Nina kinyongo muda mrefu sana moyoni, natamani kukitoa lakini sijui nifanyeje

miss pablo

miss pablo

JF-Expert Member
Jul 9, 2018
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Habarini wanajamvi,

Ni imani yangu nyote humu mu wazima wa Afya.

Kama ambavyo title inasema hapo juu. Maybe some of you might connect dots, please kindly do not reveal my ID.

Enzi hizo nilisoma primary shule moja ya masista, boarding. Sisi ndiyo tulikua 1st grade seven graduates.

Hakika ni shule nzuri na bora kwa malezi na watoto.

Basi alikuwepo sista mmoja anaitwa sista Mary. Huyu alikua sista mchapakazi sana. Alikua giant pia na mwenye afya nzuri kabisa. At first alikua headmistress ila later alishushwa kutokana na level ya elimu yake na mambo ya kiutawala.

Na pia alikuwepo sista Shayo, huyu ni mzee alikuwa. Ila alikua ndo Director wa shirika sometimes na akaja kuwa headmistress.

Unfortunately Sister Mary alitokea tu kutonipenda for no good reason. Maybe huwa wanasema damu hazijaendana sometimes yaani she hated me na ukoo wangu wote. Sijui shida ni nini aisee.

Whatever good I would have done angeni-crash. On the other side, Sista Shayo alikua ananipenda kweli. Nakumbuka pocket money alikua akiziweka kwenye ndoo na hela zingine.

Yaan mfano ndoo hii ni elfu 10 tupu noti, noti za elfu 5 yake etc. Alikua akinipa kazi ya kufanya usafi room kwake. Yaani hata sarafu ya shilingi 50 siigusi.

Sometimes walikua wanatutega hata ofisi zao wanadondosha hela. Mimi naiokota namwekea vizuri tu nakuja mwambia nilikuta shilingi 100 hiyo hapo chini. So I built my trust that way.

Niseme tu kule tulilelewa maisha fulani ambayo huwezi sema mtoto wangu hawezi fanya shughuli mbalimbali za nyumbani. Si kwa boys wala girls.

Na nilikua napenda kweli kazi. So kwenye uvivu sikuwepo kabisa.

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Watawa wengine sikua na changamoto nao kabisa. We were very fine. Kulikuwepo na incidents kadhaa. Hizi hazikunisumbua sana.

1st INCIDENT
Nakumbuka academically nilikua vizuri with confidence. I was performing. Nakumbuka grade seven yoote niliongozea darasa term zote 3. Ile term ya kwanza niliongoza. Basi kuna siku secretary akawa anatype mitihani. Tukawa tunataniana. Alikua mkubwa kiasi. Nakumbuka sista alikua akipondea sana rasta. Alikua akiclaim ni za marehemu Ulaya

So hiyo siku secretary akajichanganya, alikua amesuka rasta. Nikamwambia unaringa nini na nywele za marehemu Ulaya. Aisee, kilimuuma mnoo secretary. Alishindwa hata kufanya kazi. Akashtaki kwa sista shayo. Sista akiangalia yeye ndo anatufundishaga hivyo

Kesi ikapita. Later there was this other girl sasa yeye ndo alikuwa favourite wa sista Mary. Sijui how it happened. This girl, lets name her Viola. She was kinda snitch. I liked this girl coz alikua anajua hesabu kuzidi mimi despite the fact that sikua nataka anifundishe wala. Visiting day huwa yeye ndo the most-visited girl coz kwao Moshi mjini. Sisi wazazi wetu wa Dar was never easy.

Na mimi ndiyo kabisaa. Mimi mzazi anipe tu hela hata akae mwaka mzima asije shule am cool. Viola alikuwa akiletewa sana zawadi. Alikua mchoyo huyooo balaa. Basi akitoka tunamuibiaaaa.

Too bad siku za wednesday na saturday ilikua siku ya kuungama. There was this girl alikua akiharibu. Yaan atamfata viola na atamwambia "kabla niende kuungama niseme tuu ukweli mimi nimekuibiwa vitu vyako lakini siyo peke angu na wengine wote wa ile room dah... basi woote inabidi tutubu tu.

So this girl akaendaga kwa sista Mary, she told her huwa nafaulu coz naibaga mitihani. Secretary ananipaga paper wakati hata hazikua zinaiva. You know what happened? Tuzo zikawa zinatolewa, you can imagine akapewa mtu wa pili na wa tatu. Nikanyimwa on that parade. Sista Mary alilishikia kidedea. Nikakosa zawadi. Imagine how I felt.

