By LARRY MADOWO
Somebody should tell the people of Kogelo that their son, Barack Obama, has grown a big head and lost respect for his elders.
I ran into his grandmother Sarah at the market (code for fancy Nairobi hotel) the other day, and she is still a gracious, respectable woman.
Somebody should ask her to talk to that grandson of hers before the whole African village starts talking about him.
You see, "the leader of the free world", President Obama, summoned African leaders to Washington to remind them who's still boss - Uncle Sam, not any latter-day Chairman Mao. It is classic American hubris, that.
PAY HOMAGE
So they trooped obsequiously to DC with their large entourages, with their wives and their conspicuous artefacts.
Aware of Africans' love for a good ceremony, the Americans staged luncheons, balls, dinners and every other manifestation of pretentious Western largesse.
The real reason for the entire three-day production had been an open secret even before it began.
"I want the United States competing in these fast-growing markets, too," President Obama wrote in an op-ed. "I want a growing Africa buying more goods stamped ‘Made in America.'"
But the leaders were happy with the privilege of an official invitation and landing at the Andrews Air Force Base on their way to genuflect and pay homage to Obama.
The presidents, prime ministers and kings of Africa then extended their begging bowls, meeting eagerly with senior American officials and business leaders, hoping for any spare greenbacks.
SHOPPING TRIP
In the meantime, their handlers posted bad pictures of Washington monuments on social media and name-dropped incessantly.
In the end, the Africans collectively came out with $33 billion (Sh2.9tn) in "commitments" from government and private-sector partnerships.
Divided equally among the nearly 50 countries represented - for argument's sake - that is just $660m (Sh57.4bn) for each.
Even though American exports to Africa support about a quarter of a million jobs in America, the continent's entire trade with the US is still less than what it does with Brazil!
The US-Africa summit was simply an opportunity for African first ladies to buy newer and uglier weaves, an overpriced shopping trip for the leaders and their staff.
For instance, the hair of Cameroon's First Lady had top billing at what was supposed to be a business outing. When Chantal Biya landed in DC, the Washington Post gushed how "somehow her hair manages to be short and long, rebellious yet elegant, unruly but controlled."
FLEW DELEGATIONS
The fiercely fabulous Chantal had stolen the show on arrival, before she even employed her legendary side eye.
The only other highlight from the trip was President Kagame's daughter, Ange, standing out in a picture with the Obamas. Evidently, the style far outweighed the substance, at the historic meeting.
President Obama didn't meet any of the leaders individually, denying them the bragging rights for that one-on-one picture.
Instead, he delivered a speech, hosted a dinner and kindly reserved 30 minutes one afternoon for a "family photo shoot" with all the heads of delegations.
Africa's most powerful men only got really close to the world's most powerful man to take pictures.
They flew dozens of people across the Atlantic for three days for the ultimate privilege of a picture. I hope they all smiled like life depended on it.
If the US truly had "a moral obligation to support Africa's progress", as President Obama claimed, why didn't he host the summit in Africa?
PLANE BROKE DOWN
It would have made more sense for Air Force One to bring in the president, his team and accompanying business leaders than the sizeable cost of transplanting 50 African centres of power to DC.
"I need 37 visas to move around Africa," lamented Africa's richest man, Aliko Dangote, at one of the forums.
Ironically, an American passport holder does not require a visa or can breezily obtain one on entry in most African countries, unlike Dangote's Nigerian travel document.
If I've learnt anything in the last five years travelling to every part of this continent, it is that Africans are their own worst enemies when dealing with other Africans.
From a week's visa that costs Sh15,000 in Ouagadougou to nearly spending a whole night in Tunis after our plane broke down, I've seen it all.
Africa has clung to its borders, drawn up haphazardly by Europeans like siblings fighting over cake, to its own sustained detriment.
PIECE OF PIE
Just like Uganda is Kenya's biggest foreign export market, the rest of Africa would do well to break down its boundaries, open up its markets and discard its prejudices.
African leaders wouldn't need to queue up for the headmaster's approval in Washington if they facilitated trade and investment among themselves back home.
Why are more than 50 different nationalities fighting for a piece of pie smaller than that available to Brazil? Have we no dignity?
President Kenyatta sans the First Lady looked distracted but bemused in his picture with Michelle and Barack, as if laughing at a joke only he knew.
The only way he can justify the trip (and the smile) would be if he secretly gave the Obamas application forms for dual citizenship.
