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Reasons for not making love

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by The Boss, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jan 25, 2010
    Joined: Aug 18, 2009
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    Reasons for making / not making love. TO MY DEAR WIFE:
    During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

    54 times the sheets were clean
    17 times it was too late
    49 times you were too tired
    20 times it was too hot
    15 times you pretended to be asleep
    22 times you had a headache
    17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
    16 times you said you were too sore
    12 times it was the wrong time of the month
    19 times you had to get up early
    09 times you said weren't in the mood
    07 times you were sunburned
    06 times you were watching the late show
    05 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
    03 times you said the neighbors would hear us
    09 times you said your mother would hear us

    Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
    06 times you just laid there
    08 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
    04 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
    07 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
    01 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


    TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

    I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

    05 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
    36 times you did not come home at all
    21 times you didn't cum
    33 times you came too soon
    19 times you went soft before you got in
    38 times you worked too late
    10 times you got cramps in your toes
    29 times you had to get up early to play golf
    02 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
    04 times you got it stuck in your zipper
    03 times you had a cold and your nose was running
    02 times you had a splinter in your finger
    20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
    06 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
    98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc.on TV


    Of the times we did get together:

    The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
     
  2. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jan 27, 2010
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    mhhh...
     
  3. Saint Ivuga

    Saint Ivuga JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jan 27, 2010
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    hehe.
     
  4. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jan 27, 2010
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    ...mh....mh....
     
  5. mayenga

    mayenga JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jan 27, 2010
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    Maweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Mama Mdogo

    Mama Mdogo JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jan 27, 2010
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    Boss, mambo gani haya tena jamani? Kaa na mwezi wako muyaweke masuala yenu vizuri na mtafurahia tendo hata mara 300 kwa mwaka!! Be blessed
     
  7. Mfamaji

    Mfamaji JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jan 27, 2010
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    Interesting , kumbe ni universal ? You are not alone mazee.
     
  8. Masikini_Jeuri

    Masikini_Jeuri JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jan 27, 2010
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    This is serious wandugu; it happens in our homes .............tunakosea wapi?
     
  9. Masikini_Jeuri

    Masikini_Jeuri JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jan 27, 2010
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    10 times: Tumbo limejaa gas.............!
     
  10. Kimbweka

    Kimbweka JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jan 27, 2010
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    mmh
     
  11. Emanuel Makofia

    Emanuel Makofia JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Jan 27, 2010
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    Kuzoeana sana noma ka dada na kaka...lol.
     
  12. Pape

    Pape JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jan 27, 2010
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    No comment at all...
     
  13. M

    Maamuma JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jan 27, 2010
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    Pole sana Mkuu. Huyo nae alidhani anakuja kwako kulala? Kama watu wa kuja kwako na kulala wamejaa tele, uliwaona lakini hukuwachukua.
    Ila na wewe mkuu inabidi ujirekebishe kidogo. Labda unarudi usiku sana, ndo maana ansema ana usingizi. Au ni uvivu wake tu? Mtafutie Nyakanga amfunde.
     
  14. Pape

    Pape JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jan 27, 2010
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    hahahahaha naona umeniwahi, anyway...ananibania eti analalamika kwamba nimefanya ndio piriton!
     
  15. N

    Nanu JF-Expert Member

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    heheheheheheheheheheeh...interesting. it do happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  16. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    Feb 12, 2010
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    hii ni jokes wandugu..
     
  17. Kichwa

    Kichwa Senior Member

    #17
    Feb 12, 2010
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    Aah haa! mimi nilifikiri ni joke.
     
  18. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Feb 12, 2010
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    english is not my first language.
     
  19. Bazazi

    Bazazi JF-Expert Member

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    Feb 12, 2010
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    Kazi kwelikweli!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. a

    atina Member

    #20
    Feb 15, 2010
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    kaaaazi kweli kweliiii,,,,,,,,,,
     
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