You know what happened next? The 2nd and 3rd term nikawa namba 1. And the worst thing ever in grade 7 NECTA nikaburuza mbaya nikawa wa kwanza kiwilaya.

Na nilipangiwa shule ya mkoa mwingine kabisa.

Sista Mary insisted navyomaliza grade 7 nisiende Dar. Nikienda nitapata mimba so I should go and stay kwa mama ambaye is a friend of my mom. I will tell about this in the next tukio.

Inaendela...

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2nd INCIDENT
Kama kuna incident ilinitorture basi ni hii. Never ever forgetting this. I was a leader shuleni. Nilikua nakubalika na wahuni wale, wale saints and everyone. Its simply because nilikua nacheka na kila mtu. Socializing. Most of times girls walijitenga na boys. Mimi walaaa. I sit anywhere I want. Mind yangu haikuwepo huko. I am the only girl in my family. So it was just cool for me.

Nakumbuka tukiwa grade 6 pale kituo cha masista Dar ambapo ndipo huwa tunapanda Dar Express kwa ajili ya kurudi shule, niliitwa na mama yangu.

Akanitambulisha kwa mama mwingine ambaye ni rafiki yake na mtoto wa huyo mama. Basi nikaombwa niwe dada wa shule. Nimsaidie kumuelekeza. That kid was a boy. Alikua bonge nyanya. Basi muda ukafika tukaingia kwenye basi, nikaambiwa nisalishe sala ya safari, nifanya hivyo kisha Dar Express hizoo zikaongozana kurudi shule. Tukafika zetu maisha yakaendelea.

Basi this boy tumwite James. Tukawa tukikutana kwa verandah I smile to him and he smiles back to me. Sometimes ataimba nimuelekeze kitu and I do so akiwa kama mdogo wangu. He was in grade 5. Since he was not performing at clas akashushwa to grade 3. Basi tukikutana akiwa na wengine tutachekeana. U smile with good faith. Ila hatukua close wala.

Nilikua na wadogo wengine ambao ni kama ndugu na masela. Of course with friends too. Sasa kuna siku tuko around madarasani nasikia watu wananutania sielewi 2. Najua masikhara tu.

Kuna one guy akanichana japo nikajua mzaha kwamba nina mahusiano na Jimmy na nilienda hadi kwao kwa mguu. Mara tukaendesha baiskeli and of course we had sex. Nikashangaa sana. Maana hata kwao sipajui ni wapi. Jamaa akanambia huwa hata mkikutana mnatabasamiana yaani kumbe ile niki-smile anawaambia yule GF wangu yule, si mnaona ananitabasamia?

Basi akawachit balaa. Sijuu puppet gani wa sista Mary kama kawaida akafikisha. Sista Shayo kama haamini hivi. Ila sista Mary amekaza balaa. Nikaitwa.

Nikasomewa mashtaka. Na mzazi wangu akasumbuliwa akatoka Dar to Kilimanjaro kwa ajili ya huu upuuzi. Mzazi ndiyo akamwambia Sista: Kuhusu mahusiano sijui, ila kwangu ni Mabibo, huyu mtoto wa rafiki yangu kwao Kibaha, huyu wangu wala hapajui kwa kijana. Amewezaje kutembea? Furthermore hata baiskeli sijui kuendesha? Sista Mary akakazania tu nimefanya haina ubishi. Mzazi akasema basi siwezi kurudi na mtoto. Sikumbuki adhabu nilopewa ila zilikua nyingi.

Nilichukia sana. Niliumia sana. Nilisononeka sana mara Sista Mary anipige makofi for no good reason. Yaani sijawahi elewa kabisa why she always found fault in me. Nilioata adhabu for almost a month. Sikua na mtetezi. Nilijisikia dunia yote kunitenga huku wengine wakining'ong'a. Life went on.

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Nakumbuka kuna kipindi Sista Mary alikua anatuwekea pocket money. Naweza mpa elfu 50 tunapofika tu hivi. Nikachukua elfu 10 mara 2 utasikia hela yako imeisha ama nimekata hela ya kupaka rangi ukuta mmechafua

They couldn't expell me coz I was a good performer. Ila Sista Mary would keep looking for any reason.

