To all the the kids out there dying to be rich and famous.....

[The Boss]

To All the Kids Out There Dying To Be Rich and Famous

Let Tiger Woods be a lesson to you.

• By: Terence Samuel | Posted: December 2, 2009 at 2:55 PM

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The Tiger Woods Lesson: Do You Really Want To Be Rich and Famous?


Let Tiger Woods be a lesson to you.


tsamuel


Let Tiger Woods be a lesson to you.
JIMI IZRAEL: 10 Things You Can Learn From Tiger Woods.



<p>Let Tiger Woods be a lesson to you.</p>


12/02/2009 14:55


To all you little boys and girls out there who want to be famous, today’s lesson is about a great man named Tiger Woods who once had to apologize to the world for his “transgressions.”
OK, so no one is perfect, and the best thing to do when admitting misbehavior is to confront it honestly and openly with those whom you have offended. The process is always painful, and if you're lucky, humbling. But if you're famous, like the great Tiger Woods, it becomes public humiliation as well. And that is why today’s youth should be wary of fame. Its riches often comes at a high price.

Tiger has—literally—a billion dollars. He is the symbol of unparalleled excellence. He has big cars and a bigger house with fire hydrants at the end of the driveway. But today his name is on the list of fallen angels, people who have been forced to remind us that they are not perfect and that they need some privacy to work out their family issues. The Bill Clintons, Kobe Bryants, Michael Vicks, John Ensigns, Eliot Spitzers and Mark Sanfords of the world. Tiger Woods on this list or any such list is a shocking aberration. The New York Daily News even threw in Kate Gosselin, Kanye West and Rudy Giuliani.




But that's not right. This is a man whose brand was so strong and so immaculate that for years he had people all over the globe walking around saying: “I'm Tiger Woods.” And who did not want to be?
"I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves," Woods wrote on his Web site after three days in the bunker trying to avoid questions about a car crash in his own driveway. "I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.”
He shouldn’t have to do that. But Tiger, when you’re as rich and famous as you are, “personal sins” are no longer personal, and they do “require press releases” and “public confesses.” It comes with the territory.
So to the kids—and grown-ups for that matter—out there, dying to be rappers, models, entertainers and moguls, I know there is nothing I can say to talk you out of wanting to be rich, but rich does not necessarily have to go with famous. Be careful what you wish for.
Terence Samuel is deputy editor of

 

[The Boss]

What might have happened in Tiger-Elin 're-nup'

by Kevin Hench

Kevin Hench is a frequent contributor to FOXSports.com. An accomplished film and television writer, Hench's latest screenwriting credit is for The Hammer, which stars Adam Carolla and is now available on DVD.




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Suddenly Vanessa Bryant's $4 million diamond ring seems kinda chintzy.
Apparently Tiger's "transgressions" have brought about a hasty renegotiation of his prenuptial agreement with wife Elin Nordegren that will quadruple the originally agreed upon $20 million as long as she sticks it out for another couple of years. So how did the sides arrive at this new figure, roughly halfway between Kobe's bejeweled "my bad" and Michael Jordan's reported $150 million settlement with ex-wife Juanita?
Channeling the opening mediation scene from Wedding Crashers, we now try to piece together how that negotiation might have gone down.
Fade in:
Tiger and his attorney sit on one side of the table in the family dining room, Elin and hers on the other. A mediator sits at the head of the table. You can cut the tension with a 1-iron.
Mediator: Okay, gang, let's get started. I am here to mediate. Like Rocco. (Nothing.) Rocco Mediate? Anyone? No? All right, uh, I believe Mr. Woods' attorney has an opening statement.
Tiger's attorney: What my client does for a living, what he does better than anyone else in the world, is by its very nature a monotonous occupation. Literally working for hours upon hours to replicate the exact same swing over and over. In his field, variety is not good. Metronomic consistency is what makes him the best. We do not feel it is reasonable to then ask him to enter into that same level of monotony in his personal life.
Mediator: Really? That's your opening move?
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: So, for the record, Mr. Woods views life with the mother of his children as "monotonous." Tedious, if you will. In light of this, we would ask that the original prenuptial agreement be augmented by $5 million.
Mediator: Yeah, that sounds about right. (Aside to Tiger and his attorney.) Word to the wise, monotonous and monogamous may share a Greek root, but you use them interchangeably at your own peril.
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: Furthermore, it has come to my client's attention that her husband's extra-marital dalliances began while she was pregnant, a violation of their marital vows so egregious we believe it merits an additional $10 million to the original agreement.

"If you need to borrow some cash, just let me know." (Scott Halleran / Getty Images)
(Tiger whispers to his attorney.)
Tiger's attorney: If anything we see Ms. Nordegren's condition at the time of the indiscretion in question as exculpatory. Given that Ms. Nordegren was not, in fact, performing her connubial duties, we would ask that this request be denied.
(The mediator looks on in stunned disbelief.)
Mediator: So your contention is that while Ms. Nordegren was preoccupied with the gestation of the human being growing inside her she was neglectful in her other wifely obligations?
(Tiger and his attorney nod.)
Mediator: Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and rule again for the mother on that one.
(The mediator is keeping a tally.)
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: In addition, we would ask for a second $10 million augmentation for the pain and humiliation caused by these salacious text messages and e-mails.
Tiger's attorney: (interjecting) Well, I think we can all agree that any pain and humiliation that resulted because of the publication of these private messages has been suffered by my client, not the plaintiff.
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: Would you like me to read them for the record?
(Tiger shakes his head.)
Tiger's attorney: Withdrawn.
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: Stepping back from the more prurient aspects of this negotiation for a moment, it has also become public knowledge - reported by the neighbor who discovered Mr. Woods lying beside the vehicle - that my client lives with a snorer. Anyone who has dealt with that particular misery would understand the sleepless hell Ms. Nordegren has endured for the last six years. We would set remuneration for this hardship at $5 million.
Tiger's attorney: My client has a medical condition.
Mediator: (to Tiger) Did you try that mouthpiece they advertise on TV?
Tiger's troubles

Yardbarker blogger Sports by Brooks has been following the Tiger Woods situation from the beginning. For the latest developments, click here.

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(Tiger shakes his head. The mediator adds another $5 million to his tally.)
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: It has also come to our attention that Mr. Woods' paramours are being compensated for their silence. We think it only right that Ms. Nordegren receive five times what they are receiving. If you would be so good as to divulge that figure.
(Tiger whispers to his attorney. The attorney jots a figure on the mediator's legal pad. The mediator raises his eyebrows at the number.)
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: Now to the issue of contrition. My client maintains that when Mr. Woods spilled out of his vehicle his first words to her were, "You're still over-pronating your wrists on your follow-through." In light of this cavalier attitude and in an effort to arrive at a new figure that may truly make this philanderer sorry for his actions, we seek an additional $15 million to serve as a sincere apology.
(Tiger is preoccupied with his Blackberry, looks up, nods.)
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: And finally, my client is going to need $10 million in cash to shop herself out of this funk.
Tiger's attorney: But there are so many great sales this year.
Ms. Nordegren's attorney: Okay, $5 million to get her shop on.
(All parties nod in agreement. The mediator tallies.)
Mediator: Okay, so we've got 5, 10, 10, 5, 10, 15 and 5, plus the original 20, for a new total of $80 million.
(The parties rise, shake hands formally. For the first time, Elin speaks.) Elin: But if I truly don't want to be with him and only agree to stay with him for the money, doesn't that make me a prostitute?
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[The Boss]

Mhhh....