Yona F. Maro
R I P
- Nov 2, 2006
- 4,202
- 218
How to be a Tanzanian is one of the more enduring challenges of our
lives. The phrase raises questions about identity and national
culture; it is about the interconnection between state and society. It
is invariably also about survival. How truly can one be a Tanzanian ?
To be a true Tanzanian is to develop a sense of home and a feeling of
belonging. But if a man is not a Tanzanian at heart, does that make
him a non-citizen?. If a citizen is not a Tanzanian, in the sense of
our intended construction, does that indicate a disconnect with the
immediate environment? How to be a Tanzanian is an important
consideration because we live anyway, in rather challenging
circumstances, which require greater creativity than may be needed
elsewhere.
To be a Tanzanian, you must learn the lesson that nothing is ever
fair, and that indeed anything is possible, and you may have to pay
your way through life by offering and taking bribe to facilitate many
of life's processes. Babies are switched at birth in Tanzania and
offered for sale; to leave the hospital with the right baby, and not
fall victim of cradle-snatchers, you may have to pay the nurses a
little "something" to guarantee their loyalty. Or better still you may
have to patronise an expensive hospital where reputation is still
important. Death is equally expensive in this country. Mortuaries and
cemeteries are raided for spare parts by ritualists and their agents.
To ensure that your beloved reaches the gates of Heaven or Hell,
without a missing ear, tongue or genitalia, you have to pay the
mortuary and cemetery attendants to have mercy on the dead from your
household. Being alive in Tanzania is worse. Every activity involving
life and movement has to be facilitated with cash. It is not for
nothing that Tanzania is among the most corrupt country in the world.
This is not a country of saints.
If you insist that you will not offer bribe, then you face a long life
of frustration. You will never be able to get anything done. In
Tanzania , parents pay a special fee to get their children into
schools from nursery to the university. If you are a Tanzanian parent,
you may also discover that teachers need to be bribed before your
child can pass examinations. To be a Tanzanian truly, you must realise
that official rules and regulations serve very little purpose. The
meaning of the law depends on the man in charge of a particular office
at a particular time. Positions and uniforms are to be respected by
all means. Policemen, customs and immigration officials live on bribe.
Local government officials expect you to grease their palms. To bend
the law, you must pay a token fee, and once you do so, you are offered
a special salute by the policeman on the highway or the immigrations
officer at the border and allowed to do exactly what you wish. Thus,
to be a Tanzanian , you must learn to beat the system.
The law can be bought. Justice is available for the highest bidder.
The man who is loaded with more cash than sense is king. If you can
flaunt wealth, your contemporaries will worship the very ground on
which you walk. Just get rich by any means and as quickly as possible.
Nobody will dare question the source of the wealth. With money, you
can buy the protection of the state. The high and the low will queue
up at your doorstep to pay homage, what they really want is their own
share of your loot. Traditional rulers will offer you chieftaincy
titles. The state will offer you national honours. Women will throw
themselves at your feet. And not just any woman, but the most
beautiful ones who used to be beyond your reach. Newspapers will name
you among the most fashionable men in society. A rich man is always
fashionable. I have never heard of a poor man, being labelled the best
dressed Tanzania. To be a Tanzanian, you must be loud with your wealth
and accomplishments. Even if you are poor, you must carry on with life
with a certain amount of swagger. Don't ever forget that you are a
Tanzanian; your country is the largest producer of Tanzanite in the
world, and maybe the most populous black nation on earth, and the home
of the happiest people in the universe.
Indeed, to be a Tanzanian , you must be an optimist. This is the only
way to survive in a country where there is so much distance between
government and the people in form of widespread poverty, incompetence
in high places and established disregard for the rights of citizens.
The roads are bad, electricity supply is epileptic, salaries are not
paid on time, there is food scarcity, and the scarcity as well of the
basic necessities of life, but you must learn to take everything in
your stride. To be a Tanzanian, you must see even death, any death at
all, in a positive light. You live in a country where accidents are
common and death is cheap. But in the midst of it all, you must learn
to be joyous. Every weekend, attend a party, wear the best clothes in
your wardrobe, and tell yourself that the biggest achievement that any
man can be proud of is to remain alive.
