
Au kwako wivu ni wivu tu??...Vipi ile dhana ya kusema kumfanyia mtu wivu ni kutomuamini kama ni mwaminifu!!

 

[Mtambuzi]

Kama una wivu ujue huna upendo bali una tamaa ya mwili wa mwenzio!!!!!!

Tendo la ndoa linapopewa uzito mkubwa kwenye uhusiano wivu ni lazima utakuwa mkubwa. Mtu akiacha tendo la ndoa na wivu huondoka. Wapenzi ambao hawapendani na kufikia mahali hakuna anayetaka kusikia kuhusu tendo la ndoa, kamwe hawaoneani wivu. Unafikiri ni kwa nini? Ni kwasababu wivu unatoka kwenye tendo la ndoa na siyo mahali pengine.

Kwa hiyo ukitaka kuacha wivu inabidi ulibadili swala la tendo la ndoa liwe upendo. Kama ukipenda mtu ile kumpenda tu ni dhamana na usalama wa kutosha kuwa hatakwenda kwa mtu mwingine. Kama kweli unampenda mtu utajua kwamba huwezi kwenda kwa mtu mwingine. Lakini kama akienda ujue hakuna upendo na huwezi kufanya lolote ameamua kwenda ni yeye. Hata kama utaamua kumuua bado haina maana kwa sababu maiti haina matumizi yeyote ya maana huwezi kuipenda.

Kama kuna wivu ujue kabisa hakuna upendo bali hapo kuna tamaa ya mwili ambayo imefichwa nyuma ya neno kupenda. Kilichopo kati yenu ni tendo la ndoa tamaa ya mwili lakini siyo upendo. Mtu anayependa analijua jambo hili kwa sababu hana wivu. Hivyo hana shida ya kukagua simu ya mwenzake kuchakura mifuko au mikoba yake au kumtumia watu wamlinde.

Hatukufundishwa kupenda na hivyo wengi hatujui hata kupenda maana yake ni nini. Tumefundishwa kwamba watu wawili wakisema ni wapenzi jambo linalo wafunga ni tendo la ndoa. Ndiyo maana unaweza kusikia "yule mwanamke aliyemuoa alikuwa Malaya sana" nguvu inawekwa kwenye tendo la ndoa siyo mahali pengine. Lakini huyu Malaya anapopenda hawezi tena kuwa Malaya. Kama alikuwa Malaya ni kwa sababu hajawahi kupenda. Watu wanaishi kama hawaishi, wanaishi kwa kuogopana. Kila mmoja anamwogopa mwenzake anaamini kwamba atatoka atamwacha. Unajiuliza ni kwa nini hawa watu wanaishi pamoja kama wanaogopana? Lakini siku zinaenda na maumivu yanaendelea.

Kumbuka kwamba uaminifu upo au haupo. Kama haupo huwezi kuulazimisha kwa kutumia wivu. Wivu ni dhana ya kujaribu kuleta uaminifu lakini haina nguvu hiyo. Kama uaminifu upo basi hapo kuna kupenda. Kama uaminifu haupo huwezi kuuleta wewe. Ni bora kujitenga kwa sababu huamini kwamba unaweza kuishi bila huyo mwenzio, kwa hiyo unajaribu kulazimisha kutafuta uaminifu.

Kama hakuna uaminifu basi hakuna haja ya kufanya uharibifu, Una haja ya kujua tu kwamba huyo mwenzako ambaye unampenda hawezi kupokea upendo. Kumbuka upendo wako unapomwagika kila ukiutoa inachosha. Huna haja ya kuchoka au kuumia….. toka

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Hizo imani wanastahili malaika tu si binadamu kama kiumbe dhaifu. Shaulilo.

NK unaamini kuwa kuna Wivu uliopitiliza?..kama huamini vipi huu wa shemeji??
Au kwako wivu ni wivu tu??...Vipi ile dhana ya kusema kumfanyia mtu wivu ni kutomuamini kama ni mwaminifu!!

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Huo wivu wa shemejiyo mi nauona poa tu kwa kuwa mimi si mtu wa kutaka uhuru wa kupitiliza hivyo masharti yake kwangu nayamudu bila tabu yeyote.

 

[SnowBall]

Well said Mtambuzi
Ila hapo uliposema kwamba mara nyingi kama si zote wivu unatoka kwenye tendo la ndoa na siyo mahali pengine..panajadilika aisee..

