Rutashubanyuma
JF-Expert Member
- Sep 24, 2010
- 219,470
- 911,173
Thanks for the wedding card, but how dare you?
When a person loves truly, their respect for you will be seen in how they communicating with you. When your partner chooses to hide stuff from you, it is a sign of danger. I believe you should forgive him for the way he has treated you. He is the only one who knows why he did what he has done. Move on with your life.
Posted Sunday, November 28 2010 at 17:18
In Summary
Hi Phllip,
I'm grateful for your advice in Relationships Corner. I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for four years. I recently found out that my boyfriend is courting another woman, and that they are making wedding arrangements. I even received an invitation to the wedding.
I feel like committing suicide before the wedding date because I still love the guy. We had no differences, so I don't understand why he should do this to me without even informing me that he had changed his mind. I had introduced him to my parents and he had also taken me to his home to know his. I don't know if I am strong enough to answer the many questions from our relatives after the wedding.
Please advise me because I'm mad and I hate myself. I feel used.
Charity
Hi Charity,
I empathise with your feelings. It is not nice feeling used and dumped. And the fact that your boyfriend, after going through the process of introductions to parents, quietly leaves you to marry someone else is to me deception most foul. Maybe he sent out signals to let you know what he intended but you did not see them. Or he is too embarrassed to come to you. However, this is no excuse for him do things behind your back. At the very least, he needed to have talked to you about his intentions.
But let's look at the bright side. I am happy that you found out this before you married him. Can you imagine how you would feel if he married you, then had affairs behind your back? Be grateful that you now know that your boyfriend is not the honest man you thought he was. Taking your life will not solve your dilemma.
It is good that you have opened up and are willing to talk about your feelings. Closing such feelings inside you can cause greater damage and affect any future relationships. Your biggest worry now should be to get better and walk out of this stronger and better informed about life. Do not worry so much about the relatives. Live one day at a time. This is not the end of the world. When you have healed, you will be able to look back with hope for a better future.
There is more to a relationship than just getting a spouse. The mistake most people make is failing to appreciate that relationships are built on trust, consistency of character, and faith that a future life together will get its stability from the values we lay down today. These include the need to know that love is a choice. Your boyfriend's choice was to live a double life. Love calls for respect of each other and the rules that govern a healthy relationship. This man does not respect you and is not trustworthy. Don't blame yourself too much for the failed relationship.
When a person loves truly, their respect for you will be seen in how they communicating with you. When your partner chooses to hide stuff from you, it is a sign of danger. I believe you should forgive him for the way he has treated you. He is the only one who knows why he did what he has done. Move on with your life. I believe there is still plenty to live for. Do not seek revenge, neither should you allow yourself to be overcome by the past. Make a conscious effort to rebuild your self-esteem. Tell yourself that this is not the end of the world. There are many married people who are living in regret.
Maybe God was saving you from a bad marriage. Put suicidal thoughts out of your mind. Learn to forgive yourself. Do not let the past hinder the bright future you can create for yourself. Hey, look, the sun is still shining and there are many people around you who still think that you are a wonderful person.
******
Hi,
Thank you for your assistance. I have a problem with relationships. I have been in and out of countless relationships. I attribute this to desire and the spirit to conquer. In my first relationship, I truly trusted the woman and would even wake up at 3am to help her and her mother to prepare for the market. But since then, I have not had a stable relationship.
My greatest worry in that I get bored quickly. At one point, I am deeply in love with a woman, but once we hook up, I leave her. I get into a relationship with only one aim: sex. Once this goal is achieved, I am through with it. I have met a new woman and I think I am in love with her. She is a good friend and has admitted that she has feelings for me.
Kindly help me so that I don't cause any more heartbreak. I am 27 years old and have a stable job. I want to settle down soon. Should I consult a counsellor?
Several times, I have listed down the qualities that I wish my ideal partner to have, but I never take the time to see the qualities of those that I meet. Kindly help me because I feel like a person who is possessed. I want to come out of this before it is too late. I do not want to hurt another innocent woman.
Kind regards.
Steve
Hi Steve
It is not enough to admit your shortcomings in relationships; it is good to take responsibility for those shortcomings and seek to remedy them. At the age of 27, you are no longer a young and uninformed person. You can no longer hide under the game many others have done by claiming that the person they were dating is not the right one. To this end, I commend you for your desire to kick this habit.