I remember once my parent alipata shida that almost took her life huku shule hatujui. Ada ikachelewa kidogo. Sista Mary wanted me and my little brother out of school. Sista Shayo was by my side.

Sister Mary loved most those kids whose parents were very well economically. Kwa mtu kama mimi nilikua najielewa tayari so it's not easy kujipendekeza, so she hated me even more.

Nikawa nasingiziwaga sana na mahusiano hata sielewi. I had one crush that classmate called J. Ila nilikua naogopa. He had a crush on me too. Ila sasa tungedate tungekuja kuandikwa kwenye list ya watu wanaofanya matabia

Shule za masista poohhh. I remember tulipokua grade 7 tulipelekwa Kristu Mfalme kupata kipaimara. Sista Shayo alikaa mbele. I with my classmates tulikaa nyuma zile Cruiser 'mkonge'. J was sitting next to me I could feel him. Alikua akinipapasa kwa paja langu. Nasema wewe Viola akiona tumekwishaa. I loved it yeah, but zero response.

Baada ya kusingiziwa we nikiwa grade 7 tukaanza mahusiano hewa na a boy wa class ya chini yangu. Fun enough kwao ni Moshi kwetu DSM, so hapakua na effect. Ilikua kama kukomoa. Tunaandikiana vitext na kudrop makusudi waokote. That boy was tall na kidevu kama cha Yesu never even kissed him. We only hugged on study tours kwenye basi. Ana kijoto balaa.

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So niligraduate grade 7 mwaka 2004. Since ever sikuwahi wasiliana na Sista Shayo. Sista Mary nimekutana naye mara kama 3 hivi. Alihamishiwa shule ingine ya shirika huku Dar. Nikiwa chuo mwaka wa kwanza naingia U. E. 2011 nikapata taarifa kwa wenzangu kwamba Sista Mary amefariki. Yaani sikushtuka hata. Siku-blink hata jicho. Niliiogopa sana ile hali. Wenzangu wanahaha wataagia Luguruni Park pale kwa masista kwenda kuzika convent. Sikushtuka hataa wala kuhangaika. Moyo kama ulipata ganzi hivi. Wakaenda aga na wengine kuzika kabisa. Wala sikuwahi kuwazia kabisa msiba ule as if sitakufa pia.

Siku ya siku hatimaye ikafika nikawa nime-graduate chuo. Nikapata namba ya Sista Shayo. Nilitoka Dar na album yangu ya graduu. Just to go amd meet this woman. Nikaenda Christmas kijijini. It was amazing. Then sasa nikafunga safari to Arusha ambako alihamishiwa akiwa ameenda kuwa kama mhandisi kule. Yaani mbibi lakini balaa lake acha kabisa.

Nikanunua zangu vikoi viwili maana masista utawanunulia nini sasa? Nikafika nikapokelewa. Nililiaaa. Alifurahi mno kuniona nimefika angalau level aliyoitamani. She hugged me a lot. Tukapiga sana story. Anakumbuka watoto wote imagine. Wengine anajua progress zao wengine hajui na anashangaa kwanini hatukuwa in touch. Nikamfunika na moja ya kikoi nilichomnunulia. Akafurahi sana. Nami nikasema Mungu asante hata ninemkuta hai huyu bibi leo hii japo mimi siyo mpangaji wa uhai.

Katika story sijui ikawaje akamtaja Sista Mary. Nikawa mnyonge ghafla. Nikamwangalia kwa upole, nikamwambia, " UNAJUA NAMCHUKIA SISTA MARY JAPO AMEKUFA?" Alishtuka mno. Nikazidi kumsisitizia namchukia mno angali bado hayuko hai. Nikamwambia aliniumiza sana moyo wangu tukiwa shule. Alinidhulumu vingi vyangu. Aliinyanyasa nafsi yangu. Bado simpendi. Sista aliogopa mno. Nikamwambia kile kidonda bado kibichi sijui nitawezaje kumsamehe na kusahau. Nimejaribu sana lakini nimeshindwa. Nikamwambia pengine angekuwa hai ningemfuata nimweleze kuwa alinikosea jambo hili na lile na huenda angeniomba msamaha na mimi roho yangu ingekua nyeupe kabisa.

