Kimbweka
JF-Expert Member
- Jul 16, 2009
- 8,597
- 1,683
Wadau je hii inatufaa, katika pitapita zangu nimekuta na hizi tips on how to communicate with you kids about sex! Tujadili
When your child asks where babies come from, do you break a sweat and blame it on the stork? Talking about 'sex' may be the most important talk you will ever have with your child! Ofcourse, there are a lot of theories floating around about the 'big talk'. The new age gurus believe that the "big talk" about sex should come early. Kids may giggle or say they know it all, but it pays to be specific. But all parents need help with this subject! We tend to avoid it and delay it and feel embarrassed and hesitant about it.
Psychologist Sheetal Agarwal recommends :
- It's best to start talking with children about sexuality in early childhood -- but it's never too late.
- Try to be open and available when a child wants to talk.
- Start conversations with "teachable moments".
- Don't let fear get in the way of talking with your children.
What is sex?
"Most pre-schoolers don't ask this question unless something they've seen or heard -- usually from an older child or from TV -- introduces the idea. Tell him, "Sex is a kind of cuddling moms and dads do to show how much they love each other." If your child wants more detail, you can say, "Sex is a way grown-ups who love each other very much can be as close as possible, to cuddle and kiss in a special way. Sometimes a man and a woman can start a baby when they have sex."
Explore your own attitudes
Studies show that kids who feel they can talk with their parents about sex -- because their moms and dads speak openly and listen carefully to them -- are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than kids who do not feel they can talk with their parents about the subject. So explore your feelings about sex. If you can't overcome your discomfort, don't worry about admitting it to your kids. It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk about anything -- including sex -- so please come to me if you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find out."
Start Early
Teaching your children about sex demands a gentle, continuous flow of information that should begin as early as possible. As your child grows, you can continue her education by adding more materials gradually until she understands the subject well.
How Do I Start a Conversation About Sex and Sexuality?
Some Conversation Starters
Sometimes asking your child a question is a great way to open up a conversation. Here are a few questions you might ask:
YOUNG CHILDREN
Do you know the names of all your body parts?
Do you know why girls look different than boys?
Your aunt is pregnant. Do you know what that means?
PRETEENS
At what age do you think a person should start dating? Have any of your friends started dating?
Do you think girls and boys are treated differently? (If yes ...) How?
TEENS
How have you changed in the last two years?
What do you like and what do you not like about the changes?
At what age do you think a person is ready to have sex? How should a person decide?
At what age do you think a person is ready to be a parent?
Keep it simple. At this age, the best answers are short and uncomplicated. You're wondering where you came from? You were made in Mommy's tummy, and that's where you grew until you were ready to be born. While you don't want to sound like a doctor, you should use the correct names for body parts ("pen*s" and "va**na," not "wee-wee" or "pee-pee"). It will lessen any sense that sexual topics are off-limits and embarrassing.
What should I tell my child and ...when?
Children have different concerns about sex at different ages. They also have different abilities to understand concepts -- and different attention spans. If your five-year-old asks, "Where does a baby come out from?" you might answer, "A mother's body." If your 10-year-old asked the same question, your answer would have more detail, and might begin, "After nine months of growing inside a woman's uterus ..."
Communicate your values
When deciding how much detail to give, parents can rely on what they already know about their child's level of understanding. One thing is for certain -- if a child is old enough and knowledgeable enough to ask a question, the child is old enough to get a truthful answer.
As a mother, I've always believed in telling my children what I believe in and why. Sharing my values with them has helped me bridge the gap. And studies show that when parents share positive feelings about birth control, adolescents are more likely to use birth control if they have sex. When parents have negative views of teen pregnancy, teenagers are less likely to give birth.
And a word of advice... Relax
Don't worry about knowing all the answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. If you can convey the message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your home, you'll be doing just fine.
When your child asks where babies come from, do you break a sweat and blame it on the stork? Talking about 'sex' may be the most important talk you will ever have with your child! Ofcourse, there are a lot of theories floating around about the 'big talk'. The new age gurus believe that the "big talk" about sex should come early. Kids may giggle or say they know it all, but it pays to be specific. But all parents need help with this subject! We tend to avoid it and delay it and feel embarrassed and hesitant about it.
Psychologist Sheetal Agarwal recommends :
- It's best to start talking with children about sexuality in early childhood -- but it's never too late.
- Try to be open and available when a child wants to talk.
- Start conversations with "teachable moments".
- Don't let fear get in the way of talking with your children.
What is sex?
"Most pre-schoolers don't ask this question unless something they've seen or heard -- usually from an older child or from TV -- introduces the idea. Tell him, "Sex is a kind of cuddling moms and dads do to show how much they love each other." If your child wants more detail, you can say, "Sex is a way grown-ups who love each other very much can be as close as possible, to cuddle and kiss in a special way. Sometimes a man and a woman can start a baby when they have sex."
Explore your own attitudes
Studies show that kids who feel they can talk with their parents about sex -- because their moms and dads speak openly and listen carefully to them -- are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than kids who do not feel they can talk with their parents about the subject. So explore your feelings about sex. If you can't overcome your discomfort, don't worry about admitting it to your kids. It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk about anything -- including sex -- so please come to me if you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find out."
Start Early
Teaching your children about sex demands a gentle, continuous flow of information that should begin as early as possible. As your child grows, you can continue her education by adding more materials gradually until she understands the subject well.
How Do I Start a Conversation About Sex and Sexuality?
Some Conversation Starters
Sometimes asking your child a question is a great way to open up a conversation. Here are a few questions you might ask:
YOUNG CHILDREN
Do you know the names of all your body parts?
Do you know why girls look different than boys?
Your aunt is pregnant. Do you know what that means?
PRETEENS
At what age do you think a person should start dating? Have any of your friends started dating?
Do you think girls and boys are treated differently? (If yes ...) How?
TEENS
How have you changed in the last two years?
What do you like and what do you not like about the changes?
At what age do you think a person is ready to have sex? How should a person decide?
At what age do you think a person is ready to be a parent?
Keep it simple. At this age, the best answers are short and uncomplicated. You're wondering where you came from? You were made in Mommy's tummy, and that's where you grew until you were ready to be born. While you don't want to sound like a doctor, you should use the correct names for body parts ("pen*s" and "va**na," not "wee-wee" or "pee-pee"). It will lessen any sense that sexual topics are off-limits and embarrassing.
What should I tell my child and ...when?
Children have different concerns about sex at different ages. They also have different abilities to understand concepts -- and different attention spans. If your five-year-old asks, "Where does a baby come out from?" you might answer, "A mother's body." If your 10-year-old asked the same question, your answer would have more detail, and might begin, "After nine months of growing inside a woman's uterus ..."
Communicate your values
When deciding how much detail to give, parents can rely on what they already know about their child's level of understanding. One thing is for certain -- if a child is old enough and knowledgeable enough to ask a question, the child is old enough to get a truthful answer.
As a mother, I've always believed in telling my children what I believe in and why. Sharing my values with them has helped me bridge the gap. And studies show that when parents share positive feelings about birth control, adolescents are more likely to use birth control if they have sex. When parents have negative views of teen pregnancy, teenagers are less likely to give birth.
And a word of advice... Relax
Don't worry about knowing all the answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. If you can convey the message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your home, you'll be doing just fine.
