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Ungekuwa wewe yamekutokea haya ungefanyaje? (ni story ya kweli)

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by palalisote, Jul 27, 2011.

  1. palalisote

    palalisote JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jul 27, 2011
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    Hiki ninachoandika hapa ni kisa cha kweli kilichotokea hivi karibuni. Umeoa na ndoa yako ina miaka miwili hivi na mnatarajia kupata mtoto (mkeo mjamzito) na kwa mila zetu za kiafrika mama wa mume huwa na majukumu ya kumlea mkeo baada ya kujifungua. Kama alivyo ada unamfahamisha mkeo kuwa mama atakuja toka kijijini ili kukupa support, mkeo anakujibu kuna ulazima gani mama yako kuja huku mbona mama yangu yupo (mama wa mkeo anaishi mjini ambako nanyi mnaishi).Lakini pamoja na mkeo kukomaa unaamua kumuita mama yako toka kijijini na mama anakuja ili ashuhudie akipata mjukuu ukichukulia wewe ndiye mtoto wa kwanza wa kiume kuoa na mama hajawahi pata mjukuu. Mama anafika lakini hali inakuwa tofauti mkeo hamthamini kabisi mama yako ikiwemo kuondoka kwenda kusiko julikana mchana wewe ukiwa kazini na muda mwingine anamucha mama yako bila chakula mpaka mama akupigie simu (wewe ukiwa kazini) kula anakufa njaa maana mkeo kaondoka kaenda kusikojulikana na hajamuuaga mama yako na bila kumuacha na msosi. Kama haitoshi mkeo ameenda kujifungua anaruhusiwa kurudi nyumbani anagoma anataka aende kwa wazazi wake (ili tu asihudumiwe na mama yako) . lakini wewe unagoma mnarudi kwenu. Mungu si athumani unapata safari ya kusoma kwa mwaka mmoja ngambo huku mama akiwa hajaondoka. zinapita wiki mbili mama anaondoka kwenda nyumbani lakini mkeo anashindwa kumpa mama yako hela ya kula njiani (wakati huohuo mkeo anachukua sehemu ya mshara wako). baada ya miezi kadhaa mkeo anakutana na mtu wa jirani yako na kumwambia vituko alivyokuwa anamfanyia mama yako na kwamba suala la hela unazopata wewe ni zake na wewe tu, mama yako na ndugu wengine waliyokuwa wanakutegemea wajue kwa kwenda. Mungu si athumani maneno yanafikia mama yako, mama analia sana maana anakumbuka alivyokulea mpaka ukafika hapo na sasa una kazi nzuri. Hata hivyo mkeo baada ya kujua mama yako amepata taarifa na huenda na wewe una taarifa anakupigia simu kumutuhumu mama yako mambo yeye aliyoongea kwa mtu wa jirani yako ni mama yako ndiyo aliongea . lakini baadaye hali inakuwa siyo maana ukweli unajulikana na yale yote yalioongelewa mama anakumbuka ni kweli yalikuwa yanatoke kipindi yupo kwako . Mama anaapa hata kuja kwako (kwa mkeo) na hataongea naye (mkeo) mpaka atakapo ingia kaburini.Wakati huohuo mume anawasaidia upande wa kike ikiwemo kulipa ada ya shemeji zake.UNGEKUWA WEWEYAMEKUTOKEA HAYA UNGEFANYA NINI (KWA SASA BADO UPO NGAPO NA HUJARUDI)
     
  2. Lukolo

    Lukolo JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jul 27, 2011
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    Mkuu haya mambo ni ya kawaida sana kwenye ndoa za siku hizi. Hakuna cha ajabu hapo. Hawa ndo wanawake wa kizazi cha sasa. There are times unaona bora usingeoa. Na hapo ndo nimejua kwamba kadri wanawake wanavyoelevuka ndivyo ndoa zinavyokuwa ngumu. Ndo maana ulaya, asilimia 70 ya ndoa zinavunjika kila mwaka. Lakini pia usishangae kwamba mtoto siyo wako, kwa hiyo wife alikuwa anaepusha nafasi ya mamakokumchunguza mtoto kwa karibu kuepuka asigundue kwamba si mjukuu wake.
     