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Mtambuzi naona uzi wako unataka extra effort kuuelewa...kwani ukiwa na upendo maanake huwezi kuwa na tamaa ya mwili? Kwani tamaa ya mwili ni nini? Mimi nina feelings zote za mwili na roho. Lol.

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Wivu ungekuwa mbaya Mungu asingekuwa na wivu.

 

[SnowBall]

Mtambuzi naona uzi wako unataka extra effort kuuelewa...kwani ukiwa na upendo maanake huwezi kuwa na tamaa ya mwili? Kwani tamaa ya mwili ni nini? Mimi nina feelings zote za mwili na roho. Lol.

NK hebu tujadili haka ka kipande ka' Mtambuzi manake na mimi kameniacha solemba..
Kama kuna wivu ujue kabisa hakuna upendo bali hapo kuna tamaa ya mwili ambayo imefichwa nyuma ya neno kupenda. Kilichopo kati yenu ni tendo la ndoa tamaa ya mwili lakini siyo upendo. Mtu anayependa analijua jambo hili kwa sababu hana wivu. Hivyo hana shida ya kukagua simu ya mwenzake kuchakura mifuko au mikoba yake au kumtumia watu wamlinde.

 

[Mtambuzi]

Mtambuzi naona uzi wako unataka extra effort kuuelewa...kwani ukiwa na upendo maanake huwezi kuwa na tamaa ya mwili? Kwani tamaa ya mwili ni nini? Mimi nina feelings zote za mwili na roho. Lol.

We nawe, sasa usichoelewa hapo ni kitu gani......?
upendo ni kitu kingine na tamaa ya mwili ni kitu kingine, mtu mwenye upendo kwa mkewe au mumewe ikitokea mwenzake amepata tatizo ambalo limesababisha ashindwe kushiriki tendo la ndoa, ataendelea kumpenda na atamsaidia kwa kadiri ya uwezo wake katika kutafuta suluhu ya tatizo hilo na ikisshindikana ataendelea kuishi naye kwa upendo na amani, lakini mtu asiye na upendo haraka sana atakimbilia kutafuta suluhu nje ya ndoa au pengine kuoa au kuolewa na mtu mwingine ili kukidhi tamaa yake ya ngono..... kilichomuongoza kutoka katika uhusiano huo ni tamaa ya mwili. upendo huwa hauchuji.

Nitakurudisha shule mimi.....LOL

 

[SnowBall]

Wivu ungekuwa mbaya Mungu asingekuwa na wivu.

Wivu wa Mungu ni upi tena jamani??

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Nimepata supporter online...kumbe ni sawa kabisa kumuonea wivu mke au mmeo...na inaitwa holy jealous kwa kuwa he/she is yours.

"If Jealousy Is a Sin, Why Is God a Jealous God?"

If jealousy is a sin, then why does God say He is a jealous God? Great question. Not understanding this distinction was Oprah's point of departure from orthodox Christianity, when she heard that God is a jealous God, and her reaction was, "What? God is jealous of me?" There is a difference between holy jealousy and sinful jealousy. Holy jealousy means that one is appropriately possessive of something that belongs to him or her. For example, I am not willing to share my husband's heart or body with any other woman because he is mine. I'm happy to share his gifts and energies with the body of Christ and the larger world, and I even love to see that happen, but I want his heart and soul to be exclusively mine. That is a kind of holy and entirely appropriate jealousy. Sinful jealousy is the desire to have something that doesn't belong to us; another word is envy. When we want something God has not given to us, such as other people's fame, or material goods, or a job, or favor, or a spouse, that is a sin. Sometimes we see this in a jealous person who wants all the attentions of their loved one to be directed to themselves. I have seen people who fly into a rage when they learn that their spouse or significant other has talked on the phone with anyone, or had any kind of conversation with a third person. Such a jealous person desires to have a level of exclusivity that doesn't belong to them. God exhibits holy jealousy because our love and adoration rightfully belong to Him; He is jealous with a holy jealousy when we love and worship false gods in idolatry. His kind of jealousy is not sinful because we belong to Him and He created our hearts to belong to Him as well. For a fuller description of these ideas, check out these articles at GotQuestions.org and Bible.org:

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Hivi Mtambuzi unataka kunambia watu kama yule dada msanii ambae mume wake ni mgonjwa mpaka akapelekwa India...basi hawana wivu ndio maana wamekuwa wavumilivu? Give me a break.

Sioni relationship ya watu wenye wivu na kuwa na possibility ya kuwa dump wapenzi wao pindi wakiwa wagonjwa.