Nikaendelea kumwambia siwezi kudanganya nampenda wakati moyo wangu umejaa majeraha juu yake. Na hata sasa bado naumia. Sista alikosa la kuniambia. Akanambia jipe muda. Nikamwambia sawa. Basi bwana, last year tulitoka mzika babu kijijini tukapassby Arusha tumsalimie sista na hakuwepo alikua karudi convent coz alikua anaumwa sana na sukari na umri ukawa umeenda. Tumekuja kukaa kaa sijui August ile napokea taarifa za msiba wa Sista Shayo nikiwa ofisini. Jamani I cried kama mtoto na ukubwa wangu woote. Nililia sana sana sana. Nililia mnooo. Nilipewa mpaka ruhusa nikamzike sema home nako hapakua na watu walienda zika Moshi. I thank God I atleast wrapped her with those pieces of clothes. Walimu wangu wengi wema nao pale primary wamefariki wote kasoro wawili na sijui pa kuwapata niwashukuru angalau kwa kidogo. Most of them walikua tayari wameenda age.

SOMO LA KUJIFUNZA: WATOTO HAWASAHAU WEMA WALA UBAYA WALIOTENDEWA

USHAURI: TUWE MAKINI SANA NA TUNAYOWATENDEA WATORO ZAIDI

MUDA NDIO KITU PEKEE HUPONYA JAPO SIJUI LINI NA SIJUI NIFANYE NINI ILI NILITOE JAMBO HILI MOYONI

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Duh nimesoma yote, pole sana.

Time is a healer. Unahitaji kujisamehe wewe kama wewe kwanza halafu umsamehe na marehemu. Just say it louder and if possible cry along. Watu wengi wamepitia hiyo hali sio wewe peke yako, kuna watu watakuchukia tu bila sababu yoyote, na inafika kipindi tunawaombea mabaya yawapate na ndo maana ukisikia wamefikwa na mabaya hupati uchungu wowote!

Muhimu tujitahidi kuwasamehe kwanza kwa sababu kubeba mizigo ya chuki kwenye mioyo yetu ni msalaba mzito sana.



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Huwezi kwenda kwa Mungu kama humsamehi huyo sister, tena unatakiwa uukunjue moyo wako kwa amani iliyo kuu umuombee kwa Mungu roho yake ipumzishwe kwa amani, japo ni kweli ubaya unauma, lakini ukumbuke hakuna binadamu aliyekamilika, hata wewe wapo uliowakosea na wakakusamehe, sasa wacha kuiendekeza chuki moyoni mwako miaka yote hiyo, itakufanya usiurithi ufalme wa Mungu.

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Nimependa uandishi wako. Na vile ulikuwa unachanganya lugha imefanya iwe nzuri zaidi "kwangu mimi". Story ni nzuri na somo nimelipenda sana.

Natamani nikuambie pole kwa uliyoyapitia ila haina maana maana yote hayo yalikufanya uwe imara zaidi na leo you are who you are "stronger than ever".

Nimependa sana unawakumbuka hadi walimu wako wa shule ya awali. Nimejaribu kuwakumbuka wangu baada ya kusoma hii nikagundua nimesahau hata majina yao.

Thanks for this post.
 
jd41, No, no, no...

Sijasema kabisa niko perfect na wala sjawahi iendekeza. Hauko nafsini kwangu. Na hupaswi kuhukumu dear. I am just a good Christian. Siwezi kuwa mnafiki tuu niseme nimesahau ama kimenitoka moyoni hapana. I am just honest. Muda ukifika hali itapotea tu. We heal through speaking our secrets too

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Paula Paul, Oooh, thank you soo much sweetheart. Asante mnoo mno. Time will heal. About my teachers nawapenda mno. Yaan i feel soo sad walitangulia mapema kabla sijarudisha fadhila. But still nitafanya coz wana watoto na wajukuu. Nimefunzwa kushukuru na kukumbuka fadhila. Wamenifanya mimi. Wabarikiwe sana na roho zao zipumzike kwa amani.

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Puppy said:
Watoto hawasahau, Watoto hawapewi nafasi ya kujitetea, Watoto hawasikilizwi. The trauma inawapelekea kufanya vitu au ku-behave weirdly sana wakiwa wakubwa.

Wewe kama muhanga, usikubali mwanao nae apitie hayo. Pole sana, Utapona tu with time.
Click to expand...
Ooh, ameen. Asante sana. Tujifunze kuwasikiliza watoto. Tuwape nafasi. Wana mengi sana ya kusema

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