1 | 2 Next Page »
Posted Sunday, November 28 2010 at 17:18
In Summary
- Let's look at the bright side. I am happy that you found out this before you married him. Can you imagine how you would have felt had he married you, then had affairs behind your back? Be grateful that you now know that your boyfriend is not the honest man you thought he was
Hi Phllip,
I'm grateful for your advice in Relationships Corner. I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for four years. I recently found out that my boyfriend is courting another woman, and that they are making wedding arrangements. I even received an invitation to the wedding.
I feel like committing suicide before the wedding date because I still love the guy. We had no differences, so I don't understand why he should do this to me without even informing me that he had changed his mind. I had introduced him to my parents and he had also taken me to his home to know his. I don't know if I am strong enough to answer the many questions from our relatives after the wedding.
Please advise me because I'm mad and I hate myself. I feel used.
Charity
Hi Charity,
I empathise with your feelings. It is not nice feeling used and dumped. And the fact that your boyfriend, after going through the process of introductions to parents, quietly leaves you to marry someone else is to me deception most foul. Maybe he sent out signals to let you know what he intended but you did not see them. Or he is too embarrassed to come to you. However, this is no excuse for him do things behind your back. At the very least, he needed to have talked to you about his intentions.
But let's look at the bright side. I am happy that you found out this before you married him. Can you imagine how you would feel if he married you, then had affairs behind your back? Be grateful that you now know that your boyfriend is not the honest man you thought he was. Taking your life will not solve your dilemma.
It is good that you have opened up and are willing to talk about your feelings. Closing such feelings inside you can cause greater damage and affect any future relationships. Your biggest worry now should be to get better and walk out of this stronger and better informed about life. Do not worry so much about the relatives. Live one day at a time. This is not the end of the world. When you have healed, you will be able to look back with hope for a better future.
There is more to a relationship than just getting a spouse. The mistake most people make is failing to appreciate that relationships are built on trust, consistency of character, and faith that a future life together will get its stability from the values we lay down today. These include the need to know that love is a choice. Your boyfriend's choice was to live a double life. Love calls for respect of each other and the rules that govern a healthy relationship. This man does not respect you and is not trustworthy. Don't blame yourself too much for the failed relationship.
When a person loves truly, their respect for you will be seen in how they communicating with you. When your partner chooses to hide stuff from you, it is a sign of danger. I believe you should forgive him for the way he has treated you. He is the only one who knows why he did what he has done. Move on with your life. I believe there is still plenty to live for. Do not seek revenge, neither should you allow yourself to be overcome by the past. Make a conscious effort to rebuild your self-esteem. Tell yourself that this is not the end of the world. There are many married people who are living in regret.
Maybe God was saving you from a bad marriage. Put suicidal thoughts out of your mind. Learn to forgive yourself. Do not let the past hinder the bright future you can create for yourself. Hey, look, the sun is still shining and there are many people around you who still think that you are a wonderful person.
******
Hi,
Thank you for your assistance. I have a problem with relationships. I have been in and out of countless relationships. I attribute this to desire and the spirit to conquer. In my first relationship, I truly trusted the woman and would even wake up at 3am to help her and her mother to prepare for the market. But since then, I have not had a stable relationship.
My greatest worry in that I get bored quickly. At one point, I am deeply in love with a woman, but once we hook up, I leave her. I get into a relationship with only one aim: sex. Once this goal is achieved, I am through with it. I have met a new woman and I think I am in love with her. She is a good friend and has admitted that she has feelings for me.
Kindly help me so that I don't cause any more heartbreak. I am 27 years old and have a stable job. I want to settle down soon. Should I consult a counsellor?
Several times, I have listed down the qualities that I wish my ideal partner to have, but I never take the time to see the qualities of those that I meet. Kindly help me because I feel like a person who is possessed. I want to come out of this before it is too late. I do not want to hurt another innocent woman.
Kind regards.
Steve
Hi Steve
It is not enough to admit your shortcomings in relationships; it is good to take responsibility for those shortcomings and seek to remedy them. At the age of 27, you are no longer a young and uninformed person. You can no longer hide under the game many others have done by claiming that the person they were dating is not the right one. To this end, I commend you for your desire to kick this habit.
1 | 2 Next Page »