  3. babuwaloliondo

    babuwaloliondo JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jul 27, 2011
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    hizi story nimezisikikia sana, kuna jamaa yangu anakesi kama hii.
    Mara nyingi yote ni ugomvi wa maslahi, mama anataka haki yake, na mwanamke anamchukia mama kwa kuwa anahisi kuwa mama anapunguza share yake, kwa ujumla ni uchoyo tu ndio unaochangia.

    Cha muhimu hapo ni kukaa chini na kuzungumza, hakuna kufunika kombe, mke lazima ajue kuwa bila mama mume usingekuwepo, na pia jamaa inabidi akae na mama yake ajue ukweli.
    Si kweli kuwa mara zote mama ndio anayekosewa, mama huwa pia ndio chanzo, kwa hiyo si vizuri kuishia kumlaumu mke.
    Akishaongea nao wote akajua ukweli, then itakuwa rahisi kutatua tatizo.

    Nilishauliza swali linalolingana ni hili jambo.
    http://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/128401-kwa-nini-wakwe-hawaelewani.html#post1878507
     
  4. palalisote

    palalisote JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jul 27, 2011
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    asante mkuu
     
  5. Kbd

    Kbd JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jul 27, 2011
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    Naomba niseme hapo kwenye mke akijifungua kuhudumiwa na mama mkwe wake..................kabla sijachangia labda niulize ni pamoja na kumkanda maji au huduma za kulea mtoto?
     
  6. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 27, 2011
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    Mpige chini huyo mwanamke kwani wanawake wameisha au kimbia pepo brother alaa?
     
  7. vivian

    vivian JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jul 27, 2011
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    wadada wengine jamani!!
     
  8. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jul 27, 2011
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    Hapo kuna matatizo mawili,la kwanza la mume la pili mke,la mume ni kuwa ni kwanini ang'ang'anie mama yake aje kutoka mbali wakati yupo msaidizi karibu?Kama ni suala la mama kumuona mjukuu kwani ni lazima amuone punde tu akizaliwa?Tatizo la pili ni mke,kwanini akatae mama mkwe asije?Kwani akikubali kuhudumiwa na mama mkwe kuna tatizo gani?Kauli kuwa hela za mshahara ni za mke na mume tu ni kweli lakini haimaanishi kuwa haziwezi kutumika kwenye mambo mengine.SULUHU;Itabidi asubiri amalize masomo kisha amwambie mke wake ubaya alioufanya,suala la kumsamehe au la litategemea namna mke atakavyohitaji kusamehewa!
     
  9. babuwaloliondo

    babuwaloliondo JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 27, 2011
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    Ndugu, si rahisi hivyo kuachana, ingekuwa ni kuwa kila yanapotokea ya namna hii watu wanaachana, basi rate ya divorse ingekuwa kubwa sana.

    Hii ni moja ya challenge za ndoa, si mtetei mke wa huyu jamaa, ila kuna kitu cha muhimu kuangalia, je ni kweli kuwa mama mkwe alikuwa analazwa njaa, je ni kweli kuwa aliwaambia majirani, hata kama ni kweli for the sake of the child bado si kigezo cha kuvunja ndoa.

    Ukisoma hapa utaona kuwa kuna tatizo, kati ya mama na mke wa jamaa, na pia kunauwezekana mkubwa huyu jamaa haujui ukweli.
    Cha muhimu ni yeye kutafuta ukweli.Hapo ataweza kutatua tatizo.

    Lingine ambalo naona ni chanzo cha tatizo kwenye ndoa nyingi ni swala la kumhudumia mke wakati amejifungua, inabidi tubadilike, naona ni busara 100% kumuacha mkeo ahudumiwe na mama yake, tutaepusha mengi, ugomvi mwingi wa mke na mama mkwe huanzia hapa na ishu ni hivi.

