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Kwa Nini Uchumba ni "Mtamu" Zaidi Kuliko Ndoa Kwa Walio Wengi?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Buchanan, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #1
    Jan 22, 2010
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    1. Wapendwa wanaJF, kwa wale waliowahi kupitia hatua ya uchumba hadi kufikia ndoa au hata wale ambao hawajawahi kupitia hatua hizo, lakini wameona mifano kadhaa kwenye jamii, watakubaliana na mimi kwamba ndoa nyingi "zinaumwa" na zinahitaji kutafutiwa "chanjo" au "tiba!"
    2. Naamini kwamba kabla ya kufikia ndoa wachumba huwa wanavumiliana na kupendana mno, kila mmoja anamwona mwenzake ni bora kuliko yeye! In fact kama hawajaonana siku inakuwa haijaenda sawa!
    3. Lakini baada ya kuingia kwenye ndoa mambo hubadilika taratibu na kuanza kuleta kero, malumbano yasiyoisha, huzuni zisizoisha, ngumi, mateke, n.k. Kuna baadhi ya wachungaji huwa wanatumia usemi huu ufuatao wakati wanafungisha ndoa: "Wengi wa walio ndani (ya ndoa) wanaka watoke na walio nje (ya ndoa) wanataka kuingia!" Kwa maana hiyo ndoa ni taasisi ya ajabu sana!
    4. Swali langu ni kwamba kwa nini uvumilivu, upendo, huruma, kujaliana, (ambao mimi nimeuita "utamu") nk ambako kunaonekana kwenye uchumba usiendelee hata wakati wa ndoa?
    5. Lengo la mada hii ni kujaribu kuwasaidia wenzetu ambao wanataka kuingia kwenye ndoa pamoja na wale walioko kwenye ndoa ili waweze ku-"think twice" na kutengeneza mahusiano yao ili maisha yao yawe na ushuhuda mbele ya jamii na watoto (kama wamefanikiwa kuwapata).
    6. Kwa kuanza kutoa maoni, kwa upande wangu naona kwamba (a) wengi wanaingia kwenye mahusiano kwa sababu ya "tamaa za mwili" kiasi kwamba wanaangalia uzuri wa nje zaidi kuliko wa ndani! Uzuri wa nje ukishaanza kuchuja upendo nao unaanza kuchuja vile vile! (b) Kingine ni kwamba baadhi ya watu (hapa nafikiri ni wengi zaidi) huwa wanaingia kwenye mahusiano kwa sababu ya kuangalia vipato zaidi kuliko upendo wa dhati, uchumi ukianza kuyumba, ndoa nako inaanza kuyumba na hatimaye kuvunjika!
    USHAURI: Upendo wa kweli usiathiriwe na mazingira: uzuri, kipato na kadhalika! Hii ni sumu mbaya katika ndoa! Naomba maoni yenu zaidi.
     
  2. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #2
    Jan 22, 2010
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    Bado nawasubiri akina FL1, PJ, et al ili kutoa maoni, kama yapo!
     
  3. Tumain

    Tumain JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jan 22, 2010
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    Uchumba ndio kansa za ndoa nyingi..mara nyingi wanaanza uhusiano wa kimapenzi (kumegana) kabla ya ndoa miaka mingi wanapooana hawana hamu tena ...it ends to be costs.

    Utaratibu wa ndoa unaoanza na uchumba ni very weak...hauna tija kwa jamii
     
  4. RayB

    RayB JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jan 22, 2010
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    Mi nafikiri kila ndoa inapita ktk uchumba. Kama nimemuelewa ni uchumba ule urafiki wa toka msichana amekukubali mpaka mnapofika kuoana. Naamini hakuna taratibu ambazo hazipitii hapo kwa miaka hii ya leo kwamba eti umuone tu msichana hata hapo hapo unamwambia mi nataka nikuoe? sijui?
     
