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Mke wa pili ...!A curse or blessing?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Baba_Enock, Sep 15, 2011.

  1. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Hapa naongelea wanaume wanaofanya maamuzi ya kuachana na wake zao na kuoa mke mwingine au wake wengine - kutokana na sababu wanazozijua wao. Kwa waliofiwa na wake zao - poleni sana - hii mada haiwahusu au kama itawagusa - samahani sana...

    Baada ya kufatilia kwa takribani miaka 40 - ndiyo arobaini na ushee - nimeonelea kuwa wanaume wengi ambao wameoa mara ya pili au zaidi wamekubwa na misukasuko mingi ya kimaisha kuliko wale ambao wamekuwa kwenye mahusiano ya ndoa na mke mmoja tu. Wanaume wengi ambao wameo mara ya pili au zaidi "wameharibikiwa" sana katika maisha katika njia nyingi mbalimbali....

    Ninayo mifano zaidi ya 50 ya wanaume ambao "wameoa tena" na uzee wao umeishia pabaya sana ... Wengi wamegeuka kuwa ombaomba na masikini wa kutupwa pamoja na kwamba kabla ya "kuoa tena" walikuwa na maisha mazuri ya wastani au ya juu...

    Ninapenda kuuliza, "kuoa tena" ni kujongezea mabalaa au ni changamoto za maisha...

    Note: Wale ambao wanweza kuoa zaidi ya mwanamke mmoja kuishi nao hamuhusiki hapa...
     
  2. Apollo

    Apollo JF-Expert Member

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    Kweli kabisa, jinsi unavyozidi kuongeza mke ndivyo majukumu unayazidisha. Mimi napendelea kuwa na mke mmoja tu. Sema inabidi mtu uwe makini kumchagua maana one mistake, one goal.
     
  3. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #3
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    Kuna hii belief ambayo wanajamii tunayo saaana kua mtu akitenda baya... mabaya hatimae yatamkuta.... Which tokana na mambo na maisha yanavoenda huo msemo unazidi kukatisha tamaa hasa kwa wale ambao ni observers... Hivo mara nyingi kuna kile kitu cha kusema.. "huyu kaacha Mkewe kenda kwa bibi mdogo?? atashangaa mambo yatavo pinda!!" Bahati mbaya saaana (au sijui niseme nzuri) waweza kuta huyo mtu wala mabaya yasimkute na maisha yake yakashamiri vile vile.... Daima inapendeza kua Mke/mume wa kwanza ndio awe wa kudumu awe wa kufa na kuzikana.... BUT kumbuka kua kuna watu wameoa/olewa na Vimeo.... yaaaoni kuondoka kwake na faraja na ushamiri wa maisha..... Kama alivo sema Apolllo hapo juu.... ONE MISTAKE, ONE GOAL... Na there is no turning back...

    Tukirudi kwa wale ambae anaoa mke wa pili (yaani wawe wawili ama watatu ama zaidi) I support uliloongea... thou nao kuna exceptions for kuna wengine anaoa mke wa pili na mafanikio yanaongezeka maradufu (take note si kwamba na support but ndo reality yenyewe) Hivo basi kweli sio woote huwa tatizo.....
     
  4. Apollo

    Apollo JF-Expert Member

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    ^ AshaD. Sure, umeongea ukweli. Inabidi watu wawe makini kumchagua mwenza, wasiwe na papara wa wajifunze kumsoma mtu kwa kuanza na mapungufu yake sio uzuri wa mtu. Hakuna kitu kizuri katika mapenzi kama kumpata mwenza ambaye mnaendana na ambaye mnapendana kwa dhati. Yaani ni raha ya ajabu katika maisha.
     
  5. IGWE

    IGWE JF-Expert Member

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    I beg to differ,..hebu kwanza tuambie huo utafiti wako wa zaidi ya miaka 40 umetumia vigezo vipi na samplie size yako tujuze,...mambo ya kuharibikiwa ama kutokuharibikiwa inachangiwa na mambo mengi _mengi...mbona mzee Mandela maisha yake yamenyooka,..na wengine wengi ninaowafahamu ingawa nikiwataja hapa hautawajua.....
     
  6. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

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    @Ashadii: Kuoa mke wa pili mambo yakanyooka siyo sustainable - onaweza ikawa miaka mitano lakini haitazidi kumi - unakuta mwanaume amerudi mpaka kuwa mdoeaji wa Bia. Ukifuatilia sana unaambiwa huyu aliachana na mke akaoa mke wa pili akajenga maghorofa, akanunua magari, lakini baada ya muda mambo yakaanza kuharibika...