Souce: Daily Nation
Somebody should tell the people of Kogelo that their son, Barack Obama, has grown a big head and lost respect for his elders.
I ran into his grandmother Sarah at the market (code for fancy Nairobi hotel) the other day, and she is still a gracious, respectable woman.
Somebody should ask her to talk to that grandson of hers before the whole African village starts talking about him.
You see, "the leader of the free world", President Obama, summoned African leaders to Washington to remind them who's still boss - Uncle Sam, not any latter-day Chairman Mao. It is classic American hubris, that.
PAY HOMAGE
So they trooped obsequiously to DC with their large entourages, with their wives and their conspicuous artefacts.
Aware of Africans' love for a good ceremony, the Americans staged luncheons, balls, dinners and every other manifestation of pretentious Western largesse.
The real reason for the entire three-day production had been an open secret even before it began.
"I want the United States competing in these fast-growing markets, too," President Obama wrote in an op-ed. "I want a growing Africa buying more goods stamped ‘Made in America.'"
But the leaders were happy with the privilege of an official invitation and landing at the Andrews Air Force Base on their way to genuflect and pay homage to Obama.
The presidents, prime ministers and kings of Africa then extended their begging bowls, meeting eagerly with senior American officials and business leaders, hoping for any spare greenbacks.
SHOPPING TRIP
In the meantime, their handlers posted bad pictures of Washington monuments on social media and name-dropped incessantly.
In the end, the Africans collectively came out with $33 billion (Sh2.9tn) in "commitments" from government and private-sector partnerships.
Divided equally among the nearly 50 countries represented - for argument's sake - that is just $660m (Sh57.4bn) for each.
Even though American exports to Africa support about a quarter of a million jobs in America, the continent's entire trade with the US is still less than what it does with Brazil!
The US-Africa summit was simply an opportunity for African first ladies to buy newer and uglier weaves, an overpriced shopping trip for the leaders and their staff.
For instance, the hair of Cameroon's First Lady had top billing at what was supposed to be a business outing. When Chantal Biya landed in DC, the Washington Post gushed how "somehow her hair manages to be short and long, rebellious yet elegant, unruly but controlled."
FLEW DELEGATIONS
The fiercely fabulous Chantal had stolen the show on arrival, before she even employed her legendary side eye.
The only other highlight from the trip was President Kagame's daughter, Ange, standing out in a picture with the Obamas. Evidently, the style far outweighed the substance, at the historic meeting.
President Obama didn't meet any of the leaders individually, denying them the bragging rights for that one-on-one picture.
Instead, he delivered a speech, hosted a dinner and kindly reserved 30 minutes one afternoon for a "family photo shoot" with all the heads of delegations.
Africa's most powerful men only got really close to the world's most powerful man to take pictures.
They flew dozens of people across the Atlantic for three days for the ultimate privilege of a picture. I hope they all smiled like life depended on it.
If the US truly had "a moral obligation to support Africa's progress", as President Obama claimed, why didn't he host the summit in Africa?
PLANE BROKE DOWN
It would have made more sense for Air Force One to bring in the president, his team and accompanying business leaders than the sizeable cost of transplanting 50 African centres of power to DC.
"I need 37 visas to move around Africa," lamented Africa's richest man, Aliko Dangote, at one of the forums.
Ironically, an American passport holder does not require a visa or can breezily obtain one on entry in most African countries, unlike Dangote's Nigerian travel document.
If I've learnt anything in the last five years travelling to every part of this continent, it is that Africans are their own worst enemies when dealing with other Africans.
From a week's visa that costs Sh15,000 in Ouagadougou to nearly spending a whole night in Tunis after our plane broke down, I've seen it all.
Africa has clung to its borders, drawn up haphazardly by Europeans like siblings fighting over cake, to its own sustained detriment.
PIECE OF PIE
Just like Uganda is Kenya's biggest foreign export market, the rest of Africa would do well to break down its boundaries, open up its markets and discard its prejudices.
African leaders wouldn't need to queue up for the headmaster's approval in Washington if they facilitated trade and investment among themselves back home.
Why are more than 50 different nationalities fighting for a piece of pie smaller than that available to Brazil? Have we no dignity?
President Kenyatta sans the First Lady looked distracted but bemused in his picture with Michelle and Barack, as if laughing at a joke only he knew.
The only way he can justify the trip (and the smile) would be if he secretly gave the Obamas application forms for dual citizenship.
Souce: Daily Nation