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Ni kwa nini mawifi hawapatani?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by SMU, Feb 3, 2009.

  1. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Feb 3, 2009
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    Mara nyingi uhusiano kati ya mawifi (mke na dada wa mume) unakuwa na walakini (hawapatani, hawapendani). Inaweza kuwa mke hawapendi dada wa mumewe au dada hawampendi mke wa kaka yao.

    Athari za mahusiano haya kuwa mabaya mara nyingine huweza kuleta madhara makubwa kwenye ndoa. Kwa uzoefu wangu naweza kuthubutu kusema kati ya relationships kumi za mawifi basi zaidi ya tano mawifi 'hawaivi'.

    1.Je unadhani ni nini hasa chanzo cha mahusiano haya kuwa na mushkeli? Je ni mke au dada wa mume?

    2. Je mwanaume anachangia kwa kiasi gani kufanya uhusiano huo kuwa m'baya?

    3. Je hili ni tatizo la sisi waafrika tu au hata wengine wanalo? Kama na wengine wanalo, je inawezekana kwamba ni kwa asili tu mawifi hawapatani?
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2009
  2. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Feb 3, 2009
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    vyanzo:-

    - umasikini (wa mali na akili):
    kama wewe ni kijana wa kiume uliyebahatika kuwa na maisha ya wastani (umesoma kiwango cha chuo kikuu, unapata mahitaji yako muhimu ya kijamii, unakipato cha kukuwezesha, e.t.c) mara nyingi unakuwa unategemewa na ndugu zako (wa-kiume/kike), na utegemezi ni wa mahitaji muhimu ya kijamii! Kwa mantiki hiyo basi unapopata mwenza (mchumba - mke) msaada wako kwa ndugu hupungua kwa ghafla na kwa kiwango kikubwa (sawa?) na mapokeo ni kwamba huyo mwenza ndiyo chanzo cha upungufu huo (sawa?), kwa hiyo dada zako wataanza kuonyesha vituko (wivu) kwa mwenza wako

    - udhaifu wa kiasilia:
    kila binadamu umwoneo binadamu mwenzake wa jinsia tofauti WIVU! Maana yake ni kwamba, Dada yako anakuonea WIVU (sio wa kushirikiana kimwili)unapoanza mahusiano na binadamu mwenye jinsia kama yake!

    - u-afrika:
    kama unaishi bila ndugu zako (without extended family) hakuna atakayeonea wivu mwenza wako!

    KWA HIYO
    - hakuna mwenye TATIZO!
     
  3. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Feb 3, 2009
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    Kwa hiyo ni sahihi kusema ni tatizo lisiloepukika?
    Umasikini wa ndugu, wivu asilia na extended family ni vitu ambavyo ni vigumu kuviepuka!
     
  4. Mhache

    Mhache JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Feb 3, 2009
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    Tatizo nafikiri ni asili tu na kukosa maarifa. Pia unapooa inakuwa unakata au unapunguza huduma ulizokuwa unatoa kwa dada zako au wifi za mke wako. Wifi wanajenga chuki ambayo haina maaana kwani wanafikiri mke wa kaka amekuja kuziba ile mirija ya wao mawifi kumfaidi kaka yao.
     
  5. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Feb 3, 2009
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    wakati naolewa nilikuwa napatana sana na mawifi zangu kuliko maelezo,kukaa kidogo tulianza kutokuelewana/chuki zsizo na sababu..... walidhani mimi ndio chanzo cha wao kukosa matumizi yale waliokuwa wakiyapata kabla, kumbe ni majukumu yamekuwa mengi kwa kaka yao tofauti na kipindi alichokuwa single, lawama zote ni kwangu, tena zile za kiswahili"nimemteka kaka yao".....mama mkwe ndio kabisaaaaa...haaa ndoa hizi jamani.
     
  6. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Feb 3, 2009
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    Nyamayao,
    Vipi shemeji zako (kaka wa mumeo) nao pia hampatani? Kuna mchangiaji amehusisha tatizo hili na umasikini. Lakini hata hivyo napata hisia kwamba tatizo hili lipo kwa wanawake zaidi kuliko wanaume (i.e. mashemeji). Hili linanipa shaka hasa kama umasikini inaweza kuwa chanzo cha tatizo hili. Tena tatizo hili lipo hata kwa mawifi ambao wana uwezo na hawamtegemei kaka yao kiuchumi.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2009
  7. Songambele

    Songambele JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Feb 3, 2009
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    Nukuu "Adui mkubwa wa mwanamke ni mwanamke mwenzie", sasa haijalishi kama ni wifi au mama mkwe. Wanawake wao kwa wao hawapendani, hata akiwa house girl jua bifu litakuwepo, mawifi kutokupendana inakuwa katika narrow percipective ukitazama kwa upeo upana utaona ni zaidi ya mawifi.

    Kama kungekuwa na kipimo kwa ajili ya kiwango cha uchoyo na wivu kwa binadamu basi wanawake wengi wangekutwa na kiwango kikubwa ukilinganisha na wanaume. Hapa ndipo balaa linaanzia kama walivyoainisha wachangiaji wengine.
     
