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I'd rather be a mistress than a wife…
By Lillian KithiaPosted Friday, January 14 2011 at 18:00
In Summary
Most of these women's desire to get married is fuelled by the social status that comes with being someone's wife and the sense of belonging that comes with knowing that the man is your husband and yours alone.
The sense of pride that comes with having beautiful children and a father to teach them how to ride the bike, and just the thought of having a husband and children to come home to at the end of every long day is something that many women look forward to.
But such is not the case for all women, at least not for the modern day educated, high-earning and independent woman. Such social status does not intrigue her and she does not live for the ‘I do' moment.
As a matter of fact, while other women are shopping for wedding gowns and trying to turn their men into the model husband, these women have their minds set on things so far away from marriage that they would rather be the other woman.
Mistress by choice
According to Annette Lawson, author of 'Adultery' 50-65 per cent of all married men stray from their marriage before the age of 40. While a small percentage of these affairs maybe with women who are themselves married, the majority are with single women.
Some of these affairs are short-lived, ranging from the one-night stand to the short-term interaction before the married man snaps back to his senses and recommits his energies back home.
Other extramarital affairs are long term, often turning into a full-fledged relationship between the married man and his mistress. Some of these long-term affairs may last a lifetime or even lead to marriage in the end.
But contrary to what public opinion about the other woman may be, the profile of a mistress is not always that of a tempting seductress or femme fatale. Neither is she always a weak woman who will accept any love she can find even if it is limited to the trappings of an affair.
Most often, she is a confident, high-earning single career woman who knows what she wants, how she wants it and how to get it. In other words, this woman will the relationship to be on her terms.
Another dire misconception about the mistress is the assumption that she is bent on stealing the married man from his family and making him her husband.
A good number of mistresses, however, are quite comfortable with the position of being the other woman and would not trade it with that of being the wife.
If she wants a child or children with the man, she will have them and all she will ask for is that the man recognizes them as his.
But should the man gets serious and ask her to consider marriage, she will take off like a bullet. This woman is comfortable in her position and would never want to rock the boat much as it may sound incredible.
Carole* is one such woman; a 30-year-old, self-confident, independent and successful woman with a thriving jewellery business in upmarket Nairobi, Carole represents the bulk of the educated, independent and successful women who have their properties set on their careers and away from marriage.
Carole has been dating Phillip, a man who has been married for eight years and a father of two for three years now and says that she would never ask him for marriage.
"I wasn't even looking for a relationship when I met Phillip. I had been in many solid and serious relationships before I met him and I knew that I wasn't ready for anything serious again. I want to spend more time focusing on and expanding my business. That is why this relationship and being his mistress really works for me".
Carole, like many women who would rather be the mistress prefers her relationship this way because of the prospect of freedom it presents. Being the mistress, she does not see Philip as her husband and hence she is free of the wifely responsibilities.
"I have everything I need. All that women want from a man; I can provide it for myself; except for the company which I get from Phillip. I need that because I am not an island and I get it from him without all the marital responsibilities"
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I'd rather be a mistress than a wife…
By Lillian KithiaPosted Friday, January 14 2011 at 18:00
In Summary
- Lillian Kithia looks at what it means when a woman consciously chooses to be the other woman in a man's life
Most of these women's desire to get married is fuelled by the social status that comes with being someone's wife and the sense of belonging that comes with knowing that the man is your husband and yours alone.
The sense of pride that comes with having beautiful children and a father to teach them how to ride the bike, and just the thought of having a husband and children to come home to at the end of every long day is something that many women look forward to.
But such is not the case for all women, at least not for the modern day educated, high-earning and independent woman. Such social status does not intrigue her and she does not live for the ‘I do' moment.
As a matter of fact, while other women are shopping for wedding gowns and trying to turn their men into the model husband, these women have their minds set on things so far away from marriage that they would rather be the other woman.
Mistress by choice
According to Annette Lawson, author of 'Adultery' 50-65 per cent of all married men stray from their marriage before the age of 40. While a small percentage of these affairs maybe with women who are themselves married, the majority are with single women.
Some of these affairs are short-lived, ranging from the one-night stand to the short-term interaction before the married man snaps back to his senses and recommits his energies back home.
Other extramarital affairs are long term, often turning into a full-fledged relationship between the married man and his mistress. Some of these long-term affairs may last a lifetime or even lead to marriage in the end.
But contrary to what public opinion about the other woman may be, the profile of a mistress is not always that of a tempting seductress or femme fatale. Neither is she always a weak woman who will accept any love she can find even if it is limited to the trappings of an affair.
Most often, she is a confident, high-earning single career woman who knows what she wants, how she wants it and how to get it. In other words, this woman will the relationship to be on her terms.
Another dire misconception about the mistress is the assumption that she is bent on stealing the married man from his family and making him her husband.
A good number of mistresses, however, are quite comfortable with the position of being the other woman and would not trade it with that of being the wife.
If she wants a child or children with the man, she will have them and all she will ask for is that the man recognizes them as his.
But should the man gets serious and ask her to consider marriage, she will take off like a bullet. This woman is comfortable in her position and would never want to rock the boat much as it may sound incredible.
Carole* is one such woman; a 30-year-old, self-confident, independent and successful woman with a thriving jewellery business in upmarket Nairobi, Carole represents the bulk of the educated, independent and successful women who have their properties set on their careers and away from marriage.
Carole has been dating Phillip, a man who has been married for eight years and a father of two for three years now and says that she would never ask him for marriage.
"I wasn't even looking for a relationship when I met Phillip. I had been in many solid and serious relationships before I met him and I knew that I wasn't ready for anything serious again. I want to spend more time focusing on and expanding my business. That is why this relationship and being his mistress really works for me".
Carole, like many women who would rather be the mistress prefers her relationship this way because of the prospect of freedom it presents. Being the mistress, she does not see Philip as her husband and hence she is free of the wifely responsibilities.
"I have everything I need. All that women want from a man; I can provide it for myself; except for the company which I get from Phillip. I need that because I am not an island and I get it from him without all the marital responsibilities"
1 | 2 | 3 Next Page »