It doesn't matter if you are trapped in squalor. If you are lucky to
have some means, then you are truly lucky. You can throw parties
everyday if you wish. You can even dictate the kind of women you want
at the parties and the kind of clothes that they must wear. You would
be surprised that there are many women including housewives who are
ready to appear half-naked just to be seen among the happening crowd
in society. If you are rich, then you can create your own government
inside Tanzania by providing your own basic amenities, and using the
state to rob the poor.
If you are lucky enough to have a small business of your own with
employees working under you, then you do not have to pay salaries.
Nobody is going to arrest you for failing to pay your own workers. If
the workers are not happy, they are free to go. But because they are
Tanzanian , they are not likely to resign en masse. They too will find
a way. They will steal from your company. They will use company time
to do business on the side. One day, try and investigate your workers,
the same ones who are complaining about salaries and poor conditions
of service. You will be surprised that this is the only country where
a messenger who has not been paid for six months lives in a mansion of
his own. Your managers have houses abroad. Your directors have their
children in foreign schools. And you begin to wonder whether indeed a
Tanzanian labourer deserves his wages.
To remain sane as a Tanzanian, you must be religious. And you must
advertise your piety. Sleep in the church. Proclaim your religiousity
from the rooftops. Mention God's name in every conversation. In a land
where there is so much madness, religion offers you the only
opportunity to cling on to a measure of holiness. It is the only way
to remind yourself that you are human after all, and that there is
something that you still believe in. There are too many forces
compelling you to disbelieve the very existence of God. You will see
highly placed persons who are no better than scoundrels. Wives of
important persons who are no better than cheap prostitutes. Men and
women of power who are sexual perverts: Fraudsters and common
criminals who are nevertheless accorded the respect that they do not
deserve: Children who have sold their souls to devil: Young girls who
are in the hands of men who are old enough to be their fathers:
Housewives who should be in Hell. To be a Tanzanian, you can only look
at all these and take your troubled soul to God.
If you are unable to cope, perhaps you may consider the option of
exile. There are many Tanzanian abroad eking out a living as economic
refugees. Unable to cope with the many disasters of life in the
country of their birth, they have fled to other countries where there
is less stress and shock. To be a Tanzanian, you must ordinarily learn
to live with shock. This is a country where anything can happen.
Public buildings go up in flames routinely. Bombs can explode anyhow
in busy neighbourhoods, claiming lives and property and even
government officials would join the people to express frustration and
anxiety. This is a country where the police run away from criminals.
It is a country where criminals consider themselves gentlemen, and are
so treated in many ways. Politicians are not interested in public
service; they want access to the public treasury so they can steal a
part of the national cake.
To be a Tanzanian, you must learn to relate to the National Anthem as
if it were a disco tune. I have heard versions of the national anthem
which belong more to the hip-hop genre. The average Tanzanian
considers the anthem a joke. There is a musician who has even worked
out a remix version of the song, and it is played regularly in disco
halls.
To be a Tanzanian , you must take life as one long joke. Don't bother
about patriotism. You will be better served by ethnic affiliations. If
you feel you are not getting your due in certain circumstances, allege
that you are being discriminated against on ethnic grounds. Link up
with persons of your own tribe, and get them to push advantages in
your direction. It doesn't matter whether you are qualified or not.
This is not a country where merit counts for much. Sycophants,
mediocre persons and hypocrites stand a better chance of getting up
the ladder than the man of talent. They know what to say in the right
places. They are experts at blackmailing competitive and able rivals.
For such persons, life itself is about politics, and they are prepared
to push down anyone who stands in their way. To be a Tanzanian , you
must always remember this: you are in the midst of Sharks. Every other
Tanzanian has a small dagger in his pocket, hoping to draw blood. Get
your own dagger! Be on your guard. And may the Lord be with you
lives. The phrase raises questions about identity and national
culture; it is about the interconnection between state and society. It
is invariably also about survival. How truly can one be a Tanzanian ?