  8. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Feb 4, 2009
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    SMU mie na mashemeji 2po poa sana, wao ndio wakunifariji, tunasaidiana kwa namna 1 au nyingine,kwangu mie nitasema kwa wifi zangu sio umaskini coz ni 1 ndio anamtegemea yupo chuo, mwingine kaolewa na maisha yake ya kawaida, anafanya biznes na akikwama akija kwa kakake akijibiwa visivyo ndio hapo inakula kwangu, wa 3 ni mama mwenye uwezo wake sana tu but ndio huyo ambaye hatuelewani kupitiliza, kaka yao akiwaambia sasa hivi nimekwama nenda kwa dada nae anisaidie inakuwa ishu, dada akiambiwa tayari nyamayao ndio anamzuia kaka yao kuwasaidia...haaa nahamakigi sema ndio hivyo tena.
     
  9. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #9
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    waaambie kwenye biblia mume atamwaacha baba na mamake na kuambatana na mkewe hakuna sehemu walioonyesha atambatana na wifie!!!lingine ambalo tunakuwa nalo ni kwamba wanaumewengi awatambui umuhimu wa wake,,wewe umeoa anakuja dadko mara kwa mara naomba chumvi,naomba sukari,,kuona aitoshi ukigongana nae ati anakupiga busu ,saa mke akiangalia busu nalopigwa mumewe alitofautiani kabisa na lake pale kanisani au msikitini unafikiri kitaeleweka,,hivyo na sie wanaume tujue gap iliop[o kati mke ,dada,wazazi,,mfano mmoja mi baada ya kuoa dadazangu wengine awakumpenda mwenziwangu wakachukua jukumu la kupiga usiku wa manane ati anakuuliza uko juu ya kiuno then usiku mwema!!mmh mkewangu akasema awana muda mwingine ukiona logic,nikaamua kumwaga live beef-chicken mpaka leo ....n i dont mind
     
  10. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    haaaa dada zako hao wanakuuliza hayo maswali? duuu! kazi kweli kweli.
     
  11. Zogwale

    Zogwale JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    Kwa wakristu kama utasoma biblia yako kuhusu ndoa kuwa ni kati yako na mume/mke. Heshima ibaki kwa ndugu. Kwa kifupi mawifi wengi wana wivu sana!!! Mama mkwe huwa kama ilivyo kwa kawaida ya binadamu, wanawe ni bora kuliko wewe mke wa mtoto wake (mkwewe). Ni bora ukiolewa uwe moderate tu, usijipeleke sana kwa mawifi i.e. kujipendekeza kwani kwa uzoefu hata kama mtashibana kiasi gani but maneno ya karaha yahakosekani. Cha msingi mke na mume wa set mipaka ya familia yao (mke/mume/watoto i.e. nuclear family) wengine ni second interest. Na hii ni lazima muiwekee msingi na mhimili from the begining ya maisha yenu ya ndoa. Vinginevyo, mtakuwa watu wa kutoelewana na mwishowe siyo mzuri kwa ndoa nyingi. Try to make your family or marriage a peaceful destination. Penye amani, upendo na furaha pana mafanikio.
     
  12. Mtumzima

    Mtumzima Senior Member

    #12
    Feb 9, 2009
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    Nawaunga mkono watoaji mada hasa wa kwanza.Ndoa nyingi zinavurugwa na Mama wa mwanaume na watoto wao wa kike.Tatizo hasa linaanza kwa hawa vizabinazabina (dada wa mwanaume) kuanza pekeche,umbeya, unafiki na majungu dhidi ya wifi yao!! Taabu na bahati mbaya kwa baadhi ya akina mama wakwe inakuja pale anapoungana na hawa wapuuzi ktk fitina hizo.Hapo wamesahau kwamba hata wao (mama wakwe) wangeweza kukutwa na matatizo hayo ktk ndoa zao vipi wangeweza kuwatunza hao wafitini(binti zao) na hata huyo wa kiume mwenye mke wanayempiga vita? Dawa ni kuwapiga marufuku kuja unapoishi na kila mtu akae kwake,mpaka akili ziwakae sawa!![/B]
     
  13. J

    John W. Mlacha Verified User

    #13
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    Tatizo ni njaa
     
  14. N

    NatJ JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 20, 2013
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    wengine sio njaa mkuu bali ni wivu wa kijinga, utawakuta wanauwezo mzuri lakini bado wanapeleka chokochoko za hapa na pale ilimradi wifi mtu asiwe na raha na kaka yao utafikiri wanataka waolewe wao.
     
  15. Rock City

    Rock City JF-Expert Member

    #15
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    I concur with u 100%, mimi ni shuhuda/muhanga/muathirika wa yote uliyonena.
     
  16. nkasoukumu

    nkasoukumu JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 20, 2013
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    niliwahi kuulizwa swali na dada zangu that kati ya mke wangu na wao nina mpenda nani na mm nikawajibu kama je wao wana ni penda mimi kuliko wanavyo wapenda waume wao, waka tazamana then waka baki kimya
     
  17. Bavaria

    Bavaria JF-Expert Member

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    mawifi wamezoea kuwapiga mizinga kaka zao, kwahiyo akioa lazima huyo mwanamke apate cha moto kwasababu mianya yote ya pesa inakatika
     
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