Roger Sterling
JF-Expert Member
- May 10, 2015
- 13,010
- 23,656
(By Neal Stastny) Nice guys have plenty of problems. Some of these problems are the result of living in a world that is inherently unfair. Others are problems that nice guys bring on themselves. So whats a nice guy to do? Hes got to figure out which problems are inevitable parts of life and which problems might be his own fault. Why would you put in all this work? Because youre a nice guy!
1. People Dont Even Know Youre Being Nice
Many times, nice guys will go out of their way to do everything they can to please someone only for that person to not notice. But doing something nice shouldnt be considered nice if its done with the expectation of something similar in return. Also, if you dont tell someone that youre inconveniencing yourself for them, how are they going to know? People likely arent going to assume youre doing something you dont like doing without being asked.
2. People Take Advantage Of You
Some people will realize that you have a tendency to make sacrifices with little concern for yourself and blatantly use that to their advantage. That sucks, and thats wrong of them to do it. But thats an inevitability you have to prepare for by either not getting crushed when it happens or by not sacrificing your own happiness with little provocation or request.
3. You Keep Getting Hurt
It can be hard to determine which people truly dont care about your feelings, and you may get hurt repeatedly. But youve got to learn from that without becoming bitter, otherwise youll end up driving away people or avoiding people that actually care about you.
4. You Feel Owed
It would be nice if any pain youve experienced from being taken advantage of could be redeemed for something enjoyable, but life doesnt work that way. Thats why you should be nice simply because you want to do something kind for its own sake. Expecting a reward later will only leave you disappointed and angry.
5. Going After What You Want Is Hard
You might feel more comfortable being given a task to accomplish for someone else than focusing on yourself. Maybe you think its selfish to think of yourself. But much like being nice, being selfish is good in the appropriate amounts. If you keep waiting for others to figure out what you want and give it to you without asking or trying for it, youll never be happy. Also, every girl wants to date someone who is genuinely passionate about something. Go find it what you want and go after it.
6. You Fear Rejection
Everyone fears rejection. Some people probably are completely oblivious to their own faults or concern for other peoples opinions. But most people realize rejection happens whether they deserve it or not and simply confront that inevitable risk. Youve got to find whatever help you need to get over that fear.
7. You Come On Too Strong
Some nice guys want to show theyre nice so badly that theyll think too far into the future of a relationship before it ever really begins. Most girls wont want to get roses on a first date or to hear about your capacity to sacrifice to make her happy. She just wants to hear about your interests, have you listen to hers and have a drink.
8. You Feel Like You Shouldnt Have To Change
If youre being nice and youre not getting what you want, then changing what youre doing will mean that youre suddenly being a jerk. Right? Not necessarily. Maybe youre surrounding yourself with jerks. But maybe youve got a false impression of what being nice actually is. Youve either got to change the people you seek approval from or change your behavior that is driving away good people.
9. You Worry About Being The Right Kind Of Nice
Theres the kind of nice that is doing something nice only because you want something in return. Theres the kind of nice that is doing something for the sake of being nice. It you frequently do the latter, its understandable to expect someone to occasionally notice. But if that doesnt happen, you might find yourself being nice for the wrong reasons. Its tough to keep it balanced.
10. You Think Youre What Women Want
Women want a nice guy. Youre a nice guy. Women keep rejecting you. Whats the problem? Maybe theyre all jerks. Thats possible. But its also possible that youre assuming youre everything women want instead of listening to what numerous women are telling you through their words and actions.
11. People Call You A Jerk For Being Nice
There are lots of articles written by women about how nice guys are the worst. This isnt a sign that girls all want to date jerks so that they will have someone to laugh at nice people with. Quit assuming you know what women want and listen to what theyre saying.
12. You Cant Focus On Yourself
Everyone wants to find someone who truly appreciates them. And you can definitely find that. But while going on that search, you need to also spend some time focusing on making yourself happy. No one wants to spend their life thanking you over and over again for being nice to them when thats the only thing it seems like you care about.
13. You Over-Calculate Risk/Reward
You stress about asking someone out too soon because she might say no. So you spend your time proving to her that you are boyfriend material without expressing any sexual interest so that when you finally do ask her out, shell already know youre a nice guy and be able to commit. But thats crazy way to go about it. If you like someone, ask them out, and get to know each other over time. Thats what dating is for.
14. You Get Friend-zoned
If you want to ask someone out, you need to ask them out. Youre not doing yourself any favors by waiting. Youre also not doing them any favors by pretending to be their friend when thats not the relationship you want to pursue. You may not end up going out with them either, but thats life. No one has to go out with you because you like them. Move on to someone else who does.
15. Its Exhausting
If youre actively struggling to find that right balance between being genuinely nice to others and taking care of yourself, thats a good thing. Youre on the right track, and youll get there eventually if you keep working. Life isnt a meritocracy, but working hard to hit that balance is all you can really do.