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Je? Wivu ni tokeo la kumpenda mtu kwa sana??

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by SnowBall, Aug 29, 2012.

  1. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Aug 29, 2012
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    Ni kawaida kwenye MAPENZI/MAHUSIANO watu kuwa na wivu..na ukifuatilia kwa karibu utaona kuwa watu wengi wanakuwa na wivu na wapenzi/wanandoa wenzao kwa sababu wanadai ni sehemu ya mapenzi yenyewe. Tukatae tukubali wakati mwingine wivu unaendana na kuchunguzana na huwezi kumpangia mwenzio akuchunguze vipi..sana sana itetegemea na 'angle' atakayoangukia.

    Lakini wakati wengine wanasema wivu ni 'sunna' wengine pia husema kuna wivu na wivu..i mean kuna wivu wenye mantiki na WIVU WA KIJINGA..wanaotetea wivu wa mantiki wanasema 'ni sahihi kumuonyesha wivu mwenzio ili akuone kama unamjali'..na halikadhalika kuna wanaosema binadamu hachungwi..na kumuonyesha wivu mwenzio ni UJINGA na kutomuamini katika kila afanyalo..Kiukweli inawezekana hakuna 'rule of thumb' ya namna wivu unavyotakiwa uwe.

    But pamoja na hayo..wivu upo na ndoa/mahusiano yanavunjika kila siku kwa sababu ya wivu..Sasa nilichokuwa naomba kushea na ninyi wadau ni hiki..Je? Wivu ni tokeo la kumpenda mtu kwa sana au ukimpenda mtu sana unamuamini na wivu unapungua kwa hiyo wivu huja baada ya mapenzi kukupungukia?..au kuna sababu nyinginezo?..twende pamoja basi!!!!
     
  2. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #2
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    Kwanza,hebu tuachane na mazoea,hebu niambie wivu ni nini au ni kitu gani hasa,halafu ndo tujue tunajadili jambo tunalolijua ama la.Haya mazoea ya kusema wivu bila kujua ni nini,ni bora tuyaache!
     
  3. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Eiyer kwa hapa sina kamusi..lakini ukigoogle wivu ni sawa na kusema 'jealous' au 'envy'
    na Jealous ni 'feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry,success,or advantages..'
    Envy ni 'feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages,success,possessions'..
    Inawezekana kwenye muktadha wa mapenzi ikawa na connotation ambayo iko deep zaidi but tunaweza kuanzia hapa...
     
  4. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #4
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    wivu upo tu, hauna fomula kusema ikiwa hivi itakuwa hivi.

    Mtu yeyote ukimpenda unatamani awe wako peke yako. Yaani hata maji anayoyaoga unayaonea wivu yanavyomgusa na kutiririka mwilini mwake.

    Sasa ukiona kitu chochote unachohisi kitasababisha kuguswa na binadamu mwingine, lazima nywele zisimame.

    Pamoja na wivu kuja bila kubisha hodi, haiondoi uwezo wa mtu kufikiri. Je kweli mtu huyu anaweza fanya hiki?? Ndio kinafanya kuna saa mtu anaona wivu ila hasemi maana kwa kutumia 'reasoning' yake anaona kabisa mwenza wake hawezi fanya hicho anachofikiri.

    Ukimpenda mtu sana na wivu unakuwa hivyo.

    Lakini kuna wivu na kutojiamini katika mapenzi, kama hujui waweza changanya hivi vitu. Hili la mwisho huwa yaweza kuwa sababu ya kutendwa sana, unakuta mtu alishakatia tamaa uaminifu, kwa hiyo ukiingia kwenye mahusiano na mtu wa aina hii jiandae kabisa.
     
  5. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    Sitaki kuanzia hapo,andika kiswahili kwa faida ya wengi!!
     
  6. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    Kongosho hapo kwenye bold ndio panasumbua sana kwa kweli..
    Nimesema hiv kwa sababu kama ulivyosema ukimpenda mtu sana utamuonea wivu ina maana hutataka mtu mwingine ampate..nadhani ndicho unachomaanisha. Lakini hii ina tofauti gani na kusema ukimpenda sana mtu unakuwa haujiamini kama ni wa kwako peke yako. Binafsi nadhani haya maneno yanaweza kuwa yanamaanisha kitu kilekile..Hebu jaribu kufunguka zaidi tuone tofauti ya kutojiamini na wivu...
     
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  7. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #7
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    Eiyer mbona neno wivu linajulikana sana katika maisha ya mapenzi mkuu?
    Najua kuna mambo ambayo hayaitaji sana kuyatafsiri kwa muktadha wa kikamusi kwa sababu tunayatumia sana in our daily life..Hebu lete uzoefu wako basi!!
     
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  8. Bujibuji

    Bujibuji JF-Expert Member

    #8
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    wivu ni udhaifu tu, hauna uhusiano wowote na upendo
     
  9. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #9
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    SnowBall,sihitaji tafsiri ya kikamusi,niambie unavyojua wewe haya mambo ya kufanya kimazoea hayapendezi.Kwenye tafsiri unayojua ndo tutaanzia hapo!
     
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  10. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #10
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    Bujibuji kama utasoma post ya Kongosho amesema wivu unakuja pale ambapo unampenda mtu sana na unatamani awe wako daima. Sasa kama wivu ni udhaifu then udhaifu huu unakuja kwa sababu gani?
    1.Unakuwa unadhani huwezi kumtosheleza?
    2.Unakuwa unadhani yeye yuko juu kuliko wewe so unajiwekea 'defensive mechanism'???
     