    Mke wa pili anaweza akakunyanyua lakini utabakia hapo lazima utarudi chini kwa kasi ya ajabu... Kaa chini piga hesabu ya "matajiri" unaowafahamu ambao wanaweza kuwa kwenye miaka ya sitini au zaidi kidogo - waliosimama mpaka sasa ukifuatilia sana lazima utakuta ni wale wenye ndoa ambazo "hawakuoa tena"!
     
  7. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

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    Sample size? Sipingani na wewe kuhusu "mambo yanayochangia mtu kuharibikiwa" lakini kubwa zaidi kutokana na utafiti wangu linalochangia mtu "kuharibikiwa" ni "kuoa tena" : Mandela ni exceptional human being - and are very few indeed - na ndiyo maana mpaka leo kwenye sherehe mbalimbali mke wake wa kwanza uwa anakuwepo - last time nilimwona kwenye "birthday party" ya Madiba!
     
  8. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

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    Narudia tena sio kwamba na Support but tuangalie logic;

    Swali....
    • Wangapi pia wameoa wana Mke mmoja na bado maisha ni mabaya or just Sustainable??
    • Wangapi wameoa wana Mke mmoja but ana vimada kumi kidogo?? What's the difference??
     
  9. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

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    Utafiti huu unafika hadi kwa mahawara aka smoli hauses?
     
  10. pmwasyoke

    pmwasyoke JF-Expert Member

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    "........ watakuwa mwili moja"

    kwa hakika huwezi kutegemea kuuvunja mwili mmoja bila madhara.
     
  11. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

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    • Umeoa na una mke mmoja - sustainability may be good enough - Uweze kufa "bachelor"!
    • Kimada hata akiwa mmoja siyo MKE - BTW: Ukiwa na vimada kumi ni lazima "utaharbikiwa" kimaisha!
     
  12. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

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    Small house - hawara - kimada - etc: Wote hawa si WAKE bali ni waharibifu wa maisha ya watu mmoja mmoja na jamii kwa ujumla
     
  13. Dena Amsi

    Dena Amsi JF-Expert Member

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    Kama nakubaliana na wewe vileee.....................ngoja niangalie kwanza ndoa nazozifahamu za wababa wazeezee hivi halafu nitakuja kuchangia tena
     
  14. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

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    yeah - 50+ and 60+ unakuta ameachana na mke halafu anaoa binti wa 30+! Mwisho wa siku yeye ndiye anakuwa mfungua geti na mwosha vyombo...
     
  15. arabianfalcon

    arabianfalcon JF-Expert Member

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    Nakubaliana na Mada kabisa sababu kwenye familia yangu matatizo kama hayo yapo.
     
  16. Dena Amsi

    Dena Amsi JF-Expert Member

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    Ha ha ha ha Baba Enock bwana umenichekesha kweli nimeanza kukubaliana na wewe nimepata wazee kama watano hivi nikalinganisha na usemi wako naanza kukubali kabisa.........................................
     
  17. kisukari

    kisukari JF-Expert Member

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    huo msemo sina uhakika nao,kwa mifano yangu mimi,wapo waliooa mke wa 2,maisha yakawaendea vyema kuliko mwanzo,na wapo waliooa mke wa 2,maisha yakawaendea vibaya.kwa hiyo ni mchanganyiko.na huku niliko,talaka kila kukicha na kama sio talaka basi watu wanaongeza wake wa 2,na wengi waliofanya hivyo,kimaisha sijawaona kutatareka,wengi ni hard work na maisha yao ni mazuri tu.ila kwa mfano wangu wa karibu,my father aliongeza mke na akatutelekeza kabisa,mama yetu alikuwa single mum kwa miaka yake karibu yote.kwa sasa baba yupoyupo tu,na huyo mke wake,yeye ana kipato kizuri kabisa,hataki kumuona baba tena.na kwa upande wa mama yetu,mambo yake sio mabaya.
     
  18. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

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    nimekusoma uzuri, kwa hiyo wake wawili au zaidi ni problem, that is what you concluded, from your vivid example that is.
     
  19. M

    Mtokambali Senior Member

    #19
    Sep 15, 2011
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    In most cases ndoa halali si vema kuivunja kwa sababu zozote zile mkingali hai, kweli ni kualika laana maishani mwenu, na laana hiyo haikawii,just a few years unaanza kujuta
     
  20. daughter

    daughter JF-Expert Member

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    Its 50/50 mi naona,
    kama alivyosema mchangiaji mmoja hapo juu,ONE MISTAKE ONE GOAL.
    Kuna uncle wangu aliishi na mke wake for more than ten years lakini ni kama alioa kabati,mwanamke anajua kuvaa tu na hana akili/mawazo ya maendeleo kabisa plus ni full mkorofi.Ilifika time wakaachana kihalali na uncle akaoa tena mke mwingine and I can say they are doing great. At least hajutii uamuzi wake. Lakini pia kuna wanaoharibikiwa vibaya sana.
     
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