  5. Lukolo

    Lukolo JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jan 22, 2010
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    Experience yangu ni tofauti kabisa.
     
  6. m

    madule Senior Member

    #6
    Jan 22, 2010
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    Ni ipi hiyo Vangi??
     
  7. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #7
    Jan 23, 2010
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    Kweli, tunataka tupate different experiences!
     
  8. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jan 23, 2010
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    Ni kweli kabisa ila mimi nilikuwa na wazo moja uchumba UFUTWE iwepo ndoa tu ili watu wakafurahie ndoani badala ya kufurahia uchumba wakati ni njia tu
     
  9. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #9
    Jan 23, 2010
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    Mimi nafikiri uchumba unaotakiwa kufutwa ni ule wa kujuana kimwili kwanza kabla ya ndoa! Unaweza kuniambia kuwa umemwona mwanamke tu na kumwoa bila kufahamu naoa mtu wa namna gani? Na vile vile kuna habari ya kujitambulisha kwa wazazi, kutoa mahari, nk. Think about it!
     
  10. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jan 23, 2010
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    Dah!!! Kuufuta uchumba wa staili hii kwa maisha ya sasa ni kazi sana na sio ndogo. I dont think kama inawezekana, am always optimistic kwa mambo mengi ila kwa hili sidhani. Ila Mkuu Buch kama una jinsi ya kuwezesha hili please lete directives
     
  11. kitalolo

    kitalolo JF-Expert Member

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    Jan 23, 2010
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    ilo la (B) nimelikataa maana wengine ndoa zinaanza kuyumba baada ya kipato kuanza kuimarika mnaweza uanza na hali mbaya ya uchumi na upendo ukawa mkubwa sana lakini mara uchumi unapoanza kuimarika na ndoa zinaanza kuyumba
     
  12. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jan 23, 2010
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    othaerwise itabidi kumpata mchumba wiki moja kabla ya ndoa vinginevyo uchumba ukisha-last for more than three months hilo tendo lazima litafanyika tu ingawa kuna wachache wanaweza but not countable
     
  13. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #13
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    Good observation! Niliweka machache tu na mengine nilitaka wengine waongezee!
     
  14. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #14
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    Kweli lakini, kufahamu tabia ya mchumba kwa wiki moja, mh, I doubt! Labda wale wachumba wa kutafutiwa na wazee wetu hilo linawezekana!
     
  15. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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    Jan 23, 2010
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    So kila kitu kwenye maisha ya ndoa ni matatizo? Si ndio maana yake? Au mnabisha? Manake threads nyingi hapa huwa zinaonyesha ubaya wa ndoa kuliko mazuri ya ndoa. Ushahidi uko wazi pitia threads za ndoa uone zinazoonyesha furaha ya ndoa na zinazoonesha ubaya wake ni zipi nyingi and this reflect the reality on the ground
     
  16. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

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    mwanamke akishajihakikishia yupo ndani utamtaka
     
  17. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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    So what should we do na ndio maana watu wame-opt kufurahia maisha kwenye uchumba kwasaabu wanajua wakienda kwenye ndoa ni ulingo wa ngumi nakununiana hata kuuana. So why uchumba au ndoa? Kimoja kifutwe basi ambacho ndio kina matatizo
     
  18. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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    Jan 23, 2010
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    Na ndio maana its better kumnyima 'tittle deed'
     
  19. Buchanan

    Buchanan JF Diamond Member

    #19
    Jan 23, 2010
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    What?
     
  20. Z

    Zion Daughter JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Jan 23, 2010
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    Hii dunia nayo sasa imezidi.Hakuna jema yani.
    Cha msingi ni kuwa WACHA MUNGU tu,ndio solution.Mtaepuka mengi na mtadumu.Iwe uchumba,ndoa ,whatever,Mwaminini Mungu.Full stop.
    Hayo mengine ni sawa sawa na kujilisha upepo,Mambo yote n ubatili mtupu(MHUBIRI)
     
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