    Mama anapokuja kumhudumia mzazi, wakati mwingi huwa bado anaamini kuwa bado nyie ni watoto, mume huona ni kawaida kwa mama kumtreate hivyo ila mke wa jamaa huwa hawapendi na wanona kama wanadharaulika, hili nimeliona kwenye kesi kamaa 3 hivi.
     
  10. arabianfalcon

    arabianfalcon JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jul 27, 2011
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    Sidhani kama mwanamme rijali atashindwa kuhukumu kesi kama hiyo? ukiwa kama mume nilazima mkeo ajue kumuheshimu mama yako,kama anavyo muheshimu mama yake, sema kuna wanaume wengine sijui wakoje,anaona mambo mkewe anafanya limetulia sijui kapewa nini ambacho nimgeni nacho mpaka anasahau kama hakuna kama mama, na huyo mke nae anasahau kua na yeye pia keshakua mama ipo siku atakua na mkwe je akifanyiwa yeye ataweza kumeza? inasikitisha kwa kweli Mungu atunusuru na hao kaka zetu manake ishakua Khatari.
     
  11. babuwaloliondo

    babuwaloliondo JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 27, 2011
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    @Eiyer, unajua hizi mila ndizo zinatuumiza, sijui ni kwanini lazima mke ahudumiwe na mama wa mume, au kula baadhi ya vyakula wakati wa uzazi,

    huwa ni taboo tu pia presha ya ndugu wanachangia pia, lakini narudia kusema kuna harufu ya mume kuwa missiformed, ugomvi wa mama na

    mkwe huwa ni complex sana, nilishaona kesi moja mama anakasirika alipoona mkwe kanunuliwa viatu, pamoja na yote hayo, jamaa anahitaji kujua ukweli.

    Wakati wanawake wakiwa wajawazito huwa na mabadiliko makubwa, unaweza kukuta pia mimba ilichangia mke wa jamaa kumchukia mama, ila alipojifungua uhusiano ukawa ni vigumu kuurudisha kutokana na damage.
     
  12. edwinito

    edwinito Senior Member

    #12
    Jul 27, 2011
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    Ili kufikia hatua ya kufunga ndoa, mnatakiwa mkae muda mrefu mfahamiane vizuri, tatizo vijana wa siku hizi hawakai muda mrefu wakafahamiana. Nina ushahidi wa ndoa yangu, tumekaa urafiki hadi uchumba kwa miaka 6, leo hii nina mwaka wa 14 wa ndoa yangu, yaani ni amani tu! Hamna ugomvi wa mama mkwe wala matatizo mengine yoyote ya mashemeji wala mawifi! Tulipitia wakati mgumu lakini lilikuwa darasa tosha la maisha tuliyonayo hivi sasa!
     
  13. Nemo

    Nemo JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 27, 2011
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    Palalisote
    Jamani you guys need to understand that there is a huge difference between kuhudumiwa na mama mkwe na mama mzazi . With mama mkwe, one has to be cautious and sensitive about everything. You need to watch what you do with the baby, what you say, how you treat the son. Mind you wakati huo we mwenyewe umejifungua, its new experience so probably you are all over the place, so why add mama mkwe stress into the mix????IF its seeing mjukuu why couldnt his mother come, a few months after everything has settled?

    Side Note:
    Mimi personally natoa wito kwa all jf future fathers kuwa, kama mkeo hataki mama yako aje, pls dont take it personal, beware and consider the dynamics za relationship of your wife and your mother before forcing things and creating unnecessary enmity like huyu jamaa
     
  14. Lady N

    Lady N JF-Expert Member

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    wanawake sijui tumekuwaje now days, tuna roho mbaya kweli, kwanini umthaminishe mamako mzazi kuliko mama wa mwenzio? nashukuru Mungu mie kwangu wote sawa na kama tunapango chochote kuhusu familia ni lazima tuguse pande zote mbili
     
  15. palalisote

    palalisote JF-Expert Member

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    asante wote kwa michango yenu ya mawazo
     
  16. K

    Kampini Senior Member

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    Haya maneno ni kawaida sana kwa mama mkwe vs wife,jambo la mhimu ni kutimiza wajibu kama mwanaume.
     