We nawe, sasa usichoelewa hapo ni kitu gani......?
upendo ni kitu kingine na tamaa ya mwili ni kitu kingine, mtu mwenye upendo kwa mkewe au mumewe ikitokea mwenzake amepata tatizo ambalo limesababisha ashindwe kushiriki tendo la ndoa, ataendelea kumpenda na atamsaidia kwa kadiri ya uwezo wake katika kutafuta suluhu ya tatizo hilo na ikisshindikana ataendelea kuishi naye kwa upendo na amani, lakini mtu asiye na upendo haraka sana atakimbilia kutafuta suluhu nje ya ndoa au pengine kuoa au kuolewa na mtu mwingine ili kukidhi tamaa yake ya ngono..... kilichomuongoza kutoka katika uhusiano huo ni tamaa ya mwili. upendo huwa hauchuji.

Nitakurudisha shule mimi.....LOL

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Haya hawa wamepambanua levels za wivu ingawa wameanza na kusema kila mtu (hata Mtambuzi) wivu anao. Lol

Women's magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn't find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren't privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are... there's plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side.

AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence -- without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend's magazine rack. We'll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that's invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some intelligence of our own... all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.
[h=2]it ain't easy being green[/h]Are you too jealous? It's normal to feel jealous in some situations -- but what if it's all of them? When does it cross the line? I'll explain when jealousy is appropriate, when jealousy is inappropriate and when it's just plain extreme. Plus, check out my foolproof 10-step plan for taming the green-eyed monster in all of us.
[h=3]Where it comes from[/h]Trust: It's quite possibly the most essential ingredient in a good relationship. You can have matching libidos. You can have the same goals, dreams and desires. You can both enjoy wearing space suits during sex! However, without trust, it all means nothing. For some people, trust comes easily. They work on the assumption that someone will be faithful until they're proven wrong. If this is you, count yourself as one of the lucky ones. Sure, you might get a nasty surprise now and again, but at least you're giving relationships the best chance they've got to succeed. Giving someone your trust means putting your heart in their hands for safe keeping. It's a precious present and it takes guts to do it.

Then there are the rest of us: the battle-scarred. If you've been hurt before, or if you grew up with parents who cheated, trusting your partner can seem as foolish as standing in the middle of a four-lane highway and expecting not to get hit by a car. Others hover somewhere in the middle. How do you determine what's a "healthy" level of jealousy and what's getting way out of control?
[h=3]The good[/h]Everyone gets jealous occasionally. If you love your partner and you feel someone is threatening to take them from you by flirting, it's normal to feel a possessive pang of jealousy... one that's usually sorted out in a second with a bit of reassurance. Other times it's just that you've chosen the wrong person. Match a "normal" person up with someone who presses all the wrong buttons and just watch all that "normalcy" go right out the window as he or she becomes outrageously, irrationally jealous. Sometimes jealousy is warranted. If your partner has a history of playing around or if he's done something to justify your mistrust -- cheated on you or has a history of cheating -- you're wise to keep your eyes open.
[h=3]The bad[/h]The difference between normal jealousy and abnormal jealousy is this: Truly jealous people experience it with practically every person they date. They could date Mother Theresa and still be convinced she was squeezing in a bit of hanky-panky on her way home from the orphanage. In fact, most jealous people know they have a problem. Once they've calmed down, most also know they've been illogical. The trouble is, when you're in the middle of a jealous rage, you lose all sense of perspective. Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion. You can't control it because it's being fed by one continuous thought: Is my partner being unfaithful to me?

Jealous people look at the world through distorted lenses. They see danger where there really isn't any. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem. If you're happy with yourself, you're much more likely to think: Why would my partner want anyone else when they've got me? A healthy ego is great protection against jealousy.
[h=3]The ugly[/h]Extreme jealousy is an ugly emotion. A doctor friend of mine tells the story of a woman in her 30s with terminal cancer who had to spend a lot of time in bed. She bought some pretty pajamas so she could look good for her husband, but instead of complimenting her, he flew into a jealous rage and accused her of trying to look attractive for the hospital staff. A psychiatrist told me about a patient who wired up his entire house with microphones so he could tape the supposed sex sessions his wife had while he was at work. They weren't rich and he spent their life savings doing it. All he recorded was her doing the dishes and gossiping on the phone to girlfriends. (So much for that vacation they'd been saving up for.) There's another quite bizarre case of a man who was so jealous, he was convinced his wife was being unfaithful during the few minutes he left the bed during the night to use the bathroom

Read more: Jealousy: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly - AskMen​