To be a true Tanzanian is to develop a sense of home and a feeling of
belonging. But if a man is not a Tanzanian at heart, does that make
him a non-citizen?. If a citizen is not a Tanzanian, in the sense of
our intended construction, does that indicate a disconnect with the
immediate environment? How to be a Tanzanian is an important
consideration because we live anyway, in rather challenging
circumstances, which require greater creativity than may be needed
elsewhere.
To be a Tanzanian, you must learn the lesson that nothing is ever
fair, and that indeed anything is possible, and you may have to pay
your way through life by offering and taking bribe to facilitate many
of life's processes. Babies are switched at birth in Tanzania and
offered for sale; to leave the hospital with the right baby, and not
fall victim of cradle-snatchers, you may have to pay the nurses a
little "something" to guarantee their loyalty. Or better still you may
have to patronise an expensive hospital where reputation is still
important. Death is equally expensive in this country. Mortuaries and
cemeteries are raided for spare parts by ritualists and their agents.
To ensure that your beloved reaches the gates of Heaven or Hell,
without a missing ear, tongue or genitalia, you have to pay the
mortuary and cemetery attendants to have mercy on the dead from your
household. Being alive in Tanzania is worse. Every activity involving
life and movement has to be facilitated with cash. It is not for
nothing that Tanzania is among the most corrupt country in the world.
This is not a country of saints.
If you insist that you will not offer bribe, then you face a long life
of frustration. You will never be able to get anything done. In
Tanzania , parents pay a special fee to get their children into
schools from nursery to the university. If you are a Tanzanian parent,
you may also discover that teachers need to be bribed before your
child can pass examinations. To be a Tanzanian truly, you must realise
that official rules and regulations serve very little purpose. The
meaning of the law depends on the man in charge of a particular office
at a particular time. Positions and uniforms are to be respected by
all means. Policemen, customs and immigration officials live on bribe.
Local government officials expect you to grease their palms. To bend
the law, you must pay a token fee, and once you do so, you are offered
a special salute by the policeman on the highway or the immigrations
officer at the border and allowed to do exactly what you wish. Thus,
to be a Tanzanian , you must learn to beat the system.
The law can be bought. Justice is available for the highest bidder.
The man who is loaded with more cash than sense is king. If you can
flaunt wealth, your contemporaries will worship the very ground on
which you walk. Just get rich by any means and as quickly as possible.
Nobody will dare question the source of the wealth. With money, you
can buy the protection of the state. The high and the low will queue
up at your doorstep to pay homage, what they really want is their own
share of your loot. Traditional rulers will offer you chieftaincy
titles. The state will offer you national honours. Women will throw
themselves at your feet. And not just any woman, but the most
beautiful ones who used to be beyond your reach. Newspapers will name
you among the most fashionable men in society. A rich man is always
fashionable. I have never heard of a poor man, being labelled the best
dressed Tanzania. To be a Tanzanian, you must be loud with your wealth
and accomplishments. Even if you are poor, you must carry on with life
with a certain amount of swagger. Don't ever forget that you are a
Tanzanian; your country is the largest producer of Tanzanite in the
world, and maybe the most populous black nation on earth, and the home
of the happiest people in the universe.
Indeed, to be a Tanzanian , you must be an optimist. This is the only
way to survive in a country where there is so much distance between
government and the people in form of widespread poverty, incompetence
in high places and established disregard for the rights of citizens.
The roads are bad, electricity supply is epileptic, salaries are not
paid on time, there is food scarcity, and the scarcity as well of the
basic necessities of life, but you must learn to take everything in
your stride. To be a Tanzanian, you must see even death, any death at
all, in a positive light. You live in a country where accidents are
common and death is cheap. But in the midst of it all, you must learn
to be joyous. Every weekend, attend a party, wear the best clothes in
your wardrobe, and tell yourself that the biggest achievement that any
man can be proud of is to remain alive.