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  11. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    Eiyer sina tafsiri kamili ya neno wivu but ninachoweza kusema ni vitendo vinavyoonyesha wivu..
    Kwangu mimi wivu kwenye mapenzi unaangukia kwenye vitendo ambvyo mwanandani mmojawapo anavifanya ili kulinda penzi lake kwa mwanandani mwenziwe. Mfano wa vitendo hivi ni kama kupekua simu ya mwenziye, kudhibiti mitoko ya mwenzio, kuwa anxious na chochote afanyacho mwenzio nakadhalika..nadhani umenipata...
     
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  12. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #12
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    kutojiamini na wivu ni tofauti japo dalili zake zaweza shabihiana.

    Nitakupa mfano.

    Una mpenzi wako au mkeo, mnaishi Sinza, anafanya kazi posta kampuni X mara unapita Sea Cliff, unamkuta anaingia hotelini na mzungu mida ya jioni. Hakuwa amekueleza awali lolote kuhusu hii kitu. Utamuuliza??

    Au una mkeo/ mpenzi wako, anarudi nyumbani saa 5 usiku kutoka ofisini, kaingia bafuni, wewe huku nyuma unaanza pekua pochi yake na kunusa nguo zake hasa za inside. Hii tuiteje??
     
  13. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Lol..umenifanya nicheke aisee kwa hii mifano..
    Kwenye mfano wa kwanza ambao unamuona mpenzi wako katika mazingira ambayo hayana maelezo maalumu lazima 'roho ikuume' na hii no obvious..Sasa sijui huu ndio wivu au kutojiamni?..Manake nadhani ile tu kwa 'suspicious' tayari ni wivu..naweza kurekebishwa

    Kwenye mfano wa pili ambao mwanaume anapekua pochi la mkewe 'nadhani nao ni wivu'..manake kinachopelekea upekuzi ni kilekile..'suspiciousness'..sina hakika sana unaweza kueleza zaidi

    Lakini ngoja na mimi nikuulize Kongosho suppose mko kwenye daladala na mara umemuona mkeo 'anashikwa makalio' na konda hivi ukimchenjia konda watasema wewe una wivu au hujiamini???
     
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  14. Straddler

    Straddler JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Aug 29, 2012
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    Sababu ku zinazomfanya mtu kuwa na wivu.

    1. Kutokujiamini (inferiority complex) - hii ndio inachangia 90% kwa mtu mwenye wivu wa kupindukia.
    2. Ulimbukeni (Hasa kwa wale wenzetu ambao suala la kupata mwenza kwake ni mtihani).
    3. Jongoo kushindwa kupanda mtungi (hii nimeshuhudia kwa macho yangu. Mke keshasambaza taarifa mtaani, huku jamaa ameamua kupiga kambi mlangoni. Akitaka kwenda mbali na nyumba, mke anafungiwa ndani kwa kufuli la solex).
     
  15. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

    #15
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    Naweza kukubaliana na wewe kwa hizi sababu..But let us discuss hii ya 'inferiority complex' ambayo wewe umeipa 90%..
    Hivi ni nini kinasababisha hiyo kitu..does this come automatically??..na unaposema wivu wa kupindukia una maanisha nini?
    Ina maana kuna wivu wa kawaida na huo wa kupindukia??..au unapokuwa na wivu na mwanamke ni kwamba amekukamata sana moyoni au ni kwamba humuamini????
     
  16. Straddler

    Straddler JF-Expert Member

    #16
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    "Automatically"... yes..... lakini siyo hali ya kudumu (permanent), kutegemea na akili ya mtu inavyofanya kazi.
    Binafsi, badala ya kusononeka ,'Snowball ananichukulia mke wangu' nitajiuliza 'kwa nini snowball anichukulie mke wangu? Mimi nina mapungufu gani? Snowball amenizidi nini?
     
  17. Freema Agyeman

    Freema Agyeman JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    Wivu unakuja pale umpendae.anapokuwa haeleweki, mfano hawasiliani na wewe hadi atake (hata ukimpigia siku hapokei na atarudisha usiku wa manane - ukikuuliza eti yuko busy!). Haya yanachangia insecurities upande wa pili na kuhisi kuibiwa na kuzidiwa kete.

    Uwazi na mawasiliano ndio dawa ya kutibu wivu uliopitiliza katika mapenzi.
     
  18. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Mnaweza kubishana,lakini mngesema wivu ni nini mngeweza kusaidiana.Hebu bro Kiranga utusaidie tafsiri hii!
     
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  19. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Aug 29, 2012
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    snowball, konda kumshika mke wangu nitasema kutegemeana na jinsi mke wangu atakavyolipokea au mazingira ya kushikwa.

    Kama kamshika bahati mbaya, nitapotezea.

    Kama kamshika makusudi na mke akamchekea chekea, ntapotezea ila tukifika home atanieleza.

    Kama kamshika makusudi na mke akaonesha hajafurahishwa, ni wajibu wangu mie mme kumlinda mke wangu, lazima nitaonyesha moyo wa hasira hata kama sina nguvu, ila kama nina nguvu ataipata.

    Kuhusu mifano, nlotoa awali, ule wa kwanza ni wivu wa kawaida kabisa kumkuta mkeo katika mazingira yale, na kuuliza ni haki yako.

    Mfano wa pili, ni kutojiamini ndio maana unafikia kupekua na kunusa nguo.
     
  20. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Aug 29, 2012
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    kila mtu ana njia zake za kutafakari mambo.

    Mie bench mark yangu yaweza kuwa kiuno, mwingine miguu, mwingine kichwa.

    Ukitumia benchmark ya mtu mwingine kutafakari waweza kujipoteza zaidi.

    Hii sio roketi sayansi au mjadala wa kitaaluma.

     
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