Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Financial meltdown/cost cutting measures for your urgent attention

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Ernie, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. Ernie

    Ernie JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Mar 9, 2011
    Joined: Aug 3, 2010
    Messages: 218
    Likes Received: 4
    Trophy Points: 0


    Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations
    have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going
    to be accepted.

    1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones.
    Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon
    submission of written request.

    2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

    3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and
    milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must
    write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications
    backed by a qualified dietician report as supportive documentation.

    4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be
    watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration,
    only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

    5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of cold water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.
    Geyser to be switched off until further notice.

    6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I

    shall make available shortly.

    7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music.

    Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

    8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an

    instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

    9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the House,
    shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money
    to replace such broken item(s).

    10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice,

    with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they
    can't stay at their homes. Visitors to bring their own meat and mealie-meal.


    Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival


    THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

    REVIEW MEETINGS ARE ONLY HELD ONCE EVERY 2 YEARS & NEXT MEETING WILL BE IN MARCH 2013.
     
  2. M

    Masiko W. M. Member

    #2
    Mar 13, 2011
    Joined: Mar 9, 2010
    Messages: 42
    Likes Received: 2
    Trophy Points: 0
    Hiyo Nzuri, Lakini usisahau, iko siku utaenda kijijini huko wanakotoka hao
     
Loading...