It doesn't matter if you are trapped in squalor. If you are lucky to
have some means, then you are truly lucky. You can throw parties
everyday if you wish. You can even dictate the kind of women you want
at the parties and the kind of clothes that they must wear. You would
be surprised that there are many women including housewives who are
ready to appear half-naked just to be seen among the happening crowd
in society. If you are rich, then you can create your own government
inside Tanzania by providing your own basic amenities, and using the
state to rob the poor.
If you are lucky enough to have a small business of your own with
employees working under you, then you do not have to pay salaries.
Nobody is going to arrest you for failing to pay your own workers. If
the workers are not happy, they are free to go. But because they are
Tanzanian , they are not likely to resign en masse. They too will find
a way. They will steal from your company. They will use company time
to do business on the side. One day, try and investigate your workers,
the same ones who are complaining about salaries and poor conditions
of service. You will be surprised that this is the only country where
a messenger who has not been paid for six months lives in a mansion of
his own. Your managers have houses abroad. Your directors have their
children in foreign schools. And you begin to wonder whether indeed a
Tanzanian labourer deserves his wages.
To remain sane as a Tanzanian, you must be religious. And you must
advertise your piety. Sleep in the church. Proclaim your religiousity
from the rooftops. Mention God's name in every conversation. In a land
where there is so much madness, religion offers you the only
opportunity to cling on to a measure of holiness. It is the only way
to remind yourself that you are human after all, and that there is
something that you still believe in. There are too many forces
compelling you to disbelieve the very existence of God. You will see
highly placed persons who are no better than scoundrels. Wives of
important persons who are no better than cheap prostitutes. Men and
women of power who are sexual perverts: Fraudsters and common
criminals who are nevertheless accorded the respect that they do not
deserve: Children who have sold their souls to devil: Young girls who
are in the hands of men who are old enough to be their fathers:
Housewives who should be in Hell. To be a Tanzanian, you can only look
at all these and take your troubled soul to God.
If you are unable to cope, perhaps you may consider the option of
exile. There are many Tanzanian abroad eking out a living as economic
refugees. Unable to cope with the many disasters of life in the
country of their birth, they have fled to other countries where there
is less stress and shock. To be a Tanzanian, you must ordinarily learn
to live with shock. This is a country where anything can happen.
Public buildings go up in flames routinely. Bombs can explode anyhow
in busy neighbourhoods, claiming lives and property and even
government officials would join the people to express frustration and
anxiety. This is a country where the police run away from criminals.
It is a country where criminals consider themselves gentlemen, and are
so treated in many ways. Politicians are not interested in public
service; they want access to the public treasury so they can steal a
part of the national cake.
To be a Tanzanian, you must learn to relate to the National Anthem as
if it were a disco tune. I have heard versions of the national anthem
which belong more to the hip-hop genre. The average Tanzanian
considers the anthem a joke. There is a musician who has even worked
out a remix version of the song, and it is played regularly in disco
halls.
To be a Tanzanian , you must take life as one long joke. Don't bother
about patriotism. You will be better served by ethnic affiliations. If
you feel you are not getting your due in certain circumstances, allege
that you are being discriminated against on ethnic grounds. Link up
with persons of your own tribe, and get them to push advantages in
your direction. It doesn't matter whether you are qualified or not.
This is not a country where merit counts for much. Sycophants,
mediocre persons and hypocrites stand a better chance of getting up
the ladder than the man of talent. They know what to say in the right
places. They are experts at blackmailing competitive and able rivals.
For such persons, life itself is about politics, and they are prepared
to push down anyone who stands in their way. To be a Tanzanian , you
must always remember this: you are in the midst of Sharks. Every other
Tanzanian has a small dagger in his pocket, hoping to draw blood. Get
your own dagger! Be on your guard. And may the Lord be with you
