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Marrying a chagga

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by jossey1979, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. jossey1979

    jossey1979 Senior Member

    #1
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    I always knew that getting married to a Chagga woman is a headache, especially if you are a kyasaka (Kyasaka is a Chagga name for any person who is not a mChagga) – but my girlfriend's dad took the cake and the cherry on top! The cream even! With a mchagga father one never wins! You see, most Chagga parents don't believe in inter-marriage. When the topic of marriage comes up they will always insist that home is always best. In fact some parents are so fast at hooking their children up!
    "When is daughter coming back? Is she done with her law degree? My nephew is just about to finish his doctorate. Maybe we should introduce them when they get back from overseas."
    Naturally when you hear degrees, overseas and such arrangements it only means prominent families – with names and clout. Anyway, so there they were, the two of them, sharing that father-daughter moment. They used to have that, those two. So my girlfriend brings up the topic that makes any possessive Dad freeze. But since they always had that bond, he was down with whatever.
    "If I ever get married I will get married to a Mzungu," she announces.
    "Where from?"
    "Hmm, say German."
    "No, his parents will always make you feel like a second class citizen."
    "England?"
    "They will never see past your race and colour."
    "Okay, an African then."
    "Great! At least we are home. But where from?"
    "Okay, South Africa?"
    "They will abuse you."
    "West Africa?"
    "They will probably sell you for your organs."
    "North Africa?"
    "They will put in a harem."
    "East Africa then."
    "Great! At least we are home."
    "Hmm, Uganda?"
    "Uwii! HIV/AIDS!"
    "Kenya?"
    "They will harass you!"
    "Jamani wapi sasa?" my girlfriend had started the topic to get at her Dad, but now the tables had turned around. She was getting highly agitated.
    "How about home?" Her dad offered.
    "Okay, how about Wagogo?" She asks about the tribe from Dodoma.
    "Omba omba wale. You will be as poor as a church mouse!"
    "Wahaya then?"
    "They are too arrogant!"
    "Wapare?"
    "They like sex too much!"
    My girlfriend giggles at this, thinking – as if there is something wrong with that. The dad seeing his daughter's reaction gives another point quickly.
    "And they are misers!"
    "Okay, Wakurya?"
    "You'll be bitten black and blue!"
    "Wasukuma then?"
    "They will fatten you up and force you to bleach your skin and every time is wageni time and kitchen is always busy and your husband's village mate is your close relative when you succeed."
    "Okay, I take it you will be happy if I got married to a mChagga?"
    "That's what I have always been telling you!"
    "WaKibosho?"
    "They will beat you black and blue!"
    "WaUru?"
    "Very smart, educated but no maendeleo. You husband might end-up being a shoe shiner with a pHd."
    "WaMachame?"
    "Wachawi! They can even bewitch the dead!"
    "Wa-Old Moshi?"
    "Washamba!" He spits on the ground, "they are so ignorant they don't know the difference between a cell phone and a remote control."
    "WaMarangu?"
    "They are too arrogant!"
    "Okay, so I guess you will be happy if I married someone from our village."
    "Absolutely," he smiles. "But they are too …"
    "I hear you, dad," my girlfriend interrupts, "someone from the same community then?"
    "Which clan though?"
    "The Temba's?" "The great grandmother was a witch."
    "The Macha's?"
    "I hear the aunt's cousin's sister's son's father was a mental case. Your children might inherit it."
    "The Mushi's?"
    "They are thieves. They are so bad that they even steal their very own livestock jamani!"
    "The Temu's?"
    "They haven't gone to school!"
    "Okay, I guess you will be happy if it was from the same street then?"
    "Absolutely!" The dad replies with a grin, "but which family though?"
    Kweli marrying a Chagga is a pain in the .... (you know what)!
     
  2. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

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    wewe ni mhariri wa gazeti gani?
     
  3. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    very fake!
    uwezo wako wa kuchanganua mambo ni mdogo kupindukia
     
  4. jossey1979

    jossey1979 Senior Member

    #4
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    Mskaji kwani uongo? we sema Tu! Thats a fact Geoff
     
  5. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

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    wewe ungekuwa karibu ungechezea makofi!ALA!
     
  6. K

    Kituko JF-Expert Member

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    kaazi kwelikweli
     
  7. GP

    GP JF-Expert Member

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    Hahaaaaaaaa, wachagga mmhhhhhn, mi sisemi asee.
     
  8. NGULI

    NGULI JF-Expert Member

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    Jossey1979 kabla ya kucopy na ku paste vitu humu jamvini fikiria kwanza.
     
  9. Kimbweka

    Kimbweka JF-Expert Member

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    Duh basi mademu wa kichaga noma kwa KYASAKA hahahhahaa
     
  10. vivian

    vivian JF-Expert Member

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    Hii nungwa imetokea wapi humu? Stupid!!!
     
  11. vivian

    vivian JF-Expert Member

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    Kimbeka hayo ni mambo ya kizamani achana nayoooo!!
     
  12. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

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    Hii theory niliisomaga miaka kumi iliyopita! Copy and paste nyingine bana!
     
  13. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

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    ...Very interesting!!
     
  14. bht

    bht JF-Expert Member

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    Vivian easy, hii si ameidrag frm there akaja kuichalia hapa!!! kazi kweli kweli!!!
     
  15. GP

    GP JF-Expert Member

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    lakini kuna kaukweli kidogo au hakuna?
     
  16. s.fm

    s.fm JF-Expert Member

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    aaah wapi! piga bao za kutisha atatulia tu!
     
  17. Liz Senior

    Liz Senior JF-Expert Member

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    Jamaa alisivyojua hata ku-edit! Kaambiwa Wa-Oldmoshi washamba...lakini ghafla katika majina kaja na Macha! Uongo mwingine bwana!
     
  18. bht

    bht JF-Expert Member

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    kaukweli kadogo hamna
     
  19. vivian

    vivian JF-Expert Member

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    Si ndio hapo!!
    Hivi modes wanaweza kuitoa hii kitu?
     
  20. vivian

    vivian JF-Expert Member

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    Come again!!
     
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