  17. Esperance

    Esperance JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 28, 2011
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    Wachangiaji weng mmenena vema, huyu mkaka atafute ukweli kuna kitu cha ziada hapo. Wanaume weng mafirst born wenye kipato ni janga kwenye ndoa. Na hili suala la kuhudumiwa na mama mkwe ni tatzo lingine, wana vimambo vya kimila ukikataa basi maneno, mara kitovu, apakwe mafuta ya nazi, nk. Me nilikwaruzane nae juzi kati hapa hatak nilale na kijana wangu wa 3years eti joto la tumbo langu litamuumiza mtoto. Kaninunia 2 weeks. Huyo kaka awe na msimamo awaitishe wote apate ukweli, kila mtu ampe lake accordingly.
     
  18. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Babu wa loliondo achana na mila ambazo hazina kichwa wala miguu!
     
  19. giningi

    giningi Member

    #19
    Jul 28, 2011
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    jamani naomba hapa muwe makini,hawa wamama huwa wana sababisha hata kuvunjika kwa ndoa na mwanaume usipokuwa mwangalifu ndoa itapata misukosuko mingi.kwa hali inavyoonesha kuna tatizo kubwa hapo nyumbani na mkeo hakuweza kukwambia kwa sababu ni mama yako akaona hutamwelewa.ni kuwa wamama huwa wana mapenzi makubwa na watoto wao wa kiume na haibishaniwi kuwa hata wewe umeonesha kumsikiliza na kumwamini mama yako kuliko mkeo kwa sababu ya mapenzi yako kwake.kuna mfano mmoja dada mmoja alikwenda kujifungulia kijijini ambapo alikuwa anahudumiwa na mama mkwe wake na hata siku ya kujifungua alikuwa na mama mkwe huyo na aliporudi nyumba mama mkwe akawa hamjali kuhusu chakula wala kumpatia maji na baadaye akawa anamtangaza kwa watu akimcheka jinsi alivyokuwa anajifungua,the way alivyokuwa analia n.k tena kwa kilugha ambacho yule dada hafahamu, huyo ni mke wa mtoto wake lakini anamtangaza kwa watu,lakini angekuwa mama mzazi wa huyo dada asingefanya hivyo damu ni nzito kuliko maji.UKIRUDI HUKO ULIKO,MUITE MKEO KWA MAPENZI NA TARATIBU MUULIZE KAMA KUNAMATATIZO KATI YAKE NA MAMAKO NA BAADAYE UMUULIZE MAMAKO THEN UTAPATA JIBU U R A GREAT THINKER!
     
  20. Gaga

    Gaga JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Jul 28, 2011
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    Shoga,mtoto miaka mitatu unalala nae ili iweje?au ndio kuonyesha mapenzi?kwa hili namsapoti huyo mama mtoto miaka miwili huwa inatosha kabisa kulala kwenye kitanda chake chumba kingine.labda kama mnaishi nyumba ndogo hakuna pa kumpelea, na hata akibaki chumbani mpe kitanda chake.

    Basi ngoja niwape story,nilikuwa nasuka rasta huko uswazi kuna vitoto vidogo kama miaka mitatu mpaka nne hivi wanacheza hapo barazani,wanaishi nyumba hiyohiyo kimekazana kumwambia mwenzake jana baba kamnyea mama bonge la kimba, kanarudia tu, nikamwambia msusi unasikia mtoto anavosema umemwelewa?kumwelewesha akapanik kamwita mamake acha akachape,sasa hapo mtoto anakosa gani??
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