Endangered
JF-Expert Member
- Sep 22, 2011
- 922
- 231
Dear Staff, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown
of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
40 years age and over on early retirement. This scheme will be known as
RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to
Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
scheme (Scheme Covering Retired EarlyWorkers). A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems
appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can also get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will
not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons staying
on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives
employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give
you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely, The Management
of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
40 years age and over on early retirement. This scheme will be known as
RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to
Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
scheme (Scheme Covering Retired EarlyWorkers). A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems
appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can also get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will
not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons staying
on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives
employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give
you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely, The Management